Harassment by mother-in-law

You have not defined what you mean by abuse in here.

Originally posted by : Ms Surviving
	Hi...I'm a 37 year old lady, I got married 11 years back. It was a love + arranged marriage. I have got 2 sons now aged 9 and 4. My problem is that since the time I have got married, my mother-in-law won't leave us alone. She is an obsessive and domineering woman. My husband and I had stayed with my in-laws for 4 years but I could not take the mental torture and bought a separate house. She still would interfere and intrude and if we did not agree with any of her demands, she would go ballistic. She would shout, scream, use abusive language with no regard for the presence of children in the house. She emotionally blackmails my husband, she bullies us by making threats, she uses every trick in the trade...be it manipulation or lies. She has been abusive (verbal) towards my 9 yr old son too. We have tried to tell her not to come to our house and shout and scream but she doesn't listen. She just wants her son to be with her, take her out all time   I doubt, its all the time, you are exaggerating, if all of the time your husband should take his mom outside, when will he work, when will he sleep? ...spend saturday and sundays with her! She is financially very very stable and in good health. Please help me. I don't know how to resolve this issue. My parents have tried to speak to her but she has abused them too.

Until you become a Mother-in-law. :-)

Anyway you have shifted out.

What's wrong in a mother asking her son to spend time with her during weekends, take her out, anyway she is old,  She'd have difficulty in passing time, she cannot ask you to take her out, so she is asking her son.  Remember your husband is not just a husband, but also a son to a mother.

These things you wont understand now.

You will understand when you become one.

If the harrassment crossed beyond the limits, call he elders or get counselled her from known people. Even after her attitude continues , then give a complaint to the womens police, they will vcounsel her by calling her to the police station.

srishaila,advocate,bangalore,9741425514,sdharani120@gmail.com

Dont listen to those who suggest you to go to police station.

Once you do.

The process of finishing off your marriage and you inviting hell with open arms starts.  Remember you have kids too.

It should not be such that, jumping from pan to the fire.

I completely concur with Helping hand & Aakash

@Ms Surviving.....exaggerate.....exaggerate........exaggerate...!!!!!

dont you think you are exagerrating your statements, i agree that she might be nagging, and old women do nag,

she is bullying!!

she is abusive!!!

she shouts and screams!!

she goes balasstic!!!!......etc ectc etc...and are you a sati savitri....i bet your mom in law might not be insane to just be abusive..there are 2 sides to a coin..you are not being honest, also tell us what type of abuses you might be giving her in order for her to retaliate.!! there is no smoke without fire....i bet she must be 65 pls.

And what is wrong in her meeting her own son,,it is women like you who destroy families...trying to separate a mother from her son.......try and do some introspection....instead of accusations. it will help you, and stop listening to people like srishaila, they try to make hay while the sun shines, by giving stupid advises....i totally agree to helping hand and aakash

Dear all ,

Based on the allegations , i have given the opinion..Please go through my advice carefully, t have told her, she has to proceed according to that , only when it cossess the limits., that too i have told her to get her counsel by elders first and thereafter by women police.

Dear Gowda sir,

Has the complainant mentioned anywhere she has been harassed for Dowry?So why 498 A?

@gangadhar gowda......aakash is very right in his reply...it truely seems your wife filed a 498 against your mother, so that she can live like a queen and your mother will bow before her!!!

what do you think a persons reaction be when one files a 498 on the other, do you think your own mother will bow before your own wife and say...." your highness please forgive me i will wash your feet"

put your self and your family in this imaginery situation and thnk for yourself

and stop giving stupid advises

What is your husband's role in this matter?

Tell him to talk to his mother, She is old and has crossed the  age that you are in now.(Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi)So I think she will understand the problem that her husband is not only her son now but also father of two child who need his company in weekends as in the other days of the week they are busy with their school and office.If she does not understand then she is a very selfish woman and God knows how much she made her MIL suffer when she was a DIL!

In that case you take the matter and discuss politely the whole matter and and request her to mind her own business and not to create tantrum in your own home !

Can I also request forum members to stop making personal comments against everyone but professionals in particular...They don`t need to give us free advice.

Everyone has their own sob story,so don`t take it out on the people on here

@author,

you are living separate from your MIL but now you want to cut her off completely (whatever be the reason). You dont want anything to do with her.

your MIL is OLD and INDIAN, and from older generation. she is living in her mindset and you want to migrate to the modern (aka western) mindset.  If she is old, she will have lot of expectations form her son even after his marriage.

in any case, i don think you should look for legal solutions unless your MIL is torturning or harassing you with any illegal or inappropriate demands. Even then, you should talk to your husband and elders.

May be your husband is supporting you in all your decisions.

******** you can't get a lawer and a policeman just because you cant tolerate it anymore. ********

May be, you can set an example when your children get married.  In your old age, be that MODERN MIL and cooperate and agree with them ALWAYS, or just stay away from their life completely !!!

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it is time for the minor kids .They need father more than a wife need her husband or mother needs son..

If mother is sick  then it is different.But this is  healthy mother in law who is economically strong.Moreover she verbally abuses the 9 years old child also which is not good for his personality development.

The member or rather the Member-deleted posted her complaint and, it seems, she has left. Now the Learned members of the LCI are only debating among themselves.

If she is still around, I ask her "What exactly is her husband?" Is he a Mama's boy or a joru ka ghulam? What she should do will very much depend on the attitude of her husband.

There is a general complaint that young sons and daughters do not look after their old parents. But there are past middle-aged women, who suffer from oral diarrhoea. Sharp and hurting words will flow in  torrents from their mouths. Such women are difficult to live with. It is terrible for their sons and daughters-in-law to suffer.

Don't think that I am a young person, whose wife is suffering from her mother-in-law. I am very old and my parents are dead long, long ago. We have a son, daughter-in-law and grand-children. They live abroad and occasionally visit us in India. I earn enough and we are not a financial burden on my son and family. I have expressed my opinion purely based on seeing other families for very long years.