bupesh (n/a) 08 September 2007

Lawyer Jokes

A paralegal, an associate and a partner of a large law firm are walking through a city park, when they spotted an antique oil lamp.

The paralegal picked it up, but both the associate and partner grabbed for it, arguing that they found it first. Their tussling had the effect of rubbing the lamp, and to their shock a Genie emerged in a great cloud of smoke.

The Genie announced, ""In gratitude of your freeing me from the lamp, I grant you three wishes. As there are three of you, you each get one wish.""

The paralegal blurts out, ""I want to be in the Barbados, sipping cocktails with a gorgeous movie star."" Poof! The paralegal was gone.

The associate, excited by the events, stammers, ""I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."" Poof! The associate was gone.

""You're last,"" the Genie says to the partner, ""What is your wish?""

The partner replied, ""I want those two back in the office after lunch.""

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17 Replies

Shambasiv (n/a) 27 September 2007

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer..

Shambasiv (n/a) 27 September 2007

""I hear you lost your court case. Did your lawyer give you bad advice?""

""No. He charged me for it.""

What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid extra for a longer fight.

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rhinoceros?

The lawyer charges more.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

raja_g (n/a) 02 October 2007

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

""It isnt so bad,"" one crook noted. ""We got $25 between us.""

The boss screamed: ""I warned you to stay clear of lawyers -- we had $100 when we broke in!""

raja_g (n/a) 02 October 2007

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: ""I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense.""

The judge asked, ""What new evidence could you have?""

The lawyer replied, ""My client has an extra Rs.50,000, and I just found out about it!""

rashok (n/a) 26 October 2007

Bad lawyer doesnot know how to correct the Judge , But an good (great)lawyer corrects the judge easily:)

Shambasiv (n/a) 07 November 2007

A Lawyer, a Rabbi, and a Hindu

A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, ""There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn.""

"No problem,"" chimed the Rabbi. ""My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening."" With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night.[

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. ""What's wrong?"" asked the farmer. He replied, ""I am grateful to you, but I just can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.""

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. ""What's wrong?"" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, ""I, too, am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn. In my country cows are considered sacred and I can't sleep on holy ground!""

That left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

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Praveen Hariharan (Advocate) 22 November 2007

A senior lawyer vehemently argues before a judge, but the Judge says;

""Mr. Counsel, i dont find any merit in your case, whatever your argue, i ll hear it through my left ear and leave it through teh right ear"";

The Senior Counsel wraps ups his case bundle and replies;

""My lord, it is bound to happen; if there is nothign in between""