Title: Practical and Sincere advice to never married Indian men (boys)
Much discussion has already done by bhajan mandali already over here, I just want to add something in real about this matter with few more dummies takes.
The following are words put here after my marriage experience. It is my view only, not a rule put by our community or rule of law that is to be followed. It is purely personal, which I justify by giving instances at times leading to a big story.
Have time go through it. I have prepared for never married men taking into consideration especially like you. I am thankful to forum that I am able to put through this medium (read my account is still not deleted).
One of my friends told and I have read it in many places that a man can be understood clearly to 99% of accuracy but a woman can never be understood even to 49% of what is store in her mind.
I have used video recording in most of the contexts, we can get these cameras at an economical cost in market today. Audio recorders or mobile phones can be used. After recording copy them in local hard disks, CD's, DVD's as soon possible. Don't ever try to modify the original recordings, Keep it at a safe place. There is some place for these evidences in Court proceedings (If the records are not applicable before Court at least they will be applicable before people's court, so keep a record of all things possible.). Give complaints to local police station whether you get them or not, when your mobile is lost, clearly stating the date, time, mobile model and the capacity of memory card.
Scan each and every document and store in a safe place globally along with the electronic records accessible through internet. There are plenty of sites offering these services, only thing is you need to login before some specified days, otherwise there is a danger of losing all files. If you have any trouble knowing these you may let me know. Documental evidences are always applicable in Court.
You should be cautious with three W's - Wine, Woman and Wife according to an English proverb. These are three most dangerous things in any one's life. First two you know (good old college days remember that first crush), last you might not be. I explain here, wife is like Varanasi's narrow alley (streets) bull when she turns against you. When all well she is heart and love for you, you will say everything what is store in it which you might have never said even to a close friend or your parents who are whole and sole in your life even when you are at good and bad times in every way possible to them. So she knows even the password of your personal PC, laptop, official passwords, official people, and what not, each and every aspect of you personal and impersonal, family related matters, strength and weakness of each and every member of your family, your resources of income, your income and the story goes like this. You might take a cue from all this that how much personal it is with a wife. She also have access to every relation by phone and email and what ever way, even personally she has been with us through our family or when we make visit to friends and relatives. So she has every chance of putting all possible hurdles when something goes wrong with her from our side. It is also there that we also have the samething, but law is in favour of women, in our Indian society only women gets the support, not the men community. Women can ask for divorce in front of a judge, but a man cannot ask for divorce, he can only ask for justice to be done.
Before Marriage:
These things are done as a measure of precautionary measure / to be safe side, not compulsory that each and every aspect is met. But will be helpful when there is some problem. We take precautionary measures in offices like servicing the vehicle, cleaning up the system, the same way this one.
1. Do not go into detail every aspect of your personal life while discussing on phones or when you meet personally.
2. Don't take frantic calls / make frantic calls pretend you are busy, tell softly will get back soon when time permits, go when you really have time to leisure. This need not be done every time when she makes a request. Sometimes exclaim her that we will go, within a short notice.
3. Don’t talk much from your side, just try to get as much information, pretend you are also giving that much information when asked but never complete information. Eat out the actual point in your discussion by bringing something more.
4. Enjoy outings to a limit, you are still unmarried.
5. Never ever stay with your about in-laws before and after marriage unless there is something which happened contrary to your plan and expectation or when helpless.
6. Don’t make frequent visits to your in-laws any time (I mean before and after marriage whenever the context of any time comes).
7. Don’t send frantic messages, namely you are the world; you are my only love ... any time.
8. If you have very affection keep it in yourselves don’t ever try to express even after marriage.
9. Try to record happy moments in front of her with her knowledge. Moments should be recorded whether it is a happy note or sad note.
10. Record all discussions in video possible when some financial matters aspect, that to in the presence of elders (relatives may or may not be considered but third party person is compulsory concerned who is near to you or who knows about your family and is concerned to your family - the person/person's in consideration).
11. There should be agreement that in case of any problem, either party should not try to disturb others by any means (this agreement details can be got from a lawyer, they have done good homework after many false cases) and paper evidences of what ever you have given and taken from them or given by you. Everything should be witnessed by the person discussed above.
12. Even for Sthridhan there should be evidence of what you have taken and what they have given. Everything should be witnessed by the person discussed above.
13. If you feel that you hurt feelings don’t go over, say sorry and tell it will not be repeated. Try not repeat again in your life. But never expect from the opposite side that she will do the same as you are trying to do.
14. If your attitude hurts her beyond your thinking, although you are right in your own way, better not to marry her.
After marriage
i.e. About Marriage:
A wife is the most concerned woman who looks after a husband at their house, keeping a watch that when he comes. She is the one who has left her parents in faith that you will look after her. Even though if she does no work if she is a house wife, she does all the household work, look after the house where on lives, domestic chores and many more cannot be looked single handedly with any other's help, Supreme court also gave ruling that she is doing work of Rs.3000/- and many other things which cannot be counted on her part. So, treat her on par with you reason she is equally respected however bigger you are, children of lesser age take blessings from both of us, this shows that she is equal to our level, even though she is younger to us, or earns less than us. This can be equally observed when we are at marriages, occasions, social meetings, functions, poojas...... So, take proper care from your side that all is well and nothing beyond.
A. Do not go into detail every aspect of your personal life while discussing on phones or when you meet personally, reveal some which you expect that it is not going to hit your privacy even if there is some misunderstanding.
B. Don't take frantic calls pretend you are really busy putting a sorry note in a soft manner, never cry foul, show your emotions, and never show official problems (keep your official problems with you and your friends every time) on her put a date for going when you are free, chart out a plan that you make some times and sometimes a miss due to co-incidence due to some other that you may not go for that but some other thing which expected not to happen.
C. Don’t talk much from your side, just try to get as much information, pretend you are always with her every time although you are thing some other thing. Don't talk much is the rule of marriage to keep away differences, unnecessary discussions, the much you talk much discussions will lead to some other thing contrary to what we expect.
D. Enjoy outings to a limit convenient to you, you are now married. Your bachelorhood has come to an end. You cannot be the same as previous lover of your wife as you have no reason for getting her away from you, this being in your mind; you will just take granted for what you have done earlier. But she is in no mood of what you are in; keeps thinking that you should be the same old man what she though before and like you to be like that. This can never be possible. But we can take out some time for leisure.
E. Never ever stay with your in-laws before and after marriage unless there is something which happened contrary to your plan and expectation or when you are helpless, unless it is a customary. Your stay will lesser your image that's what I say.
They have more personal look of you when you are at their place, can go more personal about your feelings, likings and want to get more closer than you have enjoyed (but I feel business entity, should be different from personal entity which is generally followed in accounting terms). The marriage which has happened is a busy entity. Marriage, although one form of business of living, it cannot be insured, I mean a loss of one's marriage cannot be insured. A loss of wife or husband can be insured. That is importance given for a marriage of two persons. By this you can expect how fragile a marriage is. This means that marriage cannot be trusted or one can have good faith in marriage.
F. Don’t make frequent visits to your in-laws any time. If you have no business there, take turn of your vehicle on road itself and come back to your place after dropping her or meet a friend if nearby if it happens that you may need to take her back after sometime. When picking up, you might go inside for some time, but do not stays there on one or more pretext even if your wife is not willing to come, after three or four times of such a measure she will automatically make her mind. If she doesn’t make her mind, there is some action needed from our side.
G. Send messages, prevent calls either side, otherwise trouble of getting all the calls (mostly unnecessary) creating disturbance to work and in front of boss, or anytime when we are in work or when we are not in a mood to take any calls after much exhaustion. But send proper messages at times when we are late, we have a meeting, we had to have a dinner but never say that you are your parents place if you happen to have parents in the same city and you had to go there with out her or against her wishes.
H. If you have very affection about her, keep it in yourselves don’t ever try to express it. But express it before people, your friends, parents, her parents but never before her.
I. Try to record happy moments soon after marriage, they cannot be returned again in your life time. The same will not be got back at any cost. Moments should be recorded whether it is a happy note or sad note.
J. If it happens that there are some disturbances that is going to happen or has happened, don’t get directly involved in it with your parents and her parents. Always bring the third person discussed the good Samaritan in our marriage from our side and discuss in front of him. All this should be video recorded. If the other party objects for some, don't come in line with them, ask them to come in their own way or give another camera to capture the events in their own way. But never resort to change in original any way by the new technology, it can go awry. We cannot underestimate the technology use by any one, although however unknowledgeable the government or the court may be of these.
K. All giving’s and taking should be recorded in a friendly manner, one video recorder and camera person from our family should always take that duty. This will make habituated without any objections from either side, because he keeps recording each and every aspect which is known to both the families. So, never ever forget to record all discussions in video when some financial matters aspect is concerned, that to in the presence of elders (relatives may or may not be considered but third party person is compulsory concerned who is near to you or who knows about your family and is concerned to your family - the person/person's in consideration).
L. All will be well when all is flourishing well but when differences arise there will be none, if you take a single path.
Therefore, there should be a definite agreement if not taken already earlier, that in case of any problem, either party should not disturb others by any means (this agreement format and other details can be got from a lawyer, they have done good homework after many false cases) and paper evidences of what ever you have given and taken from them or given by you. Everything should be witnessed by good Samaritan.
M. Even after that meeting, if you find no change, you have to think twice. You can sense by their actions that a doomsday will come. Pretend that you are not in mood of any change with what you are doing. This will irritate and finally one day she will leave. Try to keep talking always with her and her family members, relatives from the opposite side (all these days of marriage you might have met, keep in contact for future use, call them for parties, social meetings that happen in the family either side, be close to them, they are always better than our in-laws from whom you can get much details and also they are moreover like us). Don’t put details unless they themselves start about the current happenings.
N. Incase of problem: Don't stay at weekends mainly from Friday evening onwards, as Saturday and Sunday being holiday for courts to apply for bail, the complaint whenever it may be filed, they will come on Friday night to give trouble. If such a situation has come to go jail, go along with them without any protest. Before going for a decision when the trouble started, think whether you want to live your wife in future or not.
First Case: If you want to live because of several problems, family problems, monetary problems and what not go for jail do nothing; you or your people will get back on bail in 3 to 4 days in total. This will leave the whole family who met such jail not to take back the girl, but due to inherent fear they say you should live with her without any further trouble. Then you decide that you will be with her. Now try adjusting, if she comes in line its well and good. Otherwise, you can do what she has mentioned in the complaint to her and discharge her, closing the chapter of hers in your book. Now, you can do as you wish, if again jailed no problem, once jailed or repeated jails even 100 times won't matter, then you can decide your next course of action. Now you will be definitely free from your wife and own pestering by your family members and others.
Second Case: If you think you can never get along with her. Go to jail. You will get bail in 3 to 4 days. Before the police you say, whatever you do I am not interested any more in my wife. This word will make them think twice and the same thing should be put before the lawyer saying that "I don't want to live with the b*tch that had put me in jail; the case file by her is a false case, which has caused severe mental cruelty to me and my family". On these words the opposite party will apply for divorce or come in terms with you and you are free.
One thing to note, if a vacation happens to be there near your problem, never stay at your place of living. Because all through the holidays of court you will be in jail for no fault of yours. Courts have vacations, like that of schools and colleges, all this has led to the current state of affairs where scores of cases are pending for years together in court.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help. But HELP is always a palm (read as keyboard todo brothers message karney mein...) away seek it for your own family's sake..............
Amen................
