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Suresh, 42, travels every other Saturday from Boisar to Bandra, hoping to see his 10-year-old daughter. He is a non-custodial parent engaged in a matrimonial dispute and his child’s custody is with his wife. For the last two years, he has not seen his daughter.
Recent information procured by another parent Vipul under the Right to Information Act reveals that there are over 176 non-custodial parents (NCP) in the city who are allowed access to their children only in the Children Complex room situated on the third floor of the Bandra Family Court.
The information was sought by the Tardeo parent, who is fighting a case of restitution of conjugal rights and wants his wife to return. He has a five-year-old son he has not seen in two years.
He says, “My wife works and stays in Vasai. I want to meet my son and don't want him to be deprived of the love he deserves. I have no say in his matters. The NCP gets limited access - we can’t take our children for outings or to our place. An NCP can meet the child only in that room and only for two hours, every alternate Saturday. That’s 48 hours in a year.”
For Suresh, the ordeal has been twice as nightmarish. While he has been regularly marking his presence in the attendance register kept outside this Children’s room, another column stares at him with a string of absent marks.
“Every alternate Saturday, I wait here for two hours, hoping that my wife will bring my daughter. I have a court order to see her, but my wife chooses to ignore it. I haven’t seen my daughter for two years. I feel helpless,” he says.
Statistics revealed by an RTI filed at the Thane Family Court are shocking. The RTI response (a copy is with Mumbai Mirror), shows that of the 83 child custody matters, only in two cases custody was awarded to the father; 50 per cent overnight vacation is given to only one parent.
Many NCPs say that their children have not visited their father’s home in four-five years and many ailing grandparents are waiting to see their grandchildren. Hardly any action is taken against the non-complying parent for depriving access despite court orders.
The custodial parent always looks for excuses to be present at the time of the access. The custodial parent further poisons the child’s mind against the NCP.
The Supreme Court has observed that court exercises parens patriae jurisdiction - the problem has to be solved with a human touch where the paramount consideration is the welfare of the minor child. If the child is old enough to form an intelligent preference, it must be considered, though the final decision rests with court.
“By such access, you get to see your child for 48 hours in a year and this often goes on for years. Because of such limited opportunity, the child and the NCP hardly get to bond,” said a father of a four-year-old daughter, who was accused of cruelty under section 498-A of the IPC.
The 38-year-old financial says he has the means to provide for his child. “I am surprised when she tells me, ‘Papa, I know you left mummy with no money.’ No court has held me guilty. Often children are brainwashed against the NCP. Why are there no guidelines for the custodial parent?” he asks.
Many NCPs miss being a part of their child’s growing days. Andheri’s Gautam says, “We cannot attend the parents-teachers meetings. If we go to school, just to see our child, we are accused of attempting to kidnap him/her.
The concept of shared parenting is not encouraged. The custodial parent does not bring the child to meet the NCP, citing excuses. For each access, one has to file an application. Hardly any lawyers encourage a couple to reconcile.” Gautam was married for six years before his wife filed for divorce five years ago. She procured an injunction order restraining him from coming to her house to meet his son and the two are embroiled in a custody battle, of which not a single hearing has happened yet.
Solicitor Nityoah Suneel Mehta feels that when the parents forget that the child is the worst-affected party. She says, “Acrimony and rancour at home deprive the child of normal growth. The child usually develops anxiety, fear and insecurity. Normal growth and academic performance are affected.
The parties need to resolve their differences as parents and not only as husband and wife. The counsellors, mediators and the courts try to resolve these differences in the interest of the child.” Mehta added that in many cases, because of the criminal complaint, the husband loses his job and that becomes ammunition to deny him access to the child.
Bandra businessman Sameer has been married for 19 years and his sons are 16 and 11. His relationship with the wife soured over an alleged affair. She went to live at her parent’s house in Ghatkopar. “My sons were so attached to me; I’m now fighting for custody. Despite an access order, I cannot meet them. Their minds have been polluted against me and they do not even wish to see me,” Sameer says.
However, these parents say that the issue is not of gender, but about the parent who has the custody. “The rights to be with the child and see the child cannot be taken away from any parent. Unless the courts have a reason to believe that meeting the NCP is harming the child or is a bad influence, why should there be an issue?" asked another parent who has not seen his child since 2007. He got divorced by mutual consent in 2010 and was to get access twice a month and half of the vacations. His ex-wife remarried, moved and changed numbers, he says. “How can I even approach the issue of custody or get to see him?” he asks.
A senior SC judge said in one of his landmark judgments: “It is unfortunate that in the fight, the children suffer, particularly girls. At the time of marriage, the boy's parents shy away because the girl is from a broken family.”
*Some names changed on request
The SC suggests:
» When the mother is granted custody, the child should be granted sufficient exposure to the natural father.
» The father should be permitted to have custody of the child during festivals and school vacations.
» The mother should not prevent the father from coming to see the child during weekends, and not prevent the child from receiving any gifts that may be given by the father.
» NCP must be given the right to approach the court when visitation rights are affected.
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