Married nearly 4 months back, now examining all aspect, I feel, I should go for divorce.
Avinash
(Querist) 25 July 2011
This query is : Resolved
Please advise me legal options or possible solution.
Let me elaborate my case,
I am an engineer by profession. We have a small family 4 my parents and younger sister. I got married nearly 6 months back. It was an arrange marriage with my parents and my full consent.
I am leaving in delhi while my family, including is leaving in Ambala. My younger sister is about to merry in 1-2 year, my father is in army and posted in Chandigarh usually came home in 1-2 week. Now only my sister, mother and wife stays at home. I usually, travel to home nearly each weekend.
As of now I have done each and every thing she asked me for her happiness. It turns out to be a drastic fault of my life. Now she is taking it granted and behaving arrogantly to my family. Even, she’s forcing me and my parents to shift with me at delhi. However, my parents had already suggested me to shift delhi after 3-4 moths of marriage. But her continual presser (even from my in-laws) making it troubled for me and my parents. Moreover, she even has changed her behavior against my parents so that they get forced to shift her with me. She has made my life a hell. Many times, I have discussed this with her but for a while she changes her behavior but later it goes away on same path.
Now, I am thinking a girl who can show such drastic behavior in this short span of time would not be a good life partner for me.
Now a days she is at my in-law home since past 1.5 month, I asked him to change her behavior and she has to stay with my parents, even I am not denying option of shifting with me but at least not now.
But I don’t see any positive result. Even, we fear from them of imposing dowry and harassment charges on us.
It’s not working out in anyway, please suggest me what proactive legal action can we take.
R.Ramachandran
(Expert) 25 July 2011
Dear Avinash,
I don't think that your wife is working. I also don't think that before marriage any of you discussed whether she is going to be with you in Delhi or in Ambala to be visited only once in a week.
Any young married lady would naturally want to spend her time with her newly married husband. Your attitude of keeping her with your parents and you living in Delhi is the silliest of things to do, especially when she has expressed her desire to go with you to Delhi.
I can understand that your mother and sister cannot accompany you to Delhi, since your father is working in Chandigarh.
But what about you, why can't you set up your home at Delhi? Please be rest assured that after all it is your life, which you have to live with your wife and not with your parents.
Since your marriage is only 6 months old, and you have completely failed to understand the feelings of your wife and for reasons best known to you have not set up your home at Delhi, it will be adviseable for you to think and take appropriate actions. Rushing to the Court for divorce is one way. But, acting in a practical and pragmatic way is what is called for.
Since the marriage is very new, you will get into serious trouble if she resorts to legal action.
M/s. Y-not legal services
(Expert) 25 July 2011
I think its a petty issue in marital life. Just make a counselling with her along with your family members. As per your statements your family is little and cute. Don't broke it's cuteness.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 26 July 2011
Excellent advice by expert Mr.Ramachandran. If you wish make your wife as care-taker to your mother and sister, you are at wrong. Without her also they lead their own lives. Nobody will advice you to ignore your responsibilities to your parental house. But at the same time, it is your duty to take care of your own family. It is for you how to balance the both. Either you should convince your wife for wee-end visits or you be convinced to set-up your own home at Delhi. Rushing to the courts in this issue will no way help you. Better you have a discussion with your parents and sister and explain them the position. Let them solve the issue by talking to the parents of the girl. Instead of settling the issue pragmatically, if you rush to the court for settlement, you will be spoiling your own life.
Prof.A.S.Dalal
(Expert) 27 July 2011
A very good peace of advice by Mr. Ramachandern. You have to strike balance between your priorities, otherwise its you who has to face the burning effect of the aftermath.
M V Gupta
(Expert) 27 July 2011
Dear Avinash,
Your reactions to your wife's behavior seem to emanate from ur love for ur parents, which is understandable. But u should also look to ur young wife's sensitivities. Any young and newly married girl would like to stay with her husband. She may not mind if ur parents also stay with you both. I am sure ur parents would also desire that you both should be together and be happy. Set up ur family at Delhi where u are presently working and see the change in ur wife's behavior.Marriage means understanding, adjustment and sacrifice for the happiness of each other.
Avinash
(Querist) 01 August 2011
Thanks all!!
Specially Mr. Ramachandran.
@ Mr. Ramachandran > I tottaly agree with your advice and thought. I don’t want to parse myself but i can do anytype of compromise to my life for making my and others life who are associated to me. I also understand the relationship and their priorities.
But you must agree there is a thin line between innocence and cleverness /over smartness. Please go through below content once again.
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As of now I have done each and every thing she asked me for her happiness. It turns out to be a drastic fault of my life. Now she is taking it granted and behaving arrogantly to my family. Even, she’s forcing me and my parents to shift with me at delhi. However, my parents had already suggested me to shift delhi after 3-4 moths of marriage. But her continual presser (even from my in-laws) which is making it troubled for me and my parents. Moreover, she even has changed her behavior against my parents so that they get forced to shift her with me. She has made my life a hell. Many times, I have discussed this with her but for a while she changes her behavior but later it goes away on same path.
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I am from a traditional middle class family though my family is not entirely traditional. I didn’t see any compulsion to move in delhi within a span of 4-5 months of marriage when I am going each weekend to my home (normally reach home on Friday evening and leave on Monday morning). Even though my thought to give her some time in shifting, to help her to come up with an amicable understand with my family.
But she is not interested in the same, we have our own 3 bhk home where we have our separate room, while first time leaving her I told her to spent as much as possible time with my mother and sister but since starting she prefer to be in her room. She even contributes to homely works but thinks it as her duty not the responsibility.
Many times, I had words with her regarding many issues she told but i understand situations and suggest her positive solutions and reactions but she never follows.
She never eats properly, if my mother asks her to have proper lunch/dinner she just does formalities. But always do what she think is right. People whom you respects sometime turnout to be rude but it does not mean you will have to react in same ways.
A lot of instance I have which I observe personally not by just hearing from my parent. That is why I was asking about legal option in case she together with my in-law went away for some surprise legal action.
I trying hard to put thing in better ways also tried my in-laws to sit with my parents with elders and short out the amicable solution. Don’t know but it seems they are not taking it serious despite of my wife being with them since last 2 months.
I didn’t ask legal option for separation point of view rather to safeguard our stand.
Please suggest???
R.Ramachandran
(Expert) 01 August 2011
Dear Avinash,
Currently, you do not have any stand. In fact you and your family are quite vulnerable.
Basic problem is your not setting up a house at Delhi. Please realise. Let me further caution you, while shifting to Delhi may subside and subdue her attitude, still your and your family's vulnerability cannot be said to be taken care.
I have no more suggestion in the facts and circumstances of the case.
