How much alimony ?
Kumarsirik
(Querist) 22 March 2013
This query is : Resolved
I am tormented by my wife ever since we got married in 2008. Due to which we are not having any conjugal pleasures.
We were having trouble conceiving and then I underwent tests to find that I had a varicocele. This problem got resolved through medical treatment.In 2010 I have tested to be fertile.
Since we are not having any intercourse regularly due to quarrels we remain childless.
She has ensured that my parents are isolated. She spread rumors about me and my family with my kith and kin. She keeps harassing the maid servants. She keeps hitting me below the belt always on petty matters which I cannot prove. I kept telling her that due to her behavior I am not having any interest in sexual intercourse.
I took her to a counselor and the psychologist says that she is a classic case of Boderline personality disorder who can prove dangerous any moment. My standpoint is that I will be able to be sexually active if she treats me and my family well.
For last 6 months she stopped cooking or taking care of any basic need that I have. I give her 15 thousand every month and also 2500 in sodexo passes for her personal expenses and household expenses which I stopped 2 months after she stopped taking care of cooking and basic housewife responsibilities. She keeps uttering that I have relationship with my sister-in-law (my younger brother's wife).
At one point of time she slapped me, picking up a petty quarrel, while I was in a hurry to catch a flight. I also slapped back in reaction to the what she did. When I reached my destination she called me and informed that she was profusely bleeding from her ear (which seemed unlikely as I did not hit her hard). I called her brother and then requested he reach my home and counsel her. He, being an advocate, seemed to have made some medical evidences of that incidents and requested his sister to file a case of DV and my wife pardoned me by not doing so. All this my wife narrated to me. I was concerned and went to her home to explain that our relationship is strained and she must behave properly.
They questioned me why I had to slap my wife. I told them that she hit me hard on my neck and in a reflux I slapped her. The advocate brother asked me if I have any evidence that she slapped. At that moment I believed that they are scheming to convert these incidents to prove me criminal. Such is the torture meted to me.
Unable to make a balance and harmony at home, missing my parents, I resigned informing my boss that I am indisposed due to several disturbances on personal front. They did not let me go, but, assured me help needed and gave me a 3 month sabbatical from work and I shall return to work when I feel mentally fit.
She says, now, that she wants a legal separation as I am not fulfilling her carnal pleasures or taking care of procreation nor giving her money, I am taking care of household expenses, though.
I asked her what she expects from separation. She says let judiciary decide. This is when I felt that she has enough ammunition to bulldoze my finances and assets.
Now my condition is that I have 4 lakhs in bank account, 2 lakhs worth of land in my name, 2.5 lakhs worth mutual funds and earn close to 1.5 P.M
There are 10 flats in my mother's name inherited from her parents (my maternal grand parents).
There is a property of 4.7 acres in our village which will be inherited by my father, his brother and my brother along with me. Which means my share would be a little around an acre. Fortunately, the land is in dispute and none of us can claim until the dispute is resolved.
I will be all the more interested to let her go and ready to shell reasonable maintenance.
My concern is given the above numbers what is the worst that can befall in terms of the amount of alimony I have to pay her if I go for legal intervention, on mutual consent basis? I am ok if a part of my earning is paid towards maintenance. I am ok to partake half my share of land that I have inherited.
We, as a family, would be shattered if she lays a claim on a share of the 10 flats in my mother's name or demands alimony more than my earnings and assets.
By the way, she is a PHd and she herself earns 35K p.m and has amassed 4 lakhs in her bank balance. She has fair amount of jewelry given my mother as well as her own purchases.
Till date, she never used money from her earnings to meet household expenses.
Another option I have is that without taking legal recourse we can continue to stay as strangers while I visit my parents once in a while. I do not know what would be her game plan. Can any one help me by educating me what position or action I should be taking to mitigate the problem?. The biggest strength she has is that she is a wonderful manipulator.
Even now, I am eager to embrace her with warmth is she stops talking nonsense and destabilizing the family. My parents are around 70 and a benevolent lot and they have hardly stayed with us in the last 5 years due to her ill treatment.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 22 March 2013
This way one can not live his reast of his life. You better should file suit for divorce. Such suit can be filed even if she remains in your home.
The monthly maintenance would be as per your income ranging from from 1/5th - 1/7th of your income.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 22 March 2013
Amicable settlement is the only remedy as the mutual trust between you both is not visible. Try to get the matter solved with the involvement of common relative, friend or any social personality otherwise you have no other remedy but to contest theh cases vigorously and effectively.
Kumarsirik
(Querist) 22 March 2013
Can she claim for a share in my mother's property or demand something beyond my means as one time settlement? I read cases like one had to shell a crore of rupees to get rid of such a troublesome spouse often ending up selling up ancestral properties to pay-up demands of the wife.
I also have another query. She always schemed such that my parents do not stay with us. To her convenience we took up a lavish flat on rental close to offices. My parents stay far off. Suppose, I, now being jobless, insist that we shift back to our parent's place, which is our own property as I do not have earnings to pay rent.? Will that be cruelty against my wife or is it something that rightful on my part in ensuring that the family stays together.
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 22 March 2013
engage good local lawyer.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 22 March 2013
You have already been advised to take the help of a local lawyer in this matter.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 10 August 2013
Kumar,
She always schemed such that my parents do not stay with us.
MEANS SLOWLY SHE WILL SEE YOU ARE LONELY WITHOUT SUPPORT.
So take precaution.
prabhakar singh
(Expert) 10 August 2013
Here you are victim of your wife and on another place your friend is?
i do not know how much it yields querist who prefer to mislead us.
You have no option other than a divorce decree which you can get only on filing a
petition therefor suitably drafted by a lawyer practicing matrimonial causes.
Anymore discussion here now would be of no use to you and in my personal estimate of things would amount to abuse of the liberty you have to use this club of experts for guidance.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 10 August 2013
Can anyone tell me how to find out and then reply such old query?
Guest
(Expert) 10 August 2013
Barman ji,
If you are interested in review of old queries or find ample free time to spend, you can very easily do that.
Quite simple, just go to "Browse By Category" down below on the right hand side of the page, click on the category you like to review the questions and answers for all queries of such category. That will list all the queries of that category. Even at this time of my reply, 9598 questions are shown against the category of "family law" and the oldest question in the category is shown, "Non Official Marriage Registrar," as the 4 year old question.
So, you can select as old query, as you like to answer, from any of the categories.
Kumarsirik
(Querist) 10 August 2013
Dear Prabhakar Sir!
It is all due to the anxiety the family is undergoing. What otherwise could have been a happy family is now totally disintegrated. My job is gone now. I am desperately seeking for support. I apologize for the redundancy and heed by your advice to approach a lawyer. I am really sad that the memorable rituals at the time of marriage will be replaced by the proceedings of the law.
Take my word I refrain from posting more queries.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 10 August 2013
1) your wife is highly educated . you say she is earning Rs 35,000 a month . gather evidence of her income . her bank statement .
2) consult a psychiatrist . you say she has borderline personality disorder . keep those medical reports .
3) your wife may not get any maintenance as she can fend for herself .
4) advisable to consult a local lawyer .
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 10 August 2013
Thanks for the information Dhingraji.
Actually I was curious to know how to do that as I often find my esteemed colleagues here to do that.
I hardly find time thesedays to reply daily queries.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 10 August 2013
Shri Barman ji
Q: Can anyone tell me how to find out and then reply such old query?
Ans: Click on Querist's name
His profile appear on scerrn
click his activities, specially Experts
All Query he asked and replied appear.
Hos old queries reveal his fact, which he tries to manipulate to hide real facts.
If he is genuine in need of help, reply accordingly.
If he repeatedly asked Academic Queries etc, we can say he is student or Time pass
If he asked Queries on behalf of husband, and now changed it in behalf of wife:changing his color, He is double crossing us.
Barmanji, Instead of wasting lots of time, and getting ourself FOOL, it is better to check his history before reply.
Hope it will help you.
Guest
(Expert) 10 August 2013
You are welcome, Barman ji.
In fact, when someone gets some idle time to pass at LCI, but fails to find today's queries to his taste or expertise, he often try to make a search of past queries if he can find to his taste and starts replying such queries. But he fails to see how old the query is and whether his answer would be appropriate or not on that occasion. In fact at that time his main aim is just to pass time. The irony is that when the thread is revived, only in rare case idea comes to our mind to check how old the query is. But the thread once restarted appears on today's posts to attract attention of all of us for reply.
