Tortured by husband

@ Querist,

A very sad and distressful moments you have gone through for the sake of keeping you marriage intact. Even after passing of 6 years, having a lovely 4 years of daughter you have not left with any option other than revolt..........A revolt against your own husband. I don't know why your husband has done this to you, may be some more facts and circumstances would be there as you can't write here due to some more reasons.

Anyhow, in my point of view a marriage get success or not it depends on the very first year of the marriage where every thing is fresh........like a fresh mind to know each other,a fresh love to bind each other,a fresh dream to make it reality.

But any of above goes in vein due any sort of reason,then your marriage is in real turmoil or it may succeed or not it totally depends on both of you again.

So,Thats the reason why our Indian Marriage law has fixed a minimum time bound of 1 year of marriage before filling a divorce pettition in the court.

Hence,your fault lies within you or i could say any person who only gives chances to the marriage till they not succumb in their own suffering.So,here intial years only you would have gone for the decision,why you have waited so long?

A husband who is not taking care of his wife,he is a drunkyard,he is a abuser and beater then for what sake the wife is carrying the tag of husband........for the just sake of society or for satisfying her self that she is married.

Ghossshhh,it's enough yarr,why the hell somebody need somebody even when somebody is not giving happiness to him/her?

Now you have realized that your husband is not a husband---------he should be fired now from the company called "marriage"

Tortured apart !

TWO THINGS GENERATES HERE:

1. IF YOU WANT REAL FREEDOM ALONG WITH YOUR PEACE AND HAPPINESS.

2. YOU WANT TO TEACH YOUR HUSBAND A GOOD LESSON.

Solutions:

 For the former , Get divorce as soon as possible as he also asking divorce. Talk to him to give the maintenanace and alimony as you are having daughter.Even you have to ask the cost of marriage for her from him and he has to give.But no maintenanace to you as you are working.Even you can't hide that fact of your experience and eligibility to earn.

The later option.......if he doesn't agree to give maintenanace to child and her cost of expenses for her marriage then court will make him to pay.

Ask your lawyer to file DV first,then maintenanace cases,and then divorce,all soultions will automaticaly come to you like the court itself see your child and it will grant alimony for you and daughter from your husband,don't worry.

Thanks & regards,

A sufferer........

The sufferer suggestion is too good. Nothing more to say. '

But, first you take steps to  have order of injuction over the property not to sale the property of your husband or inlaws.

Good luc

agree with sufferers advice

Thank you Sufferer...... 

There isnt any point discussing why i couldnt take the step of calling it quits in the beginning neither getting into the disscussion of how i was treated what all happened and what all should have happened. I dont think anyone can sum up there life's experience in few lines or talking for few hours to counsellors or anyone. YES it has been the most mind freaking years of life and they can never come back for me or my child. Nobody can understand the rejection and humiliation that i felt all these years!!! I got too be strong and face it and fight it!

Sometimes its really a curse to be a woman in our country!!! we are raised in a manner to adjust and compromise....if we talk or say we are having issues then told ohhh they r minor and happens with everyone(which is not wrong),when we want to take a step...ohhh gosh then there is the best line said..."EGO HAI...AAJ kal ki ladkiyon mein sehanshakti nai hai...." my question is and will alwyas be who decides the line/limit of tolerance??????

Anyways i did speak to my husband and asked him how he wants to go about it. he ofcourse wants it mutual but he wants all the terms and conditions as per him. i asked him to give me

1. 50 lk  F.D. in the name of the child.

2. one time payment for child's education till she turns 18

3. Right to stay in this house till the time i get settled( around 2 3 years, and later he can sell the house)

4.  Return all of my jewellery( which is with my mother in law since day one)

To all this he has denied. He  1st quit his job and has been telling me that he has no money since he is jobless. IS putting pressure on me to leave the house so that he can sell it and give some money to me. He has said that he will not give 50 lk fd since no child requires so much and its not completly his responsibility to take care of the child either,so he can give 5 lk n 5 i should put and then there would be an f.d. which he would lock it . Also says that he would give monthly maintenance for the child 5000/- per month if and whenever he gets job,and i know he will not. he hasnt so far inspite of me and my family requesting so many times. i cant be hunting for him after every 2 months for helping me with finances for our child. And the best part is suddenly his mom doesnot posses any jewellry of mine and when we were assertive, he said it would be given only if i agree to his terms and part ways.

I am just lost now because 3 lawyers told me that i should do as per my husband, one of my friend has suggested to atleast file for maintenance and get a stay order for the house,since my husband suddenly would get prospective buyers to show the house and pass snide comments.

I feel am just getting cornered again and no harm meant to the lawyers but they havent shown much of interest in my case i dont know if it is because they feel i will not be able to give them fee or is it that my case is so weak!!!!  I would be meeting another lawyer today again so keeping fingers crossed.... 

am really wondering what people talk about laws favouring women....and is there any women who got justice because of these laws?????

Thank you once again for listening!

Originally posted by : life or something like it
	he has never bothered to call or ask about our daughter... but speaks completly different language when u face him with family and relatives. about how much he loves the child .and would do anything for her. now since mar.'13 he is behind me to leave this house so that he can sell it n have some money.  a friend suggested i file for maintenance than divorce, and a lawyer said its better i just file divorce since he is jobless and i will not get anything, and should just sell the house. would really be helpfull if you could suggest something useful so that i atleast have roof over my head before he manages to get me out with my child! hoping for some help! thank you!

1.  Dont leave the house, dont vacate the house.

2.  With such a shameless guy at hand, nothing can be done, even if you file for maintenance, he would be ready to go prison for non-payment of maintenance to you and the kid.

3.  Now that he has almost left you on your own, find a job, earn money.

4.  I would not ask you to go for filing a Domestic violence case etc as you have a kid and fighting a case, though you have been through phyical abuse, it will be a waste of energy and time and moresoever the money as you have to look not only toward your well being, your kids well being and also keep aside some money for litigation expenses.

5. This guy is a good for nothing, you better leave him off by fliing divorce, am sure he wont be interested in attending court, and neither would he approach the court for claiming the kid as it is a girl child.

6.  Get divorce, marry someone else who is more compatible and also would take care of the kid.

Thank you Mr. Prasad and Fighting back.

The house that i live  presently in is on mine and my husbands name. The reason he says that he has to sell the house is that he has no  money to pay the emi"s.

My apparent estranged bankrupt husband has quite a lifestyle even after no job. He could afford a holiday to USA last september whereas i was running around for my daughters admission which he made sure he messed up everywhere by not being presnt and later not reaching on time. He goes around partying at the best of places is barely at home,even after knowing that our child is usually sick and there have been so many episodes when i had to rush her to the hospital at midnight,he being nowhere around. 

When i have questioned him how he manages all this he and his family have said that he has good friends and they finance him and the trip was financed by his sister.

Thanks aton Helping hand!

No i dont want all that jazz of domestic violence either because i have a daughter.

And i guess i really have to part on his terms and conditions. 

Also can he be behind bars for not ready to pay maintenance? If yes then atleast he should be there before he 

produces more kids and leave them off!!!!

and you are absolutely right he doesnt want to have the custody of the child ,,,and even if he woud want i am not ready to part with my one and only strength!

God and his unusual ways.

Originally posted by : life or something like it
	Thanks aton Helping hand! 1. No i dont want all that jazz of domestic violence either because i have a daughter. 2.  And i guess i really have to part on his terms and conditions.  Have made up your mind?  Then dont think anything else.  Just get divorce.  Concentrate on your life and your kid. Two minds???? Also can he be behind bars for not ready to pay maintenance? If yes then atleast he should be there before he  I'll teach you how to make your husband dance, weep in one eye, and not just getting him behind bars.   I know you are hurt, and want to teach hiim a lesson of sorts, but trust me, thats of no use, by the end of it, ie after wanting to teach him a lesson, you yourself would have learnt a lesson or two. So dont want all that. produces more kids and leave them off!!!! Well, that's his prerogative.  You are good.  Be good. He will meet his end. and you are absolutely right he doesnt want to have the custody of the child ,,,and even if he woud want i am not ready to part with my one and only strength!

Your husband is acting smart.  Enjoying himself but left you both to rot.

How I wish I would tell you what to do to teach him a lesson, but I am forced not to tell you.  As when I say there are 100 ways to make him weep, there are 100 ways for him to escape from that, as law work both ways.

While going for MCD, mention each and everything, make sure you do not vacate the house.  Put all your conditions, for MCD, I suggest you split the house two ways, and let you have your share, even if it is under loan, sell it off, and repay such loan, whatever is left, split it 75:25, as there is a kid out of the wedlock. 

Of justice and other things:

And when you are talking about justice, there aint no thing called as justice.  When you get divorce decree in your hands, looking at that would you call it justice?  If you see your husband behind bars, would you call that justice?  The word justice does not apply in family matters that too when relationships are involbed.

Its about life, living together, leading married life together, if one is not compatible that's it, and so it will be.

Justice you can get when your loved one who was mowed down by some SUV and the driver of such SUV gets a punishment of a lifetime in jail, that's justice.

Family matters, no justice, just waste of time roaming to court halls, unecessary lititgation exp, unecessary problems to kids born out of wedlock nothing more than that. 

thinking about your child future the terms and conditions can be accepted in another way means

1. before wasting time first take injunction for stay of selling the house and transfer the house in your daughter name because after divorce you have to take care and without house were you will stay 

2. ask for a one time settlement amount and make it fixed on your child name

3. draft well with the lawyer after making points on a white paper

4. may be he is spending the money but he will escape to give all this 

5. but do not leave that house at any cost because property thus not demiinish at any cost and its value will be increasing day by day

Facing almost the same situation but got the courage to leave that good for nothing element from my life and throw him away in just 2years.want to teach him a lesson for the tortures i faced, already filed cases against him.problem is he isnt appearing in the court as living abroad.

THAnk you once again Helping hand and thanks to Mr K. Mahesh

I am going ahead with my lawyers advise who has asked to me to atleast get the stay order for the house!

and as for asking for one time settlement amount , my husband is not ready at all. He doesnt want to give it for our child 

so lets just not even get for giving something to me.

So really think will have to just give up on this man for everything....

And helping Hand... i liked your explanation of justice!!! and your calm and not provoking attitude so that i dont take stupid steps 

to get all vindictive with my husband. One finds lot of people around who push to take certain steps towards whoever has bothered them, but very 

few are there to actually sit and explain whether somethings are really worth it or not. Also i am not in two minds at all to get rid of this man!

I am all on my own and trying to give the best to my child like any other parent. Due to my daughters medical condition am not able to pick a 

permanent job because then there is no one to take care of her.  all i wanted was that he would give something for my child which would be a great help.

and that is what i want.

Good thing am finally starting somewhere :) keeping my fingers crossed!

Thank You everyone!

Hey Priti ..... sad to know that you faced similar situation!

But glad u got the courage and got rid of him..... 

I wouldnt really know what and how to get him to come to the courts...but trust me 

you'll soon be able to figure it out here in this forum....

But since you have got rid of the disturbing element....then why do u want to bother yourself seeing him again and again!!!

Wherever that moron is ...he is probably having the time of his life(n i really hope thats not the case). 

So why dont you try and make efforts to never face or see or hear about him and move on.... find someone for yourself who is going to value you

and vice versa.....  life is beautiful and if you have the right person to share it with its just amazing!!! so try and focus on yourself than the loser!

Take Care and best wishes to you!

Originally posted by : life or something like it
	THAnk you once again Helping hand and thanks to Mr K. Mahesh And helping Hand... i liked your explanation of justice!!! and your calm and not provoking attitude so that i dont take stupid steps  to get all vindictive with my husband. One finds lot of people around who push to take certain steps towards whoever has bothered them, but very  few are there to actually sit and explain whether somethings are really worth it or not. Also i am not in two minds at all to get rid of this man! I am all on my own and trying to give the best to my child like any other parent. Due to my daughters medical condition am not able to pick a  permanent job because then there is no one to take care of her.  all i wanted was that he would give something for my child which would be a great help. and that is what i want. Good thing am finally starting somewhere :) keeping my fingers crossed!   Thank You everyone!

I pray for you and your kid.  God be there with you both.