Help

Dear Rajeev,

It is not possible.

Respected Sir,

The marriage between the undersigned (Mithun Naskar), son of Gour Chandra Naskar, and my wife (Amrita Pramanik), who is a practicing Advocate and the one and only daughter of Mr. Amar Pramanik, was held on 12^th of Dec. 2009 in a Villa of Behala chowrasta, but Registration was made prior social marriage on 17.11.2009. The above marriage was a arrange marriage through the advertisement of ‘Patra’ (myself) at Anandabazar patrika mentioning the Academic degrees, family background, etc.

Further details regarding my salary at a Private company (which was Rs 3000 that time), plus family income was conveyed in a first sitting held at my spouse’s residence only between two family members. Then in further two sittings some questions were asked as well as some facts were also conveyed by our parents to them which are as follows-

Ø      whether your daughter would be satisfied and be able to manage their expenditure plus her demands within this limited salary, that the side income is not fixed for every month.

Ø      that this year we are under financial scarcity because of my only daughter’s marriage ( March, 2009), and would not be able to arrange Reception in full celebrations.

Ø      that we don’t want any dowry plus any type of household goods because by the mercy of God we are having almost every goods, full of house.

Ø      Whether your daughter knows cooking as well as accustomed with daily household works.

Ø      Moreover, our son had a fracture on leg (Fibula) while playing football, but after operation he is a fully working man today. He is not a smoker and drinker.

In this regard some information and statements was given by them (specially spouse mother) which are-

Ø      Hopefully my daughter would be able to manage the situation because she is also earning and in totality both could smoothly run there personal life.

Ø      Moreover she is accustomed with daily household works and could easily handle cooking.

Ø      She practices under her father and returns back home within 4 pm.

Ø      The most important statement made from their side (father) was that, “we want reception because we have lots of friends & are interested to see your house; to overcome this situation we will be giving you Rs. 30,000, so that You and Amrita can buy the bed & beddings all to your choice & size of room”.

Ø      Also my daughter wants her own ‘Almirah’ and ‘Dressing table’ for her use, hence we will be providing her.

Also my spouse herself had gone through my all certificates and Appointment letter before registration.

Finally, after negotiation only between two family members and not in the presence of any other relatives and party, the proposal was fixed. A ‘Ashirbad Ceremony’ from both sides and ‘Registration ceremony’ was arranged on 17.11.2009 at my spouse residence. My mother gifted a diamond ring in form of blessings and I got a gold ring, a gold Disco chain, a wrist watch and a ‘Punjabi button’ as blessings from there side. In the meantime a cheque of Rs 30,000 (No- 696447) was handed to me on 20.11.09 just before the social marriage. A almirah and Dressing table also entered the house. Form our side also at Reception ceremony, a blue Banarasi sari, a Noa, one gold locket necklace, two gold earrings were presented to my spouse.

After marriage I joined a better Job on 5^th Jan 2010 at IBIZA, Amtala and have been working till date. But problem aroused after two months, when my mother asked her to help in cooking activities like cutting of vegetables, kitchen maintenance works, etc. We found that she has never handled the ‘Bengali bathi’ as well as does not know cooking. As every family has its own tradition, my mother also started to make her understand the tradition of cooking, eating, living, maintaining the house, etc. From there aroused the egotism and a cold war between them. My wife did not obey all that and started to spent every holiday in her parental residence, keeping aside our house works. She started returning home between 7.30 – 8.00 pm during working days. Gradually, she started threatening my parents (senior citizens) that she has the ability to put all family in jail through 498a, if they go against her and interfere whatever she wants. From there my mother stopped interfering her and made limited conversation. She also advised us to cook separately and live on our own desire.

Most of the time I found my wife a short-tempered woman who easily gets irritated, angry and loses her mental balance during arguments. Whenever I used to say, do this and don’t do this, her only threatening was that, “ I will left your house permanently and go to my parents house”. Furthermore, she always used to convey and transfer the daily incidents, very small disputes, etc. to her parents. In return her mother abused me and advised not to take any kind of work from her daughter. She always felt jealous to my only sister (elder), who resides with my parents, as she had to join as Assistant Professor in a College at south Kolkata on May 2010. Her in-laws residence is at Sundarban.

She always provoked me against my parents to take a rental house towards Chowrasta and live separately. She motivated me to convert the ownership of the house to my name, as she suspected that my elder sister can take away the entire property. She also convinced me that her parents would actually look after me, but mine parents don’t love me and could kick out from house in near future. My father, who always remains calm and had a major heart attack on 1992, got serious with severe high pressure and admitted to CMRI.

Then an incident occurred after July 2010, my wife left my hose to stay with her parents, taking all jewellery presented to her and me. Then about 15 days later, my father-in-law brought my wife to my residence requesting to forgive & accept her daughter. He committed that “being the only child, we have never allowed doing any work. Also she is deprived of relationship and love from any of the paternal relatives”. My wife didn’t brought back her jewellery and also did not like the company of in-laws and always tried to remain isolated & conservated.

Again the above incidence was repeated. She stepped out my home after Durga puja (Nov 2010) saying that she is going out to make her career. I requested her saying, “you could also pursue your career while staying with me”. She refused to stay, hence I didn’t compel her much. She carried the entire gifted items from our side including all costly sarees and my ‘Punjabi buttom’ gifted by them. She stayed there for 7 months. Within this period I used to visit 2-3 times a week either at her parental residence or in a restaurant. I also took her to Puri for 7 days this year. I had a continuous telephonic touch with her and requested several times to come back. She started saying “I will be back if you get separate from your parents and reside in ground floor (which was occupied by student tenants)”. In the meantime, my father was admitted to B.M.Birla (Dec. 2010) for Angioplasty (Heart). She even didn’t come for a moment to visit her Father-in-law.

Finally, I took my wife back to home on 8^th of June, 2011 after vacating the ground floor. That night she quarreled and abused badly to get back my ornaments (two gold rings and one gold chain) presented by them at Ashirbad. To stop the dispute I quickly handed over to her. Still she continued her own way of leaving, staying only 3 days with me and 4 days in Chowrasta.

Then a devastating incident took place on Friday evening, 24.06.2011, after she returned back from court. I only suggested her to return home Sunday evening instead of Monday evening. She took these words to a bigger argument. Finally, she said that, “I won’t stay with you any more and could never be happy with you with this little income. Very soon she called upon her parents that night to carry her goods etc. Her parents came and took her daughter back, shouting, abusing & cursing outside the house without meeting my parents.

Truly I conclude that I always tried to flatter her and remained in fear and tension, as because she is a lawyer and can do anything & spoil my life. I have ever slapped her or have ever undergone any mental or physical torture.

Kindly suggest me the protective steps that should be taken to protect my self and my family 

@ Rajeev, parents need not worry

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

@ Mithun, what do you want?

Regards,

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com