Problems of divorced women to be shared here

Mimi mam,

sorry to reply here as u had offered reply from women only but some of the truth u have narrated in ur post is really shocking for me specially Rudeness of maternal family members, frustrated girl has returned, relatives unknown abt div- asking about husband,  hardships in getting job, remarriage problems, ridiculing and backbiting in public....and so on. I have full sympathy with u. I want to give the attention for false cases only becoz its main reason for breaking home. In this- who gets really benefitted from these type of law.wy women files false cases since filing of false cases are the reason for max divorce( pls see 98% caes are false). Do u feel husband side is happy? wy we shud support such legal system which is breaking the house and which is doing unjustice to larger mass of the society?

thank yuo ftounderstand these problems.

one more problem which divorce lady typically face in india is that after her brother get marry,her identity lies with her brother and bhabhi.

many brothers and bhabhis illtreat her as they don't like her to be living in same house.

such divorce lady first faced taunts from her inlaws and husband.now she faces from her own brother abd bhabhi.the same brother who had pledge each year on rakshbandhan that he will protect her now become cold to her.

now her own famly become her enemy..

think of how more tougher life becomes,if she has in additions kids also.they add to her burdens.

i admit that some husband may also be face similar problems after divorce.but i belive life is tougher for a divorce woman.

yes i tell you the truth.

my family attitude chaged after my divorce.

once upon a time,i was their laadli daughter.

now they have all become very rude.they side with other family members who misbehave with me.

therefore i start this thread to tell you all,that do not think women are happy with just maintenance.what will they do with this money if society and family treat them similar to unwanted guest?

The remedy of this issue is become self dependent.

v. good attempt. all the best. i will keep posting some of the true life stories. 

@smile please

it seems to be remedy,ie,self dependence.but is is not the final remedy,my friend.

i was employ earlier on leave vacancy post for 6 months.after the main employee joined back,i had to leave.

during this phase also,my family attitude start becoming bad.now that i am jobles and over 30,it continues be bad.

i know of another divorcee frind,who earn money in job.during start of month,her famly acts sweet and takes monthly contribution from her.after that,they again insult her on some pretext or other.example-if her brother shouts at her over something illogical,and she reply this is not the way to talk to elder sister,her famly shouts at her in front of brother.and ask her to say sorry towards him.likewise,many more example are there.

so she juggle with job presseure,and presseure at home also.

we must come out of myth that working divorce women get respect at home.according me,their life become more difficult.

i guess to be self dependent and above all contribute in every situation be it with parents , bhabs and bhaiyass or  in laws, saas sasur,  hubby, Bf , gf, etc and even grandparents..

.make urself irreplacable by anything..ul see the difference ..

contribution as in physical work chores, doing work, helping all ., earning etc..as well as on mental level, talking good, making a trust worthy relationship wth everyone at home or outside is countable..be a fully functioning human being like anyother..take such issues as part of life and get over it..the baggage u carry with urself may tend to be carried everywhre and even dumped on others unwillingly they have to take it ..but its time to give now as in full to make ur mark and urself worthy .and let them think ur impt to them in every way no matter what happened..its becomes highly irrelevant..

Getting a rented house is very difficult for a divorced woman. First question that she faces is what is your husband doing. If she says I am the one who would pay the advance or rent, still there are suspecions on part of the house owners. Normally they do not want to give house to a divorced woman and she has to struggle a lot for the same. 

What Mimi has said is right. A woman who is going through divorce is shunned by her maternal family in the fear that she would come back to them. They sometimes try to break all relations with her. These are my observations based on some of the friends who have gone through divorce. 

It is a good query by Mimi. 

anonymous,

u r the most compassionate person in this entire thread...and the most matured one also.despite being a male,you are trying to understand the situation from a female's angle also...kudos!

this topic is really interesting...but i wonder why other women facing similar problems are not participating...

 maybe LCI is not frequented much by divorced women.

anyways,about the rented house issue,i dont know of other cities.but in cities like delhi,not every working female can afford to live in a rented house.suppose she has a job of Rs 20,000 monthly.

rents in delhi are v.high. even simple DDA flats are charging 15,000-20,000 monthly.Same as in Ggn and Noida.,so where does she live?

even if she manages to get a little house for say,Rs. 7,000/- monthly,usually it will be in such an area where rowdy type of neighbours will surround her...it will not be situated in a decent locality.this adds to her lack of safety.

if her job is temporary,she'll have to vacate the house once her time in the job is over.or if she is thrown out,she'll be left with no place to live.

without wanting to hurt my divorced brothers here,i will still say that divorced men are never facing any such sarcasms from their families...they are still considered eligible bachelors.they are not forced to leave their houses because their families dont take them as burdens.they continue living in the same house.if they get depressed,atleast their families empathise.but in case of women,v.few get this kind of compassion.

@aishwarya

it not as easy at it sounds..

i have seen in many families,even if the daughter is cooperative or good natured,narrow minded parents with biased attitudes will still not leave any stone unturned to taunt her.if they dont like her presence they will still abuse her despite all adjustments.

can u explain why some gals are killed after birth?are they non-adjusting babies?or is it bias which makes people kill even tiny,innocent babies....

i personally saw once,a separated friend getting slapped hard by her own mum,because she gave her point of view about something,though politely.

this was routine in her house,getting slapped or getting gaalis also,for small matters...all this because she has returned.

Mimi Paul,

I appreciate U. Good job.

Biggest problem of second marriage of divorced woman if they get married they have to do more adjustment to get settle in her marriage life.

If second divorce ( for both husband/wife) all relative/people say he/she don't have good nature now see second marriage is also the same as first.

Thanks Roshni mam,

can u please send this certificate to my 498a wife. I am the biggest criminal in this earth in her view. 

I am really thankful to mimi for tapping such a sensational issue and with so much of heart touching facts that how this sacred relationship of hus-wife is being destroyed in the name of liberty and equallity of women. I will urge freinds that dont suggest everybody to go to police or file complaint or go to court for any matrimonial discord. It will never going to help anybody. I will appreciate many senior experts who always quote this. The real offenders are never punished and  by using these laws many families are broken. 

Be it a girl or a boy……..destroyed matrimony is a blot/a stigma. I cant say, fault is one sided only…………..its from both sides. Hubby & wife shud try their best that their brawls never spill into public/their parents/society. We go to workplace, to relations, to neighbourhood, or else…….we have to adjust with so many ppl……even with a foul mouthed colleague, a bad boss etc…….so why not with life partner? It’s a very less price one has to pay rather than spend a long, lonely, tortuous, humiliated life ahead.

At the same time, small disputes may become huge & very ugly……….if these are not properly+ timely handled. Ego problems go on increasing & bad words start coming……..delicate relation is shattered.  At this point what we need is MARRIAGE COUNCELLING. If timely given+ sincerely taken, this is the right remedy.

Girls take a hasty decision to launch 498a etal. Matrimonial disputes are common & everywhere. CIVIL REMEDIES SHOULD BE SOUGHT RATHER THAN A CRIMINAL ONE. I have seen a lot of cases at CAW cell or at court’s mediation……trouble is not much, damage is still repairable….but seeing 498a from girl……Boys’ side loses faith in girl as they have come face to face with weird allegations she has put upon them…..all due to advocates’ pre-set performa of 498a complaint/wrong advice. Boys side goes throu’ such an ordeal that they become so firm as not to take back this girl. 3-4 years of running around….girl + her family comes to senses, what has happened.…..but now everything has lost…………what is left- is a shattered life ahead………..for both of them………it’s a long life…of repentance!

Why not all oppose these biased laws which have done more harm than benefit to the families over the years! If there is felt need of 498a, at least make it a BAILABLE ONE…..so that it leads to a level playfield to encourage concelling……many marriages can be saved this way.

@rajiv

i request you most humbly not to convert this thread into false 498A cases..there are many threads discussing false 498A issues.u can go there and write your views as  many times as u want.

kindly dont mix up issues in.this thread,as u know,it is discsuuing plight of a divorced woman...so please let this particular topic be the central theme of the thread...dont divert the issues..