Mental torture by husband
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 16 May 2010
This query is : Resolved
Hi,
Iam working in a MNC. I am married to a professional working in a MNC. Ours is a love marriage.we know each other from 4 years before marriage.And now in 2009 we got married.Its been a year that we got married.
These days we are having very frequent quarrels .Iam not sure why these are happening but he seems to be mentally torturing me and abusing my parents and I see that he thinks my parents are taking advantage though iam married and he wants me to dress up as he wants . he does not give me freedom to live like i want to live. I feel like iam livving a life in jail. He wants to make me live as his mother wishes.
He always expects sometihng from others which i dont like .I always opposed him drinking but he does not listen to me .
He does whatever he wants.He drinks thrice a week and smokes daily.He is also a spendthrift.He acts very well in front of elders and relatives so no one would belive him to be a bad person so iam suffering a lot.He was very good to me before marriage.I did not knew he would torture me this way.
These days he is harassing me mentally saying he is not liking the way i am dressing up or eating or moving which he did not have an objection before marriage or after marriage in one year. i did not change anything in my lifestyle the way i dress, eat or live.Still he is making me behave as in a orthodox family
He always mentally harasses me thinking my character is very cheap and he tries to scold me if i talk to my brother in laws.
Iam from a very educated middle class , very honest, good at academics and working as software professional.
I dont want to tell all this and make my parents feel bad because this was my decision to marry this guy.I dont have anyone to discuss all this as everything has his image as a good person.
Iam not able to live with this daily torture and do my work. i feel like going away but iam not sure how to do that .
Please suggest or advice as iam really getting depressed.
Krishnamurthy Ramdas Iyer
(Expert) 16 May 2010
Seek counselling for both.
if does not work issue notice for divorce thru advocate
G. ARAVINTHAN
(Expert) 16 May 2010
Counselling will be the best thing you couple need now.
Sachin Bhatia
(Expert) 16 May 2010
Counselling will be the best thing for you.
Arvind Singh Chauhan
(Expert) 16 May 2010
Nice and generous advice is already given by all above seniors, follow it. Don't step so early. It usually seen in love marriage that " what couple likes in his/her partner well, before marriage, is felt hell after marriage ". As example before marriage boy admires her girlfriend's modern dressing sense as jeans t shirts and her extrovert behavior, but after becoming husband of her he doesn't like that her wife to be dressed in jeans & T shirt. these are petty matters which may be solved with good understanding and dedication. I presupposes that you would have never mind before marriage his drinking and smoking habits. So please don't make haste.
Arvind Singh Chauhan
(Expert) 16 May 2010
Nice and generous advice is already given by all above seniors, follow it. Don't step so early. It usually seen in love marriage that " what couple likes in his/her partner well, before marriage, is felt hell after marriage ". As example before marriage boy admires her girlfriend's modern dressing sense as jeans t shirts and her extrovert behavior, but after becoming husband of her he doesn't like that her wife to be dressed in jeans & T shirt. these are petty matters which may be solved with good understanding and dedication. I presupposes that you would have never mind before marriage his drinking and smoking habits. So please don't make haste.
ambika.S
(Expert) 16 May 2010
approach a family counsellor who works in a family counselling centre and first get yourself counseled by them. In my experience there is communication gap between you and your spouse it can be closed only by a professional counsellor who is indifferent/nutral for both. Before that I also advice to you to open a clear dialogue and do not carry that your are taking any revenge, give a try to correct the difference from your side and also make an attempt to polishly puting the same ideas to your spouse. Mistakes are but natural for human beings the intelligence is an art to get the things done in a smoother way than in a crash.
mahendrakumar
(Expert) 17 May 2010
it is a common symptom of love marriage. The initial thrill is lost after the marriage.
since you have been in love for four years,you feel nothing new.
when you were in love,partners do not notice anything bad.
after the marriage,partners start noticing all those things altogether and try/force to change everything immediately forgetting that many habits are formed through long years and to make any change,it take willful effort and time from both sides.
Please do undergo a family counseling without any prejudice of the out come.
do not think of "divorce" as a remedy now.
try to fill the gap with love.good luck
Daksh
(Expert) 17 May 2010
Dear Anonymous,
I concur with Mr.Krishnamurthy Ramdas Iyer.
God bless
Best Regards
Daksh
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 17 May 2010
hi all,
Thanks for all ur suggestions.
I have decided to have a clear talk to sort out and see if it works out this way.
Uma parameswaran
(Expert) 17 May 2010
Only simple reasons.But you are seeing it as big one.Be cool.Get divert from your present way of thinking.Pack your time with lot of works.Do your work properly.Get in touch with Inlaws.Seek their help if your husband made any mistakes.Talk with your husband and parents openly.As an educated girl think positively.Do what is good for you both.If there is no money problem, 50% of marriage life is Ok.Balance 50% depends upon our approach towards the partner and character .Don't think divorce is only remedy to get peace in life.First find out your mistake and cure it.Give importance to partners words for a well cohesive relationship.Lot of adjustment and changes needs to be done after marriage specially by the girls.Definitely she will get reward for that after years passes.Smoking and drinking are very bad habits.He may have some problem.try to understand it.Your husband needed a counselling.If you try you can become a good counsellor for your husband.You can change him.For all this, hard work and tolerance is very much needed.
