Sree...!! (Manager) 17 August 2013

Love marriage,my wife mentally torturing me, kindly advice.

I badly need an advice.,

3months back only we got married, before th\at we know each other from August 2007 as we worked for the same company but in different departments, she proposed me in Dec, 2008. One good evening we discuseed every thing like my financial stage, what type of girl i am looking for, my family background & all, and about her previous marriage as she is a divorcee and the age difference what we had (she is 11years elder to me, ofcourse she said 7yrs only but later i came to know that itz 11yrs) and i felt there is nothing wrong from her side in her previous marriage break-up and i accepted her proposal happily, that time i was 24 n she was 35. After a couple of months she left that company n joined in other company, so i use to drop n pickup her from her home n office which are almost 15km distance from my home, that time i was in IT and I have my own freelancing firm apart from my job, which i closed only bcz i could not manage the timings to meet customers as my most of the time was spent in meeting her only. Some times i used to wait at her office gate for more than 2hrs in the late evenings (at 8.30, 9pm), i never bothered about my business n those timings as i really love her n more concerned about her, whenever she calls i use to go even i am in meeting with my MD, or sleeping at home in the night, or even in the urgent work at server, she has taken all these grantedly, even i never find anything wrong at that time, but as i have debts it has become very difficult but still i use to manage all the things including all the expenses whenever we go out, although i got an US OFFER, i refused it, only bcz she said that she can not stay without me n i asked her to get married in 2009 but she said no at that time, and I got the job in a PSU in 2010, by that time my sister completed her MCA and parents want to do sister's marriage early to me and i said ok.

Suddenly she started forcing me to marry her, in the mean while in this 3years i spoke to her parents, elder sisters, brother-in-laws, younger brother n all, as i was in need of money, i took Rs.2lakhs for which i use to pay 24% per year interest( even after our marriage). I never took a single rupee from her in at the time of weddiing also, in 2012 she forced me very strongly to get married but i didnt do that, from that time onwards she started doing emotional black-mail saying that I cheated her, I used her, she wants to die as i am not caring her as i used to do earlier (as i joined in the new job, it was very tough for me to balance), she never tried to understand me, finally in May 2013, i met her mother(as she is the key person in her family) n elder sister and fixed the date, she said that as her parents are very old they can not bare any expenses so i said we will get married in AARYA samaj n she said ok, I did all the arrangements by borrowing some money from my close friends. Suddenly she started making the things like hell and whatever she said those all were wrong.

I came to know that they have a settlement of Rs.10lakhs in previous marriage, i was shocked that she never told me about this, I do regular pooja n all( even though i am non-veg) and whenver i use to ask her to wear a saree, she used to say that she will wear after marriage, in the very early stage i said, i need a girl who can take care of my family, who can be little traditiioinal like wearing sarees, doing poojas, respecting in -laws n especially i dont wish that my wife to work n as i am not a materialistic n rich person, i dont have fridge n washing machine at my home, and she needs a seperate home as she is not ready to stay with my parents.

I took a single bed room n paid the advance also, Just 1week before to the marriage date, she started that without a fridge n all others she cannot live and she wants her money n gold (some gold was in mortgage)back as she wants to handover that to her parents. I spoke to her parents n said that i need some time to realease the gold n even i dont need that money also, i shall return that also. as she is finding difficulty in her job (dec, 2013), i said to resign n start learning cooking n when she asked for her monthly expenses n others, i agreed to pay her the salary what she was getting in her job (but i could pay only 50% of the salary from Jan 2013), now you just imagine, by just my salary, i use to maintain my family, again used to give her 10k every month, apart from that 4k interest, gold loan interest, i have taken a chit on her name and that payment, thatz why i asked to gimme some time, then her mother said that i cheated her daughter by taking all her money, gold n forcing her to sit at home, her elder sister said that now-a-days a rikshawala living his life better than you, you had taken all her money and now you are asking her to lead a life like a beggar, so we are not interested in this, we will postpond the marriage n before the marriage you return the gold n all. I dont have any words except tears in my eyes. When her sister n parents, her brother asked me that whether i had thought about the age difference n kids n all, i said i am ready to face all that issues n society, but i never thought that they can talk to me in this way n my marriage was postponded, her brother said not to meet her till i marry her, i said ok n cameback to my home with tears.

After 3,4 days she called n asked to meet her, again she started all that emotional black-mail, she took me to an astrologer and he said he have the best time (muhurth) on the next 2nd day, when i said i was mentally very much disturbed and i need the time, even to return the money, gold, she scold me like anything and started crying that by just returing those money n gold you want to leave me n you want to some other girl, how can i show my face to someone, itz better i will commit sucide. Finally as i dont have any choice i accepted and we got married. My marriage was done hust infront of 6people, her elder sister, younger sister, her father, mother, my two friends (1 is goldsmith who made mangal-sutra, other for witness sign) as my mom didnt accept i didnt inform to my sister n father.

At my home, when we both went, my father accepted easily and said to have a good life, my mom cried like anything, she stopped talking to me, my sister was silent (she is not yet married and working for a bank), in just 10days my wife started again emotional blackmail that she can not live that home n to take a single bedroom house(previous rental agreement we cancelled as the marriage postponded, as i won the bid of my chit, i released the gold), i said it is very difficult for me to maintain two families with rented houses with chit, my personal loan, her housing loan (that was given for rent balance 4k EMI to be adjusted) and all, she said that she will start working and she can share some of those.

This is the 3rd month running and I am the person who is taking care of everything which is almost double of my salary.

In these 3 months,

1. She wore saree only for two times(even today we celebrate varalakshmi pooja, she didnt do that as she doesnot know how to break the coconut and she doesnt like to wear saree) apart from the marriage day, when i asked to wear the saree, she said she doesnot like the saree as she was not born in 60s.

2. Her voice is very sweet and when i asked her to sing a song she rudely said that she said you would have married a professional singer

3. One day in the morning when i asked for my breakfast at 9.30am, she said she is not my kaamwaali to getup n do all my works.

4. you believe it or not, in my past 28years (except 1year, when i was bachelor used to stay alone), i never went to kitchen, but in this 2months, i cooked rice n curry for couple of days, after that washed all those vessels, even i wash my cloths, in brief i can say that two roommates are there, thatz all.

5. Whenever she calls i should to her to her parent's or sister's or brother's or her relative's home, but she doesnot like to go to my parents home, i should take her to movies, malls, restaurants, whatever she says ii should say ok, then I am good, otherwise I am an idiot, stupid, and all other, so making a big mess, if i say i can not come now as i have other works.

6. She starts comparing our family with her sister's families, i tried to explain that they already settled n we just started the journey, the result is you never try to make me happy, xyz, blah blah n starts crying and 2 weeks back on a weekend she forced me to take her to her brother's home, then in anger i said be mature, now this is our family, our week here n there what is this, it doesnot look nice, then she started shouting on me n said if i cant live in her way then itz better you take the divorce n i am least bothered about you.

7. Yesterday again we were there at her brother's home (went there on 14th night, came on 15th night), today her elder sister came our home n said that all the family members are going for picnic n asked me to put the leave n come for saturday n sunday, i said for me some urgent work as saturday is halfday n i can not come, you please take her, and she will come with you. After her sister went, again she started shouting on me that previously you use to leave all the works n come with me now-a-days you are behaving lika ____, i said mind your language, try to understand, even you know that i rescheduled all my 15th day works, every time i cant do this, then again she started shouting that then you take the divorce and get lost, i am not going to stay with you like this.

DEAR ALL,

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO, NOW I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED, FOR WHOM I AM DOING ALL THESE THINGS, I GOT MARRIED AGAINST TO MY PARENTS, I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF MY SISTER MARRIAGE N MY PARENTS, I AM WASHING MY CLOTHES, COOKING FOOD, LIVING LIKE A MARRIED BACHELOR(EVEN WE MAKE LOVE VERY FEW AS SHE IS NOT MUCH INTERESTED IN THAT), TAKING CARE OF ALL BASIC N FINANCIAL NEEDS, GETTING SCOLED FOR MARRYING HER (AN ELDER DIVORCE), ITZ COMPLETLY BREAKING MY HEAD, SHE IS MENTALLY TORTUREING ME LIKE ANYTHING.

PLEASE ADVISE ME..!!!

Reply Follow

8 Replies

(Guest)

Call me on 9711259959 to discuss in detail

(Guest)

Now you understand why she got separated from her previous marriage? for such, marriage is a business for living their life lavishly. Such is/are not brought up with cultures and ethics. Becuase, their parents do not have any ethics or any cultural values in their blood. Such people do not bothered from the society, becuase, they do not have any values of their own respects in the society. They are just money minded. As long as you fullfill their expectations, they will be happy. The movement you will show your scarcity, they will try to high on you. So better, do not entertain and fullfill any of her unauthenticated demands. If she does not respect your parents / family, then why the hell you respect her family and parents. You should kicked them off from your life forever.

I can imagine that you might have suffered a lot, but be bold and refuse all her unauthenticated demands. As far as your in-laws are concerned, show them your second fingure of your hand, becuase, they treat you like a donkey and monkey to dance on their music.

Do not worry, if your wife feels that she is super - duper heroin, since LAW is/are in her favour, then, let her go at any extend and fight on merit.

1 Like

Rama chary Rachakonda (Secunderabad/Telangana state Highcourt practice watsapp no.9989324294 ) 17 August 2013

A husband has to perform many important role for working his marriage successfully.He and his wife must work equally towards marital growth and responsibility together. Traditionally man is the providerwho is expected to satisfy the physical,psychological and spiritual needs of his wife.Therefore,the husband dominates the family and is the decision maker.Some mens may also take their wife’s opinion in [...]

1 Like

(Guest)

Originally posted by : Sree...!!
	Hi I badly need an advice., 3months back only we got married, before th\at we know each other from August 2007 as we worked for the same company but in different departments, she proposed me in Dec, 2008. One good evening we discuseed every thing like my financial stage, what type of girl i am looking for, my family background & all, and about her previous marriage as she is a divorcee and the age difference what we had (she is 11years elder to me, ofcourse she said 7yrs only but later i came to know that itz 11yrs) and i felt there is nothing wrong from her side in her previous marriage break-up and i accepted her proposal happily, that time i was 24 n she was 35. After a couple of months she left that company n joined in other company, so i use to drop n pickup her from her home n office which are almost 15km distance from my home, that time i was in IT and I have my own freelancing firm apart from my job, which i closed only bcz i could not manage the timings to meet customers as my most of the time was spent in meeting her only. Some times i used to wait at her office gate for more than 2hrs in the late evenings (at 8.30, 9pm), i never bothered about my business n those timings as i really love her n more concerned about her, whenever she calls i use to go even i am in meeting with my MD, or sleeping at home in the night, or even in the urgent work at server, she has taken all these grantedly, even i never find anything wrong at that time, but as i have debts it has become very difficult but still i use to manage all the things including all the expenses whenever we go out, although i got an US OFFER, i refused it, only bcz she said that she can not stay without me n i asked her to get married in 2009 but she said no at that time, and I got the job in a PSU in 2010, by that time my sister completed her MCA and parents want to do sister's marriage early to me and i said ok. Suddenly she started forcing me to marry her, in the mean while in this 3years i spoke to her parents, elder sisters, brother-in-laws, younger brother n all, as i was in need of money, i took Rs.2lakhs for which i use to pay 24% per year interest( even after our marriage). I never took a single rupee from her in at the time of weddiing also, in 2012 she forced me very strongly to get married but i didnt do that, from that time onwards she started doing emotional black-mail saying that I cheated her, I used her, she wants to die as i am not caring her as i used to do earlier (as i joined in the new job, it was very tough for me to balance), she never tried to understand me, finally in May 2013, i met her mother(as she is the key person in her family) n elder sister and fixed the date, she said that as her parents are very old they can not bare any expenses so i said we will get married in AARYA samaj n she said ok, I did all the arrangements by borrowing some money from my close friends. Suddenly she started making the things like hell and whatever she said those all were wrong. I came to know that they have a settlement of Rs.10lakhs in previous marriage, i was shocked that she never told me about this, I do regular pooja n all( even though i am non-veg) and whenver i use to ask her to wear a saree, she used to say that she will wear after marriage, in the very early stage i said, i need a girl who can take care of my family, who can be little traditiioinal like wearing sarees, doing poojas, respecting in -laws n especially i dont wish that my wife to work n as i am not a materialistic n rich person, i dont have fridge n washing machine at my home, and she needs a seperate home as she is not ready to stay with my parents. I took a single bed room n paid the advance also, Just 1week before to the marriage date, she started that without a fridge n all others she cannot live and she wants her money n gold (some gold was in mortgage)back as she wants to handover that to her parents. I spoke to her parents n said that i need some time to realease the gold n even i dont need that money also, i shall return that also. as she is finding difficulty in her job (dec, 2013), i said to resign n start learning cooking n when she asked for her monthly expenses n others, i agreed to pay her the salary what she was getting in her job (but i could pay only 50% of the salary from Jan 2013), now you just imagine, by just my salary, i use to maintain my family, again used to give her 10k every month, apart from that 4k interest, gold loan interest, i have taken a chit on her name and that payment, thatz why i asked to gimme some time, then her mother said that i cheated her daughter by taking all her money, gold n forcing her to sit at home, her elder sister said that now-a-days a rikshawala living his life better than you, you had taken all her money and now you are asking her to lead a life like a beggar, so we are not interested in this, we will postpond the marriage n before the marriage you return the gold n all. I dont have any words except tears in my eyes. When her sister n parents, her brother asked me that whether i had thought about the age difference n kids n all, i said i am ready to face all that issues n society, but i never thought that they can talk to me in this way n my marriage was postponded, her brother said not to meet her till i marry her, i said ok n cameback to my home with tears. After 3,4 days she called n asked to meet her, again she started all that emotional black-mail, she took me to an astrologer and he said he have the best time (muhurth) on the next 2nd day, when i said i was mentally very much disturbed and i need the time, even to return the money, gold, she scold me like anything and started crying that by just returing those money n gold you want to leave me n you want to some other girl, how can i show my face to someone, itz better i will commit sucide. Finally as i dont have any choice i accepted and we got married. My marriage was done hust infront of 6people, her elder sister, younger sister, her father, mother, my two friends (1 is goldsmith who made mangal-sutra, other for witness sign) as my mom didnt accept i didnt inform to my sister n father. At my home, when we both went, my father accepted easily and said to have a good life, my mom cried like anything, she stopped talking to me, my sister was silent (she is not yet married and working for a bank), in just 10days my wife started again emotional blackmail that she can not live that home n to take a single bedroom house(previous rental agreement we cancelled as the marriage postponded, as i won the bid of my chit, i released the gold), i said it is very difficult for me to maintain two families with rented houses with chit, my personal loan, her housing loan (that was given for rent balance 4k EMI to be adjusted) and all, she said that she will start working and she can share some of those. This is the 3rd month running and I am the person who is taking care of everything which is almost double of my salary. In these 3 months, 1. She wore saree only for two times(even today we celebrate varalakshmi pooja, she didnt do that as she doesnot know how to break the coconut and she doesnt like to wear saree) apart from the marriage day, when i asked to wear the saree, she said she doesnot like the saree as she was not born in 60s. 2. Her voice is very sweet and when i asked her to sing a song she rudely said that she said you would have married a professional singer 3. One day in the morning when i asked for my breakfast at 9.30am, she said she is not my kaamwaali to getup n do all my works. 4. you believe it or not, in my past 28years (except 1year, when i was bachelor used to stay alone), i never went to kitchen, but in this 2months, i cooked rice n curry for couple of days, after that washed all those vessels, even i wash my cloths, in brief i can say that two roommates are there, thatz all. 5. Whenever she calls i should to her to her parent's or sister's or brother's or her relative's home, but she doesnot like to go to my parents home, i should take her to movies, malls, restaurants, whatever she says ii should say ok, then I am good, otherwise I am an idiot, stupid, and all other, so making a big mess, if i say i can not come now as i have other works. 6. She starts comparing our family with her sister's families, i tried to explain that they already settled n we just started the journey, the result is you never try to make me happy, xyz, blah blah n starts crying and 2 weeks back on a weekend she forced me to take her to her brother's home, then in anger i said be mature, now this is our family, our week here n there what is this, it doesnot look nice, then she started shouting on me n said if i cant live in her way then itz better you take the divorce n i am least bothered about you. 7. Yesterday again we were there at her brother's home (went there on 14th night, came on 15th night), today her elder sister came our home n said that all the family members are going for picnic n asked me to put the leave n come for saturday n sunday, i said for me some urgent work as saturday is halfday n i can not come, you please take her, and she will come with you. After her sister went, again she started shouting on me that previously you use to leave all the works n come with me now-a-days you are behaving lika ____, i said mind your language, try to understand, even you know that i rescheduled all my 15th day works, every time i cant do this, then again she started shouting that then you take the divorce and get lost, i am not going to stay with you like this. DEAR ALL, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO, NOW I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED, FOR WHOM I AM DOING ALL THESE THINGS, I GOT MARRIED AGAINST TO MY PARENTS, I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF MY SISTER MARRIAGE N MY PARENTS, I AM WASHING MY CLOTHES, COOKING FOOD, LIVING LIKE A MARRIED BACHELOR(EVEN WE MAKE LOVE VERY FEW AS SHE IS NOT MUCH INTERESTED IN THAT), TAKING CARE OF ALL BASIC N FINANCIAL NEEDS, GETTING SCOLED FOR MARRYING HER (AN ELDER DIVORCE), ITZ COMPLETLY BREAKING MY HEAD, SHE IS MENTALLY TORTUREING ME LIKE ANYTHING. PLEASE ADVISE ME..!!!

There was lot of time from August 2007 till May 2013 to think about tying the knot with this elderly woman.

Akshaye Khanna also fell in love with Dimple Kapadia in the movie Dil Chahta Hai, but even he did not have plans to marry her.

Its not a grave mistake to fall in love. But there should be some sense, but as love it is, it kills the sense thing in any intelligent and smart man.

Done is done.

Now no use of crying.

Now that she knows you in and out, that you love her. She will make full use of your emotions till the day you are with her.

Love means giving in, totally, which you have succeeded fully, but you want to retract now. Now there is not retracting. Even if you do, you just can apply for divorce, and prepare yourself to pursue legal battle.

Consult a good divorce/criminal lawyer.. as the way it looks you are definitley in for trouble if you file divorce case.

If you feel that its no use filing for divorce then just lie back and enjoy the show.

PS: Your case fits for the tagline 'Love is blind, marriage is a eyeopener'

(Guest)

NGOKC is correct.

Here the woman is older than boy. Definitely she will be more dominating and the boy will be treated like a baccha. But all this the boy should have thought before tying the knot. I really feel bad for this boy, who took decision without thinking. So very sad.

(Guest)

A desperado of not love marriage but wrong marriage....

Dear querist,

I read your whole Flashback and went through facinating yet shocking rythm of love marriage where you have not done one mistake but several blunder mistakes.

1. Mistake No. 1 ------- Pyarr me Andha hote Sunna tha Magar yahan toh tumhari aankhein hi Phut gayi thi.

Marrying a 7 year older or 11 year older doesn't make any sense in one life where you are 24 and she is 35 but moreover it goes on your life as what you will achieve in your future a surrogate child or an enough older women when you will be at 40.

She had seen her 11 autumns more than you,how do you believe that she will look after you, she is not your mother who is 20-22 year older than you but feed you like child.

So, A drastic step taken by you, even made me to think,now you can think what your parent's would have think.....?

2. Mistake No.2-------- Not learnt from Mistake No. i

As she was not adjusted with you prior to the marriage,scolding you,abusing you,alluring you,threatning you then where were you?

A nature and signature of a person can't be changed until or unless DNA is not changed.

So,here you wife is not an exceptional case.

3. Mistake No. 3--------- After knowing all the mistakes again making yourself ready for mistake no. 4.

Dear freind, I will say here,plz don't afraid, plz don't cry, plz don't get embracced,plz don't get nervous-------what will happen ?

Nothing will happen.....

A big zero will reflect until or unless you would not become sunny deol of your own life who could alone make whole pakistan sit and watch when he roars in the movie " Gaddar ek Prem Katha".

Dear Manager sahab, You have no. of things do in your life the utmost happiness is to give happiness to your mother and father who had given birth to you.

Don't make them cry on your Noble prize deed, Listen to your heart as you are the only person who knows what to do ahead so can my family will become happy,i could become happy.

Ask your soul what you want from your life?

and Iam sure the only word will eco in your heart and mind-----------A revolt----------A revolt against your own wife who never understands you,who never will be a true wife in your rest of life.

You have no. of facts to get divorce as she had told lie about her age,she had told lie about her ex marriage, she is crushing you day by day,your family is in mental trauma,even you are asking here somewhat freedom your wife..........Then what next chapter my bro...?

Just go ahead in reverse where you have started from very begining to ruin your life and think from there as ignoring that you have been married and now you don't want to marry her at anycost.....

when you will think in this way.........all hopes and ways will emerge in your eyes to get freedom and peace.

Rest hire a extremely smart and agressive lawyer who could lead you out from this hell.

regards,

A sufferer...

2 Like

Ranee....... (NA) 17 August 2013

The author is a very simple guy..he was befooled by the experienced wife.

Such marriage is not going to last long because of the age gap.Try for divorce before having a kid.

Sameer (engg) 20 August 2013

My Dear Friend Sree,

in what phase you have gone through, i have experienced same in last Year and still fighting it. but in my case girl is 3 years younger to me and i did marriage in 4 months after proposal to her. She did everything same as you described, but she told she is single and her parents are forcing her get married the boy they have selected and they are ruining her life, and love you blah blah blah... and cant ;live without you. ..b...b...b.. and completely kept under emotional blackmailing...

and got married in my own city with permission of parents. and we lived in our working city. and lived together only for 1 and half month. in that she completly hurrased me, as same you prescribed before marriage but here after marriage. before that she is ready do everything for me, but not ready to told this about her parents. becasue our is intercast marriage.

But those 1 and half months were like hell. on other side my father on dialysis because of tension how will her parents respond after knowing about our marriage , could be they do owner killing.

she completly stop my contact my parents, and used to harrass me everyday like will beat her to death or heavy injury by abusing my parents or my activity.and ready file a police complaint but i kept patient , because i love her and i am same filling as you, i am doing same as you do. i am hecticly in very deep depression.

when my mother and best friend (would say my saver) come to know about this torturing, they told me just leave everything get back to home town what the hell happen. i leaved her.and she went another city for a job,( as she given interviews as soon as our marriage happened just like every thing planned which i come understand later)

i am at my home taking care of my father about 5 months at home. in between she visited my home at my home town, and did " gande se ganda natak in front home door and filed complaint in area police staion that she is beaten by parents and me. even though my father is on bed. somehow have settled the case sent back her in a taxi, fulfilling her all wishes that she putted in police station.

even though she filed a FIR in her working town, that sent to my working town as we lived there and she filed address the same under 498a,406,504,506 ipc codes because of female laws. my mother and my name in that case. we gone through arrest and bell. but she harrassed me on sake of police(means police may helped her to harrass me to extort money from me) but sake of god and saver friend police which had my case under are very helpful( not by bribing) by own souls they wont harrassed me for single penny. and her planned failed .

after that again she came to home town police staiton again doing "tamasha" but this time i bravely faced her and said oh baby you want play the law game, ok do come to court against the case you have filed and i will show you what is the truth.. and ready to obey judgement given by the judge, but should come to court' from that day all her "tamasha" are stopped.

but even though this i have lost my father under treatment and all this happened due to her all tamasha's.

now i decided fight, and come to know this things she had done before(means she married before), and looking for it for proofs and having success in same.

i have to advice you that just removed- errode off-kick love about her out of your heart. she very"b****" girl she doesnt deserve you and your family. and check the guy before she married, if i am right she not yet divorced him i am almost sure, look for that guy try to collect there marrige proofs and first file a FIR agaist her with help of a lawyer.

And be ready for a false complaint against you and your parents, please ask support from your relative they will definetly support you.(mentally atleast) take good lawyer(if possible friend or relative lawyer specially) with you, so he can save you from harrassment from police.

Dont fear of anything she cant do anything, she will force to do as she said under this pressure woman laws and police, but dont fear and stay calm, dont react wrongly behaviour of her, because she will do tamashas and gande se ganda natak's to harras you, as you show you doent anything, she will egt backfoot just belive in god, fight it ..

best of luck.

if you like please tell your girl name and other details if possible may be i help you, on mail id sameerdhavalshankh@yahoo.co.in.

Regards,

Sameer