Mr. Shonee sir, thanks actually even i want to talk to you...... i don't want to harass them neither i don't want to fulfill my needs. i just need insaaf....
sorry i i being rude. i have read your story i know what phase you have gone through but sir this doesn't means that every girl is wrong. i have even seen your gender discourse episode video.. i want to add something you said that 498 should me made bailable and compoundable so that relations can be saved but actalluy in your SIFF meeting you insist on not bringing back 498 girl also you in forums mentioned that RCR is wastage that means you himself don't want to save the marriages.. this is because you have gone through bad phase so you think every girl is wrong... i would like to add that you know why boy's saying they are harassed because when no solution left and as no parents can make her daughter sit for long time and as their who is being harassed for long then how they assure that in future her girls life is safe, so they tried to one time settlement and for that boy's to save themselves they came to settlement and then in forums said the false stories girls taken so amount and she loves only money and so on...Please don't mind sir, i 'm not saying that you were wrong although you have been seen bad phase in your case so you think that today girls are wrong but actually this is not true may i'm thinking because very much wrong has been done to me from my in-laws and now they are members of your SIFF and outside they are saying they will kill me and SIFF will save them. But whatever i believe in GOD Grace i believe that if i'm right then i'll get justice... also i'm also not saying that all girls are right but before this every commission's wheteher its women or men, SIFF etc everybody should meet both the parties and then decide who is wrong and how this relation can be saved only then it will right. and may be many families marriage life will be saved....
people should think on saving marriage and not by saying men are right or women are right instead they should have forums to talk to both parties and discuss and try to save the marriage...... i don't know who is saying law is in the hand of girl from past 6 months i have roaming in the women cell just to save my relation but they are just lingering on time and even they know that they have done wrong.. i have so proof's that i have created because nothing has been wrong going in my mind that evidences are get created himself may be with GoD grace who don't punish good people. also i have pasted story i think everybody should understand it deeply then both girl and boy whosoever at fault realize the mistake and save their relation.
I think instead of fighting we all have to think out for solution and here i read the real story on net and want to share here. i know misuse is there but nobody realize that if mother is important then wife is also important they should treat equally and respect equally.. its the men who has to manage between both mother and wife and mostly marriages are successful where the men manages and where they lying towards on side more there arises only difficulties which ruin their lives… so i request everybody body to atleast read this real story and think once.. i hope many people would be saving their married life after reading this..
I have written his blog for my dear friend Shriram whom I met during court trials and who was also very guiding to me for recionciliation. and said to me that people post their miseries after 498s , but very few people come to tell about reunion.
Anyways let me start my life
It takes two to make a marriage and just two words of love are enough for a marriage to survive. Earlier I had arguments and fights with Sonali. She constantly complained about my mother and when I pointed out her mistake she used to get angry. It used to upset me but life was going. Sometimes I used to get so irritated that I felt is this what I married for.
But one day our fights had no bounds they went wild . Like every month, mum (my mother) and pa (my father) had come over to stay. But this time complaints and fights between my parents and my wife grew too much. One day In rage Sonali said I am leaving as none of you value my efforts . I was also fed up and said ok. She asked me are you sure. I was firm, reluctant as I didnt want to prove myself to be a henpecked husband in front of my parents?. She said is this what you mean when you said I love you, this is what I get for being there for you. The day when you need to talk for me you don’t say a word but along with your parents to blame me.
Mum said you are getting what you deserve, I have never seen any daughter inlaw talk in such way, they are so cultured not like you. sonali shouted back saying then why don’t you behave with me well, why you all always have complaints against me. I asked sonali to shut up. Sonali had tears in her eyes and said when I said something to your mom your voice rose for her but when your mom said some thing your voice did not rise for me . Why Parag ,Why did you marry me when you knew you couldn’t stand for me. None of us went to calm her or console her. She further asked me to return her jewelry. I said what you are today is because of me you don’t deserve anything. And ultimately you showed your true colors its for money. Mum and pa also said As it is it costed us to feed you. harsh words I know. Sonali asked me again do you also feel that it costed you to feed me. I sternly said yes didn’t want to go against my parents. She packed and while leaving she said you are right Parag in what state I am today is because of you. And I can also say the same thing so you showed your true colors it was all for money.
I could see through the window she was standing out alone crying. One whole hour passed She was standing…I couldnt see her like that. What was I doing , leaving my own wife, I know I cant live without her , for a fight I can not leave her. We have had such big fights before , but we have always made up . It’s silly that she leaves the house. I decided not to let her go. With a bit hesitation as to being called henpecked by mum , I still gathered up courage to call her back but as I opened the door I saw she was gone. mum also got up and said See she wanted to leave you so she is gone. I went back to bed but was worried where did sonali go alone. After few days i tried calling her, but she dint talk . I realsied that sonali was really subjected to criticism every now and then so i decided to free her from wrath of my parents. i wished her to remarry and settle with someone who would appreciate her.
So when She came to clinic I dint meet?. i just avoided her . (YES WE BOTH ARE DOCTORS, I am a Orthopedic surgeon and sonali is a MBBS) . Things went bitter as after around a month when neither my parents or me showed any interest in her Sonali put the 498A against me and my parents . I thought if i instigate it more sonali will hate me so To counteract I put divorce case against her. Who wanted a girl like her said mum , followed by me. Yes in all this my only intention was to trouble her so that she leaves me. Allegations counter allegations. I blamed her for everything. All was going on and was a big night mare. My parents were tensed…same may be the condition in her house.
In all that also she tried to approach me kept on pursuing. Reminded me our good times, asked me to think of her. I remembered all that but I thought it was a question of her well being and my parent’s unnecessary pride now. They started feeling what she has done is not forgivable. I showed that i did not want to bother about her, but I did miss her and wanted to go and bring her back but then eventually I held up myself. After a period even I think she gave up hopes. Whenever I spoke, I spoke against her. The whole town came to know about us as it was a small town . I became adamant and more egoistic. Her efforts did not matter instead I filled up my heart with lot of negativity against her.
My mother gave me options of remarriage and said you being a doctor boy any one will marry you despite your age. But this was one thing I would never do I knew that. Marriage was a one time thing for me, this was one thing that I knew I would not change about me. it was only sonali, if not she then noone. Good thoughts did pass by but I crumpled them deep inside my heart, I missed her but I did not show it to anyone.
I was angry but I didn’t want to separate from her also. Days went , months passed , a year went by for me to realize that I was wrong……………………. after around 1 year of this legal fight , one day I was in the clinic with my friend who had flown down from USA married for four years were near me reading news paper after a surgery. It was almost 1 O Clock in night my ward boy was working in vicinity. I read an article of a bridegroom leaving a bride in the mandap because of dowry and another man asking her hand just to save her dads marriage preparation and prevent the bride’s life from spoiling. I just blurted out how can he leave a wedding? That time my ward boy who was much younger to me, newly married and my college friend, both said at once and almost the same thing saheb tumhi pan tech karat aahe( you are also doing the same thing)?. Only difference is that you are doing it in a legal and worse way. Atleast the bridegroom left before marrying. Not after marriage.
I got angry and told them to stay away from my personal matters. On which My ward boy said please let me speak after that you may kick me out but today let me say few words. He said sahib tumchya survatichya divasan pasun me hoto. Tumhi ani baisaheb ya doghanni milun he mottha hospital ubharla aahe. Tumhala kahich athvat nahi ka (sir i have seen you and madam from the start days of your career and the way you both built up this big hospital. don’t you remember) I replied to him ti svatache kautuk karun ghenya saathi. On which he said mhanje phakt kautukache, premache don shabd ayeknya sathi. Kiti soppa hota tyana khush karma. (she did this only to get herself praised. on which he replied that Just to hear few words of praise ,. it took so simple words to make her happy. even you could have done that). Actually he used big Marathi words I will just translate it in English ?
my ward boy said A mans credibility does not lie in breaking a relation but to carry on a relation. Breaking is very easy but the one who keeps a relation is praised . I replied its just 6months that is why you are saying this let some time pass or may be you are just lucky to have a good wife. Ganesh replied In-laws and wife fights are a story of every house hold. I also have same problems at my house but I and my parents both may fight with my wife to no bounds but understand one simple thing that the girl who has come in our house is a stranger and should be made comfortable by acknowledging her presence by appreciating her efforts in what ever she does. If my m0ther fights with my wife I side my wife, if I fight with my wife my father sides her, there is always someone who is there to tell her don’t worry. She nags to me constantly about some or the other thing , my mother, my sister, but if its not me then whom will she nag to. She has come to my house depending on me. if I don’t listen who will. One day I and my father were so fed up of mother and wife fight that we locked them in a room and said till you become friends we wont let you out. Its changed little since then they fight but become friends again. Anyways story cannot be different than this.
My friend also said the same he said see even my wife has differences with my mother who does not even stay with us . But I agree with ganesh “wife is a new person and is doing things for us asking us only our love in return. But instead if we show them that they are not doing anything great definitely things are going to get frustrating for them. Just imagine we work in office , for the work we do expect appraisal. If we don’t get it we wait and even after waiting for it we don’t get then we shout back or lose interest or change the job. Don’t you think Our wives are great that they don’t go for change even if we miss out on appraising them. Ya they may shout back but if they don’t do it which we term nagging to us then whom would they tell. I feel good that she complains to me as I feel she finds me that trustworthy.
I remembered our days and told my friend and ganesh yes that’s true, I remember she used to fight with mum so much but make so many preparations for them when they used to come. Ganesh stopped me and said please tell all this to your parents because they need to understand how good bai sahib is. Sahib time has not gone . Please go and get madam back home. If you leave her you will satisfy your pride and ego but this is going to be only for a while. Later in life the guilt of spoiling someones life will not let you live in peace. wel geleli nahi ata ja ani bai sahebana parat aana … bai sahebana sodun dilla tar ata tumhala ani tumchya aai wadlana samadhaan milel pan uttarayushyaat aapan eka janachya ayushyache vatole kele hey jyaveli janavel tevha manachi shanty shodhun sapadnar nahi.
I said is it very late Ganesh 1 year has passed , I didn’t even correspond with her. I don’t know whether she would even talk to me. he said I met bai sahib when she came to you to make up again you did not speak. But I could see in her eye that she wanted to be with you. You have got so wild on her because you think she has done a wrong thing by going to police , so dosent she deserve to get angry on you as you are not only giving her a bad name for her whole life but also are spoiling rest of her whole life, (Sahib jamana kiti hi shikla kivan pudhe gela tari bayko la sodna.hey paap aahe ase karu naka) However advanced people may but leaving your wife is a sin.
Some where his words pricked me and made me realize that these things took an ugly turn because of me not being firm support to my sonali. If I could have just stopped the fight by asking her to come back or not letting her leave the house. Today she has her parents so she has a home but what if she was alone where would have she gone. and parents are not going to be life long . I had not even bothered about her. She had come to my house with faith in me but i have never done anything to show her that I was there for her, instead I made her leave her own house. I did not understand what to do ? because my parents did not approve of her?. I was also worried that I said so many bad things about her and was so adamant that I wont take her. If I go back what will people say , What will she say .but when I sat back and closed my eyes Sonalis smiling face came in front ?and I could not think negative any more I decided come what may I wanted to leave right away for pune to bring her back. but I realized that she would be coming for court case in nashik the next day.
I was very restless I went to every room in clinic and was reminded of her. I had seen girls whom I rejected or who had rejected me for marriage were happy may be because their husbands valued them. For a moment I thought they must be thinking good they did not marry me. I always wanted to show the girls who rejected me that they are the losers but I was doing the exact opposite. I did not get sleep and morning I rushed to the court. She was walking with dad and mom towards me?. I mean the court room. She crossed me but didn’t look at me. I thought I lost her. I thought when I ask her she would refuse to come back after so much of agony I made her go through. I felt miserable I went up to her and asked her will you please come back home with me?. you should have seen Sonalis face she looked stunned. I think this is the last thing she expected. She broke in to tears as usual started crying ?but today even I cried with her?…my inlaws also hugged me and were so overwhelmed [of course whose father wont like that his daughters life getting back to normal with her husband] . That is one moment I will cherish life long.
I can say this today as I have a daughter. Sonali tells me that our gudiya should get a husband like me who loves her and cares the same way?. But I hope not because I wont want my gudiyas husband to leave her even for a second and make her go through what I made my wife Sonali go through. “On this Sonali replies that going away is always forgotten when your love returns back. Yes being there is some thing so important be it any aspect of life. , as a husband being there for your wife specially wen she need you the most. Sonali is sweet how did I ever think of leaving her?. Reuniting with my wife sonali was the best moment of my life. We both then went in front of the judge and told him that we dont want to separate ?the judge was so happy that he awarded us with 11 rupees as shagun for new shuruvat. I have still kept it safe.
When I came home back with Sonali?. mum was stunned and told me why have you brought Sonalie back. This time I was firm and said she is my wife and she will stay with me. mum said have you forgotten what all she did, all the insult. Our 28 yrs of love is more or her 2 yrs of love is more for you.
I replied and made my mother understand Your love was and is the only thing for me mum, that is why I never ever listened to Sonalis feelings, I scolded her even though most of the times she was justified and was right. I kept her away for 1 year only for you . She tried to please you by some or the other things but you didn’t budge. She made all her efforts. But you people were hard to please. it was natural for her to get angry because of frustration that none of her efforts mattered. She used to work in hospital, she was there when I was nobody and things were not going right . She was always their to lend a supporting hand?.and in return she just asked us not to criticize her , like her. Nor did I and even you couldn’t give it to her. She used to walk down to hospital in the hot sun and not take a rickshaw only to save on some money. to build our hospital she had liked a saree which because it was costly she did not buy ?and even I was so engrossed in earning that I agreed so that money is saved that saree wouldnt have costed much but I didnt even buy and did not even appreciate her this act. There was no reason for her to save money this way but she did…for me. but when things went bitter I even went calculative on how much I spent to keep her?. as if she wasnt my wife but just a paying guest from whom I expected each and every thing for letting her stay in my house. She went on doing things for me ?I remember she used to stay hungry if I missed my lunch. But I couldnt even just do a simple thing for her . We used to work in other hospital where work was more and pay was less but still she never complained?. she used to come home tired and still cook?. my colleagues wives used to be house wife still complained of work.
I love her mum and I want to live only with her?. I want a family so i request you to please accept us as we are. If not I will go away with sonali. If you want me it is with her not without her.And about the complaint. I have taken away all her jewelry, even that I denied to give her?.I can never be more selfish.
Pa and mum were shocked and angry not because I was speaking for her but because I did not speak for her in past 2 (our married yrs)+1(period of separation) =3 years even once. They told me why did I not speak about the things she did for you earlier. My mum said how could you even think of leaving a girl like sonali. I feel miserable that my son was ready to ruin a girls life even when she had proved to him that she was his real soulmate who supported him in his bad times. Mum said manasachi parakh kharab divsaat hote. Sonali ne tula kadhi hi vait divsaat sodla nahi ani tu tila sodtana ekdahi vichaar kela nahi. (a person can be gauged in bad times , she was there for you during your bad time but you did not hesitate to leave her.)
I really wished I had told about the good things about sonali to mum and papa long back. We all hugged each other and cried and cried that how we missed her and she missed us and today. Sonali is very haapy as she is more close to mum and papa than me?. They just love her. This is what she always wanted, I wanted and my parents wanted…. their love .
Today after 5 years of our marriage People keep guessing the secret of our family happiness. People come to hospital to not only discuss there health but also family problems as they consider me great man of surviving and reviving my marriage. I some times wonder would anyone have asked my advise if I would have divorced Sonali??? I was worried before deciding to bring Sonali back about what people will say but I had decided not to bother as I want to live my life guilt free with Sonali whose life was more important for me now. But things were different because people started respecting and praising me more and started saying see what a great man that though he had marriage problems he still stood by his wife and didn’t let her life spoil.
My parents always felt so proud when they boasted about us and specially sonali and people praised us to them that inlaws shouldbe like my parents. If some people they or their children faced marriage problems People started coming for advice to my parents or me and Sonali. We have become doctors (professionally) + counselors (socially)…I some times feel what if I would have divorced her?..i think then the gossiping about me and my wife wouldnt have any ends ?they would have been life long All the gossips halted once we were back together .
One more lesson I learnt that when we do some thing bad or different? it is controversial and people like to chew on bad things till we die. But for good things people cant gossip. People will never say you are such a great person you broke your marriage, ?its always going to be you are a good person you saved your marriage!!! I will never forget my wardboy s Ganeshs words Its very simple to break a relation or walk out but I understood that credibility of marriage lies in maintaining and improving a relation .
I often tease Sonali now a days you dont complain about my mom?..she gave the sweetest reply , she says laughing yes I do complain but about you to mum.. I have learnt that its just two words of kindness helps revive anything that seems impossible. It is very easy to walk away in any relation but to stand and mend and mould it in such a way that we feel proud of it is really euphoria. Today at the age of 30 I don’t feel guilty when I look back except sometimes that I shouldn’t have left sonali at any point in my life but feel contended because I am back with my sonali could conceive a beautiful daughter Gudiya.
