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Sharren   15 October 2015

Kept away from marital home

Hello, 

I m from Gujarat. I m 24 year old.I got Married on 1st april 2014 after Completion of my Engineering in IT.It was arranged Marriage. currently I work as software tester since november 2014, My husband also works as software developer in other company. My Mother in Law was suffering from Cancer, so we got married in 1 week after angage. she started annoying me from very first day of marriage(giving "tana" and all that like tipical "saasuma"). but due to her cancer I kept quite any tolerate her. after some days of Marriage(10 or 15 days) My Father in law also started annoying me all the day like "saasu ma". I tried to inform My husband but he always avoided it telling me that " they r ur in-laws, every girl passes through this phase, its not new to u also. U should tolarate them as I have only parents." so I kept quite for some months not telling anything to my husband and tolarated evrything. they made me to do all the household works on my own,I have handle all the guests and relatives coming to see health my Mother-in Law  no helping hand and giving "tana" related to my work, sleeping times, My parents, My friends's calls etc. they also started refusing me not to visit parental home, My Parental home and merital home are in different cities, 900km away from each other. My sister in law also came to live with us,  the conflicts risen day by day but still my husband kept sielent.after 4 moths, My Saasu maa died, after 3 months I started job. My sister in law went back to her merital home, then My father in Law started rising new problems. when I go office he started dropping Poision in My husband's ear against me,quarrels started between us. he started bagging my whole salary even he has good salary(45k),but still I started to give mine to stop quarrels, but still he contined mental torture day by day, started to bag my dawry( given by my parents at marriage time). I kept it to my village bank locker as i didn't find these people nice enough. he also started to remind me about FD(Fixed diposits) given me by my Meternal uncle. so then I started raise my voice. More fights started due one or another reasons. I Loose my patience after having tolerate them for 1.5 year. His father  Missbehaved  and treated rudely me during this time .Every time when I tried to tell him anything he just insult me and told to get lost from house saying that its not mine, he owns it. doughter in Law is not given rights to speak anything in thier merital home. u r not a "sanskari bahu" he started  suggesting my husband to hit me and insult me. he said that " Ladies are not allowed to speak anything in my Home, they should only do there houshold duty only, ur tounge should be in ur mouth, Otherwise I will throw u out of my house, Its my house not ur Parents" my husband also favored this. My husband would only come to sleep with me,whereas all his day was spent with his father and office. I was tired of this things and started to complain more and more, then one day he started hitng me, and thritened me.he told " I will kill u if now after u said anything against my father" then His father suggested him in My present :" Call her Parents that come here and take ur doughter back to ur home, We dont need her any long here" after putting call off, My husband Pushed me outside home telling that get Lost from My house, Go anywhere untill ur parants reached here except my home" I left from there and went to my relative's home by having auto, he didn's even came to drop me. the next day, My parents reached to my relatives's home. we went all togather again to my merital home. His father insulted very much to my Parents also, My parents also tried to give them proper answers but they failed. they saied my parants" apni beti ko leke Chalte bano jaldi se, We dont have enough time as we want to go our work Place," I packed up my bags and we had to left from there. My husband didn't even realized his fault and not tried to stop me. now its 1 month completed to me having come back to my parental home, but still he didn't give any call or massage to me for come back. I also have not make any interaction with him. I m confuse about what should I Do. there is not fault of mine, I Only wanted him to stop his father to interfear overlyin our married life.( Like keep the door open when sleep, I was not comfortable with that all days, as a couple we should have privacy,I understand that he is alone after death of my "saasu ma" but he also should understand thing after all m also his son's wife, I also have some desires to spend time with him and some favours by him, he should also be mine.as a wife I also should  have some rights on him. but instead he beleives that he is son first then a husband. He should protect his blooding relations only not marriage. He said that he will always favour his fathre inspite of his faults ).I found My father in law for every thing as my husband do everything according to his suggestions. he treats my husband like small baby, and plays with his emotion ,but My husband not realize this things that his father is responsible to spoil our life.what Should I do? Please any one suggest me. shoud I file any case or Procedures like that against them? Please Please suggest me. I m very worried about my life.



Learning

 6 Replies

Samir N (General Queries) (Business)     15 October 2015

In your long message... you are saying that your parents stay 900 kms from your husband's home. Now, for one month you left your husband's place and went to your parent's place. So, did you quit your job?


Frankly, your problems apppear to be normal wear-and-tear in a marriage. No beating... no violence. So, I suggest that you try to work it out without going to an advocate or seeking legal advice. If you seek legal advice, your advocate will start some case or the other and that will be the end of any hope of getting back with your husband.  If you have decided to get a divorce, then and only then start legal proceedings.  The decision to start divorce proceeding should not be taken lightly.  So, think a LOT, consult your elders and close friends and only then think of what remedies the law can provide.  May be after one month, you husband is missing you? Try to call him and try to patch things up...

Sharren   15 October 2015

but as he hited me like illerate. I dont have any more trust on him now. I think he dont use his own mind, He only believes whatever his father tells him blindly. what about that? 

According to my elders and relative, as I had done lot of to him ( Doing urgent marriage for his mother, Doing lot of "seva" of her and intead being thankfull he just hit me to keep quite) he should not be even considered as human being also. every one suggests me to not go back. he not deserve girl like me. as I always speaked trooth,I suffered this more.

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     15 October 2015

Shareen,

UR problem is only a family affair right now and it is not ripe enough for a legal solution.Though U may not be at fault U may have been put to hardships by UR inlaws and husband.Proper mediation and counselling could solve everything.Breaking a marriage is easier than patching up.Hence its better to have a private meeting with Ur husband and make him realise UR importance in his life.

dhivagar balu (working)     15 October 2015

sharren first u clearly told wat kind of legal advise u want ? if u like  seprate to ur husband?

 you want divorce from your husband ? , this problem  all over world get . when a girl enter in marital life . so think and consult ur parents and relatives.

Born Fighter (xxx)     16 October 2015

Sharren, u must be disturbed at this point of time and its normal that you may think of seperation/divorce. However my suggestion is give a little time and DO NOT Visit a lawyer unless you make up your mind post trying reconciliation.

Call for a meeting with ur husband....Write down what things you expect from ur husband to make the relationship work and also ask him to come prepared with his expectations if reconciliation can happen. Marriage is a give and take and involves adjustment from both the sides.

 

You have a Kid also, think hard....think of solutions to the problem by involving elders/friends who could mediate. Then only think of divorce.

 

All the Best !!!

kunal   16 October 2015

Dear Sharren,

U have written the whole story with some hopes and at the end mentioning Please Please suggest me. I m very worried about my life shows that you are right on your end else you have asked "Ho to Jail them "? 

 

Practically, Your MIL has passed away and same goes with your FIL later. 

Positive signs that your problems are getting rid out of you slowly and gradually. 

Request and advise you not to file any complaint unless its required.  Dont call him , dont message him for atleast a week or so,he will call you back for sure , if not then speak and solve the matter by taking the help of your husband's elders relatives. If not then ive your love, sense of emotional , Hug him, look into his eyes and hold his hand.  You are a women and you can even melt and freeze anything . 

Please solve the matter , and at the end you have to do it . Bless you 


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