Marriage with lies .
Guest
(Querist) 10 June 2013
This query is : Resolved
Dear Law Experts ,
I am a 32 year old professional working in a leading MNC in B'lore with a very decent job and earning decent income .
I am from semi-modern family which respects traditional Indian values. Almost two years back my parents started searching a bride for me and found a girl from a village family near mangalore after searching and consulting family relatives and thinking that village peoples are most trustworthy and honest .
1.On my engagement day at the last moment we came to know by one of the girls relative that girls father is married for the second time without divorcing the first wife and first wife still lives in the same home with her two other male children's and as per girls father version he got a written agreement( i am not sure if its legal one ) from his first wife saying that she is fine with second marriage. i am not sure what kind of value it holds in court of law .
Though we came to know about this fact at the last minute and we almost kept in dark on this matter till the end, my parents ( really innocent by heart :( forced to proceed further as our family main intention was to find only good girl for me and we were not behind money or any assets .
2.Most hurting thing for me is what happened is on my marriage day . marriage mahurtam was scheduled around 12:15 am and as we needed to travel for a long distance ( above 150 kms ) to reach the marriage venu we reached marriage venu around 11:45 am and by surprise i was about to witness another side of my so called "father-in-law" as he started hurling abuses at me right infront of 500 crowd and also i came to know that girls family mis-treated our relatives who arrived to the venue before us . even super-agressive attitude of entire girls family ( including bride) shocked me for a moment. please note that given the fact that most of their family is not well educated except the bride and her brothers . but, i believe commonsense needs no education.
For a moment a thought i will not go ahead with marriage but as it was a question of girls life and prestige in our society and also about my mothers health ( she is heart-patient). as i don't wanted to make it more complicated and was wishing that things will go good in future days and even my relatives requested to not highlight this issue much i agree to proceed further and got married without any dowry or any high expectations.
3.After marriage i came to know few more lies as bride had female hormone imbalance issue as she grows up facial hair once in 15 days ( we never exposed to this truth when i saw the girl first time). for me this was worrying but not a serious issue and i known this is rare but not life threatening as there are many cosmetics and modern medication procedures are available to deal with this . girls mother still denies this fact! but later i am exposed to the facts there are few more health related issues and thats saddening for me .
Attitude side , though girl is well mannered in mannered in may aspects but as she has short temper and she is aggressive and that's causing few issues in my family life .
Most paining part is that of girls family attitude as they are not apologetic on anything and they say what they have done earlier is absolutely right .
Though , i know indian Law would have done a lot if i was girl and was going through this injustice . not sure how our law system can help me on this as i am a male .
Please help and any help is much appreciated .
Adv Archana Deshmukh
(Expert) 10 June 2013
It is natural that the things hidden from you are hurting you, but now that you are married to her and you know that her health related issues can be treated then, do not think about it too much. If the girl is good, then other things can be adjusted. Temparamental differences can be adjusted with proper communication. You can go to a marriage councellor so that the adjustment issues can be worked upon. As far as the nature of her parents is concerned, then keep mininmum contacts with them, ultimately you have to live with your wife and not with your in-laws.
Guest
(Querist) 10 June 2013
True . Thanks a lot arachana. that make sense. but hiding things in life making decisions which effects others life permanently is not so natural and its plain cheating. if i was a girl in this situation, indian law would have acted and treated differently isn't it archana ?
Adv Archana Deshmukh
(Expert) 10 June 2013
I can understand Ranjan, but there is no point in taking law in hands for every happening in life, even it is not easy for a woman also. You are feeling cheated; yes, some situations of life are difficult to accept, but when they are not altogether unacceptable, it is better to be mature and accept them and move ahead with life.. If you keep thinking about the past happenings you won't be able to accept your wife and won't be able to be a good husband to her. Give suitable medical treatment to your wife and get some councelling done. Try to come out of that wounded feeling and try to be happy. There is no point in going ahead with life half hartedly.
Guest
(Querist) 10 June 2013
:) ..Agree . i am giving a good care and attention to her and still she is in one of the most well known hospital in india with best possible available doctors consultation (at this very moment). i always gave/will give the best possible things to my dear and near ones .its not only about becoming a good hubby its about becoming good wife too..trust and honesty is always a two way street. hope you agree . spending my all the time and countless money on her treatment for other health issues and hope in return at least i deserve a bit respect from her and ppl around me . hope i am not asking too much as i am not asking/dependent on any moral or financial support from anyone. :).
ajay sethi
(Expert) 10 June 2013
since your in laws are staying more than 150 kms away you would be having less contact with them .
as far as your wife aggressive nature is concerned once she sees you spending so much time and money on her hopefully situation would improve . encourage your wife to take up meditation / yoga . encourage her to join some courses for personality development .
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 10 June 2013
Adjusting in Life, trying to understand and accommodative can achieve better result.
Very well advised by experts Ajay ji & Archna,.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 10 June 2013
Anybody can spoil his / her married life any time by raising some material/ immaterial issues. But bit adjustment give satisfaction and stability in coming days. Expert Archana Ji, Ajay Sethi Ji, Shroff Ji have given practical and excellent advise, I agree to it.
