concerned mother (home maker) 25 September 2012

Rights of grandparents

We are filing for divorce by mutual consent.I have been subject to tremendous physical, mental and emotional abuse by husband as well as in-laws.
Husband is not here for 5-7 months in a year. So he is contesting that when in town he should be given access 3 times a month. In his absence his parents should also be given access 2 times a month
My concern is that the grandmother is undergoing psychiatric treatment at a reputed doctor's but i do not have proof as i have always been kept away from her documents.She not only over spoils my child but also instigates him against me.She also has an absolute hold over my husband and he bends at her every whim. I am well educated but have no money for court case. Also,i have lost my father and my mother shall be unable to support me financially. Knowing this, my husband and his parents are demanding for 10 days + 1 month absolute access to my 3 year old. Husband is extremely well off earning more than 2lacs a month and is wielding all power possible to break me down.I am extremely concerned about me child. If i allow access, they shall keep giving my child all the goodies in life and lure him to stay with them. As they are not ready to give too much financials, i shall not be able to give him all the pleasures of life. So obviously, my child shall crave for things offered by them and choose to stay with them. What do i do? I cannot live without my son. . DESPITE all the mental and physical abuse i still was staying with him but now the issue has come to the well being of my son. Hence, i have agreed for divorce. I need legal advise as soon as i can get it?

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7 Replies

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate) 25 September 2012

The last two lines of your querry are difficult to understand. "...now the issue has come to the well being of my son. Hence I have agreed for divorce". Do not mix up two issues in incongruous way. First, I take up your divorce issue. Whether to give divorce or not to give divorce is upto you only. No one can compel you or lure you to give divorce. If you are not interested to give divorce, it is your sweet will. If you have been facing mental and physical abuse, then also you are in your full right to refuse to give divorce to your husband. A victim need not to sign songs to the tune of the wrongdoer. If he or his relatives create such an atmosphere to you (in most of the cases it happens like this only), you feel frustated and come to decision that you have nothing to do except to give divorce. The people, some times the so-called experts come with weird explanations that once the marriage relationship has been broken down, why should not you liberate him to live his own life and you live your own life instead of wasting your precious youthful life spending in the corridors of court paying hefty amounts to the lawyers. But, the important question is that shall a wrongdoer get all the benefits of his wrong doing and the wronged shall face the vagaries of life without a fault from her side? If you are not interested to go for another marriage and you want to live life along with your son for your son, then do not succumb to the pressures of your husband and his relatives. Do not give divorce. Let him do whatever he likes. If he approaches the court let him approach the court. If you do not want to stay there receiving physical and mental abuses, you can come out of that house and stay separately with your son. If you are not in a position to maintain yourself, you will get maintenance from his income. NOW COMES THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION, WHICH IS PERTURBING YOU. If you come out of his house along with your son, what will be the custody of the child. The courts will decide the custody of the child on the basis of the child welfare as primary consideration. A three year child custody will be given to the mother. Father can get visitation rights. As the father is always away for 7 to 8 months in a year, only a limited visittion rights can be provided to him. Grand parents as such do not get visitation rights. To minimize the visitation rights, you have to prove two points - your husband will be away from the home for a larger part of the year and hence he cannot look after the child, and next that your mother-in-law, a mental patient is not suitable to lookafter the child. For this purpose, you can summon the doctor, who is treating her, to given evidence in the court, if any guardianship case will be filed by them. If she wants to have visitation that shall be at your house in your presence so that she will not plant weird, old and foolish thoughts in the tender mind.

You need not worry about litigation expenses. The women are entitled to free legal aid and also women organizations are also providing the legal assistance through their in-house advocates. I hope I have clarified your legal problems.

stanley (Freedom) 25 September 2012

Originally posted by : Adv. Chandu 09868332610

No one can compel you or lure you to give divorce. If you are not interested to give divorce, it is your sweet will.

Agree with you

If you have been facing mental and physical abuse, then also you are in your full right to refuse to give divorce to your husband. A victim need not to sign songs to the tune of the wrongdoer. If he or his relatives create such an atmosphere to you (in most of the cases it happens like this only), you feel frustated and come to decision that you have nothing to do except to give divorce. The people, some times the so-called experts come with weird explanations that once the marriage relationship has been broken down, why should not you liberate him to live his own life and you live your own life instead of wasting your precious youthful life spending in the corridors of court paying hefty amounts to the lawyers.

My learned friend Chandu why havent you advised the author of this post to go in for DV act wherein she will get relief within 60 days from the summons like custody , maintanence,residence :-)

Do not give divorce. Let him do whatever he likes. If he approaches the court let him approach the court. If you do not want to stay there receiving physical and mental abuses, you can come out of that house and stay separately with your son.

OMG when DV act is there that is right to residence ,Protection order why should she move out of the house .

If you are not in a position to maintain yourself, you will get maintenance from his income. NOW COMES THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION, WHICH IS PERTURBING YOU. If you come out of his house along with your son, what will be the custody of the child. The courts will decide the custody of the child on the basis of the child welfare as primary consideration. A three year child custody will be given to the mother. ...............agreed

Father can get visitation rights. As the father is always away for 7 to 8 months in a year, only a limited visittion rights can be provided to him. Grand parents as such do not get visitation rights. To minimize the visitation rights, you have to prove two points - your husband will be away from the home for a larger part of the year and hence he cannot look after the child, and next that your mother-in-law, a mental patient is not suitable to lookafter the child.

Visitation rights are temporary and can be changed under change of circumstances as the child grows .Grand parents too can get visitation why not . Husband will keep a maid servant as he is earning well than what ??

. The women are entitled to free legal aid

Agreed

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner ) 25 September 2012

1. All rebuttals are well debated by @ Stanley.
2. Sometimes it shows The Lord craves for short circuit ‘release’ of HIS wisdom.

Divya (nil) 25 September 2012

u hv many options.....

contact local commssioner's office, there is a social welfare cell for women..they can help u............

local courts have legal aid commitee they can help u....

there are women's cell in every city, they will help..........u shudnt be apprehensive to contact thm...........

concerned mother (home maker) 29 September 2012

Dear All,

I deeply Thank You All for the suggestions. May i ask for your kind advise with respect to the above suggestions?

1. How do i find out the local commissioner's office and /or social welfare cell for women in pune city.

Also,

My parent and his parent have come to a consensus that: he shall pay me a lump su m amount (say X) for alimony . The flat i am residing shall be sold for twice the amount (2X-that is the market rate). A certain amount shall be deposited in son's name for his education.

My son shall visit* my in-laws 2 times a month for 2 hours each.

My son shall visit* my husband-/ex-husband 3 times a month for 2 hours each, to compensate for his (husband's)absence.

Summer holidays -10 days continuously. Winter holidays - half. Diwali holidays - half. I DISAGREE to it.

My mother-in-law is taking psychiatric treatment. Our mutual lawyer is aware about it but still insists on visitation rights.

Son and mother-in-law are very close.

2. Kindly tell me - what legal action should i take to ensure that she does not get access to my son so that he is protected from her plottings.

3. If i stop taking money for son's education, can i stop visitation rights? (mutually i may allow son father bonding, but fear unhealthy mental and emotional growth if access given to father's mother)

* either i or someone from his family shall pick and/or drop my son.

Kindly reply as soon as is possible as they are insisting to sign the documents.

Divya (nil) 30 September 2012

Hello,

I have mentioned below Police Commissioner Women Helpline no. & commissioner ‘s office address. Also I have mentioned below 7 -8 women helplines (ngo’s) in pune. Please consult them and don’t fully rely on a common person’s perspective and answer as i/others may not be able to know your situation…These people will not charge and they will guide you correctly.

Wish u good luck

Police commissioner Address:-

Office of Commissioner of Police,
2,Sadhu Vaswani Road,
Camp, Pune - 411001.

C.R.O - 020-26126296, 26122880, 26208250.
Police Exchange -020 26208100, 26208181,26208111.

Shivaji Nagar Exchange - 020 26208585.
Pimpri Exchange- 020 26209100 .

Women/Children Helpline 1091/26050191

LIST OF WOMEN CELLS IN PUNE

Pune
Susamvad - Sakhi - Helpline
B1 Seema Apt, Shirole Path, Opp. Fergusson College Main gate, Pune - 4
Tel. : 9520 - 25448400/25538434

Asha Sanstha
Action for Self reliance Hope and Awareness Vishrmbag Police Station, , Farasakhana Building, 3rd Floor, Bhudhwar Chowk,
Pune - 411002
Tel. : 9520 - 24484535
ngoasha@gmail.com

Nari Samata Manch
473,Sadashiv Peth, Pune - 411030
Tel. : 9520 %u2013 24473116
nsm@pn3.vsnl.net.in

Masum
Masum Sanchalit Sanvad, Family Counselling and Guidance Centre - Malsa Kant Society, Saswad, Taluka - Purandhar, Dist Pune
Tel. : 02115 - 222969

Swadhar
C/o Niwara Devid sasun Anath Pangu Graha,
96, Navi Peth. Pune - 30
Tel. : 9520 - 24533452
swadhar@rediffmail.com

Chetna Mahila Mandal
13, Gururaj Society, Bhosari, Pune- 411039
Tel. : 9520 26610516
jyotipathania@yahoo.co.in

Maher
Bhima Koregaon, Vadu Budruk, Taluka Shirud, Dist Pune %u2013 412216.
Tel. : 952137 252174
maheropn3@vsnl.net.in

Shramik Mahila Morcha
101, Shivajinagar, Pune05.
Tel. : 9520-25533560, 25534652
M-09422530186
R- 24452053

stanley (Freedom) 01 October 2012

I disagree to @ Divvya's last reply these womens cells or NGO's do not have any power. These are abstraction points :-) " these people will not charge you " he he but will accept under the table bribes and would put forward a case with the best of wild allegations which would seem like a Hollywood movie " the good the bad and the UGLY "

@ Divvya do the above have any power to pass orders ultimately its the magistrate who passes the orders and it is for the police to follow them up when not complied with .