Serious help required - divorce related!

1.    You should start collecting basic evidences of her mental cruelties in audio / video formats.

2.    Consult locally with an advocate found via reference and initiate filing divorce petition in local Court.

3.    Seek protection before filing divorce for your aged parents and siblings consulting an local advocate found via reference in India.

4.    Even if you have to borrow it is better to borrow instead of living in a abusive in-compatible relationship hence arrange at the end and get rid of her as per local Laws since both of you are overseas.  

1. Collect solid evidence of her cruelty

2. Collect evidence that you tried to reconcile, including proofs of sending money, etc

3. File divorce case in India, at your place. Divorce granted in foreign country is not valid in India.

4. If you have any property, immediately transfer to others name.

5. Try to make her agree for mutual divorce

6. If she does not agree, get ready for a 3 yr long legal battle, and at least 30 trips to India. You may have to give up your job, depending on your position in ur office.

7. Higher the best lawyer in your court, and make sure he is known for his integrity. This is more important than integrity of your wife!

8. Change your mindset from a common man to a 'legal' man. From now on, your every action should be to gather evidence and win the battle. I know a person, he first filed for divorce, then withdrew mutually, and then filed again saying that he tried a lot but could not succeed to keep the family intact. This is the mindset Indian judges want to see in men and women.

9. Be ready for going to jail for one or two nights. This is good for you. The moment she sends you to jail, her cruelty is proved.

10. If u win the divorce case, remember that alimony will be decided by your salary. Keep salary document secret, or come back to India and take a low salary job. Also, gather evidence of her salary, status, foreign jobs etc. that will be a big help.

11. try again for mutual divorce!

@TAJobs and @Shyam thanks a lot for your response. These information are indeed valuable!

Problem in my case the cruely part you have mentioned was infact done emotionally and not arrogant. Always crying/threatening to commit suicide etc!! At last the term she kept for those issues was "EXPECTATION". I dint fine any other ways to tackle her as the following ways dint materialise in mending her

1. Advicing her

2. Scolding her

3. Approaching her parents

4. Advicing thro our common friends

Finally I had to take it to up to my parents as I could not handle her all alone in a foriegn country:( She had become literally uncontrollable!

Now her blame is, why did you tel elders at your home. Anything between us should be with us and started torturing that way too. I am literally puzzled to even analyze what I did was right or wrong. Only after so many rounds of efforts I took t to my parents as I got stuck up really nicely to her in a foreign land. Every second I had to fear if she will commit someething dangerous etc.

Coming to the evidence part. I have all the sms, email , bank statements for her travek from UAE to India and viceversa multiple times, other unnecessary expenses coz of her meaningless anger. As i told above we did the wedding all ourselves and had spent close to 20 lakhs. Now again after marriage I had to lose around 10 lakhs. So approx 30 lakhs loss already:( I am now doing everyting possible from my end staying abroad to get back the things lost.I can never afford to compensate anything anymore. Thats my biggest fear/worry. If you can guide me with any of these extra inputs, would be really helpful.

Most hurting part is she said these lines many times "Just coz you are a good guy who doesnot smoke/drink and do everything for me, I cannot live with you". I seriously not aware above all this what should a guy possess to take care of a girl. Let me convery my opinion frankly. Nowadays girls tend to misuse ther freedom against our Indian culture and started blaming men and also make use of loop holes in law like "preference for women" and create so many issues. Like my case there are so many guys who are in deep trouble losing peace coz of girls which are not given equal importance! Sorry to say this:( Especially after these recent rape cases in Delhi and other parts of India. I could not really convince myself by the fact how in all cases men would ve been the reason???!! Not even in a case women would not be responsible by doing some sort of provocation?? m clueless! Around 3 of my friends/cousins are also in deep sh*t in similar cases. One guy has a kid and now wife is creating serious mental pressure and so on. Current trend of girls are not even worried about society/family and so on!!This is the hurting reality! Even if my relship smoothly parts, I ve seriously developed a fear within me about marriage and girls!

Thanks.

Originally posted by : Anonymous!!!
	Problem in my case the cruely part you have mentioned was infact done emotionally and not arrogant. Always crying/threatening to commit suicide etc!! At last the term she kept for those issues was "EXPECTATION". I dint fine any other ways to tackle her as the following ways dint materialise in mending her 1. Advicing her 2. Scolding her 3. Approaching her parents 4. Advicing thro our common friends Finally I had to take it to up to my parents as I could not handle her all alone in a foriegn country:( She had become literally uncontrollable! Now her blame is, why did you tel elders at your home. Anything between us should be with us and started torturing that way too. I am literally puzzled to even analyze what I did was right or wrong. Only after so many rounds of efforts I took t to my parents as I got stuck up really nicely to her in a foreign land. Every second I had to fear if she will commit someething dangerous etc. Coming to the evidence part. I have all the sms, email , bank statements for her travek from UAE to India and viceversa multiple times, other unnecessary expenses coz of her meaningless anger. As i told above we did the wedding all ourselves and had spent close to 20 lakhs. Now again after marriage I had to lose around 10 lakhs. So approx 30 lakhs loss already:( I am now doing everyting possible from my end staying abroad to get back the things lost.I can never afford to compensate anything anymore. Thats my biggest fear/worry. If you can guide me with any of these extra inputs, would be really helpful. Most hurting part is she said these lines many times "Just coz you are a good guy who doesnot smoke/drink and do everything for me, I cannot live with you". I seriously not aware above all this what should a guy possess to take care of a girl. Let me convery my opinion frankly. Nowadays girls tend to misuse ther freedom against our Indian culture and started blaming men and also make use of loop holes in law like "preference for women" and create so many issues. Like my case there are so many guys who are in deep trouble losing peace coz of girls which are not given equal importance! Sorry to say this:( Especially after these recent rape cases in Delhi and other parts of India. I could not really convince myself by the fact how in all cases men would ve been the reason???!! Not even in a case women would not be responsible by doing some sort of provocation?? m clueless! Around 3 of my friends/cousins are also in deep sh*t in similar cases. One guy has a kid and now wife is creating serious mental pressure and so on. Current trend of girls are not even worried about society/family and so on!!This is the hurting reality! Even if my relship smoothly parts, I ve seriously developed a fear within me about marriage and girls! Thanks.

Well, this is a regularly seen case.  She wasnt interested in getting married to you.

You wont throw her out.

She wants you to throw her out/get rid of her, so that she can tell the world that it was due to you that she had to let go off the relationship/marriage.

All this is fine. 

But no where you have told as to what you want to do.  In which way do you want to proceed?

Divorce?  Mediation?  Which one do you want?

Thanks for the response.

Yes I too feel the same that she provocates me to take a decision and later tel she loved me and I pushed her out!

Now she keeps telling how much I loved you blah blah!! Love was never felt even a second after marriage. 24/7 arguements and fights.

Let me come to the last point Divorce or Mediation!

I seriously feel guilty that if this relship brks 100% she ll suffer in our society. I am a guy and nothing will even bother me. I too don care if the whole world turns on me as I have experienced the problem myself. Just coz I was true to her my inner self hurts me saying "don cheat a girl". But when I think from my mind and not from my heart, I want to divorce. My parents/relatives/friends have all adviced me to part ways as there is 0 compatibility in the first 30-40 days itself. I am seriously puzzled. I could not show my back against my family for her, as they have been 100% committed in changing her (not her parents though). But now I am gettin another accusation from her, from wer have your parents come all of a sudden. Dont you know this when we loved. These kind of stupid questions I seriously don have answer. If my parents have tortured her and asked me to divorce I would have supported her. Here she dug her own pit and now blaming. Should I listen to my mind or heart!! Please guide me.

Originally posted by : Anonymous!!!
	Thanks for the response. Yes I too feel the same that she provocates me to take a decision and later tel she loved me and I pushed her out! Now she keeps telling how much I loved you blah blah!! Love was never felt even a second after marriage. 24/7 arguements and fights. Let me come to the last point Divorce or Mediation! I seriously feel guilty that if this relship brks 100% she ll suffer in our society. I am a guy and nothing will even bother me. I too don care if the whole world turns on me as I have experienced the problem myself. Just coz I was true to her my inner self hurts me saying "don cheat a girl". But when I think from my mind and not from my heart, I want to divorce. My parents/relatives/friends have all adviced me to part ways as there is 0 compatibility in the first 30-40 days itself. I am seriously puzzled. I could not show my back against my family for her, as they have been 100% committed in changing her (not her parents though). But now I am gettin another accusation from her, from wer have your parents come all of a sudden. Dont you know this when we loved. These kind of stupid questions I seriously don have answer. If my parents have tortured her and asked me to divorce I would have supported her. Here she dug her own pit and now blaming. Should I listen to my mind or heart!! Please guide me.

10-15 cases I have seen same type of situation.

Now you call it heart or mind or anything what you want.

These are few options for you.

1.  Leave her as it is, down the line after a few years, she would realize her mistake, and then would want to come back and stay with you as a sane person.

2.  Try convincing her, take her back, she will be a pain in the a s s for the good part of your life until she realizes that what she is not doing is not right/fair.

3.  Apply for divorce, now there is ample heat, you apply for divorce, she wants to come back, on seeing that you filed for divorce she will angry and would want to teach you a lesson, and file false cases of 498a/DV/125crpc etc.

4.  Wait for sometime, send a legal notice to her asking her to return, then if she does not, apply for divorce based on desertion grounds.

5.  Dont want to send notice, dont want to take her back, do want to apply for divorce, be ready to face 498a false cases.  In the mean while get a AB for yourself.

6.  Rest things are explained above by TAJOBS, shyam.  There in shayam's reply first thing  you should do before doiing anything is transfer property, cash etc first then take other steps such as sending legal notice etc.

But be ready to face any of the above.

There is no point in worrying about other people's lives, you are in a mess, first come out of your mess then think of the society at large.

Thanks again!

I am currently more or less in 4th point.

After December 3rd I have not seen her. Till december 31st she sent so many abusive emails and smses to me, my parents, relatives. We never responded to any of those as it might become a very big issue. After that once My mom told her dad how can u even ask us to send ur daughter back to UAE,ask her what all she emailed/smsed till yesterday. Even her dad doesnot knew that she sent mails and sms. Once we told him, after that till date zero mails/calls etc from them.

We once consulted a lawyer he said, wait till they initiate let us not hurry up. That is why we dint proceed with notice and stuff and now they ve become silent all of a sudden. But now the silence has gone beyond a point that my colleagues/friends/relatives have started asking wer my wife is and wer s she now. Slowly people are smelling that there is some issue. Next month 1 year gets over since marriage and at my house they told to initiate some process as they are now worried of my life! her parents/brother are not even fighting. They are also dead silent! Her jewels and things are at my house. To take that atleast they should call. We never want any of those. But still no sound from the other end.

Originally posted by : Anonymous!!!
	Thanks again! I am currently more or less in 4th point. After December 3rd I have not seen her. Till december 31st she sent so many abusive emails and smses to me, my parents, relatives. We never responded to any of those as it might become a very big issue. After that once My mom told her dad how can u even ask us to send ur daughter back to UAE,ask her what all she emailed/smsed till yesterday. Even her dad doesnot knew that she sent mails and sms. Once we told him, after that till date zero mails/calls etc from them. We once consulted a lawyer he said, wait till they initiate let us not hurry up. That is why we dint proceed with notice and stuff and now they ve become silent all of a sudden. But now the silence has gone beyond a point that my colleagues/friends/relatives have started asking wer my wife is and wer s she now. Slowly people are smelling that there is some issue. Next month 1 year gets over since marriage and at my house they told to initiate some process as they are now worried of my life! her parents/brother are not even fighting. They are also dead silent! Her jewels and things are at my house. To take that atleast they should call. We never want any of those. But still no sound from the other end.

Let it be a hanky or a p-a-n-t-y or a bangle.

Let all be with you, dont worry about that, ie returning them etc.

From now on think legal, act legal.

I'd suggest you to send a notice asking her to come back and live with you.

If she does not, then mention a clause stating that you will be force to apply for divorce stating the various reasons she has given you to file divorce.

Then apply for divorce.

Marriage does not come with a lifetime warranty/gaurantee.  Gone are those days, if you have a stable married life, consider yourself lucky, that's it.

Indian man has only one weapon against his wife ie file for divorce.  But Indian woman has lots of weapons against husband, 498a, crpc 125, DV etc.  

So let the first blow be yours.

What your lawyer tells is correct, but one cannot wait for a lifetime.  Either the stick should break or the snake should die, it aint no good that no damage is caused to either of them.  Time and tide wait for none.  With your mindset, its better to pursue divorce now itself, as if it is a contested one, it will take a hell lot of time to get divorce.  

Ask her to sign on the dotted line get MCD< be free.  Enjoy life.  Marry someone else who is compatible with you, as you cannot shove a CD in to a Radio, CD needs a CD player and not a radio.

Thanks a lot @Helping Hand!!! You were indeed awesome with your responses!

Also thanks to @TAJobs and @Shyam for their respective inputs. Would definitely consider the options you have suggested and proceed accordingly. Thanks Again. Will update the scenario in this post, once the proceedings begin !

@author

I may be wrong, but I strongly feel that all this is completely your WIFE's doing. By that I mean  that

her parents may not be misguiding her, she is the real culprit (and may be her friends).

You should try all the legal solutions as suggested by other members and your lawyer.

But ALSO try to talk to her parents and convince them to go for MCD.  Her parents should convince their daughter to go for MCD.

With some persuasion if her parents come to senses and agree, you will be the luckiest male divorcee on this forum. Try it.

@Harsh. Thanks for your response. What I am saying is her parents are not misleading her rather they are also in my my position i.e She does the same at home (i.e adamant/crying/f dad tels something jus go out of the house to her relatives house etc). Since they are old, they could not make her undstd or real scenario too. Instead her parents are forced to express a face to her as they support her. Knowingly or unknowingly to us they cant put down der daughter. So what he does is to threaten me etc. But once we told him abt her mails/smses which were completely vulgar towards me and my family members that too after just few months after wedding, he hasnt called us since dec 3rd.

Also he does everything for his son he is now in US. Which also she is unable to realise. he spent her savings to send him to US. The first day she went to her house after this problem, her dad told her not use fone as phone bill might increase. To this extent he has started seeing her as a burden. To put it straight from what we all undstd (me/my parents/friends/relatives who spoke to her dad), we all realised he wants to push her out. Jus coz of her adamant nature even he does not ve an option. To be frank he will even provocate her to do something on her own and turn the blame on us. And as you said 1000% she gets influence by her friends. If her friend's husband does something we cant do the same right?We can do wat suits our family/culture! also she cant forget past arguments eventhough dey were negligible

If MCD works out as u said I will be the luckiest! Next month my 1st yr after wedding concludes !! After that we need to initiate something from our end. Thanks again. tc

@SHYAM

The best advice ever given on these forums!!!