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Sandeep Das (NA)     03 December 2014

Want to save my marriage

Dear All,

My wife left my home on June 2014 to visit her parents house. After a week suddenly she called me and said that her parents want to speak with me something very IMP. When i forced her to tell me the reason before i visit her home. She just told me that she don't to come back at my own home and don't want to stay with my parents. When i visit and spoke with her parents i comes to know that she is not happy with my parents behavior as they asked her again and again that what she learn from her mom or dad as she don't know cooking, or why my dad complain her dad means my father in law that she should wear good cloths and always be neat and clean in every way as always someone is coming to visit our house etc. Even she complain that my parents who took my girl baby care from 5 day of her birth don't love her. Till today I didn't understand in which ground she is saying this. She also added that she don't have any issues with me or my behavior as I love her a lot and always fulfill all her dream or requirements and that also more then what she asked me. She always want to stay with me but near to her parents home and that also in same lane or street. More add on that she also said that I will be having my complete daily foods at my in laws home only and for that I need to pay them back. All this conversation I have recorded in my cell phone. At the same conversation I said that I cant do this as my parents are very old and i cant leave them without any reason. My father in law promised me that she will make my wife understand and will sent her back in next few months but also told me to make my parents understand the problem. I agree on the same. 

After that suddenly one day my wife asked me to bring her and my baby all gold and silver jewelry which we got either from her side or from my side as she want to keep all this things with her. She even called my dad who visited to Gujarat at that time for one of my relatives funeral. The first week i was had an accident for which didn't able to take all the items but promised her that next week will surely give her everything but my mother in law and also my wife started fighting with me and also said so many bad words which i can not use in this forum. When i got angry at that time my father in law stopped my mother in law and my wife. As i promised her in the next week i handover her all the ornaments and also recorded that conversation that he received it. At the same time i also tried to record that on last week the way she and her mom talked with me was not at all correct. 

After that when ever she wants, she ask me Money either for her or for by baby care. If i ever tell her that this week i m unable to visit her as have some other work or not feeling well as working in a night shift since from last 3 yrs, she starts fighting with me or stop talking with me. The moment i hand over the money she is again happy. 

On 17th August 2014 myself, my parents and few of relatives visited there house as it was my baby birthday. At that day i comes to know that without my knowledge her father sent my wife to work from since from July. Office timing starts from 9:30 AM to 7:00 PM. Till today i don't know what type of work she is doing, in which company she is working or with whom she is working. On that same day my father in law was complaining my parents that her daughter switched off her mobile phone because I am calling her every time. Now over here my question is that i cant not call my own wife when ever i need her in anyway? 

On last conversation with my father in law on 23rd of Nov 2014 he threatening me that if i don't handover my baby birth certificate to them then they will not going to allow me to meet my baby. I have see my baby from far away and also i will be allow to see her also. The reason he want the birth certificate is just because they want to sent my baby to a play group. I m not ready to do that as her age as of today is just 2 yrs and 3 months. She is still unable to say her name. If she have any problem how she will communicate? As per my father in law he will take all the decision related to my baby. My wife or I can not take any decision. When i asked him why is that so? Do he think that she is his own baby? My father doesn't have any answer for that question. I have a complete call recording for this also. 

On last Sunday(30th Nov 2014) I went one of my friend to meet my wife and try to make her understand and to resolve the issue. As my father in law already threaten me about the birth certificate and I also have a self respect I  wait near to my in laws house at the time when my wife go for her office. I tried to talk with her but she was not ready at all and always telling me to visit her home. She even threaten me that she will call the common peoples from road to beat  me. I was sure that I didn't done anything wrong and also she is my wife so i can speak with her any point and at any situation i  directly told him to call police if she think that i m doing something wrong. After asking her again and again that what she want and why she is not coming back, she told me finally that she want divorce as she know that I m already married when i was staying at Gujarat. When i asked her how she comes to know this and what short of proof she have , she denied to tell me. But i know someone from her family or may be my neighbor told all this things to her. Now after 6 months of staying alone now she is saying that I m married and she want a divorce?

Just one more thing I want to add in this as my mother in law also done the same type of fights and all with her in law family and made my father in law to leave his own house and to say as per her thinking and all. And now she is doing the same thing with my family. I have also seen my father and mother in law to visit a person who is famous at there locality for some black magic. I dont believe all this but I m not sure also. 

Now my questions are as follows: 

1. Can I do a harassment, mental torture and threatening case against my in laws.

2. Can i do a case stating that my in laws forcefully or by some brain wash changed my wife mind and spoiled my married life with my baby future .

3. I don't want to give divorce to my wife as I Love her a lot and want to stay with her. Is there any way that i can stop this in legal way?

4. If my wife files a 498 or any other section against me or my parents what I can do rite now to overcome the problem?

5. Can i file a petition for my child custody rite now? 

6. I come to know from few of my friends and relative that all the sections or rules for above issue is in a favor for a girl only and nothing is present currently for a boy or a husband. Is that correct? And if so then now being a father or a husband is that big mistake of our life that we need to listen everything what ever our in laws or wife say or at last we need to suicide. 

 

Request and same time beg you all to help me out. 

Thanks in Advanced.

Sandeep Das



Learning

 7 Replies


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Sandeep Das


Now my questions are as follows: 

1. Can I do a harassment, mental torture and threatening case against my in laws.
No.  But you can file perjury case against wife though, if she files some false criminal cases on you.


2. Can i do a case stating that my in laws forcefully or by some brain wash changed my wife mind and spoiled my married life with my baby future .

No sweetie. You cant do that. But you can imagine that you filed case against inlaws, and also won it and that your inlaws are behind bars.

3. I don't want to give divorce to my wife as I Love her a lot and want to stay with her. Is there any way that i can stop this in legal way?

Legally you can file RCR, ask wife to come back to you, But legally court cannot pick your wife and place her in front of you in your bed.  That nobody can do.  But you may try by filing RCR petition.  All this legal things no use.  You better go to wife, convince her and her parents that how much you love her, ask in a decent way to your in-laws not to interfere in your married life.  Show love, get love back is the only way out of this.  Legally, only divorce is possible.  Ask your wife not to file for divorce, and you to if you have plans in the future to file divorce, dont file it and ask wife also not to file it.  Thats the only way to avoid divorce.

4. If my wife files a 498 or any other section against me or my parents what I can do rite now to overcome the problem?

Go convince wife not to file such criminal cases against you and your parentage.  Get anticipatory bail if you anticipate wife to file dowry case or DV case.  Tell her, once she files such case, marriage is over.

5. Can i file a petition for my child custody rite now? 

Yup.  But as I said, dont go legal, once you go legal, relationship is dead.

6. I come to know from few of my friends and relative that all the sections or rules for above issue is in a favor for a girl only and nothing is present currently for a boy or a husband. Is that correct? And if so then now being a father or a husband is that big mistake of our life that we need to listen everything what ever our in laws or wife say or at last we need to suicide. 

 

Request and same time beg you all to help me out. 
I heard this a million times already.  Yes, true, all laws favour women, and only women, either one has to control wife properly, or listen to wife properly or not get married at all.  Learn something from bachelors.  Now that you are already married, there is no way out for you,  Follow what I have told you above.  All will be fine.  Still have ego issues with wife, you will suffer and lose time.  All the best.
Thanks in Advanced.

Sandeep Das

Marriage "Its all about managing the show.".  Bad management = Bad marriage"

Born Fighter (xxx)     03 December 2014

After reading your case, i can suggest don't go legal way rite now. Your wife seems to be a puppet in the hands of your mother in law.  Your wife wants to stay with her parents / close to her parents AND NOT with her in laws, thats the root cause of the problem

If you want to give your marriage a second chance then just pack your bags and stay with your inlaws or take a seperate home closer to your inlaw's place.  Note i find a complete lack of trust from both the sides which is the foundation of marriage. Your journey is going to be a tough one!

Find out where your wife is working, Initiate the topic of staying with her seperately - you will know exactly whats on her mind, then u decide what to do. Its a common thing nowadays that girls start pressurizing or threatening husbands with divorce if he doesnt move out to a seperate accomodation (without his parents).

No matter how much you break your head convincing your wife to return back she will NOT unless you move out and away from your parents (thats my prediction)

You love your wife a lot (you said) but your wife's anticipation is completely opposite, dont get emotional and start being practical !

 

 

SuperHero (Manager)     03 December 2014

As one of the forum members mentioned.

 

There is No Law on Earth where a person can be forced into a relationship. It is the will of each person.

 

If both don't cooperate, mutually trust and respect each other then the marriage will collapase. 

 

Courts and Laws are there for Legal Documents...

 

As Helping Hand mentioned -

 

Marriage "Its all about managing the show.".  Bad management = Bad marriage"

 

Also take care of your Parents. Meaning Take a Home near your in laws so that your Wife will stay with you.

 

Your Parents will be happy and will understand even though you are not at home, You are with your Child and Wife.

 

Manage your life..Keep visiting your Parents once a while.. Hope things will improve...

 

Don't get emotional. Read Natarajan sir's post.

 

Pray to God with Love and Devotion...

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some points to introspect

 

1. When you started recording conversations that means you had anticipated some thing is going wrong.

 

2. As she complained about your Mother and Father, then there is a Problem. Both don't adjust and go..so there might be a problem from a long time bubbling up.

 

3. Earlier and even today Women used to go to there Mother's place during pregnancy because she will be treated with utmost care and affection.

 

4. When your wife started working and she didn't inform you, then there is no Trust and Respect. 

 

5. The moment she saw Money in her hand, it gives lot of Freedom and independence. Your Father in law might also be interested in getting her Salary. 

 

6. Another Problem might be Your Father in Law is a Puppet who didn't manage the show well and left to his wife who is your Mother in Law where she wanted to Manage, You and your baby too...

anilcochin (Proprietor)     03 December 2014

How many months after delivery of the child did your wife leave & go to your in laws place. What there a change in her behavior before delivery & immediately after delivery. Was she a withdrawn person after delivery. Did she leave after 3 months of delivering the baby. Was she friendly with your father, mother & other relatives before delivery? Did her nature towards your relatives change after delivery?

Sandeep Das (NA)     03 December 2014

Hi Anilcochin,

After her delivery she stayed with me and my parents for nearly 1yr and 8 months. Nothing was changed in regards to her behavior as she always love me, my parents as her own parents and also talked with all my relatives like her own. Even today if anyone is asking to my relatives about my wife they are still saying that she is very nice girl and a wife. They are unable to accept that she done this with me and my family. But from the first day of my marriage my in laws are not behaving normally with me and my family. In fact my mother in law was not happy because my wife was sharing everything like all talks that she had with her mother also. I am sure that my in laws and mainly my mother in law is doing all this with my and my family and spoiling everyone life as she done before this also with her own family. 

Biswanath Roy (Advocate)     04 December 2014

You shall have to adopt a policy that can kill the snake without breaking the rod which needs face to face discussion in a meeting and also to take some lawful protective measure in advance so that you and your family members can be safe from sec.498-A IPC, DV Act, and question of maintenance.

1 Like

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     07 December 2014

In the given situation if you really intend to save your marriage, do nothing for the present, do not agitate her decisions nor adopt the habit of cursing your in laws over the past issues or even the present crisis. Be affectionate to her (at least pretend to be one), don't be provoked over silly and sundry issues and act violently  (you don't have to go down sacrificing your respect or dignity), try your best efforts for reconciliation, if nothing works out, don't do anything for next six months, even don't communicate with her through any mode, remain dead silence, let she make wild guesses on your next move due to which in the name of precaution she may tend to make wrong moves after which you can decide about the next course of action.  On the whole, patience is the essential thing to be handled by you for the present.


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