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jimmy   07 July 2015

I am hindu, and want to marry my second cousin?

I am Hindu, and want to marry my second cousin. Any suggestions?

I love a girl and cant live without her and so does she. We have many moments with each other which is impossible us to forget. I want to marry her. But here is a problem- she is my Father’s Father brother's Son daughter. Both of us Maternal and Paternal grandparent are different.  And our parents are against our relation. Her parents are looking groom for her and may fix her marriage with him soon. I do not know what to do. No one is with me to whom I can ask for help or even share my pain. I am in deep depression now. I cant live without her. I cant imagine my life without her.

So I am asking to all of you is there any way to agree them? We are in relation from paternal side not from maternal side. This relation is permitted in many hindus? If you have any link or you know any where in shastra or vedas mentioned that this relation is not prohibited please provide it to me so that she could argue to her parents. please help us please.

 



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 12 Replies

jimmy   07 July 2015

 

Vikas L. Acharya (System Officer - InfoTech)     08 July 2015

Following may be possible solution:

1. Consult with professional pundit and confirm if it is possible in family chain and if possible get it in writing and give it your parents.

2. Being from Boy-side, it's your responsibility to peacfully convince your parents. If your parents dis-agress, please do NOT try to talk with girl parents. This will only make things more difficult.

3. It is important that yours and girls parents agree and only then any further steps to be considered.

4. Going against parents will is NOTE at all adivisable. Especially if you are financially not prepared.

Best of Luck...

Vikas L. Acharya (System Officer - InfoTech)     08 July 2015

Following may be possible solution:

1. Consult with professional pundit and confirm if it is possible in family chain and if possible get it in writing and give it your parents.

2. Being from Boy-side, it's your responsibility to peacfully convince your parents. If your parents dis-agress, please do NOT try to talk with girl parents. This will only make things more difficult.

3. It is important that yours and girls parents agree and only then any further steps to be considered.

4. Going against parents will is NOTE at all adivisable. Especially if you are financially not prepared.

Best of Luck...

jimmy   08 July 2015

Respected Vikas,

Thanks for your valuable solution. FYI, we both are settled properly, she's working as Team Head in Private organization and I am working in private sector as a Assistant Manager, both are earning enough for our future life.

My worries I don't want to hurt any of our family members and they shouldn't hate us for this issue. Is there any possible to prove its legal marriage or not. If any professional pandit say our marriage is possible means it can be take in to consideration as legal note or not.

Most importantly if its not happening in any situation I am planning to prepare my mind to not get married entire life. As a boy after 30 + yrs I have a rights to adopt girl child as my daughter?

 

Vikas L. Acharya (System Officer - InfoTech)     10 July 2015

 

It's human nature and right to have everthing of their own choice. But in real world, not everything we wish is fulfill. Needs can be fulfilled and not greed. Take it positively. Many things are not in our control. And trying to force against nature law would be big trouble for own and also affects other too in some/many ways.

You must see life in much bigger picture. There is notthing wrong in being selfish for basic needs of our family and our future plans. But greed can spoil the life.

The ultimate purpose of life is to "be happy". But the rules and methods of "being happy" are fixed by nature. That is by "giving". In this case, say "let go".... may be we don't see things as we should... but whatever action you take, should be in peaceful manner....

What action have you taken so far? .... can you take support of your close relative (whom you trust or very close to your parents), who can convince your parents and girls parents...  

This may take some time.. try all peaceful methods as possible...

The ultimate purpose of life is "PEACE" for all.... not getting married due to this would be immature thought...

all the best!

 

 

Vikas L. Acharya (System Officer - InfoTech)     10 July 2015

Hope this page give extra emotional balance....

 

https://www.mbaclubindia.com/forum/i-want-to-change-no-more-excuses-8611.asp?utm_source=newsletter&utm_content=forum&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=nl_02_06_2015#.VZ9aN1-qobI

 

 

rajagopal.s (Lawyer.)     10 July 2015

Hi 

Technically, your marriage will not be under prohibited degrees of relationship as per Hindu law.

however as per sastriac laws, in all likelihood both of you might belong to same gotra and she will be your sister(as her grand father and your grand father are blood brothers).

if you still want to marry her against your parent's wishes, you may choose to marry her at Arya samaj or get married at Registrar office.  

 

rajagopal.s (Lawyer.)     10 July 2015

Hi 

Technically, your marriage will not be under prohibited degrees of relationship as per Hindu law.

however as per sastriac laws, in all likelihood both of you might belong to same gotra and she will be your sister(as her grand father and your grand father are blood brothers).

if you still want to marry her against your parent's wishes, you may choose to marry her at Arya samaj or get married at Registrar office.  

 

jimmy   13 July 2015

Thanks Vikas and Rajagopal for your valuable suggestions and support. I cant do anything against her parents or even my parents too.

Bala   15 July 2015

as per hindu Law.. you cant marry her.... really you're breaking the hindu relationships

Farook   15 July 2015

World Religions & Cousin Marriage

Buddhism

Gautama Buddha married his first cousin, Princess Yasodhara. Buddhists have the most relaxed marriage laws of any religious faction. In fact, it may be more appropriate to say they have no marriage laws whatsoever. Buddhists see the institution of marriage, and nearly all matters of the heart, as very private matters, to be decided solely by each individual. Some may find that surprising, as Buddhist monks live a life of celibacy. Yet, even that choice is made by the individuals out of a sense of personal dedication to serve others in spiritual aspects, not out of a prescribed religious duty or requirement. It is simply a lifestyle they have voluntarily chosen, just as vegetarians in some cultures have chosen to not eat meat.

Hinduism

While many may assume that Hinduism, like many other Eastern Religions, allows for cousin marriage, this is only half true. Hindus are divided into two separate and opposing schools of thought regarding cousin marriage. The Dravidian Hindus of South India find marriage between cross-first cousins (the related parents of each cousin being a brother and sister) to be a preferred marital union. (Bittles book). In contrast, the Aryan Hindus of North India strongly oppose consanguineal marriages within seven generations on the male side, and five generations on the female side of the family. (Kapadia 1958) According to the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955, the degrees of prohibited relationships in marriage includes first cousins, as well as marriages between an uncle and niece. This prohibition extends to those who are related by half or full blood, and adoption. Interestingly enough, the law also specifies that those who are illegitimately related, (resulting from non-marital affair) are included in the prohibition. One would routinely assume that since an illegitimate relative still carried the same genetic similarity as a relative born legally into the same family, that this would not need to be specifically addressed. Even so, the law seems to go unenforced among the Dravidian Hindus. A study conducted from 1980 to 1989 in two major South Indian cities reflected that 21.3% of Hindu marriages were consanguineous. (Bittles, Shami and Appaji Rao 1992).

Islam

The Prophet Mohammad married his first cousin, Zaynab bint Jahsh. It should be no suprise that the Quran has no prohibitions against cousin marriage. Surah 4: 22. And marry not women whom your fathers married,- except what is past: It was shameful and odious,- an abominable custom indeed. 23. Prohibited to you (For marriage) are:- Your mothers, daughters, sisters; father's sisters, Mother's sisters; brother's daughters, sister's daughters; foster-mothers (Who gave you suck), foster-sisters; your wives' mothers; your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom ye have gone in,- no prohibition if ye have not gone in;- (Those who have been) wives of your sons proceeding from your loins; and two sisters in wedlock at one and the same time, except for what is past; for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful 24. Also (prohibited are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess: Thus hath Allah ordained (Prohibitions) against you: Except for these, all others are lawful, provided ye seek (them in marriage) with gifts from your property,- desiring chastity, not lust, seeing that ye derive benefit from them, give them their dowers (at least) as prescribed; but if, after a dower is prescribed, agree Mutually (to vary it), there is no blame on you, and Allah is All-knowing, All-wise.

Chitra Tiwari   19 April 2024

I m Hindu and I have been relationship 8 yrs with a boy who is my 6-7 generation cousin and he said he will maary to me and he had a lot of promises to me for stay with me forever and he said he never maary with another girl and he said I m his wife and he made close relation with me as he called he has a right to you h me and he is my husband and he will take a stand against with parents and he told everything and every condition like we may be no contact in future but we will take a stand but he engaged with another girl what I do for myself and how I take a justice and punish him by legal


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