Advice required
ishita
(Querist) 14 December 2013
This query is : Resolved
Hi,
I got married on 26th october 2012. Ours was love marriage (4 years of affair)but within days of marriage things went spiraling down. My husband is too much under the influence of his family as he receives monetary support from them. My in laws are from a small town called Narwana in Haryana and are landowners there. My husband and I took a rented accomodation in Vasant Kunj in Delhi post our marriage and I stayed there with him till 20th august. On 20th a fight broke between my husband and I and he got so abusive that he threw me out of the house and also took away the house keys from me. Though I did not want anyone in the family to know about it so went for some ceremony at my husband's extended family where he did not bother to talk. He called me just two days post the incident and I spoke with him just once and asked him to come over to my house and speak with me in presence of my parents so that we can resolve whatever issue we have alongwith his parents. But post that he vanished. Neither he nor his family contacted us. The entire incident was in the knowledge of my mother in law as she was constantly in touch with my parents and kept on asking them not to tell anyone in her family about it and she will soon come and talk about it but after that even she did not speak. On 28th my husband called my parents over to our rented house on pretext of talking things out in presence of his parents but instead he had his entire family present there where they humiliated my parents and spoke obscene things about me. I stated contacting my husband 30th onwards but he did not take my calls or replied to my messages. I was all through trying to get back to my home and requesting his family though messages to give me the house keys back but none replied. On 20th September I received a text from my husband saying that the lease of the house expired on 30th august so he had to vacate the house which he has done. He not even once told me about it and kept me in dark. He ran away with everything leaving behind this message. I still tried to contact him through phone, email and messages but he did not bother to answer except one email wherein he stated I should reconcile to the fact that we cannot live together.
Finally after running after him for 2 months I lodged a complaint with CWA cell. On 26th october 2013 my complaint was lodged and we had our first mediation on 5th November. We have had 3 sessions till now and everytime he says I will take her back provided she gives me in writing that she will not take a step like this again. In the interim I had sent him an RCR notice before filing the complaint. But few days back he sent a reply to the notice showing me as someone greedy for money and the one who is trying to break the ties. The fact is that I have from day one maintained marriages go through ups and downs and there is nothing more I seek but to get back to him and live a normal married life. This i have stated in all my communication with him since 30th august and still stand by.
The threat of divorce was from my husband's side and so I approached a lawyer and the CWA cell and I seek nothing but to get back to him. He comes from a family of lawyers (extended family with whom he was residing with in Delhi post marriage) and so there are many to give him the wrong legal advice to create more animosity between us. My last session with him was on 13th Dec where he did not turn up but instead left an application saying he was unwell and would be present in the next meeting positively. Also in the notice he sent me he stated that he did not receive any articles at the time of marriage from my parents but in the cell he left a list stating the said articles (household items, jewelry given to him & his family during various ceremonies and clothes etc.)are with him. He has showed himself as someone earning just 12k month where as the lifestyle we led was pretty lavish. He has 2 businesses and maintains a car, has a flat in Jaypee project in Noida and one commercial plot in WTC and we rented accommodation in the posh area of Vasant Kunj.
What can I do now to save my marriage? Is it a crime to report problem in CWA cell when repeated efforts to contact my husband and his family failed and there was no one from his side coming forward to talk? Is it still possible to stop any divorce proceedings from my husband in case he decide to do so? Why did he send stupid reply to the notice now when the case is with CWA cell and in front of police he agrees that the problems were from his side and he is ready to take me back but in the notice demands me to render an apology to him and his family for filing a fabricated complaint with CWA cell?
I need advice on is there a way to go back to my husband as I want nothing but that. No money no nothing.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 14 December 2013
1)dont tender any written apology . your husband has no desire to stay with you .
2) you have stated that your husband owns flat in jaypee and other properties . do you have any evidence in support of your claim ?
3) you have stated that he is businessman and doing well in life . he has declared income of Rs 12 thousand per month only . is he filing any income tax returns?
4)you are entitled for return of your streedhan lying in his possession .
4) claim maintenance . a person earning Rs 12 ,000 a month cannot afford to rent a place in vasant kunj . obviously income declared is false . lifestyle of your husband will come in handy in your case .
5) you can file DV case against him . chances of reapproachment appear remote .
ajay sethi
(Expert) 14 December 2013
you can file RCR if you so desire but you cannot force your husband to stay with you inspite of court orders .
ishita
(Querist) 14 December 2013
Yes he is filing regular income tax returns. He has a resturant running gin Shahpur Jat in partnership with 2 other people and runs a franchisee of Share Khan in the same area. He stated in the notice that the support was from from his family. I have a job and earn 42k a month. Does it not mean he married me coz it was he who was seeking money from me and not the other way round. All household expenses were being taken care off by me. He paid the house rent, electricity, gas and cable expenses. The maid and cook's salary, purchase of household items and everyday expenses were all being taken care by me on a regular basis.
Is it necessary to file a case? I want to know, can he at this stage file a case against me? What could be his grounds? What can he use against me in case he uses cruelty against me as a ground where as the cruelty done by him in terms of throwing me out and vacating the house without my knowledge; the demands of his mother for clothes and other things for the entire family including the extended one from my parents; the pressure to run the house with my income and also support him; his highly verbally abusive behaviour...i have taken it all and yet ready to overlook for the sake of the happy relation we shared for the past 4 years. I still see them as teething problems that every marriage goes through because of coming from different culture. I come from a highly educated cass of people where as his parents are typical small town jats with just property to boast about.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 14 December 2013
From the facts, it is clear that he is not ready to continue the marriage. You should immediately file complaint under DV Act, and dowry demand. Law is favoring ladies in such circumstances. since you are earning well maintenance may not be paid. However, you must claim the same.
Contact some local lawyer dealing in family laws.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 14 December 2013
you want to save your marriage but your husband should reciprocate the feeling . when both husband and wife are working both should split expenses .
in your case husband was paying house rent , electricity , gas , cable bills . you paid for maids , grocery etc.
your husband did not have much exposure in life . he must be having mentality that he is the master of house and you have to be submissive kind .
since you dont want a divorce try to adjust to save your marriage . you wont get maintenance as you are highly qualified and working .
ajay sethi
(Expert) 14 December 2013
if your husband accepts you it will be on his terms .
ishita
(Querist) 14 December 2013
Yes I am M.A. in English literature and MBA and work as a copywriter with an ad agency; where as he has a degree in History Honours and has done some random film making course.
Agreed the background he comes from accepting submissive women in the family is the norm and anyone woman with a mind and a voice is seen as an alien/threat. A case in point is me. Ours is the first case of love marriage in his family.Hard to believe that a man who posed himself to be modern enough to make me his girlfriend and go around with for 4 years, finds the same independent, modern, well educated girl as a threat to his family's so called value system. Some mentality it is and even sadder is the fact that he calls himself to the be the youth of today. Anyway I guess you are right. Thanks for the advice and I do hope that things do work out between my husband and I.
Just one thing more I want to ask you and that is do I have to send reply to the notice, as a response to my RCR notice, he sent? I have taken it as a thing to laugh over as whatever written in it is baseless and holds no ground. Also since the case is still going on in the CWA cell can he file a divorce case against me?
ajay sethi
(Expert) 14 December 2013
he can file divorce case against you . from facts stated by you it appears your husband want you to accept that he is your master . send rejoinder to reply received from your husband .
the advantage that you have is you have been staying separate with your husband and not part of joint family . you can gradually change his mind set . he must be feeling threataened by fact that you are earning well in life .
ishita
(Querist) 14 December 2013
Will sending a rejoinder at this stage when things are sensitive not flare up things unnecessarily? If i do not reply, would it at any point stand against me?
The reply he sent to the notice said stupid things like my parents got attracted to the fact that his family owns a lot of property and so agreed to the marriage but later when they found out that all that belonged to extended family they started fueling my mind to show disinterest in the marriage (seriuosly we did not even know that a place like narwana ever existed on the map of this earth till he came into my life. And because our's was a love marriage and not an arranged on by my parents why would they bother about how much property they owned? my parents have been to Narwana just twice, one to first the marriage and next time on my reception. They certainly were not going about checking his parent's property in these two short trips they undertook). That my mother interferes in the day to day affairs (she is least interested in such things) and that because his business of share khan was at loss and he had no source of income I decided to run away (why did he marry if he knew that he has such low income and that his business had the risk of crashing? seriously in just 10 months the entire business crashed? in 12 k he is paying the office rent, electricity expenses, internet, phone bills and also salary of an employee to the tune of 15k plus one office boy). Also that he wanted me to have a child but i saw that as a hindrance to my career and independent nature (yeah when husband earns just 12k a month and has no stable source of income, depends on parents and wife's money, he should first think of being able to stand on his feet and provide economic security to his wife first before even thinking of a child). That i am a sucker for his money and interested in getting economic benefits from hi (yeah since he himself says he earns less than I why would i seek economic benefit from him when it looks like he married me because of his interest in my money). It also said that i was not having regular physical relations with me because of my disinterest in the relation owing to the economic status of my husband which again left him frustrated (seriously what has sex got to do with someone's status and how can he prove this fact?).
There are many such silly points where he has tried his best to prove me a cruel person and the one hell bent on breaking my matrimonial ties. The fact is till date I have not even once said I am wanting to break the ties. I am fighting this battle to get my home and life back which has been unceremoniously taken away from me. So what is my fault in it?
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 14 December 2013
Filing rejoinder shall definitely clarify your stand against the so-called stupid things and this shall ultimately benefit you when your falsify the stand taken by your opponent.
ishita
(Querist) 16 December 2013
Will it not be suicidal for my husband to say in CWA cell that he is not ready to take me back? What if he says that he does not want to? What should my reply be? In every meeting we have till now, he keeps saying I will take her back provided she gives in writing she will not do any such thing again. In case he insist on it this time too, is there anything I have to give him back in writing and ask him to give me also in writing that he too will not throw me out in future and will not get verbally abusive etc.?
Since I have maintained in front of my IO and still do that my desire is to go back, will saying no to taking me back prove my husband guilty of everything he has till now declined like he never threw me out and vacated the house and vanished, where as I have submitted all the proofs about the same.
Do men really say not to amicable settlements in CWA? I have no desire to fight divorce case as that is not something at all I am even thinking about at the moment.
ishita
(Querist) 17 December 2013
Will it not be suicidal for my husband to say in CWA cell that he is not ready to take me back? What if he says that he does not want to? What should my reply be? In every meeting we have till now, he keeps saying I will take her back provided she gives in writing she will not do any such thing again. In case he insist on it this time too, is there anything I have to give him back in writing and ask him to give me also in writing that he too will not throw me out in future and will not get verbally abusive etc.?
Since I have maintained in front of my IO and still do that my desire is to go back, will saying no to taking me back prove my husband guilty of everything he has till now declined like he never threw me out and vacated the house and vanished, where as I have submitted all the proofs about the same.
Do men really say not to amicable settlements in CWA? I have no desire to fight divorce case as that is not something at all I am even thinking about at the moment.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 26 December 2013
nothing to add more.
nothing to add more.
nothing to add more.
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nothing to add more.
