Unconsummated marriage - maintenance

If anytime seeking justice as a petitioner has an edge, your case is classic. You should have reached out to court earlier.

You have clearly guessed, maintianance your biggest fight. You approach court with relevant document and appoint a good lawyer to fight case. Though usually if she is educated and sitting idle she is refused maintainance, you fight fight differently. You should approach court and show that she has failed in her fundamental duties as a wife and fight case there on. Court will give her maintainance. You have mitigate the payment and fight year on year.. Be smart ..earn less..

 

DV and 498a will go thorugh its course of time. Don't let her win DV at any cost. Also remember it is upto them to prove the charges. You go to court with all relevant documents and submit your prayer  as inncoent party.

 

File counter case on her...There are enough figheters here..Follow their cases and seek them out..I can think of 498A, Siddarth as some user.

 

File annulement of marriage. You should get.. Or even divorce option is open . Don't go judicial separation as you may end up maintaining her..

This is more of community influence than her own manking. Keep chaneel of commuincation with her. She may turn around.

 

 

The query has been discussed from the prespective of husband and filed by some other querist  with soem other name.

 

You seem to have evidence of everything.

Engage a very able and senior counsel and see it to that your evidences remain irrefutable and are not wasted.

 

 

Originally posted by : Meena
	Married in 2010. Wife suffering from vaginismus, fear, and pain. Marriage remains unconsummated. No other problem . Sought medical help with several doctors and hospitals. Took he for counselling. Considered marriage sacred. So even my parents took her to doctors. Same story. She won't co operate. No other problems arose as me and my parents remained very caring and accommodative. Even though in the same locality  We were staying in a separate house. Took her for several episodes of counselling. Finally early this year sought her parents help and requested them to help her get treated and they took her with them. Instead of concentrating on remedies wife barged into y parents house along with a dozen of her relatives and assaulted me and my aged and sick parents. So went ahead and filed for divorce for unconsummated marriage. She retorts by filing 498a and DV.  No arrests were made and got bail for the four of us.   DV   Maintenance hearing going on.   I want the maintenance petition dismissed as even prima facie there is no violence. My question is why should I pay maintenance under this act when no violence is committed by me or family?   Their charges   He did not consummate the marriage--   I have all her medical reports which clearly screams about her deficits and problems    He did not take me for a honeymoon-- did take her and I have photos and several of them   Did not take me anywhere -- even took her on an overseas holiday and the passport says it all   Stayed  in a joint family -- no way . We were staying separate . Documentary evidence and even neighbours letters are there. Of course my parents were staying in the same locality.   Till date have not demanded or taken even a single paise from her parents . I can challenge it .     She says we drove he out of her matrimonial home this March.-- we did not and we can prove that.   She is a postgraduate and has worked before marriage. I have her education and work proof.  After marriage she chose to idle away her time. That was her choice. And none of us have stood in the way of her happiness . Presently she says she is unemployed.    So where do I stand? How to to get zero or low maintenance . Can I talk to the magistrate? My lawyer is there. Still I feel I can argue a few points better.

 

You need to start with one finger, the little finger, then slowly extend to two fingers and then three.  This is to be done as tolerated.  The former part is called fingering.  In case of females suffering with vaginismus, you have to go slowly and law seldom helps.  In extreme cases surgical correction also helps, this of course should be discussed with competent gynaecologist.  By approaching court of law you have invited unending trouble.

 

Vaginismus does not come under reasons to seek divorce under Hindu Marriage Act 1955.

 

You have done enough circus for court to nullify your divorce based only on basis of non-consummation.

 

On the given grounds you wont be getting divorce at all, as there still are options for you to correct the problem at hand.

 

As she has filed few cases already on you, You can simply apply divorce based on mutual consent, for that of course you will have to pay her one time alimony.

 

I am of the opinion that, few nuts wont budge, you have to use oil with them, they will loosen up for sure, but you should not give up.

 

You will have to pay alimony if you fail to prove that she is capable of earning her own livelihood, both interim and permanent until she remarries.

 

You can talk to magistrate when spoken to.  If you are not satisfied with work of your counsel, change your counsel by paying him his fees, take NOC from him and hire another counsel.

 

This is marriage, you might also succeed in getting divorce in one way or other.  But second time you will be more doubtful than ever, that will screw up many things.  I suggest you to save this marriage.  Think about it.

Divide this issue into 1st Moral 2nd personal 3rd social and then 4th legal.Then take next step. This is the reason courts give cooling off period. By moral I don't mean that if you ask for sx and child then its wrong. Its perfectly normal and human. But the kind of logic and sensibility you have demonstrated in your post and the silliness demonstrated by your wife(despite contarary proofs available) shows that they (wife and in laws) might have attempted to just stop you from throwing her out and they themselves are confused, panicking and misguided. Think about it. But of course you have freedom to live as you want. Forget her problem, just imagine you lose ability to use some limb like hand/leg and you also lose job or unable to do sx due to some accident, then should your wife divorce you?

Respected helping hand,

I have tried all your above said remedies. And even some procedures were done under anaesthesia. After nearly six years , It was just a request to her parents because they will be in a better position to advise or even admonish her. She was with  them for a a fortnight. And one fine day more than a dozen of them came and assaulted us. We had not even disclosed her problems to even our closest of relatives.   My entire family loved here honestly. Her parents were always aware of this problem. You know what they said? They called me a transgender during the assault. And many more imprintables. And the dear wife was at the forefront of the attack. I was seeing a  very different colour of my wife. They just wanted to put all the blame on me. I fear for my life . And no man will ever be able to live with this kind of a person. I realised not just s*x, but love was also missing in our marriage. Things were peaceful only because we were all dancing to her tunes. And we did not mind as we all considered her our own.

Dear meena (wrong name of husband but ok), if love is missing then you have freedom to live as you want. Buy may have to pay alimony for some time. Most important is to secure your life and of the ones who are important for you. But as I said eaelier, cooling off period is recommended by court because even the learned judges and law knows that interpersonal relations have flexibility to adjust. Personal insult is everywhere. Even govt officers or even PM is not spared. But how much to really take it personal is up to the person. The people who hate him then equally love and admire him afterwards.

Respected Vivek Bedarksr,

as you said no one is perfect. Instead of leaving a relation for  a few faults, we can try to rectify. I was thinking affection is greater than perfection, but realised very late that there was no affection at all. 

If you really wany to seperate, then call for conference with in laws and wife and suggest mutual consent for divorce. Problem for in laws and wife might be that they don't know what to do with her future. You also may seeiously look into (forgetting all insults by them for moment) and take it rationally. Because 6 yrs have passed. Let me tell you that since you have so many proofs hence no worry. Buy did she or in laws take adverse step just like a cat cornered? But its your life after all. Even your parents have no say over it.

Originally posted by : Meena
	Respected helping hand, I have tried all your above said remedies. And even some procedures were done under anaesthesia. After nearly six years , It was just a request to her parents because they will be in a better position to advise or even admonish her. She was with  them for a a fortnight. And one fine day more than a dozen of them came and assaulted us. We had not even disclosed her problems to even our closest of relatives.   My entire family loved here honestly. Her parents were always aware of this problem. You know what they said? They called me a transgender during the assault. And many more imprintables. And the dear wife was at the forefront of the attack. I was seeing a  very different colour of my wife. They just wanted to put all the blame on me. I fear for my life . And no man will ever be able to live with this kind of a person. I realised not just s*x, but love was also missing in our marriage. Things were peaceful only because we were all dancing to her tunes. You have danced long enough to complain now.  Now only option is keep dancing, whether you like it or not.   And we did not mind as we all considered her our own.

Marriage from point of view of married woman/girl

In Indian context, except that she is quite beautiful or she is extremely talented (arts, sports a la karnam malleshwari, saina nehwal, sania mirza or geeta, babbita of dangal fame) If she does not possess these, she is considered fit for 10+2 or take care of kitchen and children.  Once about marriageable age she is married off to someone who can take care of her lifelong (read that as maintenance).  Few of those who crossed 10+2 and joined college, somehow manage to get jobs in call centers, earn money stand up on their feet and pose other problems such as earning competition/attitude.  Few of those who get past degree and get doctorates, few of them are sitting at home, not able to join call centers, as such jobs are menial jobs for them, few of them who manage to get jobs become scientists, auditors, professors again there they find limited choices in partners.  All of them still end up paying dowry in some form or other, either cash or kind or something else.

 

Marriage from point of view of man (the egoistic man).

My parents have invested so much in my studies, how should I pay them back, I should get maximum dowry.  Very rarely there are idealistic men, who don’t want dowry.  There has come a point, where if man does not seek dowry, something must be wrong with him, maybe his manhood is compromised.

 

Marriage from point of view of parents of boy.

We have spent this much we should rightfully get it back, did I not pay, let them also pay.

I did this much to my MIL my DIL should also do the same seva to me.

I did tolerate so much, why cant he/she.

 

From point of view of society.

Newly married.  Account not yet open?  Perhaps Some problem with female only.  Few years later.  Perhaps Some problem with man only.

 

You have written name as meena.  Here in these kinds of forum, man poses as woman, woman poses as man just to know what next might be opposite party’s plan of action with regard to game of divorce/alimony/custody etc.

 

As I pointed out be it you are husband or you are wife, you have moral obligation towards each other.  Taking goons and barging in, doing halla gulla, creating a scene only shows standard of parties.  Now why they would have done like this, is to only threaten and subdue things, they would have paid dowry ie cash to the boy, now who will keep quiet after paying money, they will call husband hijda only, as he could not penetrate.  Even court will consider the same, when there is ample opportunity and availability of various forms of lubricants, it directly shows that the man failed to get an erectoin or stiff one sufficient enough to penetrate.  In Indian context too, men get drunk and almost rape the wife even if she does not want to have se x.  that is seen almost everywhere.  In such context, you will be termed as impotent in eyes of law also.

 

Even if you get divorce via MCD, girl if at all she has vagisnismus ie constricted v**gina, she has been a problem to you, and if she gets divorced, she remarries?  She will be a problem to someone else.

 

If getting a child out of wedlock is main issue here,  there are many different ways to reach first floor if lift is not working.  Vis a vis intrauterine insemination.  If she is under age of 35 she can consummate provided she does not have thyroid problems.

 

Main reason why men marry is to attain moksha this is according to Hindu Law.  By marrying means procreation of children.  Children means your vamsha or family tree will grow.  If that is not happening, ie if she is not able to conceive you can go ahead take divorce, remarry, as main aim of marriage is not just se x but procreation of children via marriage.

 

6 years is long time to keep quiet and keep trying.  If you or she wanted divorce or separation, it should have been done within 1 year of marriage.  You both have kept quiet too long to complain now.

 

There are many couples who do not consummate due to infertility and have erectile dysfunction etc.  but still they continue with marriage.  Why?  Its mainly because their conscience (love, respect, caring etc etc etc) is still alive.  So think do you have a conscience? 

 

These values stand outdated as of 1/1/17, but if you have these, nothing like it.  Be a rolemodel for the next generation.  Be a game changer, develop a conscience now if you don’t have one.  Or else you will be another divorcee in the list of divorcees on some matrimonial site.

Thank you auto hide for your frank reply

Dear helping hand, 

when  I assumed the name of Meena for my posts I did not even think about the confusion it might create. Sorry . Alright , I am the husband only. Even tough your comments seem harsh at the outset there is plenty of truth behind that. 

Non consummation of marriage  is a sure ground for divorce under HMA 1955. Vaginismus may be one of the reasons. I have only applied for dissolution.  wife has, in her written submission accepted that marriage is not consummated. Only that she has blamed me for that. I am really.  Right now I am really looking for me tips for dismissing the petition altogether or zero or low maintenance. 

Respected what not,

thanks for the encouraging replies. Kindly send some tips as to how to argue for winning the maintenance claim or dismissing it altogether. How is it really ordered? Is it on your current or past income? 

It all depends on how have they framed their questions in the petitions.

 

There are 2 parts to it. 1) Allegation of voilence during marital time. If this has no merit (in the sense you have proof to show you were caring) then this holds no water. It is for them to prove it. You have to deny with relevant documents and proof.

Part of DV alwyas goes with maintaiance. But is it intriem or is additional sections have been applied? What is their arguments.

 

One of the things to do is to refute with showing 'extra' expenses that incurred to establish a marital bliss . Since no conjugation was possible, you have to bring in the element that you had face financial and emotional deprevity since separation of last one year. Add fuel to fire you can add extra burden of legal fees, your own counselling with doctors for their allegation of impotency, parents moving in..blah blah.. And also any income tax filing helps. You will have 2 sets. Once until last April'2014 where there was marital home. And one forhcoming.

You should be bale to avoid showing any income (possible with right CA counsel) and submit same.

 

For a greater good it may be even prudent to let them win small Intriem maintainance and win big of permanent maintaiance.

If you have decided to part ways, all these are futile in excercise. MCD is option with no alimony. Let some elders brings in some common sense. Keep that part of negotiation going on. But don't lose DV or maintiance either.

 

But she does have a genuine incurable , then you may show some sympathy and part ways amicably.

I rarely revisit or amend the reply or give second opinions.

But here is for what it is worth.

Indian law protects right of conjugation (v**ginal penatration) and any other act of intimacy is considered as sodomy and hence punishble. This alone should get you annullement, if you wish.

Secondly, by acting upon haste , your wife has denied bliss of married life with flase accusation. This is considered as cruelty and divorce should be obtained.

If parents were aware of same before marriage (but how??) then that is hiding facts hence it is one way to annullement.

Maintainance for what purpose? No conjugation, no marital peace anymore and she can't be a wife anymore..Fight the maintainance all the to higher court. It is no point.

These are only from legal stand point. All other views has been explained by other experts.

No $ex. No life. No Honey. No Money.