Motto:save my marriage

Chankya has said:

He who runs away from a fearful calamity, a foreign invasion, a terrible famine, and the companionship of wicked person is safe.

rocky sir,

                 u r right but should i also run away from my marriage like my wife???then whts the difference between me and her??

@ Author

1. I think you are trying to save your back instead of your marriage having already got a glimpse of 'gender biased laws".


2. You say you love your wife who has not consummated in 40 days the marriage. That is the key to your love, once it is consummated by anyhow I suppose the goal will 'evolve' is it not right, let us face the men’s world truth and why shy away saying about it explicitly instead of reverse calling it 'frustration'!


Tell yourself what makes you love your wife about whom you have said all that you wanted to in your message, is there a single line in your message which says that she loves you and or believes in sanctity of this marriage but bze of xyz she is not expressing it? You tried everything including gifting her and/or her side 6 L to ‘consummate’ the marriage?


Tell yourself you created a aka name <torturedindianhusband@..........> and with this aka you write a brief and claim you love your wife……...I mean how on Indian matrimony paradigm shift that is possible that one side husband wants to save his marriage but simultaneous likes to be called as <torturedindianhusband@..........>???


The panchayat signed document may or may not go against you if she files 498a as private settlement without a Court endorsement is null and void. Anyhow it will be treated as secondary evidence and meanwhile legal damage could be done to you and your grandma's reputation hence it is suggested to file Divorce case based on cruelty of "not consenting for s*x in 40 days of marriage" Courts have granted divorce on this ground and about 498a / 406 if she wants she can file even if there is one side "I love my ........." statement which you can't escape. Better to remove the illusion and get over with abusive wife sooner than later now that 6 L is already gone with the un-consummated marriage. 

@torturedindianhusband - I read your complete story from your point of view as Husband and also assumed your wife of point from your case descripttion:

Root of cause of your issues:

1. S*X
2. Missing to understanding and respect each other
3. Interferrernce - Family member of both yours and your wife & other 

Here are my suggestions to save your family / marriage and get rid of mental tenses to both you and your wife (of course your family members and their family) can be resolved, if you do the following:

1. S*X  - S *X  is not end of life...but Single soul dwelling in "two bodies". Wife & husband are like true friendship is one soul in two bodies, first of all understand the problem of her rather forcing her and spoiling your life and her life....

There may be many reasons that she is avoiding the S*X may be because of fear of it see the website to overcome the fear or other reasons, You may talk to her to understand what could be real reasons for it rather than behaving like an 'animal' for want of it (Sorry, if my words hurts you) and talk to her with "empathy" if needed take her to get medical counselling etc.

2.  You both should understand each other and respect each other.. It will come by mature it... both should have a same voice or agreement rather than telling it to your family or friends about family problems, because women comes to our life leaving everything and however they are rich, educated still feel they insecure and depends up on thier hubby, so we need to respect their feelings and provide them a support they are wanted from us.. 

3. Avoid talking about your "PERSONAL" (YOUR WIFE AND YOU) problem with your family and others. Same applies to her, THEY WILL INTERFERR NOW, WHEN YOU BOTH LIVE TOGETHER HAPPILY THEY WILL SUPPORT (MAY NOT SOME TIMES AND THEY WANT TO TELL THAT YOUR FLASH BACK AND MAY INSULT YOU LATER, WHICH YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING)... .......

I hope you will change if your mindset from "S*X" m/c to TRUE husband.... an Husband means... lot of things... not just 'S*X', please execuse me if my words are harrash, all are with good intention and suggestions to save your marriage.

It's all in your hand... don't spoil your marriage..

Best of luck... Regards,
Rajesh

@torturedindianhusband

very sorry to hear your story...i admire ur love towards her,despite her callousness.

however i feel this situation has not been handled well......instead of telling ur family members abt ur no-s*x-life,u shud have simply visited a s*xologist jointly to know wots wrong...and take necessary therapy if required

maybe she was subjected to s*xual harassment in her childhood and therefore developed aversion to s*x.

there cud be many other reasons why she acted likewise.....which i cant mention in a public forum here...

please dont think i am siding with her....

i am just saying that personal issues b/w husband and wife must be sorted out b/w themselves only....even after taking professional help,if there was no change in her,then u cud have share wid wid ur family.

well if u feel like,u can talk to her in privacy,and ask her to visit a s*xologist or psychologist who deals in such kinds of issues.....and dont share this wid ur or her family

if she agrees to visit....it'll be v.nice 4 u both

dear members,

                                  i really tried to keep this issue personal and also tried out to know the root cause of why this is happening????if i had only married for s*x or s*x is  only important for me then i would not have tried so long to save my marriage....my wife knew that whtevr the problem is..it was in her mind only..i tried a lot but she never disclosed it to me...i even took her to a s*xologist with her consent but the doctor told me that she has a lack of confidence....wht does it means...???i even told her that whtever the issue is i love her but then why she took a big decision????

your s*xologist said she lacks confidence......and u r unable to understand it.rather asking members on LCI wot it means.how can members guess the meaning?

u shud have clealy asked the s*xologist wot it means.i am sure he must have explained u properly.no doctor or s*xologist will send u back home with a one liner "she lacks confidence".

did u take any joint counselling and therapy from him,or came back after hearing the above statement?

we didnt took any counselling but i took her to doctor...then i thought may be its her lack of knowledge rather than lack of confidence...so i tried my best to make her comfortable and take her into the confidence...but she resisted it till the end...plus she had very uncoperative behaviour towards me....on the other side she was creating hatred in her parents heart towards me...i never understood wht she wanted...but i really love her fr4om the bottom of my heart and want to save my marriage...can u pls suggest me wht can i do legally bcs...now her family n she herself r trying to avoid me..they have shifted their residence and not giving me address as im trying to call them n talk to them...wht should i do???

Chankya has said:

He who runs away from  a terrible famine, is safe.

---   his days are gone.

his means Chankya.

pls its an request...pls give me some legal advice to save my marriage...pls

dear torturedindianhusband, have you checked yourself, like your breath, taste in your mouth, etc. which could be causing her not to have s*x with you

dearest zimmerzapper,do u know one thing????lawyersclubindia.com is not santabanta.com.....go and use ur jokes there...it will be a better option...thank you for ur valuabel advice...and ur invaluable response...

Dear Torture,

What Zimmers said is correct,

have you checked your breath, body swell smell, freshness in mouth, take bath before you touch her etc,

as i have a friend he face the same problems in his life and wife left him