what should i do?

Priyadarshini.

Thankyou so much for the explaination, see i guessed it right. Many of my friends are facing the same problem so i can understand your situation verywell. You and your parents are not wrong .  Marriage does not mean that you have bought a woman and all her dreams, rights, wishes, choices etc.  Every person has got the freedom to enjoy his/her fundamental rights. And specially for women its must.  Marriage does not mean to impose once choice forcefully to your wife or partner saying its tradition and you need to follow it.  Certainly no, such kind of thinking is too conservative & negative.  Today men are educated and few of them are very smart and mature, and they maintain a balance between their parents & wife, an personal life without hurting or disrespecting others. Who treats equally ,understands and supports his wife. This is required.

I think you are recently married, and your husband is not understanding the importance of balancing things, females are not commodities that you take them home, and if they don't follow your orders or demands, you kick them out . This is not fair at all.

Priyadarshini, as you said that you have already tried alot to make things fine but your husband and inlaws are not cooperating at all, so the best way is file a crpc 125 maintenance case and also file a case under protection of woman under domestic violence act, stating the true facts that your inlaws have thrown you out from matrimonial house, and are not interested to take you back. State the facts that your husband is abusive and your inlaws are liars, ask for counselling through protection officers, and that time you can put all your points, stating the true facts.  Marriage does not mean losing your identity, dignity or individualism,  adjustments are required in every marriage but it should not be just one sided and forcefully imposing .

If you need any further help, just leave ur email id, will contact you.

Thankyou.

All the best

I agree with th statement that sup said,

“The biggest problem i see is that "WOMEN CANNOT TAKE THEIR STAND OF OWN THEY ARE COMPLETELY DEPENDED ON PARENTS/FAMILY/HER WELL WISHERS  BUT MEN ON THE OTHER HAND ARE COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT AND CAN EASILY LEAVE PARENTS AND FAMILY AND WELL WISHERS AND CAN BECOME HEN PECKED OF WIFE"

As  Priyadarshin said my husband my parents my inlaws etc.

Take your own stand footage in your life

As lastly you talk like INDEPENDENT as you say,” I am going legally bcaz I don’t have any other options.”

If yes, then go for it.

My clear advise is to you first file RCR petition as you said,” I don’t want leave my husband. I don’t want to break my sasural family. I want to go back wid my husband ,  I still love him. (Don’t know what is in his mind)

Now If marriage is a contract then it runs upon terms and condition and your husband also respect you and family and try to understand you .it runs MUTUAL

The most imp.as you said, I got married in 2009. Since 6 months i m staying with my parents.

So, husband and you cant understand each other in a very short time ,take some time therafter they know each other.

And after marriage you are living with your parents about 1 year

My questions you loved your husband but did your husband loved and remember you (After 1 year)  as you said I still love him. (Don’t know what is in his mind)

If you file DV case I don’t think he starts live with you. 

My clear advise is first file RCR and if you don’t have any job file maintenance case ,ina court judge try to compromise the matter and that time what is the husband reply is most imp. As you try to reconcile  many time but it fails .

So, be brave  and take some big steps and accept the  reality ( that is against you or favour you)that many couples faces in india and also all over the world .

We( ON LCI) don’t have a instrument which can change husband mind or wife mind.

Either you have to live with the terms and condition with her parents then start live with husband or file RCR.

Only 6 months you complain about that terms and condition as it its violative.

After husband and wife love affection there is no terms and condition in the marriage.(Mutual )

In India there are so many laws for women side but no one compel husband to live like that or live with terms and condition like that.

He (husband ) must  understand all these things and women also.

@priydarshani

I agree with th statement that sup said,

“The biggest problem i see is that "WOMEN CANNOT TAKE THEIR STAND OF OWN THEY ARE COMPLETELY DEPENDED ON PARENTS/FAMILY/HER WELL WISHERS  BUT MEN ON THE OTHER HAND ARE COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT AND CAN EASILY LEAVE PARENTS AND FAMILY AND WELL WISHERS AND CAN BECOME HEN PECKED OF WIFE"

As  Priyadarshin said my husband my parents my inlaws etc.

Take your own stand footage in your life

As lastly you talk like INDEPENDENT as you say,” I am going legally bcaz I don’t have any other options.”

If yes, then go for it.

My clear advise is to you first file RCR petition as you said,” I don’t want leave my husband. I don’t want to break my sasural family. I want to go back wid my husband ,  I still love him. (Don’t know what is in his mind)

Now If marriage is a contract then it runs upon terms and condition and your husband also respect you and family and try to understand you .it runs MUTUAL

The most imp.as you said, I got married in 2009. Since 6 months i m staying with my parents.

So, husband and you cant understand each other in a very short time ,take some time therafter they know each other.

And after marriage you are living with your parents about 1 year

My questions you loved your husband but did your husband loved and remember you (After 1 year)  as you said I still love him. (Don’t know what is in his mind)

If you file DV case I don’t think he starts live with you. 

My clear advise is first file RCR and if you don’t have any job file maintenance case ,ina court judge try to compromise the matter and that time what is the husband reply is most imp. As you try to reconcile  many time but it fails .

So, be brave  and take some big steps and accept the  reality ( that is against you or favour you)that many couples faces in india and also all over the world .

We( ON LCI) don’t have a instrument which can change husband mind or wife mind.

Either you have to live with the terms and condition with her parents then start live with husband or file RCR.

Only 6 months you complain about that terms and condition as it its violative.

After husband and wife love affection there is no terms and condition in the marriage.(Mutual )

In India there are so many laws for women side but no one compel husband to live like that or live with terms and condition like that.

He (husband ) must  understand all these things and women also.

I really appreciate the advice of Komal.Very matured views...They are worth following!

@ Author,

I have read your multiple posts and others views. In my opinion under given situation the safest (read as softest) course of action is filing RCR and praying for mediation and counseling of both of you in Chambers of Ld Judge as interim relief and as final relief pray for the suit to be finalized either way in 6 months and chase the suit expeditiously by keeping close watch on its daily cause list movement. 


If your case is before Family Court then they have these setups and could end up counter productive. I donot subscribe to DV Act filing as advised by Komal as it will instigate and other party may be fearful to accept you be it so that given to understand the wordings shows it could be a new marriage of yours.


All the best. 

I agree with Rohtash sir, Komal khurana mam & Roshni B mam.

@ priyadarshini mam

1) I DON'T AGREE WITH RCR , IN YOUR CASE .

Filing RCR means you want to join your husband accepting all the conditions. The scenario is if a wife or husband leaves the partner , without a proper reason then the other one can file for RCR, to join back. But again court can force the partner to join . In your case as you have narrated that a lot of times you have already tried to reconcile though relatives & parents but everytime he abuses and doesn't listens. So now whats the point in filing RCR, are you a beggar that you will keep begging for your relationship to work fro your husband, he has no responsibilty towards you ??? Responsibilty of Marriage is not only on the shoulder of a girl . You your parents have self respect, iam not talking about ego's. you have already tried to resolve things without keeping any ego, thats really good about you. So no need to beg for your relationship, because even if under legal pressure your husband joins you back he won't mend his ways & will still treat you in the same way and will force you to follow all his terms & conditions. As mam komal said, marriage is not about imposing things. its correct. Its not buying a person. Its a mutual understanding. I have two sisters and i won't like them to lead a life under such terms & conditions. So rcr is a bad idea.

 2) Filing a PWDVA

Reading your story i will say that i agree with filing a PWDVA.  Because as you have written that " your husband has deserted you in a tricky way  and now he is not ready to accept you back, this is unethical & wrong. next he is abusive towards you, thats really bad, in future he can be physically agressive also. so living with such abusive husband is a mental torture. such kind of disrespective attitude is not acceptable, men are usually agressive and are prone to abuse, but again jab mummy papa pe gussa aata that time we don't dare to abuse but when its about our wives or girlfrnds then we easily abuse, why so ??? are they taken for granted ????  PWDVA is not always agressive, it has diff parts . like Mam has suggested that you can ask for protection officers, they can help in counselling & medaition. Their can be a counselling session based on true facts like he is abusive etc . PWDVA works fast, and that can help you to understand the situation, you don't have to file for a agressive false case, its just that you are thrown out and you want to join him but with your dignity & self respect and also that will be safe , because your inlaws & husband won't be able to harm you. For this you can ask protection orders. Maintaining a relationship is okay but not the cost of whole life. Someone has written that your inlaws will accept you with fear, fine let them accept you that way, atleast they will understand that bringing someone's else daughter should be taken care of. And your inlaws won't think of taking any revenge from you. You will be safe. Marriage needs discipline, understanding and love, its not just imposing your thoughts on others specially saying this that you are my wife , you have come to my house to live so you will have to follow these conditions, conditions pe kuch nai chalta . Marriage is not just about a rule book in hand. If thats how the concept is then females will runaway and will stop marrying, because no one likes a jail or cage. If your husband is fond of birds and likes to keep them in cage , he cannot treat his wife that way. MARRIAGE IS A RESPECTABLE INSTITUTION, DON'T MAKE IT JAIL , otherwise we will die as singles. jokes apart

PWDVA can help you monetary wise, medical aid, shelter home, & also you can join your husband's house with protection orders only if you want. So i completely agree with filing PWDVA.

3) File a case of crpc under section 125

You can file a case for maintenance, that will help you if you are not working.

Apart from that your husband will get a lesson that wifes cannot be thrown out for free. Wifes are not just jinni's that husband's wish is their command. Your husband should get out of his so called male attitude and understand the meaning & respect of females. Wife are not just for honeymoon, slavery, dowry and baby manufacturing machine. They are equal to us, and should be given respect & love. And a woman is as capable and as we men are. they should be treated like objects.

What an irony , biwi ki sunno toh henpecked and biwi ka na sunno toh mumma's boy !!!

Tag toh milta hi hai, yaar till you are bachelor be mumma's boy then after marraige no harm to be a henpecked. Because when we are in too much love with our mom, coochi coo types , mummy bolengi toh aaj ye watch dalunga, Girlfrnd se breakoff kar lia, kyo arre my mom doesn't like that girl, i love only my mom made food, mom thinks iam handsome then we are named as mumma's boy but that doesn't hurt our male ego, but when our love for wives is named as henpecked, god knows why our egos gets a 440 volts ka jhatka, and we start taking it so negatively,  i think that many men think that loving and supporting your wife means being henpecked. Arre what is this baba ????

What a hypocracy, so such men think that all our dads are henpecked, and our moms are ruling them, any male who is happy with his marriage means he is henpecked. what kind of immature thinking is this ????

If loving and supporting wife , who sacrifices her whole life and relations and comes to me, and who devotes everything to me, my family and kids, for her such contribution if i love , support and stand by her , and people think iam henpecked then i would love be to a henpecked, agar henpecked hone se sabki life mei peace hai so why not.  If a wife can sacrifice so much then a man can atleast adjust a littlt bit keeping their male ego aside.

Infact i feel such men should not marry if they are afaid to support and love a girl, and just because their ego gets hurt with this word henpecked. Then they should give medals to themselves and polish their egos and should remain single or spinsters and should enjoy their lives . 

A man is not worthy if he is not postive , mature & independant & strong ! 

Thank you very much Khurana ji, Roshni B & Mr. Rajeev Singh.

@ Rajeev Singh -

Whaterver u have written is very true. Every man should understand these things to balance his married life. Because of u it may come to know many people in this forum.

Thank you.

I see long discussion on this topic here and seems like very common situation now a days. Writing just my comments below. My comments are not to author but in general to the topic.

If wife is not able to adjust or not ready to adjust for anything, only option they will have is it to blame in-laws and husband. No one will marry and bring wife to harrass her.

Why it is always assumed that only husband's family is wrong and wife and her family is 100% correct. Now a days we see lack of ethics. When we expect that husband has to look after wife, same time we should know that even wife has to fulfil her duties towards her husband and his family.

If wife is not doing her duty, it is expected that elders and husband can advice her. Now a days we see that when elders try to advice, wife does not like it and start saying that in-laws are interfering where the problem starts. Even they blame husband saying he is not supporting her. If husband want to correct wife and tell that what elders are saying correct, then it is like husband is listening to his parents and not supporting wife!!

It is not duty of husband and his parents to teach ethics and duties to wife. If girl is lacking in all these qualities then one should try to improve instead of blaming husband's family and breaking marriage. I am not saying that it is only mistake of wife but it is also the duty of wife's parents to teach her daughter. Due to lack of knowlege and ethics in wife's parents, husband- wife and husband's family facing all these family problems.

There will be some reason when husband's family is interfering. Need to find why they are interfaring. If they are interfering and advicing wife, is it not that the wife lacks certain things and need to improve? also one has to think how much husband's family is suffering by selecting wrong girl.

My sincere advice is to see what we are lacking and then try to improve instead of just blaming husband and/or his family. Why dont girl blame her parents for not teaching good lesson to her before sending her to husband's home....just because they are her parents? think from husband and his family perspective also. defenetely they will be expecting good wife with good qualities. It will be wrong to assume that we are always 100% perfect. dont assume that your parents are always correct and whatever you learnt from them is always correct. You might be lacking many qualities, try to improve them. If you take comments of husband and his family advice positively intead of blaming them, defenetly one can learn good things in life and stop creating such family issues.

Before getting ready to fight in court, we have to think why divorce cases are increasing now a days where we  get answers to many of questions. We are ready to get adjusted with friends and colleague but we dont want to get adjusted to husband and his family with whom we have to leave for ever. It will be wrong to think that we are 100% perfect and husband and his family is 100% wrong. It is really sad now a days to see that even few educated couples are not able to understand simple problems, also lack of sense to correct the issue. There may be generation gaps also for many of these problems. Try to understand others and correct your mistakes to resolve the problem. If we think that I am always correct, whatever I do is always correct but it is only others are wrong then no one can help.

If possible one has to talk to friends who are married and staying in joint family. think why they have not applied for divorce. Is it because her in-laws are good and our in-laws are bad....or is it because we are good and friend is bad as she is still staying with them? certainly cannot be. I think it is good to give some more time for marriage and try to correct problems from both sides. If there are mistakes from your side, defenetly one cannot correct all those mistakes in short period of time. When you and your family members can not be perfect, it will be wrong to expect that everyone at husband family has to be perfect.

If we are getting married then we have to learn to adjust also. In school days if our teacher scolded us for something, have we left the school itself because teacher scoled? when one cannot leave school how can anyone take the risk of spoiling the marriage? Is it because we have rights to go to court, apply for divorce, apply for maintenance etc etc? one has to think 10 times before taking any wrong steps due to simple adjustment problems and lack of knowledge/wish to correct our mistakes.

I have seen girls asking husband to get separate from his parents just because girl want to stay separate and want to be independent. Think about from husband and his family perspective when they get such girl. Girls dont even think that in-laws are old and they need care and don't even listen to husband. If husband is not ready to stay separate then she will go to her parents house and force husband to get ready for divorce. If husband apply for divorce, then maintainance comes into picture. But girl is not able to understand that for maintenance she is spoiling her life. To add it, girls parents support her daugher for all her mistakes instead of giving advice. One has to support/help her daugher but ultimatly it should not spoil her life. 

I don't want to hurt anyone but just my comments to save marriage getting spoiled.

@ SUNIL, LET ME TELL YOU THE REAL PICTURE OF JOINT FAMILY. Iam a 36 yr old married lady got married 14 years back , a mother of two, i have daughters.

1) Iam working because iam the only one who takes care of my daughters , i pay their fess and fulfill their other needs, altough i have a husband and he is working but still he doesn't support me or help me. Why, because he wanted a male child and i gave birth to daughters, so he feels that he has no duty towards them , he is not aware with science . He thinks himself mugambo, ki jo bol diya wohi hona maangta.

2) I reach home by 8-30 or smtimes by 9 pm, but as soon as i reach home i rush to kitchen for cooking, and i wake up at 4_30aam every morning , cook for the whole family, lunch, tiffin for my kids, and husband , and my brother in law. Altough he has his own wife, but as she belongs to a very rich family and have given lot of dowry, on top that she has given birth to a male child so she is a darling daughter in law. So i have to take care of the whole family without any support. After cooking, i clean the whole house, i mean jhaadoo pocha etc , and then at 7-30am i leave for my office. I work like a donkey, at home & office but still my mother in law and family thinks iam not that good and still i can do much more. Actually its the greed jitna doge utna badhega.

3) Iam not allowed to utter a single word against my MIL, because then my husband starts abusing me, altough my MIL keeps my father in law as a dog. She abuses, shouts and if he dare to support me, my MIL attacks him like hell. My MIL & my husband keeps talking about joint family, whereas my MIL herself had deserted her MIL, & family and she had fought with everyone for a seperate accomodation etc, but now she wants a joint family, wow lovely vichaar. She has ruled her own family, and she wants to rule her son's family aswell. All MIL love to do that, wo khud ki shaadi shuda life bhi rule karti hai aur fir apne beto ki bhi karna chahti hai aur karti hai, for them daughter in laws are such gangu bai's servants.

4) My inlaws never openly demanded dowry but gifts ke naam par mere parents ko kahi ka nai rakha hai, my dad had to break his bonds for my marriage, but still my inlaws are not happy, as they think that the elder daughter inlaw has brought much much more and thats true, look the greed. Whole day she keeps enjoying, with her friends, kitty party's and iam the donkey who works, and even my husband doesn't feel sorry for me. Agar ek din mai bimaar padh jau, then my MIL starts complaining ki drama hai sab she just wants to escape oing household work, no outings, no resturants nothing for me, because my MIL feels unke bete ka paisa kharch hoga, infact my husband doesn't give a single penny in my hand, all these years after marriage, my husband handover his salary to his mom, and agar mujhe kuch chahiye i have to go to ask that from my mother in law. so this is joint family concept.

5) Iam sorry this is too personal but its a fact, at night i become so tired that i feel like having a sound sleep, but my husband forces me to have s*x with him, that too like some p*rn star, and if i refuse him on some particular day, he starts abusing me, threatning me that he will go for extra marital affairs etc. So many men who think that men doesn't force wifes or rapes, please read this. They very much force wifes & even at times they rape. My second child was a resultof rape, and later my husband had abused and blamed me for that.

Iam suffering all these from last 14 years, but still living with him & his selfish family, because i cannot go anywhere, my parents are no more, i have responsibilty of my kids, and my salary is not that much . i feel like dying but iam helpless for my kids. I know very well my husband has no feelings for me, but

i don't have that much money to file a divorce case. My husband doesn't even buy me a plate of paani puri, and if he does he asks his mom first. And iam living this fake life for my kids . and i pray to god that please call me , but secure my daughters lives. I was not even allowed to attend my dad funeral, because of my MIL and her dominating rules.

So i will conclude, ki jab ek aurat ghar ke saare kaam donkey ki tarah karti hai, bina ek word bole, saari galatiya bhi nazar andaaz kar de, bilkul deaf & dump ki tarah ,apni saari khushiyo ko bhool jaye apne maa baap ko bhi, tab wo wife bohot hi achi kehlaati hai aur aisi bechari aurto se hi joint families chalti hai. Par jaha apne hakk ke liye ek aurat apna mooh kholti hai bas wahi usse duniya bhar ki gaaliya dekar, homebreaker bolkar nikaal diya jaata hai. MEN NEVER MARRY TO GET A LOVING PARTNER , THEY MARRY TO GIFT THEIR MOMS A BONDED LABOUR, AND MEN GET A BONUS FOR FREE SEX, ANYTIME WITH NO EXPIRY, AND TOO WITH FREE GIFTS, THAT IS CHILDREN. i PITY SUCH LOSER MEN, AND PRAY THAT THEIR WIVES CAN FILE AS MANY CASES THEY CAN AND RUIN THEIR HUSBANDS LIVES, When you torture a person to that level, then obviously that tortured will come to bite you hard.

@SUNIL- HOPE NOW YOU GOT THE IDEA OF JOINT FAMILY, THIS IS WHAT IAM FACING AND MAXIMUM FEMALES IN THIS COUNTRY.

CAN I ASK YOU SOMTHING MR SUNIL ???

YOU SUPPORT JOINT FAMILY SO MUCH, MUST BE A FAN OF HUM SAATH SAATH HAI MOVIE !

SO YOU ARE BORN & BROUGH UP IN A JOINT FAMILY RIGHT ????

YOUR GRANDMOTHER, YOUR FATHER'S MOMDAD MUST BE STAYING WITH YOU ALL RIGHT ???

OR YOUR FAMILY CONSISTS YOUR PARENTS AND YOUR SIBBLINGS ?????

@ MR SUNIL

you can open a gurukul  for all the famles of our country  , what a wonderful thought that only husband's ke parents ko manners ke baare mei pata hota, only they can teach about manners . And daughter in laws ke parents toh most iliterate , jungly cruel fools hote hai who just can teach wrong things to their daughters, that means your nana naani ji has taught the same to your mother.

Iam sure you don't have a sister.....thats the reason you are talking such big things. I wish you had a sister and she got married to such a family and got all the advices and got lectures on sanskaar and manners, tab pata chalta. Ek bully karne wali lovely saasu mata milti, and ek joint family full of hypocrites. Tab you could have got the real taste of life.

Joint family.....what a hypocracy,   Straightaway bolo we need deaf & dump , slaves, we love such kind of girls, and they prove to be best wives and your so called joint family obedient daughter in laws. Iam serving that life and i know what iam going through.   

But anyway typical men will never understand this , they will keep licking their dominating moms.

And for such men i have a suggestion . please marry your mom's rather then spoiling any other girls life. Bonded labour hi chahiye na , maid rakh lena, and for physical needs men have lot of opportunities. so better marry your mom's and live happily in your so called joint families. That will be the best, and seva bhi hojayegi and you will get your ideal life partners. Simple.......enjoy

@Lekha ji

if whatever you have mentioned here is happening with you in real, then that is not correct. but unless and until one hear the other version of the facts, it is difficult to say who is correct and who is wrong. dont know why you are generalizing that all males are bad and all females are good. dont forget that you have dad if not brother. it is difficult/wrong to say that all males are bad and all females are good. the point here is to solve issue case by case, should be gender neutral. here the discussion is not about joint family or independent family. if someone dont like joint family, no one will force anyone to marry in such family but it is wrong to spoil marriage after marriage. remember that these kind of issues are not only specific to joint family but you can see in independent families too. you can see many cases related to divorce even they are staying independent. if you are staying at joint family, it is wrong to say that joint family concept is wrong...also only because you are female it is difficult to say that all males are bad. please dont generalize and dont take personally. I dont think anyone here will support your suggestion of marrying mom and dad. not sure how can you speak like this even you are well educated and you said that you are working.

priydarshani ji,

You need to decide first ........................

What do you want from current situation? what are your expectations? What would you prefer among the options ahead of you and what do you want to choose?

Do you want to save/reunite in you marriage?

if Yes.......Is the other party showing willingness for it?..if not then what next?

if No (i.e. you yourself want to come ou of it as you have lost hopes etc to save but can't easily come out as well...) how to do you want deal with it?

Going to Court hardly leaves any room to reconcile (1 in thousand cases it happens) or to save marriage.

rassi ko do no taraf se khichinge to rassi to tutegi hi!!!

RCR can't compel other party to reunite... 

Giving advise about legal option will be easier........... once YOU make up mind firmly and at once there is no looking back at your decision!!