Is divorce inevitable in my case ?

Mr Sodhi,

UR reply is condtradictory and does not add value to her problem. A fatherless daughter,a divorcees daughter and a widow do not seem apt in UR way of expression.

Ms Sodhi please. The lady is not adding any value to her own situation by the approach sh3 has chosen.  She doesnt want to get a divorce because doesnt want her daughter to be branded as divorcee's daughter n herself as a divorcee. Her husband has left her since last 4 years n has no contact with them so in this situation daughter is growing without a father so would be branded as fatherless n her to be abondoned wife or probably a widow...so what ks contradictory in that? 

I myslef going thru a divorce n has twins. Similar situation is with me n these court cases have very bad impact on my twins. The only difference is I filed dv first n husband divorce later. I realised my mistake but husband is unwilling to accept me or my daughters. The case is being dragged for years now without any outcome. A small mistake in life n it gets screw up big time.

Harveensodhi.......if you are yourself going through a similar situation like mine, then you should infact empathize with me, rather than putting in such sarcastic remarks. The pain I am going through is more than enough already and I have not put up my queries here, for strangers to wound me further. 

Anyhow ! Coming to your point....its not just about the titles for me and my daughter. If you have read my post carefully, you will realize that mine was a love marriage. 17 years of investment (mental, emotional, financial) has happened from my side towards attaining happiness for my husband and his family members. And one fine day my husband suddenly decides to walk out of the marriage, leaving not just a wife, but a growing up daughter too.

Unlike you, even after his running away, I haven't put any charges on him in court. Inspite of knowing that he is having an affair, I am not exposing him, because I want our relationship to work out. I am ready to forgive him as I still love him. I wish to remain his wife life-long, even if the relationship is dead from his side. Because I have faith in my love for him and I know that one day he will realize his mistake and we will patch up.

I am still in touch with all his family members, including extended family. Even after his leaving home I was doing all my duties towards my in-laws for close to 2 years. But since the case is not coming to a conclusion and their son is adamant, the parents are now looking at the son's interest and hence stopped interacting with me. 

Request you to please stop being judgemental in cases like these, especially when you are aware of what the pain must be like ! 

I would like to give you a sisterly advice for your and your kids welfare. Your husband's anger to what you have done seems to be justified to some extent. But I would suggest that you keep asking for forgiveness from him. Let your daughters be in touch with him. Involve relatives and elders who can act as mediators to settle the dispute. I know it is difficult, but please keep having patience and faith in God. I am sure, your husband's heart will melt for you someday and you will be able to re-unite with him. I will pray for you and your daughters too, when I pray for myself. Take care

Thanks Mr. Sainath for your concern and kind words. God bless you.

Pooja, when we fail in life there are many who will criticize and blame for our Failures ! Thats Life !

Your inlaws who were once in goodterms with you and were supporting you but now have parted away as they do not totally support your decision. There will be many including me who do not totally support the stand taken by you as it appears selfish. (pls dont mind)

If you Love someone set them free. By roping your husband in the clutches of litigation will HURT him and his family more, however if you are fine then we are noone to further suggest/advice you.

I appreciate your advice given to Ms Sodhi. In fact Ms Sodhi should kindly try and win her husband back ( May be she is still trying ) and please do not stretch OR delay the court matter thinking the spouse would surrender. If you are Sorry then your actions /behaviour will help you to win your husband. 

You cannot win someone by Force !

Thanks BORN FIGHTER for your advice. You are right. We can't win anybody by force, we can do it by love only. And thats exactly what I am doing. Even now I am trying to communicate with him and his family through emails, msgs, friends and relatives. Infact even his lawyer has met me and feels that he is being unreasonable in asking for a divorce. My neighbours, husband's relatives and whoever knows us both, feel that my husband is being unjust to me. The judges have already communicated this to him on several occasions. And the best part is that he himself knows and has told me  that I only will win both the cases (on merit) .

The psychiatrist feels that he has kept his emotions bottled up for too long inside him and thats why it has erupted like a volcano. He was raised by a very strict mom and it seems that these are pent up emotions of childhood. 

Anyhow ! I am looking at him like a stubborn child who wants to fulfil his unreasonable demands. And just like a parent, I am handling him patiently without using any kind of force or compulsion that might spoil matters further. Eg. - I could have done a lot of things when he went missing. But it would have tarnished his career and image....so I have kept quiet so long. I dont want to strain relations with my in-laws, so not asking for my streedhan etc.

I will wait and watch. 

One legal question - SHOULD I PUT MY RCR CASE ON HOLD THEN ?? AND ALLOW HIS DIVORCE CASE TO RUN FIRST ?

I presume this query is turning out into a debate rather than providing the correct legal solution to the already maritally deplated victim,who wants to win her husband back at any cost.Nothing wrong in her approach.I really appreciate her stability.All the above discussions and debates are of no use to her at this stage.

Dear querist,

As UR husband has already filed for divorce,UR RCR will not yield a fruitful result to U.Hence fight the divorce till the final outcome.

Ms.Pooja, mine was a love marriage too n sacrifices happens on both sides in marriages. If you have given everything for ur marriage then ur husband might also too...anyway that is not what my concern here. There r dim chances of ur husband returning as 4 years is not a short time. And in my experience once mariages sees court then it is end of its life and only formality remains on paper. An ill adviced from a lawyer made me file DV case on my husband n my error was not in withdrawing in and let it run. I have been told on face that if a lady climb court steps once in her life then she can climb again and we dont want to deal with such female ever in our life. Like u I have waited more than 6 years and now I m agreeing to mutual consent divorce as holding on to him now if not proving beneficial to either lives. If reconciliation has to happen it happens in earlier time of seperation not later on in such cases. The outcome can only be divorce.....sooner or later as such a long period of seperation means ur husband or mine are used to living their life alone and dont see any value of having u or I back in their life so not seting them free will further disdained them. I hve withdrawn my dv application, beg forgiveness for all his family members but my husband is still adamant on divorce so I hve decided to give him tht so atleast he can be in touch with his daughters if all this web of court matters end btw us is my hope. 

Sisterly advice to u too...if u want to win him back u have to set him free as tieing him thru legal terms will never win him back...it will only drive him away further. Once marital discord is out on the streets then the journey of being married ends.

Thanks Harveensodhi. I will surely give a thought to your advice. I understand that what you and others are telling me, is the most logical solution to get out of this mess. But presently I am finding it difficult to take that decision. May be I also will be forced to do it after few months. You take care. I hope and pray that you and your kids can live a peaceful life soon.

Thank you Mr. Sainath for your reply and advice. I will fight the divorce case till the final outcome. But what about RCR ? Can I request the judge, to take up RCR only after the divorce case is completed ? 

If it coincides with the divorce case, U can certainly pray to the court to keep it aside.RCR is such a thing that cannot be compelled by law to stay together,even though resistitution of conjugal rights are granted.The court cannot forcebly make UR husband to stay with U.I am against anyone going for RCR as it does not solve the persisting differernces between the husband and the wife.

ANYWAY GOOD LUCK FOR A BRIGHT FUTURE.

Thanks Mr. Sainath for the guidance. I will go by your advice. God bless you.

Legally nobody wins.   If you want your husband back try to win his heart.  sitting idle tinking about law would serve no purpose..Make efforts to winhis heart and get him back,

NNOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE IN THSI WORLD

EVEN IMPOSSIBLE SAYS

I'M POSSIBLE

BEST OF LUCK

Thank you Ms. Anamika and JanakiManohar Rao. Your advice has given me hope and helped me become more firm on my decision.

I haven't done anything wrong to him or his family and I still love them all. So I will not agree for DIVORCE, come what may ! And knowing my hubby for so long, he isn't a bad guy at all. Its just that he has waivered from his path and I have already forgiven him for all the torture me and my daughter have gone through in last 4 years. 

Court visits, legal expenses, mental trauma, the pain of being separated from my loved ones......all exists. But along with all this, my FAITH and PERSISTENCE also remains intact.  Thanks again. I will contest the case till the end and will win back hubby's love.