Divorce
Unhappy Girl
(Querist) 21 May 2012
This query is : Resolved
I have been married for nearly 3 years now. Right from the beginning my husband and I used to have arguments over many things, a lot of which in hindsight seem to have been aviodable.
A lot of such arguments were preceived by me to be trivial disagreements and I had never thought of those as anything but the initial quibbles that most couples have. However, almost a year after marriage I came to realise that these arguments are being treated as major issues and infact, as unforgivable issues, by my husband. Now 2 more years later also, he persists on saying that all our present fights are also stemming from those 3 year old disagreements/ fights.
I have already apologised many times as I realise that I have contributed as much to these fights as my husband has. But he is not ready to let go.
every new fight results in a lot of verbal abuse and physical damage to the household items. my husband makes it a point to shout abuse about my parents and me, calling us bad names and damaging things to make me scared in every fight.
He says that he is making me realise what he went through. He says that I have to do penance for all that I did wrong before he decides to put things behind. And he refuses to acknowledge that he has contributed in any manner to the state of this relationship.
There is no physical abuse. I have conceded over and over again that I have made my mistakes too. But I don't want to stay in this relationship by proving my worth. I am not asking him to prove his repentance, nor am I insisting that he has to swear to correct all that he did in the past. I was willing to forgive and move on. But thats not happening now.
We are both unhappy. If I did do penance the way he wants and he stopped his abuse, I would not be happy with him, knowing that I am being judged every minute and an account is being maintained of every lapse I make.
My husband will not agree to a mutual divorce. Do you think our inability to live happily together can be grounds for divorce?
I would like some clarification on whether divorce is possible when there is no complaint of physical abuse, harrassment by in-laws, etc?
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 21 May 2012
Hi Roshan,
Try Marital Counselling.
These are petty issues to go for divorce.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
Unhappy Girl
(Querist) 21 May 2012
We have already gone for Marriage Counselling. My husband made it very clear to the Counsellor also that he is not willing to put hings behind and will consider a normal relationship when he is convinced that I have done enough penance
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 21 May 2012
Try understand each other, Councillor can help, can go for Religious Satsangh, Talk & get guidance from elderly common friends and relatives.
Only 13b MCD is only & last resort, if both cannot live happily together.
You may get Legal separation, and wait & watch for a year or two.
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 21 May 2012
No more to add.
M V Gupta
(Expert) 23 May 2012
If nothing works to set things right, then u may have to consider filing a case under the Domestic violence Act and claim maintenance. In such a case u may have to live separately, as things would go definitely from bad to worse.
