Seeking divorce & child custody
Neha
(Querist) 04 December 2014
This query is : Resolved
Hello, i got married in 2009.. I hv a 4 yr old son.. My husband's behavior ws good for the first year of our marriage... But suddenly i dont know wat happened to him, he started fighting wid me unnecessarily... There is never a day gone when he does nt shouts at me... There have been few instances of physical abuse too... A number of times i left his house & went back to my parent's house... But everytime the elders pushed me to go back & sort things & said that he is like this, u should adjust according to him... My inlaws do not live with us.. They live in a separate home... Nobody tells him or makes him realize his faults... I have been living in hell from past 4 years.. There has never been a day gone when i did nt cry... For him i exist to fulfill his sexual needs... He never talks to us.. I keep on talking to him but he never replies to anything i say... I'm just d caretaker of his house, who keeps his house well maintained& cook food fr him...he abuses me verbally... He is an egoistic stubborn man.. I have a severe disc problem, due to which i have a continuous terrible pain..bt i dont even complain of it in front of him... He never evn ask me hw i'm feeling.. He is always in angry mood when it comes to my son.... We get a life only once & even i hv d right to stay happy... I cant tk this torture anymore.. Sometimes i feel like committing suicide... There is not even a singlereason dat i shd stay with him... I just want to live my life peacefully with my son... His behavior is affecting my child... I dnt want my child to suffer because of him... Please advice what should i do & how should i proceed towards divorce & child custody... We dont deserve this life, we deserve a better one before it is too late...
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 04 December 2014
You should immediately get separate from your husband with your son.
Ten file case u/s 498A,406. 506 ipc.
File case u/s 12 of PWDV Act for maintenance.
At last file suit for divorce. If child remains with you, you need not file any custody suit.
Neha
(Querist) 04 December 2014
Thank u for ur advice sir..
ajay sethi
(Expert) 04 December 2014
it appears there is no future in your relationship . it makes no sense in staying with husband who physically assaults you . file for divorce on grounds of mental cruelty . see k maintenance for yourself and child .
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 04 December 2014
In the first year of your wedding, you are happy. You had a son also. His parents are not residing with him. Then what happened suddenly? A person of that character, cannot live happily even in the initial period of wedding. There must strong reason. What is influencing his mind? Is he sex maniac? Has he have bad habits? Why do the elders ask you to go back to your husband and live with him? Do you have any dialogue with his parents? What do they say on the issue? Are you a house-wife or earning member?
It is easy to break the marriage and as per your version there is every reason for severance. But it is one sided version. As he was good in the initial period, I firmly believe there must a strong reason for change of his behaviour. Look into that reason and try to rectify. Be it because of you, or external factors or whatever it is. You may get maintenance for you and your son, but what next? Money is not all. What is your future and future of your son? Can you live without spouse for the rest of your life? If you plan to marry, what is the assurance that you would get a better husband that too in second marriage? Will he accept your son into the family?
Many things are to be given thought of. Have a talk with his parents first. They may be of some help to you.
If all doors are closed, you do not have choice except to follow the advice given by the expert Shri Barman.
Neha
(Querist) 04 December 2014
Respected sir,
I would like to provide u all few more details on my case... For the first year if our marriage his parents were with us... My husband had some issue with his sister, they fought like ny brother sister but i dnt know hw & why i ws dragged into it even when i did nt speak a word between them... I was staying happily with his family... Me & my sis in law got pregnant at the same time... My mother in law used to look after her daughter & not me... My husband dint like ths... My sis in law never went back to her inlaws place... Her husband works outside india... She goes there nly for her visa renewal & after 40 days she comes back again...this is still the same till date... Her passport is a proof of it... She doesnt even go to her inlaws place which is so nearby... My husband thoght she is creating rift in our family... He had a fight with his parents and all... And suddenly one fine day he blamed it all on me that it is all becoz of me... It was 29 march 2011 & he askd me to leave the house 12@night... My parents came they tried calling my inlaws they did nt pick up ny call, they stayed in a hotel that day as if they knew this all will happen... Aftr that the fights continued and my inlaws left saying that our daughter wil stay with us nly & we are going so that u both live peacefully... But my husband dint change at all... We go to our inlaws place every weekend... I spent the whole summer holidays with them... Last week my son had 8-10 days holidays, i stayed with thm fr 6 days... I cook food for them sometimes before going from my house & take it there so that my mother in law doesnt hv to do ny extra work... I keep on helping her the whole time i'm thr... I talk to my both sister in laws very nicely... But still my husband has no respect or love for me...
Apart from all this my husband has ths porn addiction.. I dont know if it is normal ir not but since day 1 of our marriage he locks himself in a room with his laptop everyday & night...
I have done everything i can to make him happy.. I cant stand for longer periods due to my backache but still i try to cook so many delicacies for him just to mk him happy but he never ever appreciates that..
I work so hard with my son in his studies even when he is in nursery... He always comes first be it any kind of competition... He won best performer of the year award... But my husband has nothing to do with it... Few days back i showed him a certificate & my son's performance report, he did not even looked at it for once...
From past one year he has been sleeping in another room & not with us... He comes to me only to satisfy himself... Therw is no love at all
As far as maintenance is concerned, first of all i dint need dat coz i belong to such a well off family.. Secondly i'm myself so highly educated that i do not need any one's support to raise my child.. Before marriage i worked as business analyst in consulting firm & after that i worked as lecturer & have taught mba students in reputed college..
But i might ask for maintenance to just to teach him a lesson... That u cant play with my life like this... Also i'm in no mood fr second marriage at all.. I'm very happy with my son he is the sole reason that i'm alive today, or else i wud hv been dead by now.. Many a times i think of killing myself but i stop when i look at my child... Who is goin to look after him, what wil happen to my parents, they hv nt done anything & they will suffer becoz of me..
My parents always tell me that we never want u to go back to ur husband but at the same time they try ti sort things out nly for the reason that we hv a child & he needs both if his parents...
Please suggest me what should i do..??
Neha
(Querist) 04 December 2014
Please help me out... I dont know whether i should go back to my parent's home or not..
Neha
(Querist) 05 December 2014
Also i would like to add few points of his side story also...
Whenever something happens he has these few things against me always...
1) he says i (me) get irritated very often.... I agree to him & i have a reason fr that... Sir i live in a house all alone with my maid & son.. There is no one for the whole day for me with whom i can spend sometime & i can talk... When my husband comes home i try to sit & talk to him general daily talks but he never ever utter a single word... Its nt dat he is tired... He talks to his family members fr 20-30 minutes in front of me but not with me.. This goes on for 10-15 days... I keep things to myself everyday i go in his room try to talk but all gone in vain.. I come back to my room, i cry & go to sleep & thn obviously after few days i strt getting frustrated & irritated & take out my anger on my maid, i shout at her that u r not doing things properly even when i knw its nt her fault.. I shout at my son that why he is not listening or why he is doing ny mischief..
2) his second complaint... I send my son to my parents' house... Yes i do dat & i will continue doing that... Coz my parents are alone they live hardly a km away from my house.. So everyday in the evening i send my son to there house fr 1-2 hour and thn he comes back... What if we are two daughters, my parents dont hv ny right on us or on our kids... He says all this inspite of knowing the fact that his parents and his sisters live in same locality & they are with his parents all the time...
3) he has a big ego problem if my parents send something to eat like ny food item for my son or for both of us..
4) according to him everytime, i dont do anything... I think no one can justify that... If only maids were handling our homes then nobody will ever get married, they will nly keep maids... I do watever i can... I cannot overburden myself with wirk becoz i have been told by the doctors that d nxt stage fr me wud be a surgery which cud even lead to paralysis.. So i try not to overexert myself... I want to keep myself working for my son.. When i had an episode if slipped disc i was on bedrest for two months, i stayed at my parents' home... My husband did nt come to see me once or even called me once to ask about my health... He came once or twice, made fun of me, mocked at me & left..
Last but not the least i have a proof against him... I recorded his voice when he was abusing me & he even said that i'm going to beat ur father.. He said ths fr a 60 yr old man...
Neha
(Querist) 05 December 2014
And to top it all he has this in his mind for me
"I do not have ny blood relation with u, why should i worry about u or look aftr u... My blood relation us with my parents & sisters & not u"
Now can nyone please tell me that in this whole world which husband-wife has blood relation... In that case we shd al gt married to our brothers & sisters only... Why to spoil someone else's life who is not even related to u & still leave their house & their parents & their families.... And comes to selfish people like him to spend the rest of their lives..
I want to ask this question in the courtroom in front of a judge & in front of everyone... Why do we leave our parents...
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 05 December 2014
You are already advised, NOW MET AN ADVOCATE TO ACT ON THOSE.
Nothing to add more except sharing sympathy.
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 05 December 2014
Mrs.Neha - I suppose both of you require to see a psychiatrist. You are quite accommodative and at the same time loosing temper sometimes. He must be having some psychic problem. He is addicted to see the porn regularly this will effect his psycho. If there is no love and affection, the spouse starts thinking that there was no relation and he/she was doing a favour to the other. Nobody should contribute for such feelings. Marriage is based on trust. You do not have trust, you cannot live. Try to rope in some common friends and well wishers of both of you and you both see a psychiatrist first.
You do not wish to severe the marriage bond. You are affluent and maintenance is not a problem. You are educated and capable of doing a job. Why don't you find out a job at a far off place and change your location along with your son. You can employ some maid to take care of him during your working time or keep in creche/play school. Let him also feel your absence for some long time. Keep good relations with both parents and in-laws' family. Time will solve the problems. As you are not really interested to severe the marriage bond for whatever reason it is, might be for the welfare of your child, for the present this is only the solution. If you start slapping legal cases, it will become more difficult to save the marriage. Think twice. Be courageous. You are better than many. You have a son who is a responsible kid. You have good parents and also good parents-in-law. You are educated and can earn on your own. You are affluent. Look at the others who are in similar situation as regards marital tie is concerned. Are you not better than many of them? Try to live your own life for some time. Things will improve. You cannot allow yourself to be played in the hands of others. You have your life to live. Start a new life if mediation through common well wishers fails. Do not loose your heart. Live for your son.
P. Venu
(Expert) 05 December 2014
As suggested by learned expert Mr.Jaggarao, try to leave apart for some time. In all probability, things may improve.
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 08 December 2014
I go with the views of expert Mr.Barman on the subject query, nothing more to add.
