Hindu Women As Life Partner
Hinduism regards man
and woman as the two halves of the eternal Being, each constituting a
vibrant, existential part, quite incomplete in itself. In the
Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, Prajapati, the primordial God, divides
himself into two-man and woman, the symbols of cosmic polarity deriving
sustenance from the same source.1 In the cosmic scheme man represents
Purusha (the Person, Spirit) and woman Prakriti (Nature, Primal
Matter), both of whom unite to keep the world going. So goes the Vedic
verse: ‘I am He, you are She; I am song, you are verse; I am heaven,
you are earth. We two shall here together dwell becoming parents of
children.’2
The Matrimonial
Ideal
Marriage is the coalescence of complementary opposites for pleasure,
progeny and self-fulfillment. The cosmic model of the marriage of
Surya, the daughter of the Sun, with the Asvina twins (who defeated the
prime suitor, Soma, in a racing contest) determines the praxis of the
Hindu concept in this respect.3 Being equal halves of
one essence, husband and wife are parents in joy and sorrow and in the
fulfillment of the fourfold aim of life-dharma (ethical perfection),
artha (material advancement), kama (pleasure) and moksha (liberation).
Neither is superior to the other as each has different natural
functions to perform and social obligation to fulfill. Hinduism expects
the partners to shed their individual identities to become one at the
physical, mental and psychical levels before transmuting the material
relationship into a spiritual one. Says the Rig Veda in the context of
‘Surya Vivaha’: Bless now this bride, O bounteous Lord, cheering her
heart with the gift of brave sons. Grant her ten sons; her husband make
the eleventh’ (10.85.45).
Nowhere do the
Vedas say that woman is man’s property, as she came to be
considered in certain periods of history. Nor it is enjoined that her
role shall be subordinated to that of her husband. This is evident from
the sukta of Surya’s bridal in the Rig Veda: Enter your house as the
household’s mistress. May authority in speech ever be yours!’
10.85.26).’Watch over this house as mistress of the home. Unite
yourself wholly with your husband’ (10.85.27). ‘Here dwell ye, be not
parted; enjoy full age, play and rejoice with sons and grandsons in
your own house’ (10.85.42). ‘Act like a queen over your husband’s
father, over your husband’s mother likewise, and his sister. Over all
your husband’s brothers be queen’ (10.85.46).
In the Hindu rite of
marriage, when the bridegroom holds the hand of the bride,
he in a way promises his companionship on equal terms. When he asks her
to tread on the stone, he wants her to be strong like it and not show
weakness of any kind in any situation. ‘Resist the enemies; overcome
those who attack you.’4 Subsequent rites of marriage
like the oblation of parched grain, circumambulation of fire and the
tacking of seven steps by the bride are equally dignifying for the
girl. After the seventh step is taken the bridegroom tells her that
they have come closer to each other. ‘With seven steps we become
friends. Let me not be severed from your friendship. Let not your
friendship be severed from me’.5 Obviously
‘friendship implies equality, not submission.’ Before the departure of
the bride from her parental home, the bridegroom touches her heart and
reiterates the same feelings, adding that the Lord God has brought them
together: ‘I hold your heart in serving fellowship. …You are joined to
me by the Lord of all creatures.’ After reaching her husband’s home,
the bridegroom makes her look at the polar star after sunset and
exhorts her to ‘be firm with me’ ‘bear children’ and stay together ‘a
hundred years’ (1.8.19).
All this shows in an
ideal Hindu marriage the girl is not a commodity but a respectable
human being. Although monogamy is preferred and divorce discouraged, as
the couple is believed to be united for ever in this and the next
world, the smrtikaras and other like Kautilya allow the dissolution of
some forms of marriage such as the brahma, daiva, arsa and prajapati
with the consent of both parties in certain circumstances.
An Equal
Half
The Hindu woman as life partner has a
fourfold character: she is ardhangini, one half of the her
husband, metaphorically speaking; sahadharmini, an associate in the
fulfillment of human and divine goals; sahakarmini, a part to all her
husband’s action and sahayogini, a veritable cooperator in all his
ventures. Husband and wife together are called dampati, joint owners of
the household, sharing work in terms of their biological, psychological
and individual dharma. The former provides the seed (bija) and the
latter the field ( ksetra) for its fructification, so that humans could
be perpetuate in the cosmic process of evolution. Both have the joint
responsibility of helping their children grow in all respects, but the
contribution of the wife is always immense.
As life partner the
Hindu woman has equal right to participate in religious right to
participate in religious rites and ceremonies; in fact, certain
sacrifices like the Sita harvest sacrifice, the Rudrayaga for suitable
sons-in-law or the Rudrabali sacrifice for material prosperity are
performed by women alone. Hindu lawgivers like Gobhila and Asvalayana
ordain that no ritual or sacrifice can be complete (sampurna) without
the presence of the wife. Even Rama had to order for Sita’s statue in
gold to make up for her absence during this asvamedha sacrifice. In the
Ramayana, Rama’s mother Kausalya offers oblations to the fire god Agni
and Tara performs the Svastyayana ritual for the success of her husband
Vali against Sugriva. Women of those days were quite learned
in the Vedic lore. Draupadi was a brahmavadini and Tara an
adept at reciting mystic syllables. Oghavati, Arundhati and Sulabha
possessed a thorough knowledge of the Vedas and imparted religious
knowledge even to rishis. The spiritual attainments of Savitri and
Anusuya have become legendary. In the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad one
meets women of wisdom such as Maitreyi and Gargi. The former abandoned
wealth for wisdom and the latter entered into a debate with sage
Yajnavalkya at the court of King Janaka. Much later, Bharati, the wife
of Mandana Misra, carried forward the tradition by acting as judge in
the philosophic debate between her husband and Shankaracharya. When she
found her husband losing the debate, she emphatically told
Shankaracharya that his victory would be complete only if he could
defeat her, since she constituted her husband’s better half.
The Vedas give a
married woman the right to talk and debate independently. The wife is
the home (jayedastam), says the Rig Veda.7 Besides, she is treasure
house of happiness,8 a point elaborated by Manu in a much more explicit
way: ‘Women must be honored and adorned by their
fathers, brothers, husbands and brothers-in-law who desire (their own)
welfare.’9 Where women are honoured, there the gods are pleased; but
where they are not honoured, no sacred rites yield rewards, (3.56).
‘Offspring, (due performance of) religious rites, faithful service, the
highest conjugal happiness and heavenly bliss for the ancestors and
oneself depend on one’s wife alone’ (9.28).
Manu declares that the
perfect man is one who constitutes a trinity made up of his wife,
himself and their offspring (9.95), The wife being a gift from the Gods
(9.95),she ought to be supported to the end of her life. If Manu points
out of seductive nature of women (2.213-4), he is equally unsure of the
unbridled passion of men. He advises that wise men must not be in the
company of even their own mothers, sisters or daughters in a lonely
place, for they may deviate from the right path (2.215)! Manu
regards woman as a precious unit of the family and of society but
denies them absolute freedom due to their physical vulnerability.
He, however, distinguishes between the noble and virtuous and the
degenerate women, and like other smrtikaras, criticizes those who are
faithless, fickle, sensuous, immodest, quarrelsome and loose. ‘Day and
night women must be kept in dependence upon males and if the attached
themselves to sensual enjoyments they must be kept under one’s control’
(9.2). Manu prescribes capital punishment for killers of women, exempts
pregnant and old women from paying fines and suggests that as mater of
courtesy, they should be given precedence when crossing the road.
Such is the protection
given to the Hindu wife in the Dharmashastras that
she cannot be abandoned by her husband even if she in dulges in s*xual
congress outside marriage or is raped. Both Devala and Yajanavalkya
opine that a raped woman cannot be divorced as she becomes pure after
menstruation. The latter adds that the wife can be abandoned if she
conceives a baby from another person, kills a brahmin or insinuates
against her husband; if she is a habitual drinker, suffers from
prolonged illness, is cunning, treacherous, sterile, exceptionally
extravagant, or uncouth. But even in these cases she should be fed and
clad well and properly looked after.10 An abandoned
woman without an issue or a male protector becomes a social
responsibility, says Manu.11 If anyone grabs her
property during her lifetime, that person deserves to be punished like
a thief (8.29.352).
When Kalidasa wrote that women go the way of their husband as moonlight
follows the moon or lightning the cloud,12 he meant
thereby that they were not different from each other. The Hindu
scripttures lay emphasis on harmony between husband and wife that is so
essential for family peace and prosperity. Harmony requires
understanding, which can only be among equals. In the Rig Veda, the
couple jointly pray: ‘ May all Devas and Apas unite our hearts. May
Matarisva, dhata, Destri all bind us close.’13 The
highest duty of man and wife says Manu, is to be faithful to each
other. While the supreme duty of the husband is to safeguard his wife,
to care for her needs and necessities, and to keep her happy with gift
and presents, the wife is expected to be pious and chaste, sincere and
faithful to her partner, gentle, suave, skilled and sweet- tongued.
The Pativratya
Ideal
The observance of the pativratya dharma by women is not
tantamount to servility and subordination. Marital fidelity is greatly
valued in the Hindu tradition as it leads to family harmony and bestows
occult powers. A woman who sees the Lord in her husband and makes him
her very life cannot deviate from the path of virtue; and virtue is
power itself. There are many examples of Hindu women who as life
partners made great sacrifices, underwent trials and tribulations, and
some times showed their thaumaturgic powers born of chastity (satitva).
Gandhari covered her eyes with a strip of cloth as her
husband Dhritarashtra, the king of Hastinapura, was blind. Madri, one
of Pandu’s wives, burnt herself on the funeral pyre of her husband, a
practice which remained current in some Indian communities and regions
down to the British period, when it was banned in 1829. Sita
accompanied Rama to the forest during the days of his exile, kept her
chastity intact while in the custody of Ravana, the king of Lanka, and
went through the agni pariksa so that her husband could fulfil his raja
dharma. Savitri confronted Yama, the god of death, and saved the life
of her husband. Sati Anusaya turned the Hindu trinity of gods into
children. Littérateurs like Kalidasa and Tulsidas became men
of learning because of their wives. During the Muslim
invasions, many women committed jauhar (the custom of entering a
bonfire when the defeat of their menfolk was certain) in order to
preserve their chastity. The resistance put up by Rani Lakshmi Bai of
Jhansi (widow of Gangadhar Rao) and the Rani of Ramgarh (widow of Raja
Lachman Singh) against the British during the rising of 1857 has few
parallels in history. Countless Hindu women participated along with
their husbands in India’s struggle for independence.
Although the concept of
pati-paramesvara (regarding one’s husband as god) has suffered an
erosion in the wake of women’s empowerment, respect for the husband
continues, as is evident from the observance by Hindu women of such
traditional vows as Vata Savitri, Haritalika and Karka Chaturthi - all
aimed at a long and happy conjugal life.
Nowhere do the accredited Hindu scripttures ordain that
women should be abused, disgraced, chastised without reason or divorced
in ordinary circumstances. Yet expectation from women as life partners
have been many and varied. The best female partner, according to a
popular Sanskrit adage, is one who renders advice like a minister,
obeys like a maidservant, feeds like a mother, pleases like the nymph
Rambha, acts as a veritable companion, and has the forbearance of
Mother Earth.
