Need suggestion

there could be some provocation from your end too? try to involve your common friends and relative first for a concilliation.

thanks for your prompt reply sir. My family members are already involved. As no one in my family wants seperation as i am the elder brother and have 3 younger sisters as well. Our family prestige is on stake. Actually girls parents wants me to be with them at their place , which is not possible on ethical ground. When i got married nothing as such was informed to me. Even i tried as well and landed into depression as they treat me like homemaker. I am really tensed and not able to find any way out. Please help.

@ Author

1. What are the 'grounds' to go in for divorce in presented brief ?


2. A FIL threatening over phone "that I will shoot you" which has not been recorded is not one of the grounds to make up mind and go to Court seeking divorce.


3. In 9 months of seperation if both of you see incompatibilities then wait for 1 year and then either apply for "sepration" or using as per personal Law 'grounds' one may apply for divorce that also as last resort.


Keeping matrimony alive and kicking is never a easy task but takign estreme steps of breaking matrimonial bond is also never been easy espeially if a husband approaches concerned Court with above "intimidation' grounds !


Now if you going to get divorce or not is not the que. before us I suppose at this stage?

@Author

 

I suggest you seek help from court and state your grounds.

 

This is fortunate for you that you have not been implicated in any of the natural cases after such break-up.

 

I suggest conciliation and mediation by professional mediators who would make your in-laws realize your value as a human than some slave.

 

All the best!

 

If the mediation woudl fail, then you can file for divorce on grounds of cruelity if you want immediate relief. Also do not file for Restitution of Conjugal Rights (RCR) as general reply to such petitions is 498a case. :)

 

//peace

/Saurabh..V

@ Author


My above reply was for your first brief. After hitting 'submit / send' button I read your second brief.

1. In that case file for RCR and keep regularly (each month) send to her on a hand written MO maintenance money for her upkeep.


2. You look after your other liabilities meanwhile. If she wants to come back to shared household she will otherwise she will contest your RCR suit and may 'raise demand' of pendentelite maintenance. Or if she is not interested to come back she will let your RCR suit get serviced ex Party. Before expiry of 1 year limitation period Execute the ex Party decree and then you are eligible for decree of divorce.

3. A wife shall live where a husband lives and not as threatened to you to do. Remove depression by spending more time with your current liabilities in hand (aged parent and several unmarried young ladies in home) and for your liabilities towards your wife you have been suggested for RCR (S. 9 Hindu Marriage Act; restitution of your conjugal rights) and sending of money each month as per your "status" for her upkeep.


Above are straight forward "civil" litigation which may be launched if second brief is interpreted based on interpreting that a person (queries) comes to Legal forums only after having some (little) knowledge of family laws and after trying social engineering to save h/er marriage which as per your second brief you and your side have done more or less hence I will not give you lecture of moralities and psychiatric treatment of wife and or counseling and or panchayat interventions etc. etc. as those steps are more or less done with as per your two briefs and your self understanding of your current situation and liabilities at hand are cause of worry (depression).

 

Discuss all these with a local Adv. i.e. your facts and honestly put them in black and white before concerned Court and carry forward with your life.

@ Ld. Saurabh


With permission let me say that when 'wife' leaves matrimonial home irrespective of what cases (cil and or crl.) she files or planning to file in near future, she has already "raised demand" and it cannot be overlooked at "prime facie" stage and whether she files S. 498a IPC or DP suit or Bharat Ratna DV suit as these are all over-cautious approach if present two briefs of author to be put on test.


In my opinion as soon as a 'wife' leaves her matrimonial home the first thing she should be genuinely offered with is "maintenance money for her curret upkeep" as per status of a husband without she given an opportunity of raising such 'demands" via Court. It is nobody’s case that she will obviously raise such demand but then husband “past gesture’ is pushed to higher presumptive pedestal by ld. Courts is my view. Then the approach comes for trying mediation / panchayat / friends - relatives’ intervention for a simple reason a 'wife' at pre-court stage is 'contentious liability' of a husband.


Secondly it is nice to suggest professional mediators to authors but these mediators interventions are not evidence material other than sparking one liner in suits mentioning by either side when any case gets filed. The sanctity of Court referred mediation is not what professional mediators in market enjoy. Hence with permission I differ here and nonetheless if you say that "if mediation fails" approach Court on “cruelty grounds” but if author’s above two posts are put on test then what grounds he is going to have to apply under “cruelty” after say professional mediation failure! I also mean to ask refusal to listen to professional mediator by a wife how she is causing cruelties to husband !! She may have her own reasons not to live with her husband and one may see what are those reasons and whether they withstand test / ingredients of cruelties as per Law or not. I mean this is how I interpret this thread read with your post. I may be wrong but then better to ask hence; I may like to understand your view point on above large para as generic sharing of knowledge kindly give your thoughts contextually not generic.

Thanks a lot sir. i truly appreciate replies i am getting from all of you. i would like to bring one more point in your kind consideration that my wife is earning much more than what i am earning ( As per my in laws). i was in Pune when we got married. but then she forced me stating that she will get better oppurtunity in northern part of the country and we moved to Delhi in order to subside all the clashes which were happening day on day when i was in Pune. i left my job. i joined one company in Delhi. one fine day my wife told me that she needs to visit her parents ( Agra). i allowed her. we both visited Agra and then my father in law told me to stay in Agra, i denied. then they said , you continue working in Delhi and the girl will stay in Agra. i denied. After few days they informed me that she joined as a lecturer in some engineering college and it is on probabtion . i got let it go . then after 6 months  i asked them to send the gorl back and then they denied stating that they will not let the girl go and suffer with me as i am earning less. rather they asked me to come over to Agra and stay. 

In such case am i entitle to pay her. i still want her to come back to me. 2 months ago my grand fatherpast away and we informed my inlaws for their presence but no one turned up leading my family to go through lots of embarrsment . 

 

Please suggest. i am a layman and can not afford a lawyer as of now, because i am searching for a job and trying to capitalize.

It's true you are facing a tough time.So you have my deepest empathy.

 

However,from the briefs of your case,I guess(not sure) that she asked you to shift twice only for a better living.As per my understanding,you earned less.So she asked you to shift to Delhi & now to Agra.As far as I know,Agra's lecturers earn not more than 15,000-25,000 monthly(here alsoI am unsure)

 

So if you earn even less than this amount which she earns currently,I can understand there must be great financial problems you encountered in Delhi.Trust me,it's difficult to survive in Delhi in less than 25,000.Even a salary of Rs 40,000 is less in Delhi,esp. if you have to run a family or stay as a couple.

 

Why don't you take it positively that she tried to shift twice,for better opportunities,so that the 2 of you live comfortably?

 

If she wanted,she could have straightaway deserted you and never given you her new address,or run away wiith another man.But she did not do it...

 

It's better to talk to her and try job hunting for one last time by going to go to Agra where she's earning a pretty good amount which can sustain the 2 of you for the time being.

 

If at all you find good employment you may settle there finally.

 

If you do,tell her you will be willing to live in a separate house and not with her parents.

 

If she agrees,I don't think it's a wrong idea.Sometimes people shift to different places in order to find a good employment.

 

Rest is upto you..

Okay...I did not read about your FIL's threat,and that they did not turn up on the funeral..

 

Now you decide what you want..

thanks sir. As informed earlier, i tried staying with them also but she is not at all following any kind of signs which a hindu married women follows. she still shows that she is unmarried, she is not using sindoor and when ever i asked her to visit my native place she denies. I am just trying to xplain all the possibilities which i tried. 

When she married me she was aware of my living standard. i was with my Family in Pune and as we were in joint family our stauts of living was good. it was not because of individual contribution. i informed her this before getting married. After marriage she asked me to take a separate flat in Pune which caused me lots of financial problems and since then i am not able to capitalize.

@ Author

1. When a wife leaves matrimonial home alibi of "not able to afford lawyer' should be depreciated with infact to assist you Legal Aid Cell of Courts are there for economically weaker sections to get Justice.


However above being hint and besides the point I will now go back Saurabh’s forcast paras when I come to know that she is hailing from Ulta Pradesh and you probably currently in either Delhi or Pune (Maharashtra).


Meaning thereby allow me to come to personal suggestion level now since your third post needs personal approach and be it so what you may do is to "keep quite" and traverse 180 K distance of Delhi and Agra on weekends and listen to "gun on head" ramblings of FIL instead of landing into a situation where no Anticipatory Bail is even granted in Ulta Pradesh State where she hails from.


Above being personal suggestion now coming to professional advise on issue of she earning more or you jobless the fundamental que. is if between you everything would have been rosy say in past (not asking just hinting) then would you not have looked after needs of your wife irrespective you had a job in past or not ? If answer is yes then club this to wife leaving home and no demand via Court as such she has raised instead they are waiting and watching so survival instincts (read as coming into good books before Court) and social understanding hints to send some money before she is given an opportunity to raise demands via court with banquet of (possible) cases as Saurabh forcasts which now I understood when UP name was stated in your third post.

Also note a jobless Husband shall not pay maint. is also few of the Courts w interpretations but donot start rejoicing hearing this as to come to that interpretation applied in your cases (if any that also in future) cases are contested J


But then actual on grounds facts may differ in each cases.


Inviting wife to attend funeral of grandfather and her refusal is 'cruelty' ground so what we see is snippets of facts are appearing in each subsequent posts and frankly investing time on each subsequent facts and replying may not do justice as a whole to your case so what options you are left with when you say you are (probably) living at Delhi and jobless?


I would suggest you to go to Patiala House Courts (near India Gate) and contact Delhi Legal Aid Center near Gate No. 2 and it is free service to seek legal advise and prepare for difficulties times ahead.


I suggested above; unfortunately I have kept three replies as maximum limit to a thread hence I may not reply further to your thread so suggest to hear other experts comments / suggestions too in your presented briefs and then make a conscious call. 

 

@sourabh,

I have gone through your three posts.  I have got my sympathy with you.  But what is worrying me is that you are changing the goal post in every subsequent post.  In the first post, your main concern is that you were threatened by your inlaws.  Next post your grievance takes a new turn that she is earning more and hence forcing you to go to Agra to live with her.  In the last post, you went further saying that she is not wearing sindhoor etc.  This type of confusion will not help you.

No where it is written that matrimonial home is the place where husband lives.  But as a matter of tradition we all accept this and courts also will not differ if the husband insists that his place of residence is the matrimonial home and the wife has  a bounden duty to come and stay with him.  There are exceptions.  If egos will not clash and if wife earns huge amount and her job is not transferable and in that place the husband has a potential to get a job which can sustain him, he can certainly go to the place where the wife lives.  It does not mean that he should live with in-laws.  At any cost, if husband does not like to live with in-laws in in-laws' house, he is entitled to say so legally, morally, ethically, justifiably and validly.

Most of the problems come because before the marriage engagement all these things are not discussed, which should have been discussed.  If the wife wants husband as "Ghar Jamai", that should be specifically spelled out and if boy does not accept, that is the end of the matter.  Similarly, if the girl does not want to live in joint family and wants a separate house with the boy, then this condition should be spelt out before the engagement, so that future problems may not crop up.

As these things have not been spelt out in your case, you are fully justified to express your protest to go to Agra, where she is residing.

Now I will answer your questions on legal points.

1.  As you are not interested to take divorce at this stage, you have no necessity to file any case from your end.  But you must write every fortnight a letter and send it by speed post asking her to come and join you in Delhi and get a job in Delhi itself.  Keep the copy of the letters and the receipt of speed post.  You need not to pay any money for her maintenance as she is earning more.  If you can afford send gifts occationally  whenever such occation arises.

2.  If she files cases, either it is section 498-A, DV case or divorce case, you have to contest them.  If those cases are filed in Agra, you have to go there.

3.  Do not say that as you are unemployed and you cannot afford an advocate, you are feeling helpless.  As long as you are true to your post and no atrocity is perpetrated by you against your wife, you are most welcome to my office, without having a single penny in your pocket and I assure you that within the territories of Delhi, in any court you will get the  best service free of cost from my side. 

Well Said Adv Chandu,

 

My sane advise would be to decide what the author wants in his life.

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com