How to settle differences

You need someone to put sense back to your husband. These kind of things takes place in joint families. Your situation is peculiar as they want you to give up your financial independence. You should talk to your husband and explain your point of view to him. Tell him that its your hardwork and money and also tell him that this money will come handy for your children and stuff like that. Tell him that it is your legal right to stay with your husband and no one can force you to give up your salary. Law is in your favour dont be afraid. if you need any help contact me.

Rit Arora
Advocate
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:-) Well said autohide4u. One of the best posts I've seen in recent times, both in content and the humor.

In joint families it does happen.

It takes time and patience to change.

Save the marriage.

Don't act in haste.

Litigation is time consuming.

 

There shall be lawyers for both parties to defend interest of clients.

Try to involve elders from both sides and arrive at some amicable and workable soloution.

It may happen,bit by bit.

Rest is upto you.

 

 

 

 

Try to appeal to your husband in a rational, logical manner that your earnings are for your family, not his dad. He is well within his rights to look after his parents, but monetarily you have no part in their upkeep (unless your husband becomes jobless). If he still refuses to listen, try to arrange a meeting with a marriage counselor who will attempt to explain things to him from the perspective of a experienced professional.

However, I think sooner or later your husband will understand that neither he nor his parents have any right to ask you to resign your job and look after them. If it still doesn't go well, Im afraid your only have two options. Bear it for life, or divorce.

Thanks to all of you for ur time in reading the post and advice suggestions. Isimply want to live with my husband. I do not want any litigation, nor maintenance, property rights etc. As god has cherished me wd good education professional job good source of earning however I m earning 5 times than my husband. He do only wat his father says him to do. I m afraid as I belongs to a very socialitic family and don't want to dissolve this relationship. I m emotially attached to my husband. Plz help me out.its very shocking for me when I look back when they used to be so good for me dat was all fake as I was giving salary to them and now they r saying that they will not take me back unless I start giving my whole salary to them. Plz suggest how can I get my husband vack to my life. Thanks inc again

Can't both of you meet and decide?

Can't both of you seek transfer and be at other town and have your own breathing space?

 

 

90% joint family has same story it depends how you handle situation. Try to take help of some marriage counselor. You have two options 1) continue your job . Give your salary to FIL. It doesn't matter if you keep it to you or give him. Salary will be at home. Remember relationships are more important then money. Money you can collect later also. 90% in every joint family MIL/FIL is a very dominating personality and everybody follows his/ her instructions. You can't change this because it is from very beginning. 80% husband's from combined family act in same way as your husband. To maintain relationships you can sacrifice . 2) be strong prepare yourself that you can live without your husband. Go MCD. Live happily. Think in a positive way the person for which you leave your parents if can't stand for you in this situation dnt deserve you. For him you are only source of money . If you earn he will accept you it not you are useless for him. He can't do this in any pressure as he is enough mature. No one can help you in getting him back until you dnt give him salary. Life is your you can choose any option. Dnt take help of lawyer if you need help take help of marriage counselor. Lawyer will make you fool and marriage counselor will help you in right way. Sit with patience think what option you want to choose?

Thanks for your guidance.your reply has terrified me somewhere dat untill I give my salary I will not get my husband back. But the problem is dat we r not in contact since last three months so Ho it is possible to bring him to counsellor. I think he will not co.e to counsellor as his parents will not allow him to come. Further would like to know that I hv got a new job with god salary package and I want to bring my car which my parents gave me at the time of marriage. So how can I get that car from inlaws as I need for.commuting to office. Car I registered in my name. Plz guide me how to proceed in settling these issues. I was not having any problem earlier I giving my salary to them but one day there happened some situation and I abrupty denied to give my salary and dat was d day I saw reality of my inlaws. My FIL says we will not keep u at our home untill u give salary to us and no body there took stand for me not even my husband. Plz let me know how o settle. Plz.

Another prespective: Involve elders from both sides and try to resolve.

If rigidity prevails atleast it may come on record that what was what!

 

It is reiterated that the effort should be to save the marriage.

 

 

Thank You All for your suggestions.

Recently got news through family relative that my FIL came to him and asked for nominating flat to my husband then only they will take me back. (Actually I aplied for flat 3 months back and thought of taking loan if flat is nominated to me in lucky draw which has recently successfully happened) Flat is under construction and possession will be given in 2019 as per builder policy terms.

Can any one let me know what actually FIL wants?? He is also not allowing my husband to live separately peacefully with me. Sometimes FIL gets agree and suddenly say No, will not allow us to live separate.

Please let me know what should I do. I want to live with my hsband.

Please help me.

 

 

 

Don't nominate the Flat as asked from you.

You may better consult  a very able counsel specializing in family matters and start preparing to defend your rights.

It is dishearting to know that money comes in a way of happy married life.

 

If you refuse automatically you will be outcast with your in laws.. Your husband needs to take a stand.

 

Somehow try to talk to your husband.. May be a trip outstation would be helpfull..Say flat builders has given you a free stay..Send your in-laws to the trip and you have a discussion with your husband..

 

Every man thinking depends on where the blood flows...Without being crude, if you can manuplate him to using your charm...it should be helpful...

 

You have to take a decision.. Writing a flat in their name ..would be tremendous burden should things go south...

 

Kumar doeb is correct in stating involve elders...But first charm your husband

We are not in contact from last three months so not possibel to initiate from my side. They may use this as a weapon to put me down and aceept all their wishes. 

I want to know that can my husband ask to leave me on non acceptance of his father conditions as he is completely under his parents influence. He is not taking any stand on his own. I am really very confused what should I do to save my marriage thats y not menatlly prepared to go fir litigation as dont want to worsen situations to uncontrollable conditions.

People says that going to litigation wil definitely lead to divorce therefore terrified to go for litigation. Hope I am able to put my concerns here to get better solution towards saving my marriage.

Furtehr also would like to update that I have also undergoen major Caesarean operation in Mar. 2015 and that was miscarriage. I am attached to my husband emotionally therefore do not want anything negative.

pLease help me in saving my marraige.

We are not in contact from last three months so not possibel to initiate from my side. They may use this as a weapon to put me down and aceept all their wishes. 

I want to know that can my husband ask to leave me on non acceptance of his father conditions as he is completely under his parents influence. He is not taking any stand on his own. I am really very confused what should I do to save my marriage thats y not menatlly prepared to go fir litigation as dont want to worsen situations to uncontrollable conditions.

People says that going to litigation wil definitely lead to divorce therefore terrified to go for litigation. Hope I am able to put my concerns here to get better solution towards saving my marriage.

Furtehr also would like to update that I have also undergoen major Caesarean operation in Mar. 2015 and that was miscarriage. I am attached to my husband emotionally therefore do not want anything negative.

pLease help me in saving my marraige.