Respected Sir/Madam,
Requesting ones valuable advise.
I am Rajiv from Bangalore. I got married in June 2013
I am working for a MNC and my wife is a HOD in a private polytechnic college.
My wife is not at all beautiful but I married her only because of her profession as a teacher (now promoted as a HOD of Electronics & Communication Dept)
After our engagement in March 2013 , I called my wife out for spending time with each other , but my wife never came out with me stating that we have lot of time after marriage. But she and her brother went to Andaman for 1 week trip. Here i was depressed and decided to call off the marriage, but backed off myself thinking I shouldn't spoil a girls life.
Immediately after marriage , there was 2 months of Aashada (where wife is not supposed to stay at in-laws house).
During this period , my wife used to roam around with her girl-friends to all pubs and hangouts in Bangalore.
After this 2 months of separation next 4-5 months were going good with decent s*x life.
My wife do not like having s*x and when asked she says "yuck" and casually tells usually girls do not like having s*x. But i convinced here and we had a decent s*x life for above said 4-5 months.
After that , things were changing gradually :
1) from past 2.5 years , we had s*x only for 5-6 times where from Jan 2015 - till date , we had it only twice. Because of this I am feeling mental torture.
2) Her work location and her mom's place is just 1 km apart whereas my house is 12 km from her work location. Every morning she prepares breakfast (that too not with interest) but she will not have breakfast here instead she will go to her moms place, have breakfast and then head to work.She leaves home by 7:30am whereas the college is at 9 / 9:30am
3) College gets over by 4:30pm and she will go to her moms place and from there goes to nearby gym to workout and yoga. Once done she comes home by 8:30pm sometimes 9pm.
4) By the time she comes , my mom would have prepared dinner and sometimes she helps mom in cooking.
5) From the time she comes home till she goes to bed , she will be in phone (watsup , FB etc) and only sometimes she speaks to my mom.
6) She will come by 8:30pm , have dinner and go upstairs (our room) by 9pm where she will be full time using mobile (call , msgs , watsup , FB etc)
7) Most important part is she never does any household work apart from little bit of cooking.We have maid at home but she is irregular. When maid doesnt come that day . me my parents will wash utensils , mop the floor , wash clothes and other household activities. My wife will only watch us doing the work with phone in hand , but will not do any work. Once in a blue moon day when we force her to do work , she does only half and again sit with her mobile in hand. This is causing irritation for me and my parents.
8) Hardly she spends time in my home.Since here college , moms place and gym is nearby she spends 80% time at college , her moms place and the gym and come to my place only to sleep and again morning by 7:30am she heads to work.
9) I have told her parents many times about her behavior and routine , but they never cared for me and instead support their daughter.
10) After marriage , as per hindu terms ,there are few rituals/puja need to be done by the in-laws to the newly wed couples , but right from the day 1 after marriage ,her parents and brother never invited me to their home nor they cared for me.My in-laws have strong influence on my wife and my wife is also inclined to her parents and brother.For them their world is only them (her father , mother , herself and brother)
11) I have a strong doubt on the relationship between my wife and her brother. After my engagement , only they both went to Andaman for 1 week trip. Once I went to their home taking ice-cream from a famous shop. My wife and her brother put ice-cream on their tongue and ate it from each others tongue. All this happened in front of their parents and even they were laughing seeing them like that. That sight was shocking for me and felt disgusting on my wife.
Many a times my wife used to stay back at her moms place by telling me she is tired of work, hence she will not be able to come today.During that time she and her brother used to go to pub and famous hangout without telling me.They both have gone to after IPL night parties in Bangalore leaving me behind.Her brother was the one who introduced her to pub culture.
12) Not sure what type of bond is that but my wife and her brother are strongly bonded.
13) Her brother got married last year in May , but his life is also not good.He, his mom and my wife hit the girl and sent her back to her moms place. Both brother and sister are same category. My wife is not good with me and her brother is not good with his wife.
14) I told my wife many a times not interfere in her brothers personal life as there are elders who will look into that , but she tells me that he is her brother and she will interfear. Since my wife interferes a lot in her brother and his wife matter , her brothers wife parents used to call me and my parents stating that my wife is responsible for their daughters issue.
15) From past 2 years , I have been telling my wife to change the college to somewhere near to my place so that she can come home by 6pm, but she is never agreeing to that coz she cant go to her moms place to meet them.
16) Regarding kids --> We had agreed for "No Kids" for 1 year after marriage. When I told her lets plan for kids after 1 year , she tells me she will not make any kids till her brother gets settled in life. At that time in 2014 , he brother was planning to open a new gym and was unmarried. She tells me she is not ready for kids till her brother opens the gym and gets married. Why the hell she has to bring her brothers life in our personal life.
17) Her brother opened a gym in Oct 2014 and got married in May 2015.By this time I was not happy with my s*x life as my wife was denying s*x when asked stating she is tired.
18) After her brother got married , she was forcing me for kids and I told strict no stating I am not ready now (I was not at all happy with my s*x life as my wife was denying for the same).
19) Most frustating part is that my wife denied me for s*x and as a result I am screwed up with my s*x life.
20) On Oct 6th, 2016 , I told my final decession that she has to change the college to somewhere near and come home by 6pm and do some household work when situation comes or else she can stay at her moms place and not to come here anymore. She told she will not come by 6pm and not do any household work and she would live however she wants. So I told here to take her things and go to her moms place.
21) Till today , she has not come nor she has called me except on Oct 10 , 2016 she called me and asked my decession. For that I told her to decide and tell her decession. She told me that she has decided not to stay with me and she doesnt want to trouble me in life and requested me to pack her things so that she would send a person to collect. I dnt want to give her things to a 3rd party person so waiting for her family members to come and collect. She told whatever is there lets do it legally for separation.
22) Se has done here Mtech via distance education but now from past 2 months she has joined a regular college for Mtech. When I asked the reason her response was shocking. She has plans to to Phd abroad and for PHd , colleges will never accept distance education and it has to be regular MTech. From this I understood she never wanted to live with me instead she was planning for PHD abroad.
Now she is staying at her moms place and not come here from past 7 days and I dont want to stay with her neither does she want to stay with me.
Few times she has told me she is ready for mutual divorce , but not sure how girls change over time.
Need your valuable advise here. Even if we both agree for mutual divorce , do I need to give her compensation. If YES , but she has denied me s*x causing mental torture and she has not helped me or my parents in any household work and other things as discussed in the above points.
Can you advise me how and what are the best approaches to tackle the divorce especially for a guy like me who end up paying money even when there is no fault of his.
NOTE : We have not taken or demanded anything from girls parents during marriage.All we wanted was a good girl regardless of how she looks.
Your valuable advise is much appreciated.
regards
