Choose Correct partners( carefully) and avoid divorce and pain.

Trust is the easiest thing in the world to lose & the hardest thing in the world to regain or retain:

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.

THOUGH IT IS NICE TO HEAR BUT I CAN SAY FROM MY PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE THAT - IT IS IMPRACTICAL.

NONE KNOWS THE FUTURE.

MARRIAGE AFTER A LONG COURTSHIP, BROKEN FOR SMALL CAUSES.

Our problem is that we try to change others and who are others?....i.e. it starts from parents, relatives, wife, kids, neighbours, colleagues, govt society...endlesss....

Kis kis ko hum badalenge!!!!

Even if we succeed to some extent to change or control other ...we just can't control ALL others.....But our cribbing the same that some other aren't as per our expectations!!!!

Those who can't change parents hate parents and family tensions!!.....those who can't change spouse go to court!!!...thoe who can't change neighbors have fights with them!!!..those who can't change colleagues and bosses have problems in Office etc etc etc!!!

Can we change all other?

Instead if we change ourselves the whole world full of all others would look completely changed!!!!

'Dil ke darawje poori tarah khol dena'......that means open the doors completelt ..no restriction!!!......If we don't have any classifications as foe and friends...then it doesn't matter whoever enters in our heart...because there is discrimination there....dost bhi andar ayega aur dushman bhi!!!. par dost aur dushman ye bhed ko hi samapt karenge to apne andar koi dard hi nahi bachega.....i.e. attachment to end result willl not be there.....

If I get something..its HIS wish...if I don't get it still its HIS wish......Why to crib for things not as per our expectations...that cribbing doesn't solve it.

But it doesn't meant one should just GIVE UP or be submissive !!!

but fight it with a sporting spirit.....as if it is a match .........and one has to fight as if it was a match and after the match is over ..................one has shake hands with opposite team...with same attitude ......................where we won or lost the match!!!..............such opposite team (OTHERS) is everywhere around us and at every moment....

SWA (self ) ko jano to sab dard ki dawa mil jayegi!!!

Good Day!

@Abhinaya and Jyothi. Could you please define your definition for MUMMA's boy?

How can one believe wifes words after a month of marriage? if he listens to his mom and then fights with wife then he is loser without completly understanding situations. But if he listens to both and don't respond then is he a mumma's boy?

Most of girls become angry because their husbands are not taking actions on their words in case of fights. does it mean he is mumma's boy?

Either he is acting too diplomatic or doesn't trust. Its understanding of ones situation and I agree with Arup that its very impractical.

Both has to look after both side parents properly.

BEWARE OF MUMMA’S BOY/GIRL, THEY ARE REAL LOSERS AND CAN BE HAZARIOUS FOR HEALTH.

Very good article mam, very informative and good. Very practicle

It is an excellent article no dount. 

But the question is , in the prevailing patriarchal norms how many girls would be able to follow this advice? Do they have freedom to decide? For that matter even educated girls...

It is a wonderful article if girls fight for this freedom to decide when and with whom to get married. And the site of this freedom would be her natal home...

This article presumes that a woman has de facto right to decide...

I somewhat agree with Arup,that despite a long courtship,where partners select each other after knowing each other so well,love marriages fail more than arranged marriages.

If you treat the partner just as any other family member,ie,ur mum,dad,bro,sis,etc u will not be so much affected even if he becomes bothersome sometimes.

Do we leave our own parents,brother and sister if their viewpoints are different,if they fight with us,if they develop incurable diseases,and so on?

We all say that we were incompatible with our spouse,we we decided to divorce.

When we stay with our own parents,grandparents,& siblings in 1 house,we are never fully compatible with any of them.      HAVE YOU NOTICED THIS?

Despite these differences,we love them wholeheartedly,and can do anything for them,even sacrifice our lives for them.

Do we part ways with them on incompatibility ground?

When a couple adopts a child,he is regarded as their own child forever,and they never send him back to the same orphanage,from where they sdopted him,even if he becomes insane,handicapped,aggressive,unemployed,etc?

Do we taunt him that you are have taken birth from the womb of another woman,so you are not our own?

He's treated just like one's own biological child?

So why can't a daughter inlaw or son inlaw also be treated like an adopted child/family member?

So  why the above partialities only with him? 

This article has two sections, the first two are for both him/her ie male / female. and the later part is for only females.

Earlier decisions used to be really rigid, but nowdays its improving , son or daughter is given this opportunity to choose or atleast they discuss.  Atleast the situation has improved.

Mr Arup's question is okay, we can think that way but we don't because marriage is a very different kind of relation. Its not like parents or sibblings, marriage is about, emotional, mental & physical needs. Lot of things are there in a marriage. Which makes it complicated and a bit different from the other relations.

We love our parents, our mom or dad but we are not possessive in that sense, but in relationship we are. There are lot of things, mixed feelings, and mindset.    So i don't think that we can compare it that way.

I mean the love bonding is there but defination of each & every relationship is a bit different.

Komal your balaced reply touched my heart. 

However, majority of women are still not able to decide, may be a few ones can put thier foot down. Many times its not unusual that even men come under tremendous pressure from thier families. 

And then these intimate relations are as you say is very complicated. At what turn, relationships change, cannot be predicted. However, the article gives significant pointers to look for certain things which may contribute to, but not gurantee, a stable, long lasting marital bond. 

Komal jee this is what we have to "LEARN"

To treat marital relation,like relations with other family members.(excepting physical needs)

We treat it as a different relation,because of strong cultural conditioning and rigidly defined roles in India.

And hence,the conflicts.

So,for us,the partner/daughter inlaw/son inlaw is an outsider/alien,for whom rules are different.But there are no rules for other family members.

If we respect freedom of other members,we should also do the same for spouse/daughter inlaw/son inlaw.

The day we come out of this mentality,that marriage relation is different,all marital conflicts will end.

I understand and agree with you meenal ji, but unfortunately things doesn't work this way.

This is the only problem........

Hope people can change......

Thanx ambika ji......i agree with you.

This article is a guideline its not a gurantee card.....because life has no gurantee about anything.

Arre we don't know ki agle din kya hona hai.  whether we will be alive or not.  so how can we ask for gurantee, but its fantastic article as guidelines, which can help a boy and a girl both.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but why people bring their ego's , don't know. 

Right from from Meenal, Ambika to Komal and other have presented very balanced views/analysis.

One thing is that I wanted to thank the author but the same is being moderated, my thank not being conveyed to author.

So my big thanks to author thru this post.