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Kavita Pundhir (Senior manager)     16 October 2011

Anticipating 498a

 

The reason I am logging in here is because the problem is with my brother. My brother got married in 2007. It was a love marriage although there was no caste difference, but the girl's family is based out of Jharkhand. The problems started within the months of marriage. Both my brother and his wife are working and the girl made it clear that she will continue working even after marriage, we however had no problems with that but we also told them that the girl will have to help a little bit in the household chores whenever she can possibly do that. That means like on her off days and Sundays. The girl and her parents agreed to that at that time. The problems started on the day of the wedding as the girls mother spoke rudely to us and was adamant to do the marriage ceremony as per her rituals, she created a ugly scene on the time of 'Pheres' which was a kind of entrancement for my parents and me. But since it was a sensitive time we kept quite and let her have her way. Somehow the marriage ceremony got over. When the girl came to our house, she joined her job after a few days. Initially she did not do any household work and did not help in the house at all. My mother quietly kept on doing the work all by herself, as I am also married a live with my husband elsewhere. She expected my mother to do everything and always complaint of being tired. Whenever guests came she still did not do anything in spite of being Sundays or her off days. Slowly we started asking her to help more in the house, and on certain occasions she spoke rudely with my mother and taunted her on many occasions.
After a few days we came to know that she is been sending money to her maternal home regularly. Later we came to know that her father is jobless and she is supporting her family completely, although we do not have any problem with that but it was never told to us initially. My father is mentally challenged and my brother is the sole bread earner in the family. She on various occasions also asked my brother to send money to her mother and sisters. She even asked my brother to pay the fees for her sister's admission in college and said that it would be later paid back to him by her father. We have never received that money back. By this time the problems have increased in our house and on one occasion she even hit my mother on the head. After that spat between her and my mother she convinced my brother to move to another city for better job and peace. They moved to Patna for about a year and during that time my mother and father faced a lot of problems financially, although my brother sent money from there but not sufficient enough. Finally they came back after a year and they all started living together again. But the problems continued and she kept on behaving rudely and did not help in any household work. By now the problems even started between her and my brother and she even started talking to him rudely. She started coming late from work even after her shift being over in office. She started going to parties and started staying over at her friends places for nights. My brother confronted her on many occasions but she never gave any consolidate answers. One day they had a huge fight and she left the house and went away with her few clothes and belongings in the middle of the night. We kept on calling her but she switched off her phone and refused to return. There was initiative from her family's side to resolve the matter as we called them also on several occasions and asked them to meet us. She agreed to meet my brother one day and told him that she has got a job in another city and is relocating there. My brother tried to stop her and asked her to come back and assured her that no one will say anything to her. But she did not listen and went away for a month. We had no information about her address during that time. Suddenly she came back after a month's time and called my brother and told him that she wants to come back. My brother allowed this and now she is staying in our house. She has not changed a bit and continues to behave the same way.
I am anticipating a case in future from her side as I think that she has come back with some bigger motive. Please advise.



Learning

 7 Replies

SHAILENDRA SRIVASTAVA (MANAGING PARTNER)     16 October 2011

THE THING WHICH YOUR BROTHER & HIS WIFE NEEDED IS A MARRIAGE  COUNSELLOR. IN FUTURE IF YOUR BROTHER'S WIFE LEAVE YOUR BROTHER'S HOUSE WITH INTIMATION OR WITHOUT INTIMATION ,YOU IMMEDIATELY INFORM THE LOCAL POLICE STATING ALL THE FACTS & CIRCUMSTANCES EARLIER HAPPENED,IT WILL SAFE YOU & YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS FROM 498A.


(Guest)

be careful with such educated loose characters... she is regretting this marriage and finding ways and means to come out of it... let them live separately and do not intereact with them, there are chances of this educated criminal can do many mischief and all your family members keep running courts including your brother... better let your brother handle any mischief himself... after marriage no more relations with other family members advised...

galsober@yahoo.co.in (def)     17 October 2011

It seems that LOVE HAS FLIED AWAY FROM LOVE-MARRIAGE!

See......TAALI KABHI EK HAATH SE NAHI BAJTI

Ur bro shud introspect himself, life is an adjustment, matrimonial disputes are better resolved by mutual understanding............rightly said that they need MARRIAGE COUNCELLING......Saving a marriage takes a lot of sacrifice.......do it to the extent ur inner self allows.

If she proves to be a stub-born girl even if maximum possible flexibilty by ur bro, then be bold & prepared for a long & difficult fight ahead. There is no easy way out if girl wants to have her way only.........So many fighters are here trying to get back their right.

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     21 October 2011

Hi Kavita,

 

I have re-read your story two times.

 

Let me ask you a question straight.    -     What is your brother's take on it? Still head of heels in love with this girl?

 

Going away for a month with whereabouts unknown and huby bringing her back. Strange for an Indian Man.

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

1 Like

Kavita Pundhir (Senior manager)     22 October 2011

Dear Mr Kapoor,

Thanks for writing in, I think you have hit the bulls eye...that the problem is with the attitude of my brother. You have diagnosed the problem correctly, even i felt that my brother needs to understand right and wrong. 

So, should we talk to him openly or should we take him to a counselor...as I think he will not be very happy to listen from us. What else can I do to protect my family from false cases?

Can you please provide you contact number if you are in Delhi, as I might need more advise from you.

 

Regards

Kavita

 

 

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     23 October 2011

8010850498 (please call between 7PM - 10PM if its not an emergency)

 

Talking to your brother, you would have.... I am sure.

 

The problem is different as I see it. A sleeping person can be awakened, a person who is acting that he is sleeping is difficult to awake.

 

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

1 Like

Sh. P Suresh (For To By Green Kindness Perpetuity Selfsustainability Always)     29 October 2011

Both the sides have troubles in their families. Both cannot afford to let their bread winners off. This girl also seems to be responsible enough as she is supporting her father who does not have a job. She will definitely be able to understand the trouble with another father who is not so sound mentally.

 

DV, 498a etc need not be broached upon in anticipation and drive it to that.

 

Sound advices by a neutral person backed by visits by professional counsellor/s who cement marriages may work.


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