Seperation

You wrote a long story about your arrogant and egoistic wife instigated by your MIL, but I didn't find any question in your query to be answered!

Originally posted by : greenwich5
	My wife and I have been living seperately from more than one year with little or no communication at all. Our families have met twice without any fruitful outcome, they came to our house with all their family members (7-8 people) and created scenes twice. Kept on blaming us with false allegations of dowry etc. We have not taking single penny in marraige, the only way for them to put this across in legal forums would be through fabricated or false stories.  My wife is well educated, works in MNC earning good salary and is currently staying with her aunt. She is very aggressive, ill mannered, short tempered, egoistic person who doesnt cares about married relationships and is not willing to talk any sense out of this relationship. I tried to speak to her multiple times but have always received bashing responses where she starts blaming me for each and every issue. She has completely lost her mind, being fed by her mother since starting and is not willing to budge. The issue is she wants me to beg after her for everything and ill treat my old parents. She has grown up in such environment with her parents, so it is impossible to change her mindset as I have tried numerous times. Last time we spoke, she demanded house to be transferred to her name, some written affidavit and promise that I will leave my parents forever and will never ask her to come back to them and live with her. I politely denied everything and suggested that if this is what she wants as contractual marraige, then better we seperate. She initially agreed but later on, her father demanded money and started false dowry allegations on us. I have never asked her for dowry, infact my mother always told her that this is all yours in future but you must take care of this house. I only asked for for some monetary support as she was also earning well so I could pay off my loans and look for bigger home for future. She outrightly denied any help asking me to take money on loan from my MIL surprisingly Nobody has initiated any case until now. We have asked them to sort this matter amicably and avoid destroying life of two individuals (me and her) but they are not interested and have clearly responded that we will see you in court and spoil your life. Recently, when my father called them, they have indirectly asked for alimony. Me being the only earning member has huge loan to pay, and parents to take care of. Please guide me how to proceed on this matter. I dont want to spoil anybody's life but just want peace. Marraige is almost 3 years old now. Her parents took her from the our house (neighbours witnessed), and now they are blaming us. And they never tried to sent her back even once.

Gone are the days where boy and girl would sit like dolls and nod to elders decisions.

If you wanted a certain type of girl you should have mentioned it before tying the knot.  

It appears that neither of you put any kind of conditions bfore tying the knot.

Hence is is understood that you both agreed to cooperate with each other on as needed basis and that is where you people went wrong.

 

Once you are on those terms you cant complain later.

 

She will sit for another year or so before approaching court with alimony pettion.

If she makes a move or you make a move, loss will be yours.

 

Indian Courts favour women and not men.

 

Now that it is clear that you both cant adjust with each other.  

It is better to solve matter by proceeding towards divorce as all talkks have failed.

 

Divorce can be seeked by way of mutual consent petition under HMA 1955.  This will take 6 months to get over.

You file joint petition seeking divorce (without listing blames/allegations but just metioning incompatiblity and inablity to live together for lack of understanding).

Dont drag matter by lisiting thousand things about each other and contest the divorce petition.

 

Contested divorce pettion wont get over in this lifetime.  It will squeeze out your life before coming to your palm.

 

Mutual divorce you will get by parting with one time hefty alimony to wife.  Dont bother too much about high price for freedom.  If you dont take this step she will sit there and file some alimony petition that tiself will take another 5 years to get decided, LC/HC/SC but you will still have to pay her monthly alimony, failing which warrant issued, judicial custody, doing rounds to jail etc.

 

or

 

simply bring her back.  No use taking divorce.  All women are like this.  To the kind of girl you want.  No girl will agree to your conditions even if you take divorce from this one and seek new one.  All your conditons are idealistic and no girl will agree to it.  You will simply risk your life with divorce from this wife and try to find new girl without having any choice and still in the end bring home some girl who is more horrible than this one.

 

Adjustment is name of marriage.  If she cant adjust, you adjust with her.  Dont cling on your idealistic views or you will have to suffer entire life by roaming to court.

 

Somebody has to take decision, she has already put her views across, she wont let you go witihout paying alimony, in this case you take move of going for MCD.

You can contact me if you wish for further advice over phone.

Thanks Helping Hand for advice. I am not sure what "conditions" are you talking about, I have never put any conditions with her, infact she did - asking me to leave my old parents (with nobody else to take care of them) when they always treated her very nicely, asking me for share in property when she is not even willing to share any household tasks or anything else (we had maids for household chores and food), asking me to sign some stupid affidavit. I have already asked her to come back mutliple times, even though she has been throwing tantrums since day 1, always tried to fulfill her demand for what she wanted even when I have no monetary support. Every little thing, she shared with her parents and then they came to our house to fight with us. I sufferred a lot initially and tried everything to support her. She was never interested in any future plans as well and her parents never came once when we invited them cordially but always came running with their daughters one phone call. 

I understand that indian laws are biased towards women and thats what even my FIL told me, I have told her multiple times that if she wants to continue this relationship, come back and we can try once more, but she herself mentions that she is not interested and want to live independent life. I dont know why she married, when I had made everything clear before marraige. Looks like she has been influenced bardly where she is unable to see any consequence of this endless ego battle and not even willing for mutual.

Sarma, My question is what step should i take in this situation since, the are trying to frame us with all false allegations and with so much hate already spread by her everywhere, i dont see any possibility of reconciliation.

The step you should take is just don't do anything and stay quiet. Let them call the shots and you just respond. If they file cases, fight them. But don't show any submission to them or else they'll ride on you. From experience I can tell you after a couple years, they'll come to your terms. But if you show desperation and nervousness, you are dead meat.

Originally posted by : greenwich5

Thanks Helping Hand for advice. I am not sure what "conditions" are you talking about, Dont be a arse.  You expecting her to do household work itself is a condition, you expecting her to understand that you dont want to leave your parents itself is a condition. I have never put any conditions with her, infact she did - asking me to leave my old parents (with nobody else to take care of them) when they always treated her very nicely, asking me for share in property Every girl wants security, she marries only because she can have someone who can look after her till she dies, even cats and dogs want secure place to sleep, what wrong is she doing if she asks share in property?  All this though does show her mental attitude and upbringing it also shows how you are, if you have written or transferred property in her name what would have happened?  She would have stayed back, not creating so many scenes isnt it?. when she is not even willing to share any household tasks or If you wanted maid to do your household work you should have hired maid for household work.  Todays girl wont do all that, if she is working or if she is not working, nothing she will do of household chores, she would have been fed up of doing all that at her dads home or not done such at all at her dads house (where she was taught nothing but to eat, sleep, read books, go school). anything else (we had maids for household chores and food), What do you mean by had?  You got rid of maids coz you got married?  Even if you had married a uneducated woman still she would not do your household chores. asking me to sign some stupid affidavit. What kind of affidavit?. I have already asked her to come back mutliple times, Simply asking her to come  back would be of no use, you should do lot of acting of love and affection, shower her with all the nicest words and praises, tell her that she is the most beautiful bum that you ever seen etc and make her come back, praise her dad also, tell her that he is equivalent to BIRBAL etc, your motherinlaw is the goddess that you are seeing etc.  DO like this and she will come back. even though she has been throwing tantrums since day 1, always tried to fulfill her demand for what she wanted even when I have no monetary support.   Take loan if you dont have monetary support, banks are made for people like you, hand loan, personal loan, gold loan, property loan are few options which I know of, you can contact any privatized bank locally for loans. Every little thing, she shared with her parents Who will she share with?  YOu cant question things like that, it is her birth right, for the thread in her neck which you tied she stayed with you, when it was too cumbersome going and coming to dads house, she made some bahana and slipped off in the dark and now sitting at her dads house, now one less work for her, she need not share anything that happens with her because of you!. and then they came to our house to fight with us. You should have given police complaint against that basterd who is your fatherinlaw, he could not teach her daughter how to be with husband and comes to fight with you?. I sufferred a lot initially and tried everything to support her. She was never interested in any future plans as well and her parents never came once when we invited them cordially but always came running with their daughters one phone call.  Phone is the main reason for all this problem, if she comes back take off all conections, thorw away all mobile phones into a well. I understand that indian laws are biased towards women and thats what even my FIL told me, I have told her multiple times that if she wants to continue this relationship, come back and we can try once more, but she herself mentions that she is not interested and want to live independent life. Do you have call recording of it?  Did she tell this to you in any other persons presence?  make use of it in court when you apply divorce. I dont know why she married, Because she is girl and is of marriageble age and due to her parents who for the exercise they did, as a penance and penalty got her married to you, and your karma of previous janam when you were a king who killed a lac ppl in war, now have to pay back due to karma married her. when I had made everything clear before marraige. Just apply for divorce, on this basis, she went back on her words, her father went back on her words. Looks like she has been influenced bardly Nobody can be influenced.  A person acts on his own. where she is unable to see any consequence of this endless ego battle and not even willing for mutual. Mutual she will agree if you throw money.   Right now to be on safer side, file RCR petition today itself, its been omre than a year that she left you, file RCR now or else you will be in trouble.

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Dear Greenwich 5,

what sarma said I'd absolutely right.  From my experience so far, I feel there is no need to lie in court or in any of your petitions. The girls side generally have a feeling that law is on their side. But I don't think so. Think about the judge who doesn't know anything about you or your wife. Do not tell blatant lies. They lie to terrorise you. So that you will bow down and bring her back or you will pay them a kings rannsom. They won't even think that you will stand up and fight. They are sure that this case won't even go beyond mediation stage even If you file for divorce. They think that they can terrorise you by telling these lies and declaring that law favours women for added effect. If you have not wronged you will not come under any kind of trouble and your case will not drag in court. When lawyers compete telling lie uon lie what will the judge do? Give dates and lo your case is dragged. If they have given anything it has to be proved. Now a days even if you drop some peanuts to a monkey, you click a photo. So if they gave you something , it has to be proved. You may have to spend some money for AB and other things. Work with your lawyer closely. But you call the shots . Be truthful BUT BE SMART. Learn a bit of law, go through all these posts,( you have time . Need not fight with wife or her parents) support your parents, instill confidence in them and even they will help you in fighting the case. Good luck!

Here is the deal breaker.

Talk to her and say you agree for all her terms and conditions.

Tell her for her own good let her draft the affidavit of transferrring house into her name and include not meeting your parents for ever. Once drafted ..let her notorise the same..

Do not sign until then.

Then take a true copy of same ..File cruelty on her and file a divorce.

 

Bend your knees until you get the affidavit and then stamp on her like a bug.

 

Simple.

Thank you Sarma, AnonymousIyer and Whatnot for your valuable advice. I would rather fight against this legal terrorism rather than dying in marraige everyday..

Thank you Sarma, AnonymousIyer and Whatnot for your valuable advice. I would rather fight against this legal terrorism rather than dying in marraige everyday..

You are most welcome. Good luck dear.