- 11 years of marriage and 2 sons of age 3 and 8 years.
- Wife is a Comp Sc engineer but was of homely kind and did 1 year of college lecturership job, 3 month of trainee job in my company on my recommendation to the managers.
- She has been emotionally, verbally and physically abusive
- She refused to return from Europe when I had to return to take care of my parents one of whom was dying and the other is old.
- Finally she returned from Europe after much convincing - I got my children admitted to the local schools and helped her get a job in a nearby school as she wished.
- An argument arose on 2 occasions with her parents within 1.5 months of coming back.
In the second argument they took her and my sons away after a lot of shouting in our place. My mother who was ailing died soon after.
While my mother was in coma they filed a case in the family court asking for maintenance for my wife and children in adjoining state after showing a rented address there. They also filed police complaint soon after in a PS where her parents actually stay.
Arguments over frivilous and trivial issues have been blown out and wife is falsely accusing me and my father of dowry demand, physical and mental harrasment and violence in her DV complaint asking for maintenance from family court.
We filed RCR in the same adjoining state (where they filed DV maintenance) in the district court after showing my residence there.
First hearing in RCR case both sides lawyers agreed to go into mediation. For the DV case in family court we just filed vakalatnama on first date. But even in the absence of our reply the MM judge ordered me to pay for the admission fees in the interim order.
Police have now said that because it is already in mediation in adjacent state court, we will "return" the application.
So my question is because 498a has not been filed against me yet, but the police complaint was done that would have led to 498a.
It is only due to the children that I am interested in reconciliation. However I am very afraid that next time she will file actual 498a which for some reasons did not happen this time because the police delayed it because of sickness of my mother.
Charges against me are totally false and baseless. Their parents want to take revenge for what they think was their insult and wife is equally wanting to punish me for trivial things such as not buying a dishwasher in Europe etc and doing what her parents are telling her.
I have phone records of last several months in which it is clear that she is the one who has been abusive. She acknowledges it herself in them. Her parents also are instigating her in many tapes to go against me and my parents.
Because of the 2 children I am deeply attached to and due to the "lust" and habit of being with her for last 11 years (some kind of love) I am 50-50. I have tried for last 1 year for really improving our relationship. But when she threatened to put us in jail I started taking defensive measures as well at the same time put 50% of my work time in improving this relationship. This has still resulted in the police complaint and DV maintenance case.
She is abusive and manipulative in all ways such as denying s*x, calling me names, slapping me.
- I have 2 out of 6 properties in joint name thought she did not put her money while buying them.
Question:
Should I reconcile? (with always having a fear of an actual 498a in the future). - My lawyer is looking to settle it with reconciliation (we decided on a lumpsum fees to them) or asking me if I want divorce.
- If I remain rigid on my conditions during mediation then it will probably go the 498a way and I will spend about 4-5 years in fighting it.
Should I start treating her as a true 498a wife or be flexible as it is still in maintenace case stage and police complaint stage??????
