Divorce on cruelty - pls advice urgent

@ Author

1. What really you are looking at in next 2 - 5 - 7 years; stridhan given back to you and / or re-establishing your matrimonial life and/or just cases before various civil / criminal courts and see what happens out of them?


2. You have to be clear in your approach of the possible outcome of all these exercise once you institute criminal laws (fir / complaint to magistrate court / caw cell etc.) then chances of accepting back in same family diminishes and there pops un-necessary tutu – mai mai before various Courts and only two persons un-carringly enjoy the most out of this and they are his and your ld. Advocate as we Advocates are concerned about representing our side of the client and not concern about to unite a couple though it is one of the aspects of professional life but rarely advocates launch such initiative bze either client does not wish them to do so due to his / her reasons best known only to a particular spouse.


3. There can be civil proceedings to get back your stridhan which is effective as well as safest way to retrieve your stridhan.


4. If you also want divorce then may opt for MCD and save your future / career / litigation fees / youth etc.


5. If you want justice then come what may push the cruelty envelop till its logical end before court of Law.


6. If you want nothing then donot push criminal laws at all as until proved accused a person / family has more the rights to seek AB and the first step is not to get arrest and once a husband / his side does that the effects of cruelties and counter litigations gets diluted and it just remains who comes to negotiation table first.


So think about the first para and then course of action could be suggested.  

@iniya

You've written alot but not at all understandable. Break it to simple points what you want! What will happen and how can it happen as per the procedure of the law could then be answered.

//peace

/Saurabh.V

Iniyaji,

What your require at this moment is a true, honest and efficient advocate to answer your questions as you have got a lot of confusing thoughts about divorce cases as well as criminal cases related to matrimonial matters.  I also observe not just in your post but also in other posts, either the author is man or woman, they never explain the root cause of the problem.  One man writes in his post simply that just after three months of marriage, his wife on one fine day went to her parental home by saying that she would stay there for one week.  But two years passed and she did not turn up, despite several attempts to lure her back by him.  He asks that whether he can file divorce and if he files divorce is there any chance that his wife may file criminal case against him.  Experts, who want to answer him, do not know what happened to the wife within these three months of her stay at matrimonial home, which caused her to go away from him permanently.  Whether she has got a boy friend?  whether husband has harassed her physically or mentally?  Whether in-laws have done any thing for her desertion?  Whether husband has any girl friend, which matter she came to know and she left him?  Nothing is known to the experts. Then how can a proper legal advice can come out of such a situation?  Similarly, in your case also vital points are missing.  Some of those are:  1.  How long you both lived together after marriage.  2.  Whether you have got the children?  3.  Whether you are working?  4.  Whether he is working? 5.  Whether you are ill-treated? (you said so in your post).  6.  If so, who ill treated you, whether husband or his parents and brothers or sisters or all of them or only some of them or only one of them?  Why he/they ill treated you?  The nature of ill-treatment.  7.  What was the exact contents of your complaint.  These are the vital information for giving you proper reply.  Any how, with the scant information out of your post, I try to answer your questions, periferally.  Why I am writing this, that the several authors come on this forum, who want advice please supply the full information and get appropriate answers.

Experts pls advice:

1. Does my police complaint as cruelty for divorce( no FIR no arrest only 2 counsellings and when boy's family absconded after compromise requested them to give back my jewels which they forcefully took from me on the day they pushed me out of house)

No. GIVING COMPLAINT TO THE POLICE OR LODGING FIR IS NOT CRUELTY FOR DIVORCE.  BUT IF TRIAL IS HELD IN RESPECT OF FIR (ONLY UNDER SECTION 498-A) AND ACCUSED ARE ACQUITTED HONOURABLY, THEN SOME COURTS HELD THAT IT AMOUNTS TO CRUELTY FOR DIVORCE.

2. I asked time to reply, after the court my FIL accused me of wasting their time and threatened to sign Mutual divorce or they will make their son marry another girl silently and delay divorce to spoil my future by draggin the case.

YOU ANSWER TO YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW SHALL BE IN SAME TONE AND TENOR - " MARRY YOUR SON SILENTLY AND SPEND THE CONSIDERABLE REMAINING PART OF YOUR LIFE ALONG WITH YOUR WIFE AND SON BEHIND THE BARS FOR ABETTING BIGAMY AND YOUR SON ALSO WOULD SPEND THE TIME IN JAIL FOR BIGAMY".

Even though I had had enough, was looking for last chance to save the marriage, but their behaviour has hurt me a lot, and their attitude to search for another richer prospect and spoil another girls life too.

IN HIS DIVORCE CASE, THE CASE STARTS WITH COUNCILLING.  YOU AVAIL YOURSELF THE OPPORTUNITY FOR SAVING THE MARRIAGE. 

Can counsellors advice them, is counselling in family court really effective and has any value. IF not....

COUNSELLING IS EFFECTIVE, IF BOTH THE PARTIES ARE OPEN MINDED AND HAVE A "FORGET AND FORGIVE" NATURE.  IF ANY ONE OF THEM IS ADAMANT, COUNSELLING DOES NOT SUCCEED.  THE MATTER WILL BE SENT BACK TO THE COURT TO DECIDE IT ON MERITS. THE COURT DEMANDS STRICT PROOF OF CRUEL ACTS.  IT IS NOT EASY FOR HIM TO GET IT.  JUST FILING  COMPLAINT/FIR IS NOT CRUEL ACT.

 Pls advice if give a petition to to women's cell about my FIL's threat and file FIR for my previous complaint and simultaneously   if I reply in the next hearing that I too need divorce stating the cruelty in their part with eidence will judge grant divorce decree. Will the FIR trap me in divorce proceeding by any way after this - as my hubby has already given divorce I need to just reply and ask for divorce right, can he dany divorce after this just to torture me further.

IF YOU WANT DIVORCE DECREE, THE BEST OPTION IS NOT TO FILE YOUR OWN DIVORCE CASE ON YOUR OWN CRUELTY GROUNDS, BUT TO FILE MUTUAL CONSENT DIVORCE PETITION WITHOUT PUTTING ANY BLAME BY THE SPOUSES AGAINST EACH OTHER.  IN THIS PETITION, THE REAMINING FINANCE MATTERS, SUCH AS PERMANENT ALIMONY, STRI-DHAN COMPROMISE BE MENTIONED SO THAT YOUR FINANCIAL INTERESTS ARE PROTECTED.  IF CHILDREN ARE THERE, THEIR CUSTODY ALSO TO BE DECIDED BETWEEN THE SPOUSES BEFORE FILING MCD PETITION. 

what a cool reply by ld.advocate Chandu...

Yes very cool and good reply reply .

@iniya

Just follow the advise by Adv. Chandu .

Divorce by mutual consent is a good option for you in this situation.

thanks for all your replies...

till date my aim is to save the marriage thats why we dint pressurise to file FIR or harrass them but since no mediators from relatives could speak to my inlaws I took the help of police for counselling. But they are not ready to even listen to police with "come what may lets c we have money to face" kinda attitude. they are adamant if they will listen to counselling at court. so lets c...  your suggestions if any are welcome...

My Name is Ravi, i got married in 2006(without dowry), after marriage my wife came at my home for one week after that she went to complete for her education (B.A.M.S.) in Gurukul Kangri University, Haridwar. in between on her vacation she come two three times to meet me but since last three year she didn't came, in 2011 when we approaches her to come to our home she denied to come to our home, she and her brother started abusing me and my family (i have call recordings) than they asked if we didn't pay 8Lakh and give divorce than they will file a FIR under dowry act. after someday they had file FIR in Basti(U.P.), police came they took my parents, my brother and his wife to Basti. now my parents on bail. please suggest me how can i come out from the situation and how can i get divorce. please help

@Ravi!

Why dont u start ur own thread instead hijacking iniya's thread?

@iniya!

As rightly said above, u do not come out with complete details, about the real cause..... why that party is not listening 2 councelling... why they are so determined to counter u come what may........ as u have said "I took help of cops 4 councelling"..... what a nobel way to save ur torn marriage???.... u give complaint at CAW cell implicating the opposite party in criminal offences...... & still expect that they will accept u in their family...... :- )

So plz come on, accept the reailty, u know the cause of their annoyence, if u c the things r at a stage of return, then give a sincere try to CIVIL measures.

O'wise, if there is point of no return from their side, better agree for MCD with realistic demandes.

Gud Luk

@ Chandu ji

@Chandu & galsober,

The root cause of my problem is simple ego... as below:

1. a proposal came for my bro who is suppose to be my hubby's cousin. I was at initial stage and we dint kw my MIL and the girl's mom are like too opposite poles with 30 years vengence and bla bla. When I came to kw of tis my parents stopped the proposal. My MIL dint believe it though and kept suspecting that we are proceeding without her permission so was using caustic remarks on me and poised my hubby to neglect me.

during our marriage they were making huge demand indirectly and i some how managed saying budget constrains... when proposal came for my brother their cousin family had boosted on them saying my family has property value of millions of crores bla bla and they are happy their girl is gona marry sucha prospective guy which irritated them and so my MIL and hubby started picturising me as liar not giving them actual picture of our financials and lied budget during marriage ( ook even if my dad owns the country, doesnt mean he shud give all to my inlaws jus cos they are taking me into their house right...)

One day my mom came to our house to give gifts for an upcoming occassion and on her way made a courtesy visit to the proposed girl's house (as we stopped conversation with them abruptly cos of my MIL mom felt she should explain them in person) and my MIL saw that. tis she cosidered insult and both she and my hubby became hysteric throwed me out of house without a rupee or mobile i was in streets. I then went to neighbour hood called my mom to take me home. When my parents called them they said I had eloped/ran away from home and they dont know if im alive or not. it was cos of tis my dad insisted tat we make a complaint in police regarding tis incident for safety. 

2. Divorce idea came cos during conselling and mediation by elders I was so vexed that I did revealed that our marriage was consummated only after a year as my hubby has psychological impotence/anxiety problem and we lived happily only for a month when the above problems came and again my hubby got mental blocks and started avoiding me totally.(not even conversation, just complete neglegence). When this came into light, they felt embarrassed that every1 came to know of their son's problem so to avoid that, they said he is not attracted towards me / me non cooperative that why problem in conjugal life, he will be potent if he remarries another fresh?! and younger girl! (by the way im jus 23 and he is 28)

Now temme just is it right to throw a girl out and to hide their issues, divorce me... tis is why I wanted to make them realise their mistake and reconciliate...

Now forget about all other things and concentrate on two points, which emerged out of your narrtion.  1.  He and his mother are money minded 2. He has got certain psychological problems by which he is not interested in continuous physical relationship.  Now, if any reconciliation will be made, do you think that on these two aspects, there will be improvement on their part?  Do you think as the times pass by, they become wiser and attach emotionally to you  than expect materials from your natal family.  If yes, then you sincerely put efforts for reconciliation.  Otherwise, take all the necessary steps for mutual consent divorce decreee.  And do not forego your maintenance rights.

This is for chandru sir as well as to iniya, wife

My freinds issues is also the same as narated by iniya, chandru sir, i have a doubt, where my freind was under harrasement for five years, with complete burst out, she has complained to police, and got weaposed immediately, ( No FIR, No sec 498 filed), But has got a copy of CSR, that husband illtreated the wife and beaten due to family disputes, Does this amount for cruelty?

secondly In the station husband agreed to seek seperate house since the problems are due to the in-laws, but keeping silent and applied divorce under cruelty. 

 third he says not co-operating for s*x desires, but he was in abroad for all the five years doing research, made wife  to be with the in-laws. does this amount for cruelty? if he is in abroad how can wife co-operate with him for s*x. how come his advocate is also keeping quiet for this.

He puts counter for the wife's IA/IM stating that wife is asking for nuclear family, where she is greed on seeing husbands earning and his expenditure towards his family. wife has file IA for the minor child and not for her.

does the above stands the grounds of cruelty? we need ur advise sir.

@S. Sangeetha,

i have a doubt, where my freind was under harrasement for five years, with complete burst out, she has complained to police, and got weaposed immediately, ( No FIR, No sec 498 filed), But has got a copy of CSR, that husband illtreated the wife and beaten due to family disputes, Does this amount for cruelty?

Filing criminal complaint in police station by wife is not cruelty.  But ill treating and beating wife by husband is cruelty.

secondly In the station husband agreed to seek seperate house since the problems are due to the in-laws, but keeping silent and applied divorce under cruelty. 

In most cases, seeking seperate house by wife is not treated as unreasonable demand.  But this proposition varies from case to case.  Where in-laws are very old and sick and are unable to survive themselves and need the assistance of family members and only husband and wife are available for their physical, psychological and financial needs, then seeking seperate house does not go in favour of wife.  

 third he says not co-operating for s*x desires, but he was in abroad for all the five years doing research, made wife  to be with the in-laws. does this amount for cruelty? if he is in abroad how can wife co-operate with him for s*x. how come his advocate is also keeping quiet for this.

On one hand sitting abroad for continuous 5 years and not making any provision for  wife to reach him abroad and demanding s*x from overseas and on the other hand, self contradicting, blaming the wife seeking separate house from in-laws - all these are self-defeating arguments in divorce case  by husband and if his arguments go like this, he will not succeed in divorce petition. 

He puts counter for the wife's IA/IM stating that wife is asking for nuclear family, where she is greed on seeing husbands earning and his expenditure towards his family. wife has file IA for the minor child and not for her.

If wife is sufficiently earning and maintaining life standards similar to  that of matrimonial home, then she need not seek her maintenance.  But, definitely she has got a right to seek maintenance for the minor child as the upbringing is the responsibility both the husband and wife and husband has to provide maintenance for the benefit of the child.  Wife's demand for nuclear family, her greediness for money are the (frivolous reasons they are) MOST IRRELEVANT REASONS TO DENY THE MAINTENANCE SOUGHT IN IA. The child will definitely get interim maintenance.

does the above stands the grounds of cruelty? we need ur advise sir.

If on these grounds, the husband seeks divorce, then it is difficult for him to get it.

As usual Chandu sir gave a very cool , professional and intelligent answer.Thankyou and

expect more from you in future.