Please advice

It's useless to argue until we're clear about what's in his mind.

No, he can't marry a second time while married to you. What he can do is start a live-in relationship. But you say he's impotent then how can he do either?

Know the exact facts, come to a conclusion and close this chapter. Move on.

It is clear he does not want to live with me. When I met him some time back for a while, I saw he is not the same person whom I have married. He has changed. He was disappointed, sad. I am also unhappy. But i have also my sisters to get married.

I am angry, frustatetd & irritated so I said he is impotent. I am very afraid of court/police things. I am really very afraid of divorce. I know he wants divorce. He is not telling by mouth, but whatever he is doing points me the same.

I have to suffer his mistake. My parents trusted his parents & him & made my marriage. He should suffer hell. I curse him.

Just tell me who is wrong ? me or he & his family.

Did you clearly tell him about your medical condition BEFORE marriage?

No. I did not.

My parents have told his parents.

But looking at my mother he should understand na ?

Leucoderma is not a life taking disease like aids or cancer or STD.

I am fit for giving childrens.

I do not have any kind of disease, which spreads.

Why you people think like that ?

If some guy is impotents does he screams in lanes or in bus stand or in railway station & tell that he is impotent ?

Oh, my dear Shreeya: 

I does not matter if it's life threatening or not, you should have told him. It's not about telling his parents. It's about telling HIM.

Same rules for a man. 

A man need not shout that he is impotent, you neen not shout you have what you have.

But that man should tell his potential wife that he is impotent. So should have you.

Please admit and accept that you made a mistake in HIDING from him your medical condition, which is a breach of trust. Now you have the audacity to go to court when he is angry with you?

//I am fit for giving childrens.// - So you decided that giving children is the only expectation a man can have, and should have? Ever thought of what he might have wanted in his marriage, his dreams, and how by hiding your health you may have denied him all that?

This is what we call selfishness.

Your reply is biased towards males. I am not selfish person. I will not give him divorce.

Can he get divorce as of now ?

I feel following are his options:

1. Go to court & file divorce case on me.

2. Marry second time.

3. Make life with me.

I feel he will not choose first option. I remember he told me once if I want I file divorce, he will not file divorce. As far as I know he always keeps his words.

Second option is possible. I feel he has done second marriage & living happily. But if he does so then I will not leave him for the pain he has given to me, also I will show him women power. I know he is enough intelligent not to make such mistake.

If god grace is with me then third option is always there. God will make him option 3 come true.

I will not give him divorce at any cost.

My question is can he get divorce ?

Well,

If you were not selfish, why did you hide your health condition before marriage? 

You were afraid that no one will marry you and wanted to trap this man without telling him, and use the laws in favour of women?

Do what you want, God sees your actions.

My sympathy to your poor husband.

There is no point living in denial. 

YOU were supposed to tell him about your condition BEFORE marriage so that he had a CHOICE. Marriage is about YOU and HIM. Parents ne dekha ya nahin, bataya ya nahin, whether he could or could not tell by seeing your mother are irrelevant arguments.

By not telling him, you, your parents as well as his, cheated him out of making an informed decision. He MIGHT have agreed to marry you despite knowing the truth but none of you had the right to not allow him to decide for himself.

It's not about whether you can give him healthy children or not, this is about the foundation of your marriage being based on concealed facts. And concealed facts are lies, ergo cheating. Whether or not there are female siblings to be married, it was your primary responsibility to share this information with him BEFORE your wedding occured. Now, these reasons are just excuses to put the blame on his head and stay in a state of denial.

It is unfortunate that you care for him but in your best interests, stop trying to blame him and focus on your responsibility in causing this situation. More importantly, understand that he is more interested in the way you look than the quality of life he can get with a caring spouse. You will also be better off with someone who cares for you as a person and not based on how you look.

He can choose to accept you but that choice CANNOT BE FORCED on him. That will be doubly unfair. 

Let us not rule out foul play by husband here.  Sometimes men compromise on negative factors if they get good dowry.  If it is true that Shreeya's parents informed his parents about her health condition before marriage, it would have been definitely known to him.  Then what motivated him to marry.  Only Shreeya can tell by sharing the amount of dowry and gifts he had taken from Shreeya's family.

@chandrasekhar: Thanks you sir for supporting me.

I dont like to lie & I will tell only truth, what exactly happened.

My father is retired teacher past 7 years back, he has stuggled a lot in life. He was permanent for only 9 years of service rest 20 years he worked on temporary basis, we do not have any income apart from his pension of ~3500/-. We do not possess land or property. We have a own small house. For my & my sister education also we get consession from government for our studies till date.

On the other hand he belongs to very rich landlord family having 3-4 bussinesses. His home itself is 14 rooms of which 5 bedroom are A/C, 3 big cars & so many of labours in his house. Even his mother does not cook food. They have own gym in house. Big TV in in big hall. Only 3 members in family. He himself has almost 14 lack package per annum. He has done MBA & is manager in big company. He is was hardly 26 he was manager(?). As far as i know marriage was held on their home. He had told me he spent almost 4 lack for marriage from his own saving not taken anything from his father or mother neither my parents have contrubuted. Marriage was very big.

What I understand from his words is his mother used to look lot about kundli. Only when kundli matched he used to see a girl. My kundli matched is co-incidence.

FIrst time when he came to see me was with his one friend as it was far away from my native. Second time he came to see with only his heart patient father & mother and a driver. All my relatives had gather when he came to see me second time. He took me in a room one to one & asked 3 questions:

1. Have I am forced ? -> I said no.

2. Will you do what he says or you will take do what you want ? -> I replied I will do whatever is feasible by me. Like he told me he has plans to start some industry & he wants me to look after that. He told me I should be able to take any independent decisions & need not ask him for small small things. ( All this was a fake, he just lied to me, shown me false dreams )

3. Is there anything I have to tell means anything ? -> I said nothing.

He also told me to make passport ready.

He took my mobile number. Next day he sms me his own number while I was in class. I called him back. He asked me whether I want to tell anything? -> I said nothing & I cut the call.

That day only evening my friend was telling some 2-3 batchmate from some another were asking about me. I asked them what they told them, they just laughed & I got very shy & I left college.

Very next day his father called my parents & told them come & see their house. My father went along all relatives where they finalised my marriage. My parents were very exicted & happy that they sent me to a very big reputed family, but in fact they did not knew they made my life hell.

After engagement we used to talk very briefly, although we spoke almost 30 times in 20 days before marriage. He told make passport ready since he booked nepal for honeymoon ( He once again lied to me ). He did not take me anywhere for honeymoon.

After marriage I asked him why he wanted to marry so early, only 20 days after engagement & 25 days he saw me second time, he cried & replied me that his father had heart problem & so he made urgency. He one more time lied to me. His heart patient father is still alive even after 2 years of my marriage. He did not tell he is retarded, impotent person.

I had doubt even after marriage that why such a big reputed family & handsome guy come to my house & selected me as his wife. I thought either his marriage was broken earlier or he had some affair with girls or had some problem. Later I came to know I had wrong doubts about him. Now whatever he behaved after 2 months of marriage shows that he is mentally retarded & impotent junk person.

I returned to my native for my studies, initially he blamed my parents, my aunties & my uncles have back-stabbed him, betrayed him, cheated him on phone I have recorded that as per my mother said. I was very scared.

After marriage 4 months passed I was in-touch with his cousin sister who was once very very friendly with me, she told me he was frequently visiting his native he very depressed & was meeting local & high court lawyers almost everyday when he visited. Later suddenly she also stopped talking with me, replying to my sms or responding to my call.

Whenever I listen to his recorded voice I get very very scared, feels me like his mouth is blasting fire with hunter on me. I shown recorded audio to my uncle, he told me if he barks again just tell him my uncle & everyone in my family will come to his home & sit on his neck, after that day he never spoke anything about my parents or my relatives or me.

I still fear to meet him or his parents from his recorded voice it shows he has bad thinking about me.

He & his family is just a mentally retarded person. Talks sweetly but doing is opposite. :-(

People here on this forum are biased towards men. There is no support for women facing injustice :-(

See their parents lie.. they tell that he does not visit them last more than 1 year. He is second son & ambitious person, will he leave so much land, plot, flat, home, car ? they all are liers & do natakas in front of me.  My husband called me several times & told me not to visit his parents & told me that he does visit them or even speak with them. His mother is not talking with me last 1 year. Once I called to speak her for diwali wishes I heard telling one maid to tell me that she went outside house while I listening her telling her from other side of phone. His father talks with me that also very very brief & they never ever call us. We only call them, because brides are considered as dog in groom's family, they have taken us as granted. His father told my father on phone that he considers me as her own daughter rather than daugher-in-law what happened now ? Why father does not ask me to come to home ? When I tell I will come on vacation they tell that they are going outside for few days for some marriage or some work one or the other reason..

These cheap things he & his family are doing intentionally to desert me, break me again & again.

I will also not give divorce, even if I have to stay in a temple. I am not married to give divorce. I am ready to make life with this mentally retarded person.

My question if he files divorce can he gets divorce ?

My bad luck is my kundli matched with his.

Apart from 5 sarees my parents did not give anything in marriage.

His mother only had given lot of gold given to me in marriage, after 2 months before I left their house back to my parents house for studies they took it back apart from mangal-sutra. It happened in front of my husband still he did not cared about it at all. While removing his mothers gold I felt like I have insulted & humiliated. I begged his mother to keep atleast bangles since I am going to my native home, but my dear husband told leave the gold since all belonged to his grandmother.

He also took back a very expensive mobile which his father had gifted me 2 days after marriage. He also took back bag, laptop which he had gifted me. He also took back choclates & sarees which I was taking home as part of gift from them to my family.

Concusion is apart from mangal-sutra they slowly took back all what they had given me.

Initially few days after marriage they treated me like a queen. Slowly they treated me like dog. 2 months I felt like hell.  We slept in one room but he slept on ground, he even did not touch me even after begging. They made me a dog, which just eats food & does sh*t. When I left their house they even did not call me to ask whether I reached home or not. My husband did not even drop me outside home. Their driver came to drop me. They did not even send me car till my native home, they send car along with driver only till bus stand & driver gave me Rs. 500 which his mother had told him to give me. His driver even did not wait till I boarded bus or helped me in luggage.

I told my father to come & pickup me. Since he was having fever he could not come to pickup me. For first diwali when my father called him, my husband did not pick up his call. My father tried to speak with him several times still he avoided him. After engagement he used to call my father for permission to talk with me, now that sick guy is afraid to pick up my fathers call.

After diwali 15 days his sister told me that his father is in hospital, so I went to see him. My father was coming with me but the day we had to start he was not feeling well, so I went alone to his home. I had informed my husband to send car to pick up me from my home, but he told car has went for repair so I went by bus, he told me to come by auto-rickshaw. When I went to home I saw car & driver were free, and he & his mother had went to hospital. I waited for them on gate till they returned home in evening. I called him several times that I have reached home, still he did not cared about me, made me to sit like a dog in front of his house. I begged driver to take me to hospital so I can see his father, but driver told that my husband did not give permission when he asked on phone. That evening his father discharged from hospital & came to home. Next day they asked me to leave home & told me to concentrate on studies. When I left this time they even did not sent car to drop me. Driver went & got auto for me for which I only paid till bus stop fare. He, his mother or father did not even care that I was going. 

I went 2 times to his home, nobody from his house or my house came to pickup me or drop me. He & his family is playing with me. Does someone does like this with own daughter-in-law ?

I called him & cried him to take me along with him, he does not reply. I asked my father to take me his native home or his home, my father told me we cannot visit his home unless they invite me in person then only he will come. Since we are poor we should not loose our dignity & self-respect. I tried to convince my father so many times but he has his own ethics. They do not invite me to come what they are going to invite my father ?

I am nowhere now.

It is clear that because I belong from poor family they are treating me like a dog & taken me as granted.

@Shreeya:  Yours is very tricky case.  Such rich family marrying you without taking dowry, giving gold to you in return and then suddenly taking back....when did he come to know you have Leukoderma? After how many days after marriage?  He did not touch you.  He was sleeping on ground.  As he could not trace it seeing your face before marriage there is no possibility of tracing it even after marriage if he was sleeping on ground and not even touching you. Assuming his allegations that your parents have not told his parents and you have not told him about that disease prior to marriage, how did he come to know about this given his behavior of maintaining physical distance from you?

Assuming his allegations that your parents have not told his parents and you have not told him about that disease prior to marriage to be true, how did he come to know about this given his behavior of maintaining physical distance from you?  Where was he when he came to know about this? And how did he react with you when he came to know about this.  He would have certainly become angry.  Did he shout at you in your presence or made a phone call to you and expressed his anger?
 

He came to know when he saw me in the after 4 days after marriage in daylight, while i was wearing saree. He asked me what is that. I replied nothing & wore saree & went to have lunch. 5th day he took me to a skin specialist, but then he did not tell anything but he asked his doctor friend about what skin specialist told then he was very angry. He did once slapped me for no reason. It happened in bedroom. I know why he maintains physical distance. Its because of my condition :!( 

For one month no one knew about this apart from me & him. Later after one month one person in house after another started behaving differently. It was height at the end 2nd month the time I left. Everyone used to just stare at me & looked like they will beat me. Although his parents shown sympathy towards me, but at the end my life has become messsssed.

I am not a normal person, what can I do ? Its my fate. My father has a fear to visit his place, he does not tell but I can make out.

I am just lucky they did not come to my house & fight. I dont understand why ? 

He has not only shouted but used foul language at me, but also used foul words about me, my parents & my every relative. I have a recorded his words. It keeps on repeating in my mind every day & night. After my uncle warning he stopped that.

He told me several time how he had trusted me & how I did repay him.

Sometimes he used to ring my phone in mid-night 2 or 3'O clock but he did not speak anything. He just used to make me wake up. So many times it happens still it happens.

Before I left his home 2 months after marriage he took me to a person in district place. Looks like that person had some political background & shared very friendly relation with his family. He told me that person is his godfather. That person's wife took me insider her house gave me a new saree & asked me to wear in front of her. That person & my husband were inside a room for nearly 3 hours having some discussion I am sure they were discussing about me, I was made sit outside like a dog.  Later that person adviced me that allow him to marry one more time. I just listened to him whatever bla bla he said for almost 1 hour I dont remember that. Next day he sent me back to my native. I asked him his address in chennai, he just gave office address, which I had earlier also. I asked him where u stay, he replied I sleep on road you have any problem ?