Marriage issues
meena
(Querist) 02 February 2012
This query is : Resolved
1. The background is that we are married since the last 14 years , and both of us are working and have 1 son who is 5.5 yrs old. In-laws shifted in with us since 5.5 years and they look after the child in our absence. Overall, ever since in-laws have shifted in with us, in the last 5.5 yrs, they have been poisoning my husband’s mind against me, and we (i.e. me and my husband)ended up just living under the same roof for the child’s sake, but not really on any normal terms since the last 3-4 years.( though many times I have pleaded not to stay together with them, none of them are agreeable to that)
2. Around 4-5 months back, things had reached a peak , by which time:
a. my husband started using abusive language
b. him as well as them always saying it is his house , whenever there is any argument…
c. mental harassment by complaining about me such as saying things like I don’t wear bindi / don’t wake up early…
d. ganging up together i.e. all 3 of them shouting at me at the same time…
e. household matters: direct interaction between husband and in-laws bypassing me many times.
f. He even started asking me to buy my own veggies and get my food alone cooked by maid etc. Cutting off usage of his money, credit card, and sending me the bill etc, asking me to take care of my own expenses.
g. Finally my parents had come over to Mumbai to decide what to do…one friend of mine said her husband had a law background , though not directly practicing, so me & my parents met him and he took the 3 of us to another lawyer he knows…while we were going with him, someone spotted us and told my husband, Now at a later pt in time…I have been taunted by my husband linking me with that husband, which is totally absurd!
3. Somehow , by around October, things improved , we started off trying to stay on, for the child’s sake…but things improved between us, we were becoming gradually like a normal couple. Though in-laws were still causing problems, but I was somehow tolerating that.
4. But now there was again one episode which I feel was mental harassment for me…and I wanted to know what I could do…
a. Of late, because my husband’s office timings are such that my son is just waking up when he has to leave, and also in the evening when he comes in, my son is v sleepy , tired by that time, so the child sometimes tends to tell the father to go away, not to come and hug him etc. but on the weekend he is perfectly fine towards my husband..But my husband is forcing the child to be nice to him even when he is not ready at that moment, sometimes he hits the child, if the child hits him, and trying to emotionally force him to be affectionate to him.
b. Also, he is accusing me that am trying to deliberately cause the child to be closer to me , and less close to him…that am ‘usurping’ his tasks with the child etc., and that I deliberately make him sleep late in morn so that he doesn’t meet him etc, though that is absolutely not the case.
c. One such argument broke out in the above context, and when this issue was becoming too much, I told my husband, we can see a counselor…as we are again starting to argue etc. he was saying counselor is useless, and as useless as that guy ( he referred to the above guy whom he linked me with). So I again felt mentally harassed.
d. Further, when the child told him to go away, when he was v sleepy at dinner time the next day, it again started one fight…and my in-laws also joined in…and all of them ganged up and shouted at me, that am not letting our child be close to my husband, and they also taunted abt this guy, and blamed me that I have ruined the child..made him adamant.., whereas it is they have ruined him in his food habits etc. they were abusive about my parents, and said we were a ‘gutter family’ etc. my mil kept trying to control/dominate my child etc. She already dominates on all other matters in the house.
5. Overall, I want to know what are the options such that I need not live with my in-laws…I think I can manage with my husband, as long as they are not there..because my inlaws are totally causing constant rifts between us and poisoning my husband’s mind against me…
ajay sethi
(Expert) 02 February 2012
these problems can be sorted by visiting marriage counsellor .
you cna suggest to your husband that it would be advisable to stay separte from parents .
it can be merely 5 minutes away from your inlaws place but it is necessary for your peace of mind .
if all efoorts of reconcilation fail you can file for divorce by mutual consent
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 02 February 2012
After reading your long long query, I came to conclusion that there is a lack of mutual trust between you and your husband which is creating this situation. Any person can be won only by way of his behaviour especially in a family and marriage life. You with the help of your child should create such an atmosphere that your husband may not disobey his obligations as a husband and father.
Create trust in your husband and a day shall come when whole problems shall disappear as if those were never existed.
There is no legal solution to your problem as you have no complaint against your husband and do not want to live without him.
B.B.R.Goud.
(Expert) 02 February 2012
u need to create trust and love&affection by which he himself will adjust and solve all these problems, with your combined effort. otherwise i f u want to solve on your own, u need to knock the doors of court of law alone.
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 02 February 2012
Sit and talk, if problem is not resolved then consult marriage counsellor.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
meena
(Querist) 03 February 2012
Thanks a lot for all your replies and sorry for such a long query. The problem is , my husband refuses to come to a marriage counsellor. So am not sure whether there is any legal recourse to make him come to a marriage counsellor , such as through women's cell's or any other legal way etc.
