I am 37 years and married for past 8 years and I work in the IT industry in Bangalore. I dont have smoking or drinking habits. I have 2 kids and my wife is post graduate. I come from a middle class family in Kerala and my father was working in a central govt company and mother is a house wife.My father and mother struggled a lot to give me good education.After I found a job and worked for 2 years, they found a girl for me who was 5 years younger than me and I also saw the girl and agreed for the marriage. I got engaged with her and spend 6 months talking on the phone regularly and finally got married.First night itself I realized that my wife did not like me and was forced to marry me, which she never disclosed during our engagement tenure. She was also brought up in a family where her Father was treated like a God by every one and every one obeys what he says.She said the decision to marry me was taken without proper consensus with her. Later in our life she had openly admitted that from the first look itself she did not like me and she saw a hunger for s*x in my eyes.If she had thought like that and if she did not like me then not sure why she agreed for this marriage. I saw that she did not wear the dress I gave during the first night instead she was wearing an old dress which was stinking badly.Though I tried for s*x at first night she denied saying that once her education is done only we can do it.Later she had told me that she never had any intention to work and the education was only for the heck of it.I am a person who give heart and soul for any thing I do. I started off my married life with lots of hope and gave my heart and soul to her, but every day I was shocked with the kind of response I got. She did not like my parents and always kept on making mock remarks about them. All I wanted from my wife was that she love me sincerely just like the way I loved her, I never ever asked any thing about the dowry, I didnt even know how much dowry they gave because as per my wife the jewellery was kept in a locker in which only she and her father has access to. I didnt have any issues with this. My mother is a blunt and does not know what and where to speak and she fumbles many times. And I have always made my wife understand this fact and requested to accept this fact and forgive her thinking that she is an elderly person. My wife always think that her family is great and others are all inferior to them.She kept on finding fault with every thing I and my family members do and complained for small small things. If some one from my family including me says some thing, she took 10 different meanings to it which I can't even imagine or dream about, and started accusing me later. I started getting panicked before speaking with any one even on the phone and became hesitant to open my mouth in her presence. She kept harassing me for even having telephonic conversations with my relatives by taking wrong meanings for what I say. She kept on comparing me with her father and blamed for even small small things and said I am good for nothing, I am not a man, I dont know how to look after family, I dont have back bone etc etc.All these were just because she kept on comparing me with her father and was never ready to accept me as what I am. I am not a perfect man and I used to admit my mistakes if they are genuine and I dont intentionally do mistakes to hurt some one. I am not that kind of person. She never bothered to understand me because she already had that mindset framed that I am a useless guy. I started loosing confidence on myself. I kept on trying for s*x every time and she always blocked me with her hips and her v**gina used to contract and I was never able to enter her. Since she never allowed me a lip to lip kiss, I always had done lots of foreplay by doing oral s*x to her and tried my best to give her pleasure. She never ever gave it in return even though I longed very much for it, I never forced her to do it because she said she dont like doing it. Some how, after lots of attempts, once I used oil, because she never gets lubricated at all, and managed to enter her and that was when she got pregnant. It was so shameful to say here, I used to do masturbation myself so many times since she never showed any interest in s*x at all. I used to cry cursing my ill fate.Life went on like this, every day and night was a night mare for me, though I spoke many times to her she never tried to understand and said that life is not only s*x and asked me to focus and give priority to other things in life. She also gave examples of her father's brothers wife still keeping their 18 year old kids between them on the same bed wile sleeping. I kept on saying s*x is also one of the important ingredient of life. I was totally confused with this and was not sure whether these kind of behaviour was normal in married life. Finally I gave up all my hopes and I decided to tell my misery to my parents. Because they were responsible for this arranged marriage and I thought they are elders and will be able to give me some guidance. I dont think I made a mistake here, my father asked me to divorce her but mother persuaded me to give her more time and continue with the relation because we already have a child.Her advices gave me hopes and I also decided to continue. But this incident triggered lots of anger in my wife and according to her I breached the trust boundary that she had in me by disclosing the personal things between us to my parents.This became like a black mark in the relationship between us. Even though she kept quite for some days, subsequenty, she pulled this topic in every conversation that we had and we ended up in quarrels most of the days. Life moved on, I lived a life full of frustration, depression and it affected my health as well. I got affected with many deadly diseases coz since I became mentally weak, viruses and bacterias easily invaded me, spent lots of money on medicines and treatments. I also got affected with peripheral neuropathy which affected only my limbs luckily, no s*xual dysfunction so far.She started working as a teacher in a school which she later said was due to the push from me. I wanted her to work some where so that her mind will get diverted and she will not keep on thinking bad things while I am in the office during day times. In the new year of 2006 , we spoke to each other and reached at a mutual understanding to love each other and not to fight and took it as a resolution. We had s*x 2 or 3 times post that and that was the only time I had satisfaction to some extent in all these years after our marriage.That was when she got pregnant again and we got our second kid. Later she openly told me that she never liked to go for work and according to her getting pregnant was the only way to escape from this. My father had expired and my mother became alone in my native place. I wanted to bring her to bangalore but my wife always warned me not to do it. But inspite of those warnings I decided to bring her for some time. After that my mother had to go through lots of sufferings and my wife used to treat her like a servant. My mother said she wanted to go back to native and never wanted to return back. I was totally frustrated with all these incidents and decided to report this to her Father. Next time when I went to native I called her father to my house in native place and explained all of these incidents. This incident made things worse and she turned out as a psycho. She took an oath that she will destroy me and my mother. She abuses me every single day verbally. More over these days she is torturing my kids too much. My elder kid is suffering too much due to this. my kid gets beaten like anything for small small things and my wife scream and shots her like crazy and finally she will connect all her actions and tell her that I am the reason for this. Every single day she abuses my mother. She also gets wild and crazy and has beaten me many times and calls me abnormal, acccuses me of ego problem. She curses me and laughs at me saying that I dont deserve the job that I have and honestly I feel that she is very jealous about my job and she wants to see me perish. Every time I have a problem, whether it is illness or accident of loss of money, she express her happiness and says worse is yet to come. I have recorded several of these sessions in my mobile. She curses me every single day and says that me and my mother will unnaturally die with worms eating us - In malayalam "Puzuthu chavum". Most of the days I woke up hearing her shout on my kid and I am so scared of it. Its been almost 2 years since then, things has become worse now. Most of the time we attempt for s*x, she will ask me to stop even before I am half way through and she complains of pain. And she would ask me to use hand which frustrates me a lot. I had told her that if she has pain we should consult a doctor. She totally denies that she has some physical problem, and says that it is due to mental blockage. We dont sleep together because she dont like me sleep near her.We discussed many times and are unable to reach at a consensus. She says that it is still too early for a mutual consent divorce. I am really worried that my kids are growing and they will also turn bad if they are brought up in this kind of surroundings. I spend most of the time in office, but these days I am not able to concentrate much on my work. I am not sure what to do. Should I contest for divorce? What are the possibilites that I can get a divorce. I think getting divorce and staying seperate is good for my kids and for all coz things has gone completely out of control.
