| Originally posted by : Deepthi |
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Hi Team,
With great hope I'm writing this to you. Can someone please help me with my issue. I'm Mrs. D. Deepthi aged 32yrs. I was married in Nov 2016 according to Hindu Rituals. With a lot of hopes and happiness I entered the new family. But by Feb 2017 things changed tremendously. I was discriminated, harassed, abused and beaten. My husband was highly influenced by his mother and her sisters and brother. We were a happy couple if they are not around. It was an arranged marriage through Telugu Matrimony and there wasn't any dowry involved. However the money which was promised to be given to me by my dad was delayed and this made everyone at my matrimonial house angry. And I was always abused and threatened to be left for this reason. Meanwhile my parents interference made things worse.
My husband left me at my cousin's house and never took me back till date. Its been 3.5 months. His family is not bothered to pick our calls n sort things. He hardly used to respond but it was always negative talks. I was initially angry but never want to part from him. I tried going back to him but he dint let me in. I used to travel 1600kms up and down and always returned with disappointment. I begged, cried, and apologised for being angry but I wasn't forgiven and taken back. I feel cheated and thrashed. I really couldn't understand him. If dowry is the main reason then why did he marry me ?? He could have gone for a rich family. Why play with me and my emotions ?? Finally I had to file a case against him and his family members. I had not spoken to any lawyers. Police registered 498a and other cases for escaping from me without a reason. Now he completely switched off his mobile and found nowhere. Police says he might be worried or upset so not to worry they shall handle. Also they said they will arrange a counselling session soon. But I'm unable to trust that too. Coz during these 3.5 months I approached police for counselling and my husband never came to talk and sort out things. Instead he kept postponing the dates n caused a lot of mental stress to me. Meanwhile few others are saying my husband is looking for anticipatory bail n is ready to face the court. All this is over my head.
I'm not used to all these police cases or courts and everything looks weird and I'm highly depressed. I want simple happy married life. The same was written in the FIR too. Today if my Husband is ready to take me back home and can promise me not let anyone talk about dowry or money that was to be given to me, I'm ready to take the case back and live with him. I worked for 7.5 yrs before marriage and resigned for my wedding coz both of us mutually wished. I love to be home maker so did he. I wanna continue to be good home maker n make a happy family.
I'm 32yrs old and my Husband is 33yrs, its the right age to have kids any further delay would lead to a miserable life without a family. I really want to have a child of my own with my husband. At this moment I wish no parting from him, this is in benefit for both of us. I'm worried that he might show the case as reason to divorce me. For which I'm not mentally prepared. We lived just for 2.5 months as a husband and wife, meanwhile all of this is making me weak. How do I communicate to my husband and resolve this issue without any cases ? None of his family members are responding. I'm loosing my health and mental ability to think any further. Please help me go back to my husband.
Thanks,
Deepthi |
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Hi Team,
With great hope I'm writing this to you.
Your attitude itself is not proper. Who are you addressing ? Are you our boss? Have you appointed us to be your lawyers? This attitude itself shows what kind of woman you are. 32 years and you still did not learn how to behave in public? 32 years and you still did not learn how to ask help?
First and foremost you don’t know how to respect people. That sure has gone against you in more than one ways which you have explained below.
Can someone please help me with my issue. I'm Mrs. D. Deepthi aged 32yrs. I was married in Nov 2016 according to Hindu Rituals. With a lot of hopes and happiness I entered the new family.
Who asked you to build hopes? Could you not go with open mind where you can accept things the way they are?
But by Feb 2017 things changed tremendously. I was discriminated, harassed, abused and beaten.
Did you approach police? You have not approached police but are trying to build sympathy for yourself in the mind of anyone who reads what you have written. Isnt it? Yes or no?
My husband was highly influenced by his mother and her sisters and brother.
Who is not? Are you not? Influence many people will have especially near and dear ones, whats wrong in that?
We were a happy couple if they are not around.
So what did you expect? That his parents should not be around at all? If it were like that you should have put this condition at the time of marriage. You should have seeked orphan for marriage, rather than someone who has a full fledged family or at least put condition that I want separate house after marriage.
It was an arranged marriage through Telugu Matrimony and there wasn't any dowry involved.
Telugu people are known to collect huge money which they spent on sons education, how come they did not take dowry? That is an essential part of Telugu guys marriage ceremony isn’t it?
However the money which was promised to be given to me by my dad was delayed and this made everyone at my matrimonial house angry.
Why did your dad promise that he will give money to you? When there was no talk of dowry at all? You should be madcaps to agree to such arrangement.
And I was always abused (what kind of abuse? You have not explained)
and threatened (what kind of threat? You have not explained) to be left for this reason.
Meanwhile my parents interference made things worse.
Exactly. Your parents interference is the main problem here. Could they not shut their pie hole and let you handle things? If you are papas daughter, you should have stayed with papa. Why did you even marry and spoil a boys life when you knew you could not handle your husband or his immediate family all by yourself? You should have waited a bit till you were mature enough to handle a man and his immediate family. Most marriages get spoilt due to interference from wifes parents. Ask anyone on this forum, lawyer like me or someone who is been at the receiving end due to interference of girls parents.
My husband left me at my cousin's house and never took me back till date. Its been 3.5 months.
You should have gone back, don’t you have money for auto charge or bus ticket?
His family is not bothered to pick our calls n sort things.
These things cant be done over phone, you need to go to secure and secluded place where CCTV cameras are fixed with your entire battalion and discuss with them why not taking back.
He hardly used to respond but it was always negative talks. I was initially angry but never want to part from him. I tried going back to him but he dint let me in. I used to travel 1600kms up and down and always returned with disappointment. I begged, cried, and apologised for being angry but I wasn't forgiven and taken back.
So you had money for auto charge also and bus charge also. That means you have proper and stable income. See this is what happens when you do things out of anger. You need to attend Sadhguru classes for controlling anger.
I feel cheated and thrashed.
You get angry, you become a mess and how can you feel cheated dear? What has happened is a result of your own anger. You have got angry and said what not and all, they got double angry and not letting you in back. Isn’t it? Yes or no?
I really couldn't understand him.
If you are angry and fighting all the time where will you have time to talk and understand a person? Isn’t it? Yes or no.
You should move peacefully, letting the other person be himself and see the person beyond dowry and expenses, only then you will come to know what a person is. Parents of any boy would have spent money on education of their son and would want returns in form of dowry. If you want good boy with good job, you will have to pay money isn’t it? Better the boy, with better the job, higher the price you will have to pay. This is what has been going in AP and newly formed telangana region isn’t it? Giving and taking is part of Hindu culture for a very long time, for thousands of years have been following this culture. You cannot change this culture. Girls like you should make it a new custom that we wont give dowry or any kind of gift. Until that time there is concentrated effort from each and every girl of this country, that they wont give a penny in dowry, this dowry system will continue to be there in our Indian society. Isn’t it? Yes or no?
If dowry is the main reason then why did he marry me ??
Correct. But why did you not ask this at time of marriage? Why did you people behave suggestively that your father will give dowry by giving money to you?
You should have simply not agreed to this kind of setup. You should have found someone like me who does not want dowry at all and wants one person who could manage me and my home.
He could have gone for a rich family.
You could have gone for family much more richer than this family who would have crores of rupees isn’t it? If you had gone for richer family, they would have not asked dowry based on your logic. They already have plenty of money, who will want to ask money as dowry from poor girls family? They would have simply conducted marriage in their expenses and would have given money to your father for giving you in marriage like it used to happen in olden days.
Why play with me and my emotions ??
That you have to ask only him dear. I say, where money is involved, there should not be emotions involved. Did you ever hear a marwadi or baniya have emotions while he dealt pawn? Or when he lent money? He will tell go sell your wifes earrings and give me interest. Is it not? You were stupid enough to let emotions flutter where money is involved. When you are giving money and he is taking money, it is contract. And Indian Contract Act of 1872 applies. Isn’t it?
Finally I had to file a case against him and his family members.
You screwed up big time.
I had not spoken to any lawyers. Police registered 498a and other cases for escaping from me without a reason. Now he completely switched off his mobile and found nowhere. Police says he might be worried or upset so not to worry they shall handle. Also they said they will arrange a counselling session soon. But I'm unable to trust that too. Coz during these 3.5 months I approached police for counselling and my husband never came to talk and sort out things. Instead he kept postponing the dates n caused a lot of mental stress to me. Meanwhile few others are saying my husband is looking for anticipatory bail n is ready to face the court. All this is over my head. I'm not used to all these police cases or courts and everything looks weird and I'm highly depressed. I want simple happy married life. The same was written in the FIR too. Today if my Husband is ready to take me back home and can promise me not let anyone talk about dowry or money that was to be given to me, I'm ready to take the case back and live with him. I worked for 7.5 yrs before marriage and resigned for my wedding coz both of us mutually wished. I love to be home maker so did he. I wanna continue to be good home maker n make a happy family. I'm 32yrs old and my Husband is 33yrs, its the right age to have kids any further delay would lead to a miserable life without a family. I really want to have a child of my own with my husband. At this moment I wish no parting from him, this is in benefit for both of us. I'm worried that he might show the case as reason to divorce me. For which I'm not mentally prepared. We lived just for 2.5 months as a husband and wife, meanwhile all of this is making me weak. How do I communicate to my husband and resolve this issue without any cases ? None of his family members are responding. I'm loosing my health and mental ability to think any further. Please help me go back to my husband.
After filing 498a case what are you doing here? Your marriage is over the moment you entered police station. Now file divorce and take divorce decree from court. The 498a case will run for 1 decade. If your husband wants to contest divorce, the divorce case will run for 2 decades. Mutual divorce is best option. He wont take you back. I did not take my wife back what will he take you back after filing 498a case? Even my wife filed similar case though there was no money involved at all.
This third class women like you will never understand what it is to go to police station. Police station itself is third class place meant for robbers, thieves, dacoits and rapists. In this place if you go seeking solution for your marriage problem, then you are the biggest fool. What can police do to unify husband and wife, can they threaten and beat your husband if he does not want to live with you? No. they can do that also, but that will create more gap than before. You look educated, but you are not in reality. If you were sensible, you could have reduced all this by the way of talks. India and Pakistan hate each other, do they mean they go for war. The great modi and his team criticized congress govt for not going to war with Pakistan, but when modi himself came to power he went to wish Happy Birthday to Nawaz Shariff. Why you know? Because talks are the way forward to plaster damaged relationships. Not gun and law. In same way, you should have gone with peace talks. I mean its your life which is at stake here, nobody elses. Isn’t it. It is you who wanted to go back, you could have exercised your brain instead of exercising your legal rights. Now matter is over.
Even I am looking for girl who can take care of me and my house, I don’t want single penny as dowry. I want someone who can bear children who has not entered police station or court with 498a. I would have even proposed to you, but you don’t fit the bill. You are a 498a woman. The future is bleak for you. Go hold your husbands feet and ask for forgiveness. It is not difficult to trace anyone in this present age. If you have the will you will somehow find your husband and do peace with him.
Problem with women like you is, you people don’t have patience or the willingness to continue in marriage, you want things your way, you want your husband and in laws to dance according to your tunes. If you had willingness to lead marital life with your husband by adjusting with him and his parents, you would not have seen this day at all. You are those unadjusting types sadly. Nothing can be done. You will be labeled as 498a wife for life.
Even if he takes you back, life wont be easy. The hurt and anger of your police complaint will come back to you in much greater force than ever. Chances are you might end up dead, due to hatred and anger.
Your marriage is over. You seem educated, but you are not, sadly. You could have had a wonderful life, but now its all over. Now only court case.
1. Divorce case.
a) Mutual. Free in 6 months.
b) Contested.
c) Ex-parte.
2. Some more cases like DV etc.
3. Maintenance case.
All run simultaneously like mega serial. You wont get any alimony as you are able bodied. Your stridhan etc and dowry claim back is a never ending issue.
Ah and the clock is ticking, and you are aware of it, that is good to know. Take mutual divorce and find another guy in marriage before you turn 34.
Money can buy you husband, but not a relationship.
Regards,
You can mail me at Online498a.DV.Act.Crusader@gmail.com
