Originally posted by : Dr. MPS RAMANI Ph.D.[Tech] |
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How exactly one can be "vigilant" against 498A? Is there any pre-emptive action one can take?
Take: Below are ways one can be vigilant. |
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Following are WARNING SIGHNS of an Abusive Personality and Future 498a
If your wife / her family is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may have a potential 498A mis-user on your hands.
1. Family: Is newly-rich; Likes to show-off (their house / cars / paintings / relatives / connections, etc.); Related to politicians / bureaucrats / lawyers / judges / police officers; Has a history of filing cases against anybody and everybody (search the website of the courts in their State of residence); Beats up its employees; Lives beyond its means; Mother's face cannot be seen beneath the layers of
cosmetics; Father acts like a 'Brown Sahib'; Girl/her sister has been in more than one previous relationship, etc.
2. A push for a quick involvement: Comes on very strong, claiming, "I've / We've never felt loved like this by anyone/or so close to anybody." An Abusive woman / her family pressures the man/his family for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
3. Jealousy: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly: prevents you from going to work because 'you might meet someone;" smells your jacket for perfume residue, checks your shirt collar for lipstick marks and goes through your pant pockets.
4. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to, and where you were; wants her name on all your assets/control all the money.
5. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect man and meet her and her family's every need.
6. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your well wishers of "causing trouble."
7. Blames others for problems and mistakes: The boss/the employee, her ex-boyfriend / ex-husband, it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
8. Makes everyone else responsible for her feelings: The abuser says, "You make me angry instead of, "I am angry' or, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you." Less obvious is the claim "You make me happy."
9. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming that her feelings are hurt whenshe is really mad. She'll rant about the injustice of things that are just part of life.
10. Cruelty to animals and to children: Kills, maims (e.g., tears the wings off a butterfly) or punishes animals brutally (e.g., by kicking them till they bleed). Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (makes an 18 month old stand in a corner or whips a 2-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry.
11. "Playful" use of coercion during s*x: Enjoys initiating and controlling s*x, stimulating herself and teasing; asks about your s*xual fantasies.
12. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes you/your family, orsays blatantly cruel, hurtful things; disgraces, curses, calls you/your family ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
13. Rigid s*x roles: Expects you to serve and obey her / her family.
14. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a trotter of minutes or even more confusing, within seconds. You feel as you are walking on "eggshells" around her.
15. Past behavior: May not actually admit to hitting men in the past (but may write it in her journal / diary and says they made her do it or the situation brought in on).
16. Threats: Makes statements like, "My parents will support me even if I murder someone," or "A woman is always right/the system should always believe the woman" or "I will cut you up the way a fisherman slices fish" and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If she has come this far, it is time to get help and get out!
Abusive and Violent Women in Relationships
- Recognizing the Signs -
Abuse and violence are behaviors chosen by a woman to cause physical, s*xual, or emotional damage and worry or fear. Women who behave this way are often promiscuous, selfish, and narcissistic. Such a woman uses her moods, rage, and impulses to control the people around her and she is not satisfied until they have noticed her. These women choose deceit, fury, and assault to get their own way and then revels in the addicting exhilarating emotional unrest they create. Others, more insidiously, present a personable public image to conceal their true character and behavior.
These women lie, connive, and extort. To insult and humiliate their partner, some argue and use offensive language in the presence of others including their children. Many steal or destroy their partner's possessions. These women are driven by jealousy and view others as rivals. They treat their partners as possessions and strive to isolate them from friends and family.
Many abusive women falsely accuse their partners of infidelity while they have affairs. These women often abuse children or animals. Nearly all exhibit erratic mood changes, feign illnesses or injuries, and most are practiced actresses. They are not sick; they play the triple roles of a terrorist, a tyrant, and a victim.
At some point, she will falsely accuse her husband or partner of a crime. False allegations of child abuse continue to be a common feature in divorce proceedings and the courts ignore the problem. Now, the domestic violence accusation has become the woman's weapon of choice. Apart from the monetary and property gains, domestic violence is so easy to fabricate and these women crave the pleasure that comes from destroying their husband or partner.
Persons who have experienced an abusive relationship often experience fear or shame or bewilderment. They have tried everything and nothing works. These people have found themselves not knowing what will happen next, riding on an emotional roller coaster that they cannot escape. Most are sad, depressed, humiliated, and just plain exhausted. Many have lost everything they had in the world and are worried about their future. However, these women have no limits. Their outrageous behavior escalates to unbelievable levels and so, no one believes the victim. Once your wife or companion has chosen abuse or violence, end the relationship promptly and irrevocably. U.S. and British studies support this view. Domestic battery, theft, and destruction of property are private and civil wrongs. The victim can sue for damages. Get a restraining order now and change the locks, sue in civil court now and, when the assailant is your spouse, file for divorce now.
When faced with the breakup of a relationship, especially a marriage, some women become vindictive, and abusive women become very dangerous. When others (friends, relatives, police, attorneys, and judges) believe her, they join in, and the frustrated husband or partner finds himself a victim of undeserved hatred, defamation, and abuse.
The other dangers are that some women kill their partner, or the partner's new companion, or the children, or the relatives, or stage unsuccessful suicides. Sometimes, women fake or inflict injuries on themselves, or use an accomplice, a relative or new lover, to frame her husband or partner. The most common behaviors are pressing false criminal charges, stealing or destroying property, snatching children, and engaging in bad faith litigation.
In divorce, husbands must treat their abusive wives with steeled resolve and the courts must understand this. These women cannot see and reason beyond themselves, so negotiation is impossible. Mediation is pointless. Unfortunately, the legal process regarding divorce requires negotiation and mediation providing yet another way for these women to abuse their husbands. Husbands must not accept telephone calls, conversation, visitations, reconciliation, or appeasements from these abusive wives for this only bolsters their belief that they remain in control of their husbands. The court must realize that these women have no limits and derive pleasure from destroying their husbands. Only unswerving firmness of purpose shows these women that their power has ended.