Wife is not coming back, now her parents kept 3 conditions to husband
Guest
(Querist) 30 June 2014
This query is : Resolved
Hi, to all
We had got married on Nov 28th 2012
Every think was going very good after married, she was quite happy and as well as my whole family was happy with her work and all. (I m the only son and having 2 small sisters) She was very ladli bahu of the parents.
Very soon (after 6 months) we got good news that she is expecting we all got double happiness. At the end of 7th month she went to her mom place for Delivery. (Her Maika is 10 min distance to my house) And in January we got baby girl, but after that her mom and she sudden start to blaming to me as well as my parents, and this how its 5 months complete to my daughter and 7 months complete to my wife is leaving to her mom place, In between my parents had visited and asked for the reason`s but no any solution, Even I had gone lots of time to there and asked by wife to come back but all time new blaming and new subject arise.. THIS THAT…. All Bull shit...
And now its 7.6 months completed and now they had keep 3 condition`s..to me
1st opt: Give me in writing and signature done by my all the family member that, it would be repeat what happen, and if anything happen to my daughter ( my wife) then we very blame for it.
2nd opt: Leave your Parents place and Separation with them.
3 rd opt: You both get Separate ... From each other.
In that conditions What should I do.. My mind had stop working, Please anybody helps me out.
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 30 June 2014
Do not execute an agreement under force and coercion. No marriage can work under distress and threat.
Negotiate with your wife only and try to settle it amicably.
Guest
(Querist) 30 June 2014
I agree with u Sir, but i tried to convenience only for my little daughter future.. but not any complete solution.
they had kept this 3 condition.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 30 June 2014
under no circumstances give any letter in writing signed by all your family members .
you can explore option of staying separate but near your parents . no decision should be taken at point of gun .
go for divorce by mutual consent if situation dosent improve
Nadeem Qureshi
(Expert) 01 July 2014
if the situation is out of control and she is not willing to live with you without her father's conditions then mutual consent divorce is better option.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 01 July 2014
Try to resolve the issue(s) amicably involving elders/relatives and/or friends.
If it do not workout, move petition for mutual consent divorce after thorough discussion with your wife, keeping in mind the life of the little one.
Guest
(Expert) 01 July 2014
Mutual trust in married life is a must, not the enforced conditions.
However, total silence with no contact or response for about 3-4 months from your side can help you to make you see that her own parents would try to settle the issue without any condition.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 01 July 2014
You can explore the possibility of living separately if the marriage can be saved by this. You should try that her parents and also your parents does not intervene in your routine life.
Before such step it is advisable to give her some cooling time as suggested by the expert PS Dhingra sir.
Laxmi Kant Joshi
(Expert) 01 July 2014
Sandeep come out with complete facts , don't conceal any thing what happened all of a sudden in your happy married life , its o.k you and your family was happy but you didn't write was your wife also happy with you and your family , was she also feels such enjoyment as you and your family member was feeling and enjoying , i hope she and all the family members of your wife were not mad , why they took such strong decision , why they put their conditions upon you , what kind of life fear they have for their gril from you ?
Guest
(Querist) 01 July 2014
Thank you all, I respect the all Ur suggestion.
but i am not getting any way to walk through,
I am very much sure I can`t separate to my parents,
on 2nd hand, I & my parents had not done anything such like to give in writing.
But when i am coming for my Separation again I got stake as I love my wife and too now i have to thought about my little daughter. (she been completed 5 months but I had not spend 5 hours with her)because of all this i can`t concentrate on my work.
I am an Architect (interior work and designing )but i can`t seat for peace
pls pls pls give some grt solution pls
Guest
(Querist) 01 July 2014
Mr Laxmikant Sir, I total agree with your consensus about what u want to say that (kabhi talli ek haath se nahi bajti ) i agree on that.. but Sir this all happening because of Ego problem which my Mother-in - law has very much.. If she want this all situation has not arise. (For ex. in the 2nd last week My Parents thought to call her father and try to re-solve the problem 1ns again but her father didn't received any call they tried 8 to 10 times as well no her mother mobile also. and very next day when her dad call on my dad phone that time my dad cant able to receive on that matter she make one issue that Ur dad had not revised my husband call, its our insult and all... so on that I told even my parent call u all 10 time but also u didn`t recived ... on that she say i dont know... but when we call why ..... means bull shit ..
sir always they do like,
and as u asked Did my Wife was happy, Yes is she was happy she should take care of my hole family she respect all ...
Guest
(Expert) 01 July 2014
You are welcome.
Taali ek haath se nahin bajti, that is why I have suggested you for some cooling period, so that their taali, if tried, may not strike on solo effort by them. They will also cool down to review about their terms and think about amicable settlement, as after marriage, if becomes difficult to explain for long by the girl side why their girl is not returning to her matrimonial house.
Laxmi Kant Joshi
(Expert) 01 July 2014
Sandeep still you have time to come up from this problem throw aside your ego and reconcile your matter amicably with eachother , no need to indulged in unnecessary litigation , as you stated your wife is so respectful to all & so caring in nature then what you want from her , give her love , respect and care of her too , you and your family will get more as you give her , otherwise face to many cases and ruin your life by your hands , forget you narrate the story and everyone believes on it ,therefore i suggest you sandeep go a step ahead convince your in-laws and your wife and bring her back to your home and enjoy your married life , now you are a father of a baby too .
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 01 July 2014
"1st opt: Give me in writing and signature done by my all the family member that, it would be repeat what happen, and if anything happen to my daughter ( my wife) then we very blame for it."
This shows that the there is something which you are hiding in the query. However, believing that there is no fault on your/your parents side and the girl was happy and this situation arose because of your mother-in-law - my advice to you:
i) have a one-to-one talk with your wife and ascertain the reasons for her staying back at mother's place.
ii) If she has any complaints, assure her that you are capable of sorting out those matters and all of you can live happily once she comes back to your home.
For this you should also maintain coolness should not show any signs of fighting - your in-laws have to allow you access to see your daughter and your wife. You should be tactful and behave in such a way which would felicitate one-to-one talk.
If no results of this effort, as expert Mr.Dhingra advised, keep cool for some time. As long as you show concern and interest in your wife or for that matter in your new born daughter they will try to prevail over you. It may take little long time say 3/4 months for them to realize that you are a stubborn man. No parents wish to keep their daughter in their home that too with a grand-daughter. They may on their own come for reconciliation.
The third suggestion is involve the elders - Hindu marriage is performed before many people - to create witness in case of need. Some of your relatives can interfere and analyse both sides and strike a reconciliation.
But if you firmly believe that there is no fault on your parents, never agree to live separately. You are only son, and you have your responsibility towards your parents. At the same time, if you find any small aberration on their part leading to the present situation, you should not hesitate to discuss with your parents threat-bare and counsel them not to repeat the same. Never give any thing in writing.
I wish these tips will save your marriage and may the Almighty give moral strength to you to strike a balance between the responsibilities of a son and a husband.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 01 July 2014
Well advised by experts hence o more to add.
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 03 July 2014
Be firm in your decision to not allow you to be dictated or dominated or to dance to their tunes. There is nothing wrong in coming down on reasonable issues and compromising few things for the sake of infant child and its welfare. You may extend the cooperation to a possible level, even after that if they behave abnormally, filled with their egoistic thoughts, you may decide about making a call. Do not rush or hurry in taking any decision, take time and decide wisely.
Guest
(Querist) 08 July 2014
Dear All,
By experts advised i thought again to resolved the problem. (So time I asked to my parent to take directly to her father as all last conventional my law`s had with me )
So last Friday my father called her father and spoke to him very smooth word asked for "Bidai kab karge" but her father replay that "her mother is not in town ,she is coming today, as she come back I will ask her & call u back.. but its 2 days gone they didn't call, so again yesterday my dad call him and ask him for his reply but now as my sasuji told him he was repeating the same " Sandeep ko bataya hai aap unse pucho" so my dad ask him "kya bataya hai, aap mhuje tho batawo" (as my dad knows all 3 conditions)
but same he was repeating the same word " Sandeep ko bataya hai aap unse pucho"
and he cut the call by saying "rakhta hu "
So Pls Experts on this what would you all advised too.
My dad his very angry on this dad.(wo aabhi bhi apne beti ke bare me nahi socheta, doing and saying same as her wife his saying to do and my sasuji had very Eco problem )
He said Today he will go with my respected family`s member to his house and asked for the reason and what they want to do??
but I stop his and waiting for all Ur advised so that i can proceed further ... pls pls
ajay sethi
(Expert) 08 July 2014
we have already advised you at length . better to stay separate near your parents place
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 20 July 2014
Such human behaviour is out of our preview. Only legal suggestions can be given to you.
Guest
(Expert) 21 July 2014
When you are not ready to act upon the advice of experts, what is the use of writing such a long stories? When your wife is not ready to come back, her parents are not ready to send to your home, you are not ready to be patient and are in haste to join her with your family, so better learn the lessons whatever dystiny teaches you.
So now if you are in such a hurry to make her live with you, it is up to your sweet will, either to accept their conditions or hire a capable lawyer from your town serve your wife with a legal notice for divorce.
Guest
(Expert) 21 July 2014
When you are not ready to act upon the advice of experts, what is the use of writing such a long stories? When your wife is not ready to come back, her parents are not ready to send to your home, you are not ready to be patient and are in haste to join her with your family, so better learn the lessons whatever dystiny teaches you.
So now if you are in such a hurry to make her live with you, it is up to your sweet will, either to accept their conditions or hire a capable lawyer from your town serve your wife with a legal notice for divorce.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 21 July 2014
1. I fully agree with the experts advise.
2. Remember marriage is like a two way traffic which moves with mutual trust, love and affection for each other. Conditions have no room in the marriage institution.
3. Engage a local lawyer and proceed as advised and stop this thread.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 21 July 2014
I do endorse the wise advice of Ld. Dhingra ji.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 21 July 2014
If you want reconciliation you have to go deppt to the cause of conflict (shedding ego) without bias.
you version indicates that trouble started with daughters birth.
You say that your MIL started blaming your parents after birth of girl.
what for did she blame?
you are silent
given facts indicates that she blamed then for taunting their daughter for delivering a girl (this happens and will be belived by everyone) It appears that your MIL had no grievance earlier.
Guest
(Querist) 22 July 2014
i respect all your Advice`s But any case if I get sperated to my parents after that also i don`t thing reason may solve, her parent will my life hell. I want that she come back to my house and i am very sure that as she come we will adjust and will live peace.
Guest
(Querist) 22 July 2014
I am sorry Sudhir jii But it not like as your thinking, we are not upset with her or blame her for daughter, my family is not like that, even my parents have too daughter and they take care as same as me (the only son)my 1 sister is fashion designer & 2nd sister is doing Engg..
and we are very Happy by having daughter in family so this not we had tone any thing to her.
I and my parents love both and waiting for her, and this reason her Parents know how much we missing them that why she is done such things...
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 22 July 2014
If you and your parents do love your wife, you all can persuade her to reconcile and you do start a new life with new thoughts.
Guest
(Querist) 29 July 2014
Because she known`s that my daughter is my Minus point, as well as my parents had became grand parents so now she think by troubling me she can keep in her under and will convince for there condition..
Guest
(Querist) 29 July 2014
Sir, In case i am taking Divorce them what will the processor and effects.??
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 29 July 2014
Well analysed by Expert : malipeddi jaggarao :
YOU ARE HIDING THE VITAL DISPUTE..
As usual, no one declare his fault.. and magnify others.
my research shows" If her maika is within 15 kn of your house , high risk of marriage breakdown.
2nd point: During and after pregnancy/ delivery, Woman psychology changes,,Also husband look outwards during that period of 9-12 months, it is natural..It is unbearable by wife at her critical stage... of pregnancy and with small child, only remembers and hope for your warmth.. It is only restricted to 1st pregnancy, not for next time.. It is First Timer problems to be looked after with due care: You failed to do so.
As suggested by majority Experts, I too repeat, WAIT AND WATCH, WITH CALM COOL MIND FOR SIX MONTHS.
NO ANGER, ONLY TRY TO PAMPER, LOVE, BOW DOWN,
Think only after Six months!!
Be faithful to your wife/ Let her look after your baby, send good messages, do not comment to others,, Don't let others to develop cracks in your relation to break your matrimonial home.
Do not spoil life of 3 to 10 persons by small mistakes and E GO ...
NOTHING IS PERMANENT: THE TIME WILL WASH OUT EVERYTHING!!!
TAKE HELP OF LAW ONLY, AND ONLY, WHEN YOU FEEL NO OTHER ALTERNATE..
Better never involve Lawyers..if you want to save your Family, and have peace of Life.. IT WILL WORK . TRUST GOD..WHO BLESSED YOU WITH DAUGHTER..
YOUR WIFE TOO, IS SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER, AND UR D WILL MARRY,AFTER 20 YEARS!! HOW WILL YOU DEAL WITH HER HUSBAND????, as her father??
wash out mis-understanding, selfishness, dirt in body, mind, and your thinking. Others will follow you....
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 30 July 2014
I also do endorse the advice of Jaggarao.
