Have Children ?? Then, Do NOT Divorce

Please don't use the "It" for human beings. You have used "It" for child. Please kindly edit relace "It" with child or kid.

https://www.deccanchronicle.com/150904/nation-crime/article/bengaluru-techie-found-dead-under-mysterious-circumstances

In this article,  cause is not known for woman's death, yet to be investiated.

As per the news article woman educated from IIT, she won't be that weak to kill herself just for divorce. 

All your post is your imagination and baseless.

Divorce is not sin or crime. Either live happily in married life (OR) live happily with divorce. Unhappy married life is worst life to live. 

Don't propagate your superstitiousness to the 21st century society. Don't push the society to 18th century backwardness.  Try to think with bit of maturity. 

Who will take care of the kids whose parents are killed in the accidents every day. What is your solution for this problem. 

 

 

@ Honest

 

1) The word ' It ' is used in reference to anything tender, including a child and even the human soul. It is a CONTEXTUAL USAGE and not derogatory. This is how English Grammar exists.

 

2) Death under mysterious circumstances, but frothing at the mouth. Please read the article thoroughly. Going by CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE, it seems to be suicide, given the fact that depression too plays a role, in the numerous calls and sms made and sent to her husband in another city and the divorce already having been applied for.

 

But, read my post and I am referring to DIVORCE and UN-NATURAL DEATH and the Impact of these.

 

That is the one of the PRIME PURPOSES.

 

 

3) Woman educated from IIT would not be mentally weak !!!!!!!!!!!

 

This speaks volumes about the quality of your thought process and maturity.

 

It is exactly similar to saying that 

 

A PLATE MADE OF BRITTLE GLASS, WOULD NOT BREAK, SINCE IT IS MADE IN ITALY.

 

I leave it to you to review your own statement in this context.

 

WEAKNESS OF MIND CAN HAPPEN TO ANY MAN OR WOMAN.

 

This is how it exists in Nature. I do not know if you are referring to any place other than Earth.

 

 

4) You say Divorce is not Sin. Try saying that to a christian.

 

You say Divorce is not a crime. Yes, you are right.

 

But your conclusion that it is better to either lead a happy married life or a happy divorced life, would not go down well with the General Public.

 

Try announcing your conclusion, in public and see the reaction.

 

A normal man or woman would definitely lose a HUGE portion of happiness and joy in life, after divorce. They really have an up-hill task in re-building their lives.

 

Your conclusion might work out for some man or woman who has not had a proper upbringing that is in line with a meaningful and fulfilled life with a good cultural standing that emphasizes the sanctity and significance of MARRIED LIFE AND LIFE IN GENERAL.

 

But your conclusion would not work for the common man and common woman to whom life revolves around family and bonding, JUST AS THE PLANETS REVOLVE AROUND THE SUN.

 

 

5) There is PURE WISDOM in my words and no superstition.

 

It is left to people to give it a thought or drop it.

 

6) Eighteenth Century or Twentieth Century or Fiftieth Century, the BASIC TRUTH of LIFE does not change.

 

Sun Emits Heat

 

Water Flows

 

Fire Burns

 

Baby crawls

 

Adults walk

 

Lions Roar

 

Dogs Bark

 

,...etc etc etc etc

 

BASIC TRUTH of LIFE does not change.

 

I AM MATURE ENOUGH SINCE I AM ADVISING TO REMAIN A FAMILY AS A UNIT.

 

YOU really seriously need to check your levels of MATURITY.

 

A PERSON'S MATURITY SHOULD NOT TAKE THE SHAPE OF HIS DESIRES TO SUIT THE CONVENIENCE OF THE SITUATION IN WHICH HE IS PLACED ( DIVORCED OR BLIND OR DEAF,...etc )

 

TRUE MATURITY SHOULD TAKE THE SHAPE OF A FRAME-WORK THAT LEADS HIM/ HER TO NATURALLY PEACEFUL AND BALANCED LIFE.

 

DIVORCE CAUSES IMBALANCE IN LIFE. This is a KNOWN TRUTH.

 

No Normal Divorcee would deny this.

 

Take your views to A MINIMUM OF TWO HUNDRED DIVORCED COUPLES and come back to this forum and post on FAMILY AND DIVORCE WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN TOO.

 

Take your views to A MINIMUM OF FIFTY CHILDREN OF DIVORCED COUPLES and ask them how it feels to see their friends with in their families with both parents. Come back to this forum and post on FAMILY AND DIVORCE WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN TOO.

 

7) Accidents are not the point of discussion here. Children whose parents have died in an accident, accept the fact that their parents died in an accident and struggle to lead a normal life.

 

You should not compare that with children of divorced couples. These children live in hell on earth, since they know that their parents are alive, but SHALL NOT live together AND THAT EACH PARENT HAS GONE ON HIS/ HER OWN TRACK.

 

The SITUATION OF THESE TWO CATEGORIES OF CHILDREN ARE SIMILAR BUT NOT THE SAME.

 

Last but not the least, I conclude by saying

 

" DIVORCE CAUSES IMBALANCE IN LIFE. ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THE PICTURE. "

One correction to your misunderstanding dear OP, I was just referring the kid whose mother was died in that article with the kids whose parents are died in accient. But I did not compare all kids of divorced parents with the kids who lost parents in the accient. I have highest sensitivity to the humanity, I would never think like that. I love to serve in the orphange homes.

I believe "service to the human is service to the God (irrespective of religion, caste, tribe ..).

 

What a maturity.  You said One needs to be a CHRISTIAN to get divorced. 

keep the religion, caste, tribe within one self if at all that helps. 

Re-marriages are happening frequently for both men and women in the 21st century. 

Your blind statement "Don't give divorce if you have kids" is of no use. It has to be case by case basis. There is no harm in getting divorced, if one of the parents could take care of the kids  and ensure other non-working spouse is compensated, instead of living in the hell with  troublesome marriage. 

If you want to advice to the society to avoid the divorce, yes it is good if both the spouses could sit , talk, come to common groupnd, respect each other, have personal space, forgive and forget tha past. live for better future if it works. 

 

Our education system is mainly used for marks, certificates, jobs.

 

Elders like you should educate the unmarried people about the huge responsibility out of marriage, have kids only iff they could take care of the kids until they become at least 18yrs old.  This helps to prevent the marital issues hence divorces. 

 

In simple terms, When we get disease we should take the available treatments (starting with medicine and ending with surgery) and make our life better, life long sufffering is of no use. 

 

In marriage also, try all the options resolving issues mutually, taking elders help, taking councellor help, ......when it exausted all the options , divorce is the last option to come out of the sufferings from troublesome marriage.  Divorce is like surgery, definitely side affetcs, scars would be there but it gives relief from daily pains. 

 

Parents are the first role modals to the parents. Kids would suffer more if the parents in abusive marriage. Also kids will learn abusive married is common and they will follow the same in their life. This is not what we need to pass to our future generations. 

Natrajan sir, best ever thought 

Wish that everybody makes effort to save marriage, that would save many lives

But in majority of cases it is seen, boy n girl both are motivated to break the marriage by filing divorce etc, and ultimately who suffer is boy girl n their kids

Rest all, go on with their lives leaving the boy n girl

But both partners reaalise it after long, when its too late

Hope that everyone alongwith their families wish to save marriage rather than just running after money/dowery

I mean sometimes motivated by their own familys

@ Honest

Please be professional.

It is clear that you have not understood my statement.

Christianity does not validate Divorce. That is, in Christianity,

divorce is not Religiously permitted.

That is what I meant since if you speak about divorce to a christian

it is possible that he/ she might not even give you a glance.

 

 

I repeat

 

" Divorce causes serious imbalance in a person's life and in his/ her family ".

Please kindly don't take personal. I have provided my opinion on the topic. 

I should not have  conflict of opinion if the there was no fiction in the Original post and Title  could have been

 " Divorce causes serious imbalance in a person's life and in his/ her family "

instead of  

"Have Children ?? Then, Do NOT Divorce"

Christian countries have divorce law and people take divorces with out superstition. 

 

Keep your arrogant rules with you saying I  should not speak this that and all. 

 

We could agree to disagree on the topic/opinion, no need to take personal.  

Thank you. 

Originally posted by : deep
	I mean sometimes motivated by their own familys

Yes, it has to be specific case by case basis as one size does not fit all and one medicine does not work for all.

@ honest.

My post is mainly towards the impact of divorce on children who will grow up with imbalance in life.

 

To you certain things might be superstition. That is your opinion.

 

Religious Christianity refuses to give a place to divorce. Strictly speaking.

 

Countries have codified law to accomodate societal situations of which divorce is one.

 

But Religion touches a person's personal aspect. Very personal. His/ Her link with God.

 

So, in that aspect of personal space, christianity and hinduism too, has no concept of divorce.

 

Agree to disagree !!!

 

Agree with whom ???

 

You may plainly dis-agree. I have no objection.

 

Only if i oppose and stretch it too long, the concept of win-win compromise brings in

the concept of agree to dis-agree.

 

Here, I am not opposing.

 

You are free to think and act as you please in matters of divorce.

 

 

 

Problem narrated by Mr. NATARAJAN is ought to be think over before any Divorce for the interest of a healthy society for future generation.

I, somewhat disagree with Natarajan Sir's view.. A kid of a couple who are abusive to each other or I'd rather say non respectful to each other, what the kid would learn? Same abusive nature like his/her parents,cuz we know very well kids like to copy what the parents do and learn the same thing too isn't it? So instead of giving of wrong upbringings, if the couple gets into a mutual decision of walking away from the wedlock its better for the kid.. At least the kid won't be tortured mentally. I'm not getting into the conclusion that divorce is a sin or not but I'd definitely say knowing that certain circumstances would give the kid a wrong upbringings is a sin.

Staying in a marriage or divorcing is all dependent on the couples. There is no point in carrying ON with a relation where both partners are just staying under one roof for the sake of kids........i say this bcos , the question is do these couples who have drifted apart emotionally/physically  really manage to maintain to establish a healthy environment for the kids to grow by tolerating each other in same house ?? the answer is NO.

 

Children living with their parents are also seen to have psychological issues due to the bad /unhealthy environment at home due to the constant fights/struggles between the parents.

 

A kid needs both parents and undivided love of both parents. While a couple should realize they have a responsibility towards the child and try best possible to avoid divorce, but if staying together is impossible then they should seperate/divorce but realize they have been responsible for giving birth to an innocent soul and should do whatever possible (leaving their personal differences aside) to give a decent if not a better future to the child.

 

 

 

@ Born Fighter

 

The fact that we people speak volumes today is mainly due to another fact that almost all of us, grew up in family as a whole, with both parents. So, that strength gives us the strength to speak today.

 

However, try speaking at a personal level to a child with a single parent or a child with one parent permitted visitation rights and you can literally see TEARS OF BLOOD OOZING FROM THEIR HEARTS.

 

You would feel like crying. It is very pathetic.

 

Around a few years ago, I remember a couple who devised a way out, beautifully.

 

The husband stayed in his own house.

 

Just within a short distance of less than 3 Kms, he purchased a 1  BHK flat for his wife.

 

They divorced after the purchase of the flat for the wife. They were determined to do things in a mature way responsibly.

 

The daughter would stay at mother's place some days and at father's place at some days.

 

She had that liberty to live wherever she wanted, at whichever time she wanted.

 

That was a beautiful arrangement. Daughter never missed any parent.

 

That chap married again, but one room belonged to his daughter and one set of the keys to the house remained with her.

 

His wife did not re-marry. She took up some teaching assignment and lived by herself along with her daughter.

 

So, the approach to divorce is more important than the divorce itself.

@ Natarajan

I agree with your latest reply.

But the fact is many women use kids as a tool to extract money in contested divorces. Those couples who want to behave responsibly towards kids after divorce go for MCD. When there is contested divorce i have seen the women (or even husband if he has custody of child )blackmailing the other partner for visitation rights, forget custody.

 

I would say " when there is a Child , couples if unable to reconcile should go for MCD keeping in mind the welfare of the child". Thats the least they can do for an innocent soul.

If a parent cant take proper care of their own child then his/her existence in this world is meaningless.