Rough sex vs rape

Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 03 March 2022 This query is : Resolved
Hello, I wan to ask this question as this has hurt my wife and myself emotionally, I and my wife have a very healthy sexual life, though once, while having consensual sex I was too much included in the act and I might have accidently had rough sex. This was totally a consensual act and i had not tried to force her at all but this was in the act and she started crying that I forced myself on her which made me stop and i was ashamed of myself. We had many sexual encounters post that and I had tried to just complete our sexual act cause I am afraid I would hurt her again, now as with many couples we did have fight over some financial matter and she is threatening to draw up RAPE charges on me. I know it is a heinous crime and this is causing me mental breakdown. I just want help as a case on consensual sex because of my stupidity and adrenaline rush turned out to be a rough sex and with constant threat of her pressing charges is going to ruin my life and family. Kindly Help. Thanks & Regards.

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Isaac Gabriel (Expert) 03 March 2022
How can you expect expert opinion. Better consult expert Doctor.

Dr J C Vashista (Expert) 04 March 2022
Team LCI,
What is your opinion qua present facts vis-a-vis query ?

Raghav Arora (Expert) 04 March 2022
Mr. Vashishth.

The query seems to be genuine, though it might not be very comfortable for everyone to read and discuss, but nevertheless, it is a genuine situation for many married couples.

In the light of the recent proceedings and discussions of the Hon'ble Delhi High Court on Marital Rape, involving legal giants like Adv. Aishwarya Bhati, J Sai Deepak and Adv. Rebecca John, this topic becomes even more important to be discussed and for everyone to be aware of.

In my opinion, as of now, because the same is not a crime and further super hard to prove, even if it was one, the best that the querist can do is to mend relations with his wife in a subtle manner through thoughtful conversations.
Neither retaliate nor give into such threats as they are not aligned with the current law in force due to S. 375 Exception 2 of IPC.

Would love to know your comments and thoughts on the same.

(We appreciate that you connected with us for the same and complied with our request to be lenient and considerate with the querists)

Good Day :)

Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 04 March 2022
Hello Dr. Vashisht & Mr. Raaghav, a very heartful thanks for understanding my situation. Though I posted this anonymously but I hold no fear if people do get to know me. I have posted another query under the subject - Mental Cruelty. Hope I can get some insight into that too.
Dear esteemed members as for my own research (I am not a law graduate but I am very fascinated by it) just wanted to know if I can get any respite if my wife chooses to file a charge on me, i have read that in court if it's proved that the act was consensual by her actually being in her senses, so I would elaborate a bit. As is the case my wife (GF back then) had tried running away 5 days before our marriage, and as would any guy do I persuaded her, yes I have a proof regarding what all she said, and now she also threatens that she will draw up charges against me for forcefully marrying her, while she was all together staying far from me with her family and friends, to even force her. On consultation from a friend who himself is a lawyer, I had sent out emails as a intimation report to the police (not filed a complaint as I did not wanted it to be a huge issue, rather thought maybe all will be ok, and due to a foolish mistake deleted the mail from my id) does anything in this regards help me saying that I am falsely being charged (if I do get charged for it). I ran away from my own home just to marry her and be with her, which she accepted and I stayed with her where she herself booked my tickets and I was accepted by her to her place. I can surely say yes, I might have really lost control over my sexual actions and may have really hurt my wife and yes, no shame in agreeing that pornography has much to do with that, but I never wanted to hurt her let alone do a heinous crime against my wife.

Can anything be said on this.

P.S. - Team, kindly find the query as aforementioned and help.

Raghav Arora (Expert) 04 March 2022
Dear Querist,

As per your query and my understanding of the situation:

1. Its prudent to keep your identity undisclosed.

2. Marital rape is not a crime as of now in our country so she cannot harm you on the grounds of rough S**, although you should be more responsible.

3. Intimation to the police officers before hand is a good idea. You should send it again to the police, explaining your problem, and keep the same in record. But, be prudent of much you have to say and in what words. Engage a good lawyer before you do anything in writing. Also, if you are talking to your wife, be careful of what you say or write. You might get recorded. Although the communication is privileged, presentation of it in Court affects the proclivity of the judge and in turn affects the decision.

4. If the wife has been living away separately and you don't think she is going to come back, and it has been more than a year, you may apply for separation as well. On the other hand, you may go for restitution of conjugal rights too. (S. 9 and 10 of HMA). However, you will be liable to pay maintenance. Check: 125 CrPC, 24 and 25 of HMA and 18 of HAMA.

5. If the situation is bad and you think she might move a complaint against you, you may go for an anticipatory bail under 438 CrPC.

6. Please see that you are guided by a knowledgeable advocate in this matter. Any mistake or lag might attract a cost too heavy for you to afford. Better spend on a good lawyer than lose it to a bad one.

7. Try mending it with your wife. Court is not a fun place to visit, specially in matters like one you are entangled in.

Regards
Adv. Raghav Arora

Querist : Anonymous (Querist) 04 March 2022
Mr. Raghav, This has been the most insightful reply I have received till now. Thanks a lot. I hope these points would help me (If in case). As suggested, I am trying the first suggestion that is apt, MENDING OUR RELATIONSHIP. Thanks a lot sir, I hope if you could go the the aforementioned query - Mental Cruelty, and help in that part of the whole scenario too.