Wife deserted me. now they looking for separation . we befooled by a notice that they want to resolv
AJIT
(Querist) 26 November 2013
This query is : Resolved
Hi Sir,
My wife left without notifying after a fight (which was been provoked very subtly) and is at her parents place.
My parents tried to talk over and resolve matters as things were not right between us
in the first place due to small misunderstandings. they are not at all showing any flexibility.
They sent a notice later which was as follows after 2.5 months of separation on 498a, 125b and others that will be applicable, and
5 lakhs each for mental / physical torture and again the same amount on doubting character plus 25K per month compensation.
And also they mentioned that she is ready to establish conjugal relations back in our marital life.
However, after meeting the lawyer in person, we are told to talk to the party directly and vice versa (shuttling)
Most of the allegations are false , ups and downs were there in life but, they have also written that if we fail to go with
the above, dowry, DV, 498a all will be applicable to me and family.
good time were there. But things used to be hidden from me, mis-communication etc.
We both used to talk about getting separated due to the problems and misunderstandings but I got used to get impulsive but never wanted her to leave.
I always felt emotionally insecure and wanted to be around her. but she ignored and by and by physical and psychologically we were drifting apart. Maternal influences on the relation affected lately the most.
All reports of how things are would be talked were outside the 4 walls while she was with me.
She meant it always seriously some times threatening me to leave home or do something to herself as she wants to see me happy at all costs etc she would say when she knew that I want to see happiness with her.For which I had behaved harshly and she left without informing me nor my parents until next day we came to know while we went through trauma of trying to find her, calling her etc..
Parents of hers sounded very casual and blamed me of my behavior and did not even care to inform she is on their way, basically it sounded pre-planned.
I am in B'lore. Kindly advice which path should be taken as my parents went there personally but they never even talked properly, forget even meeting up.
498a, DV, RCR, 125, notices, compensation .. I am not sure on how to respond to these. My parents were never here. no dowry was asked, yes there were misunderstandings which seemed never ending and quarrels, harsh words, but separation is beyond
Man is the one who suffers if he marries ..
he got to take care of 70+ yr old parents who have been with him life long and then go through all of this with the thought that wife always would be there for a lifetime. I don't know where to collect proofs, what all to be done. She was working at a school.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 26 November 2013
Instead of collecting the proof, you need to resolve the issues with mutual understanding, better to personally talk to your wife or take help of some elders so that mutual understanding may be got developed otherwise a long litigation shall start which is not beneficial for you.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 27 November 2013
First take bail. Once it is done half the battle is won. Since in criminal case the prosecution/wife will have to prove the allegations, take rest as she could hardly prove it.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 27 November 2013
I agree with the advice of expert Shri Rajkumar Makkad. Primafacie your query reveals both of you show concern for each other and the present situation is due to some misunderstandings. It may be true that parents from both sides contributed for this situation. As your wife is having still concern about you, involve common friends. Send feelers to her directly with a message that you are for a reconciliation. Also give hint you do not like the involvement of her parents at this stage. They can interfere only if they feel that their daughter is not safe in your hands. At the same time make it clear that you will control the interference of your parents (if any) but at the same time you have your duty towards them. Wait for some time and look for her response. If there are any faults on your part, there is no wrong to admit before her to buy peace with an assurance that such things will not happen hereafter.
Do not come to conclusion that man suffers if he marries...
It is the part of life. Perform your duty towards everybody - your parents, your wife and children - Time will solve the problems. If you adhere to the "Dharma" boldly it will protect you.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 27 November 2013
Well advised by the experts, nothing more to add.
AJIT
(Querist) 27 November 2013
Thanks for the responses gentlemen.
Her parents are say what if i harm her life ?
- There were times when harsh behavior has happened on my side and lot of things havce been said, which are now at a point where she has propogated the things said in anger that I have doubted her character etc
- I have always tried to resolve things but have always been in mental stress for past 2.5 yrs and now all the more. I am not sure how she would be as she is at parents place and I feel she is psychologically stronger than me.
Due to lack of understandings and concern & stubbornness,
I have always tried to get her to a point to open up express and develop the understanding but to no avail. She is sensitive but seems selfish all at the same time. hard to explain. Some times childish some times rudely silent, sometimes talkative and subtly insultive and secretive at the same time.
Earlier, she used to tell she cannot live without me, the last few days she would ask me if I can stay without her..
She said, if I leave her then she is deserted and her life is messed, so she preferred to deserted me sounds like.
I am also told that she is not at all ready to come back. She obeys her parents at any cost, not considering the relation here.
Similar situation arose 5 months ago when her father came to pick her up saying its 2 yrs of marriage so, they wanted her to be at their native for some time.
The stay extended due to her brother not able to drop er back home (from 20 days to 45 days)
Then ignorance and from my side anger expressed over phone caused things to go beyond us and parents of hers, were not ready to send her back. Some how I managed to get her back that time.
My Parents from my side have tried all possible way to convince no go. Mediators are not helping enough. They are washing their hands away. I have been asked by parents not to call them when this happened and I am not able to gather guts to call them directly (her father/her) as all are sounding to have a total negative opinion.
AJIT
(Querist) 27 November 2013
My father also added that he will take guarantee on my behalf. I am not sure what they got in mind. Her mother once said during problem times once very early stage of marriage to my mother - that if it is not working out, better to part them off.
AJIT
(Querist) 27 November 2013
Also forgot to add, I have apologized profusely to her aunt and her brother over phone including my parents.
for whatever mistakes on my side. but they say - even if she dies she does not want to come back to me. I haven't heard this from her directly though.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 27 November 2013
Involve family memebers. it is more a personal dispute than a legal one.
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 27 November 2013
Best thing is that if nothing work, better be calm and take no decision/steps at this stage. allow thing to take its shape as the time passes on, this will bring forth some solution, i.e., either to live together and continue your married life or to break up.
AJIT
(Querist) 28 November 2013
I met a lawyer here and he has advised I file an RCR...I am almost on the verge of doing so since he said its better to do that before they file DV, 125 and 498a etc.
asked me 25K not sure if its all including his fees etc. sounds trustworthy. Kindly advice.
Also, We don't have any proofs apart from the tickets that my parents traveled by Bus.
My parents went there per the lawyer's notice as stated earlier but they were shuttled. neither the lawyer bothered to get the 2 families have a meet , neither the girls father was much bothered when my father called him. Her father replied -
u worry abt ur son I will look after my daughter, talk to the lawyer etc.
It's like they want to so RETURN BACK the TORTURE/HUMILIATION.
I am not sure as my job is not going well. am planning to go to mumbai and if an RCR to be filed there is a better option ?
My parents are there, I am workin in b'lore past 6 yrs, she is from Gujarat.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 28 November 2013
You can not file RCR from Mumbai.
The fees of advocate seems steep.
Try to fix a meeting. Your case is still in early stage and may resolve the dispute if involve family members not lawyers.
AJIT
(Querist) 28 November 2013
Family members were involved but we are shuttled between the lawyer and them. Each asking to go to the other.
AJIT
(Querist) 28 November 2013
My father in law is not wanting to takk to my father as well saying the girl is not at all interested to go further.
More so .. they asking us to talk to their lawyer who sent the notice but he is saying that he just sent the notice based on their request. Try to see if it can be resolved. Also my father asked if they got any other plans to which the lawyer nodded and went back to the court room as he was busy.we had gone their to solve things but they are torturing us like this.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 29 November 2013
Then you have to be little a ptiencet ans wait for their response. MAY BE THEY ARE thinking you to be more anxious to solve this dispute.
