Want to save marriage

thanks a lot to all of you.

its not my ego issue,its the issue of injustice,if somebody do a misbehave with me,and i dont have any right to atleast tell the person that you are doing wrong to me,and this is the disobidience of elders,and unrespectful behaviour for in-laws,

than i dont think i am wrong,somebody do evrything wrong to you and u cannot even say single word to save my dignity.

sometime i feel i should not born in form of girl.girl have no right to live her life

its the issue of injustice

its issue of difference of cultural background

i dont have any right to atleast tell the person that you are doing wrong to me,

first try to be a part of the new family in which u are, win thir hearts, u will automatically get ur rights. remember - U ARE AT HOME, NOT COURT.

girl have no right to live her life

GIRLS ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH EMPOWERED BY LAW. If u want ur marriage to subsist, DONT TALK ABOUT RIGHTS, INJUSTICE, BLA BLA BLA .... take some time to get accustomed to new environment ... 

divorce / even the thought of it - should be the last recorse.

 

 

 

@pratibha sharma

girl have no right to live her life

 

this was ur startment - was colored blue by mistake.

do not take it as MY sentence. its urs.

there are experts here, who will guide u to take divorce.

but even they will not advise you to take divorce for such frivolous issues.

allow some time to build trust and love at ur new family & U WILL SEE THE DIFFERENCE

 

Prathiba

I agree with Aishwarya, please fallow her advise

 

dear ur just going overboard with the issue..

First choose between 

"marriage".. want to save it at the expense of values below mentioned..

or

" dignity, respect, freedom ,and what all you desire of"..want to save this at the exense of sacrificing ur marriage...

Be clear as this is not the right time to expect all what u want..it can be brought it a bit later when ur done with ur own task of being a good bahu..Just think about it as issues u mentioned are part of every new marriage and every new bride..

Pratibha, u are walking on RAZOR EDGE............things may take turn to any side...............but my advice is to give peace a chance, make sincere effort as suggested by Rajiv Lodha & Aishwarya.

Do it.............say for 15-30 days & see the change. The OTHER WAY is yet not closed to u if need be!

*All she needs is husband's love & support

What about the husbands love and support of his wife?? From what I'm gathering, these parents are the instigators, or root cause of their problems and are not willing to give the respect where respect is due for her position as their sons 'wife'. The son is just as guilty by going along with them and ganging up on her. No wonder she is rebellious

Professional marriage counceling will not work as long as the Husband continues to disrespect his wife in front of his parents and berate her. This only causes her to feel humiliation and is not at all in anyway you look at it, healthy for her peace of mind. She has stated that she has went out of her way to please them all, but to no avail.

*saying sorry if u get ample of good life in return

Saying sorry when you you've felt that you've done nothing wrong, and not meaning it will only cause more resentment build up in the wife, thus causing the problem to escalate, rather than diminish in complexity. It is more important that she not be disrespected in her husbands house. If she is not being given the respect where respect is due, then all attempts at being 'obedient' will fail.

*If he wants ur parents to be there while u return.......no harm in this.

There 'is' harm in this. Again, his parent, her parents, it does not matter who's parents, it is not their place to interfere themselves in a husband/wife relationship as it is the most intimate of all realtionships and should be respected as such. The husband is not helping by plugging his ears to his wifes pleas. He is passively allowing the parents to control him, his wife and their marriage.

They are obviously trying to force their son's wife into obedience, stripping her of her unique identity. She is not a dog or a robot to be ordered about. The sooner they all understand and respect that she is an individual entity with her own free will, individuality, likes and dilikes, they will get nothing in return but rebellion from the wife instead of the love.This is only natural and human nature. It will only backfire when you try your best to FORCE yourself, your opinions on another. Do you enjoy it when someone tries to FORCE you into doing something you don't like or agree with? NO! You do not...no one does.

Even the God does not force us to do HIS will, or else it would be a perfect world, would it not? We all must make our own choices, good or bad to grow towards that understanding that we need to have a balanced existance.

*Bend to some extent to save marriage.

This is very good advice,and if you go back and re-read her posts, you'll see it and has already tried this method, yet it has not worked! Why?? It will NOT work unless all parties involved are willing to do same in return. It's called compromising.

Human life is given once by almighty.....& its very short. Fill it with happiness rather than fighting.

You cannot fill your life with happiness unless all parties involved are willing to do 'their' part, or else as I said, resentments will set in and only make it the situation worse.

*Counceling will iron away the differences!

It will ONLY work, or iron away the differences if ALL parties involved use this counceling. This situation is a 4 party endeaver if the parents are living in same household, and UNLESS the 4 parties work out their differences together and reach an understanding, and compromise with each other as well as give the respect where respect is due, then no amount of counceling in the world will remedy the problem. It will be also extremely important for the counselor to be impartial to all parties and not on anyones particular side in this dispute.

Why am I seeing comments here that she is primarily to blame for all the troubles, or  'assumed' that she hasn't put in her best efforts to fix the problems? Either the posts are being made without consideration for her, or they're choosing to ignore her facts and the REAL issues. Some of these comments seem more than a little biased (male sided) and overly old fashioned.

She is a human being with rights to 'be heard' and respected for her uniqueness, just as they are.

If the parents don't like her for 'whatever' reason, then nothing, no amount of counceling or whatnot will help the situation as long as they continue with their 'picking on  their daughter in-law. Patience 'is' key if this is in truth the basic outline of the true story and not just one-sided. If they live in the same house as the parents and continue to do so, then the parents need to make her feel welcomed rather than as an unwanted intruder. No one should be a victim of being ganged up on. No one should abuse another either mentally, emotionally or physically just because they have the 'upper hand'. This type of behaviour is no less than bullying. Who could respect that?

All in all, she is having to live with her husband in a household with 'other' people, other personalities, each with their own 'idea' of what or how she should or should not be. It is not an easy task when these 'other' people are consistantly pressuring her husband to gang up on her at every little thing just because they don't see eye-eye. She needs patience, understanding, sympathy,compassion and above all to be excepted for 'who she is' and appreciate her for her uniqueness.

I agree, women are 'in the main' 'short changed' within India society, unappreciated and under-valued. But it will and 'must', as all imperfect things, come to an end when we will see all women of India, everwhere, liberated and treated with equality and respect. 

follow advice of sri sri108 baba amit maharaj. otherwise only your ego will break family. not good for your own father- mother.

sister 

                  just think wht is important...can u save ur and ur parents dignity and ego by divorcing ur husband and breaking ur marriage......NEVER NEVER AND NEVER.

TRY TO SAVE UR MARRIAGE ANT IT WILL SAVE DIGNITY OF BOTH THE FAMILIES AND BOTH OF U(HUSBAND AND WIFE)...OK JUST TELL ME ONE THING.....

DID U EVER HAD A FIGHT WID UR FATHER OR MOTHER OR BROTHER OR SISTER BEFORE OR AFTER MARRIAGE....ANSWER WILL BE YES...WE R HUMANS...IT HAPPENS BCS NO TWO PEOPLE R ALIKE...DID U EVER THOUGHT OF BREAKING UR RELATIONSHIP WID UR OWN FAMILY...THEN WHY U THINK THIS IN CASE OF UR HUBBY AND IN LAWS...THINK JUST THINK ABT IT...

SAVE UR MARRIAGE...IT WILL BLESS U ONLY...MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE...THANK YOU.

 

 

Hello Pratibha Madam

Dont listen anybody's advice . Listen your own self. You have been on back foot always and have been listening to your husband . Therefore, he has been dominating. Now show courage and fight back and give sharp reply. Your husband will be shocked to see your new approach. If u really love ur husband then it is must otherwise he will take for granted that u r a weak woman and always dominate u. Dont worry it will not end up ub divorce. Such matters are thrown in the first hearing in the court. 

It is said that aggression is cause of fear . your husband must be under some tension and may be displacing anger towards u. Dont call ur parents and involve in ur matter. On the contrary ask ur in laws to bend towards u. I am sure u will succeed. Gather ur courage and fight back. If still find any problem contact me if u wish > I may contact ur husband and may try to understand him if possible. 

Best of Luck 

Adv. Sandeep Naik ( Mob: 99670 56980)

Email : sandystorm_1995@rediffmail.com

have you hide any facts?why dont you try to adjustt a little bit?who says you to go home?husband or in laws?If husband says then you certainly will not like to stay with him...but you like to stay with him.. So try to adjust...because doing those things don't harm you.. But you be careful..these are dangerous symptoms of dowry...

Re: But you be careful..these are dangerous symptoms of dowry...

I have suspected same....

Hello all,

Thanks a lot for valuable advice,

well,on saturday finaaly i am going back to my in-laws house alone,as my husband had come from abroad,and told me clearly if you want to save this relation or our life,than come by your own,othrwise forget me,he denied completely to take me from my home,

But as i wrote,i wanted to save my relation at any cost,i cannt see my parents in tension cos of me,

as this is is the world of man,and always we have to bent down,if we hv to survive,how can we think abt our dignity,our values,our emotions,,,,,,,,,,,,,

so i told my husband that i am coming on this saturday,cause this tension is killing me day-by-day,i am in depression,if i bear this tension more,than anytime i got mad,or i will kill myself...

so to keep my parents prestige,i am bending in front of everyone,though i am educated girl,but what it matters,we dont have any self-respect in front of this world ruled by man....

now one lesson i got from this,still women cannot live their life according to their wish,

well this are my last words....

i am going back in hell...............to threatened my own life..........

thanks everybody..................