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nikhil ### (manager)     05 September 2011

Please help me!!!!!!!!

Dear Sir,

       Myself got married 4years back and Now from 2years we both couple had been separated. Now My wife is with her parents . Before separation we lived together in rented house. Our story is that we loved each other and we are also relatives. My parents really didnt liked our marriage but they agreed atlast. My in-laws also agreed and our marriage happenned in grand manner that its as arranged marriage because we are relatives. After marriage we are happy in all issues but difference started because of my aggreesiveness towards my wife. Small problems used to be big that be both never compromise with each other, in that moment if she shouts, I use to beat her. After that moment I realize and apolize my wife because she never mislead me, she say good only but she says everything in shouting manner for that I get frustated. Apart from this she use to complain that my parents are treating in ill manner to her when she went to them. and Once She also shown me their ill treatment towards her, than I told her that my parents dont know anything and to leave small issues. Apart from this my parents are interested in marrying my wife`s brother to my sister But they never discussed with my wife but I know their intension and that too its not my issue, So I felt to them only. In meanwhile my wife`s mother meet with a bypass operation and after that she expired, in this situation my wife left me for 5months .after that he same to me but My problem has became more. We both are easy frustrated fellows. Once I happened to beat her infront of here family members and at same time my parents and sister also making trails for my wife`s brother to marry my sister were my sister started proposing him and he didnt accept , for this my family warned his that my wife will be punishable if he doesnt agree , here main point is that I dont know any thing. But the situation demanded my wife to beleive that my family and myself would harm or harass her further. So she felt me.  As to cover  my families mistake I also warned her to be with me or divorce me, and for some time I showed my superior complex. But it didnt work, because she is very sensitive and in same way very stuff person. So I started to apolizing her but she is saying that he is afraid of me. And she said to apolize her inbetween all relatives. And she also asked me to say all myself and my family ill treatment in infornt all. For this I taken my relatives and family to my wife`s house and requested her to come back by saying apolize but I didnt involve my parents because their respect will vanish infront of relatives. But in privacy I apolized her. But she didnt understood my situation and forced me to say happenned things.

                                 After This due to my forced request, my in-laws and my wife asked me to write a note paper that in future "I and my parents are responsible for her". For this I hurted, I think its not good for me. So I didnt agree. And as per my wife`s words I understood that she is going for legal proceedings, but she is saying that she will come to me with definite protection. Now by seeing her behaviour, I decide to divorce her because if she goes to court and comes to me than I and family should live in fear of her. So I changed my minded and pointed out her that what she is going from this two years of separation, if she had idea to go to police than she should proceed at the last moment when I beat. So I think to doubt her character.

My Questions:

1. All trails are over, so she may keep 498A or DV act on me and my parents. So what steps i can take save myself and my family ?

2.what should I do if she files 498A only?

3.What should I do if she files DV case?

4.She is ready to reconcile , So how she many proceed (police station or court)? what will be easy to her?

5.For above questions, I dont want to reconcile with her and I want divorce, How can I proceed according to her case.

6.According to my relatives, she had some voice recording of me were I accepted my few mistakes. I think, I accepted few mistakes before my wife to convience her a long back. Is this recording are accepted by court as evidences or not?

7. How long this recording may helpful to my wife?

8. Is their any chance for me to hear that recordings to evaluate them. Where she may submit this recording(police station or directly to court).

9. Once she able to prove herself what will be the decision of others, if she wants to reconcile?

10. But at this stage I dont want to reconcile, Then What I must do?

Please suggest me accordingly.



Learning

 4 Replies

Saurabh..V (Law Consultant)     05 September 2011

@Author

 

I must say, you made a couple who is just fit for upcoming Section13(c) in HMA,1955. - Irretrievable Breakdown of Marriage.

 

You temperament does not match the girl's temperament at all and all what happened is because of your immatured behaviour. This is good that you agreed that you have beaten but it might turn very harmful if you accept before court. With such admission you can go to jail. However in your story you did not right about any torture from your parents so they are safe.

 

Now see my answers below::

 

1. All trails are over, so she may keep 498A or DV act on me and my parents. So what steps i can take save myself and my family ?

A1. You shoudl ask her for mediation. Collect evidences which might show that it's a mistake from both of you that you are in such situation. If you admit in court about your mistakes, you going jail..



2.what should I do if she files 498A only?

A2. It'll be easier for you to handle because DV case goes into family court where judges are generally tilted towards females. But 498a is a criminal case where judges are generally neutral.



3.What should I do if she files DV case?

A3. Be ready with a good advocate. Collect evidences with which you can prove you innocense.



4.She is ready to reconcile , So how she many proceed (police station or court)? what will be easy to her?

A5. NEVER go to police. They will provoke her and you against each other. You can go to court's mediation centre. Before you hire a lawyer, think twice before engaging the lawyer. Lawyer is also important and the lawyer may make or break your marriage. It's better you both together apply to a local court and pray for mediation.



 5.For above questions, I dont want to reconcile with her and I want divorce, How can I proceed according to her case.

A5. You can discuss with your wife and elders of both families for "mutual divorce". This is best way out as other ways would not suit any of you.



6.According to my relatives, she had some voice recording of me were I accepted my few mistakes. I think, I accepted few mistakes before my wife to convience her a long back. Is this recording are accepted by court as evidences or not?

A6. Yes. These are acceptable under Evidence Act as electronics evidences. How old are the recordings, it does not matter. If you have doubt that you admited mistakes, its better you reconcile.



7. How long this recording may helpful to my wife?

A7. Forever...



8. Is their any chance for me to hear that recordings to evaluate them. Where she may submit this recording(police station or directly to court).

A8. You will never have any opportunity to validate it. It might not exist at all. It's upto you to take your chances.. If you have a doubt don't let your wife misuse it against you. It's better that you be a good human and reconcile her for mutual divorce.

 

 9. Once she able to prove herself what will be the decision of others, if she wants to reconcile?

A9. Already answered aptly in above questions/answers..



10. But at this stage I dont want to reconcile, Then What I must do?

A10. You have to reconcile or face the consequences. High-headedness and ego always destruct homes in such matters. Be polite with your wife. She has survived all your useless anger and frustation. This is the time you give her love, affection and respect that she deserves...

 

All the best!

 

//peace

/Saurabh..V

upasna (coordinator)     15 September 2011

 

Trainee Victim ( During marriage)
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(After 498a complaint)
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Probationary Victim
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(After FIR is registered )
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Confirmed Victim
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( after trail of 2 years )
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Senior Victim
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Head of Victims( HOV )
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Chief Victim Officer ( CVO)
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(After all cases close )
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Victim Emeritus // Honorary Victim

:)

1 Like

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     16 September 2011

1. All trails are over, so she may keep 498A or DV act on me and my parents. So what steps i can take save myself and my family ?

You mean all efforts of reconciliation are over and you are apprehending these cases. How to safeguard would depend on which city/ State you are in. Keep a good lawyer engaged in your and her city by paying some minimal charges.

 

Cases are fought on merits only. Get ready for either complete fightback or complete surrender.



2.what should I do if she files 498A only?

Take Anticipatory Bail/ Stay on arrest and fight case on merits.



3.What should I do if she files DV case?

Fight on merits.



4.She is ready to reconcile , So how she many proceed (police station or court)? what will be easy to her?

Nothing is easy when you reach court/ police station. It gets complicated there.

Easiest is two people sit across and sort out the diffirences.



5.For above questions, I dont want to reconcile with her and I want divorce, How can I proceed according to her case.

File a case of divorce on merits.



6.According to my relatives, she had some voice recording of me were I accepted my few mistakes. I think, I accepted few mistakes before my wife to convience her a long back. Is this recording are accepted by court as evidences or not?

Yes, they are accepted by courts. So what does these recordings contain, do they scare you?



7. How long this recording may helpful to my wife?

Depends what is recorded.



8. Is their any chance for me to hear that recordings to evaluate them. Where she may submit this recording(police station or directly to court).

She can choose her weapons and when to use them.



9. Once she able to prove herself what will be the decision of others, if she wants to reconcile?

:-) Speculative question, can not be replied.



10. But at this stage I dont want to reconcile, Then What I must do?

Be prepared to fight. Answer is same as given in Point 1

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     16 September 2011

Mr. Nikhil,

After going through your first post, I got a doubt whether it was written by husband facing some matrimonial problems or a harassed wife had written it from the angle of harassing husband to elicit experts' opinion.

Generally (with some exceptions) I do not reply to the querriers of the people who beat their wives or abuse them for any reason whatsoever.  But, I am really impressed with your post and like to respond.

You know your problems.  You are quick tempered and have no control on your actions in certain points of time.  You are also a very rational gentleman, who can analyze your action after the actions happen in a cold logical manner.  But that logic and reforming mood will not stay with you for a long duration and in a short duration of time, you go out of your control again.  These are very simple psychological problems and a little bit counselling and medication will solve all your matrimonial problems.  What you require is to take psychological counselling that how to control anger.  The short temper may be due to some psychological problems or some times due to physical problems, such as malfunction of endocrine glands, which problems can be solved by medication.  I urge upon you that you take your wife into confidence and tell to her you will take appropriate course for anger management.  But till course is completed, do not go for co-habitation and also ask your wife to withhold all her future projects of filing cases - S. 498-A, DV etc.  You also forget about filing divorce case.  once you come out of psychological counselling, you both will enjoy blissful matrimonial life eternally.

Now, I come to your legal questions.

1. All trails are over, so she may keep 498A or DV act on me and my parents. So what steps i can take save myself and my family ?

You request her to hold to file those cases, still you undergo psychological counselling and you may take her along with you for that.  She will certainly accept.

2.what should I do if she files 498A only?

Request her not to file for the time being and she will accept.  If she files police complaint under Section 498-A, reconciliation will be there and at that time you can take AB.  I know, she does not file.

3.What should I do if she files DV case?

Request her as said above and she will not file.

4.She is ready to reconcile , So how she many proceed (police station or court)? what will be easy to her?

Police Station for S. 498-A.  For DV and divorce in court.  In police station,  take a long date and talk to her for psychological counselling and she will agree to give you time to reform.

5.For above questions, I dont want to reconcile with her and I want divorce, How can I proceed according to her case.

Divorce will not solve your problm.  Your problem is your anger and you have to control it with the help of doctors.  If you carry that problem, you cannot live with any one happily.


6.According to my relatives, she had some voice recording of me were I accepted my few mistakes. I think, I accepted few mistakes before my wife to convience her a long back. Is this recording are accepted by court as evidences or not?

Here, I slightly differ with Sh. Shonee Kapoor.  Nothing will happen if you deny that the voice is yours.  Then voice record will be sent for expert's opinion.  Her expert will give the opinion in her favour.  You send it to your expert.  Your expert will give opinion in your favour.  The court will not take that into consideration in such circumstances and decide the case on the basis of other proven facts.

7. How long this recording may helpful to my wife?

Not helpful.

8. Is their any chance for me to hear that recordings to evaluate them. Where she may submit this recording(police station or directly to court).

Police station cannot evaluate.  In the court, certainly you will be given opportunity to here and there you deny your voice.

9. Once she able to prove herself what will be the decision of others, if she wants to reconcile?

reconciliation is 100% possible in your case, if you are ready to go for psychological counselling.

10. But at this stage I dont want to reconcile, Then What I must do?

A wrong person shall avail the opportunity to reform himself.

 

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