Rcr-wife ready to join me- mil big problem
Dinesh Singh
(Querist) 12 January 2014
This query is : Resolved
i got married on 01/02/2013 and everything was going fine till the date my wife got pregnant in the month of may on the date of confirmation when I took my wife for sonography for the first time my MIL wanted to talk with me after getting the good news that her daughter and my wife is pregnant and she out of happiness said something unfortunate which was like unbearable for me, she said “PAPPU PASS HO GAYAA” and unfortunately she couldn’t continue the pregnancy as it was a belited ovum and she has to undergo D&C in the month of june. After the D&C my MIL came to my house to meet my wife and at that time out of frustration because of miscarriage as I considered it as a great loss to my family i couldn’t stop myself from scolding my MIL for her most disrespectful words for me she used that day and for that my MIL asked for forgiveness and I asked her to mind her language while talking to me and my family members, then in the month of june my unmarried and only elder brother died and after his death my MIL commented to my mother that “ACHA HO GAYA WHO MAR GAYA” to which my mother objected after she regained conscious around after a month and asked for and apology to which they took a long time and on 23/09/2013 she apologized to my mother for her words, but on 26/09/2013 my wife said that she want to abort the baby because I made her mother to say sorry to my mother and she wanted to go back to her mothers house to which I tried to make her understand that my and my mothers respect is her respect and she must not think about this stupidity, to which she agreed and everything was going on fine, I had apprehensions that the idea of abortion and going back to her parents home came from her mother. Life was normal till 16/10/2013 when my father in law and his younger brother came to my home to take my wife with them for few days to which I refused as I told them that she is again pregnant and this time I don’t want to take any chance as I had lost the first pregnancy and they agreed and said that I am rite in my thoughts and they left hapily but again on 17/10/2013 in the evening when I was on the way from my office to home they came to take my wife and after reaching my home I saw that she had packed the bags and all efforts of my mother to stop her to take this extreme step failed and my wife left my home with his father and uncle along with all the clothes,jewelry and everything they find belonging to her except some woolens and shoes. while going they threatened me that they will do anything legal or illegal to spoil my life and they are going to abort the child as my wife is pregnant. my wife never had any issues with me rather i was having some issues with her parents about their misbehavior with me and my mother. and it was very surprising that my wife left me for her parents. on 20/10/2013 i filed an FIR at local police station that she had left my home and i have apprehensions that they may try to frame false cases against me and my family and also she may abort the child which i dont want. i am happy that she havnt aborted the child yet. in december i filed RCR and after receiving the notice her father called me on 08/01/2014 and wanted to meet me and i accepted his proposal and he was feeling sorry for his deeds and wanted to send her daughter to my home to which i agreed and the next day he again gave me a call and asked me to meet my wife in the evening of 09/01/2014 after work at some restaurant to which i agreed and there my mother-in-law was also present and during the talks my wife was happy to join me and felt sorry for her past deeds and her father also said sorry to me but my MIL said that she wanted that her daughter should teach me and my mother a lesson while staying at my home. i was thinking that my wife is coming back in to my life and everything will be fine, but this statement of my MIL shaken my thoughts and now i am afraid of the very thought of living with her as she had left me for her parents and now she is ready to come back because of her parents/mothers plan to do something to spoil my life to teach me a lesson.
what should i do..??
should i file another FIR that after the RCR notice my wife is ready to join me but my MIL threatened me.
i m a Central Govt servant and my wife is also a Govt employee, we both are earning almost same amount of money, mine is little more, say like 5000.
she is now about 6 month pregnant and i am happy that she is healthy and want her back so that i can lead a happy and complete life with my wife child and my mother.
next date of hearing for my RCR case in 26/03/2014 and date of delivery of my wife is 14/05/2014.
please help me.!!!
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 12 January 2014
Forget your MIL.
Take your wife back if she so agrees preferably after filing a joint petition in the pending RCR.
Do not pay attention to what your MIL Says.
Do not lodge complaint in police station at the drop of a hat.
Dinesh Singh
(Querist) 12 January 2014
i have no objection in forgetting my MIL but my wife acts as per her teachings..??
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 13 January 2014
Don't keep in mind, what others talk or say. Just ignore.
Take care of your wife, and lead happy life.
if wife listen MIL, handle tactfully. : No head on collusion., no repeat.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 13 January 2014
Enjoy yOur married life ignoring your MIL
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 13 January 2014
i am sorry to say
You and your family are heading for being accused under DV Act and 498a (truue of false)
You have tor resolve the matter amicably. Rather instead of the same you have filed RCR very soon.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 13 January 2014
accept your wife . she is 6 months pregnant . forget your MIL . your wife needs all your love and affection at this stage
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 13 January 2014
Handle your MIL diplomatically, she is elder and has lot of affection with her daughter. Tell her that she as your mother, ask her to forgive misunderstandings and try to have amicable solution to save marriage otherwise it may result trouble to you and your family. Law is pro ladies.
Dinesh Singh
(Querist) 13 January 2014
respected all,
i am ready to do everything to save my family and want to live happily but today my FIL said that i have to give in writing that i will not do anything wrong with my wife to which i laughed and said that since the day of marriage till date i havnt said anything to my wife and i love her alot and i am ready to give in writing anything they want as i am his wife and her safety and security is my prime concern, so plz dont worry that i m going to do something or ill treat her, to which he was so arogant and say that thn why did i send a notice-RCR, to which i replied that it was to save my famly and want to live a happy married life, and thn i asked him to safeguard myself as my MIL said that her intension is to teach me a lesson and for that reason she want to send my wife back to me, so papa ji u also have to an undertaking in court that you are not having anything wrong in ur mind about me and my parents and u want me and ur daughter to live a happy life.. to which he refused and said that this cant be done.. and in that fit for the first time he said that its now almost 3 months and they havnt asked for legal help but they are now planning to do that and he threatened me to be prepared to go to jail.. to which i asked that will it solve the problem and after doing that will his daughter and myself can live together happily to which he said that with this they will be happy and he added that i dont need to think about his daughters happiness.
i was quite shocked that the person who was saying sorry and wanted to send her daughter back to me now take a U-turn and now threatening me, he seems to be a very simple and decent person, but his todays statment was a dent on my beliefs.
for now i am very much worried that what is to be done and how to save my respect and how to safeguard myself from false and fabricated case under dowry law or DV act.
plz help me to come out of this situation.
what to do is a very big question..??
and i am sorry to say that i am not in the position to get an correct answer to save my family...
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 13 January 2014
This is a legal dispute and hence you have take advice from local lawyer by engaging him.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 14 January 2014
Act as advised by experts, handle in-laws diplomatically assuring them the best possible welfare of your wife (their daughter) and enjoy your married life, Our best wishes are with you, donot get entrapped in litigation.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 14 January 2014
EXECUTE MOU:
So ego of written apology ends.
Wording: two mou, both will wrtie to co-ordial relations, ensure safety of each other, respect opp family .. etc etc..
best way to save marriage and solve family dispute.
Patch up at this stage prevent bigger crack..
no one loose by writing; it is no t a serious matter// court too -consider, it was to save marriage, and not a confession.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 14 January 2014
Probably it is not too late to save marriage, leave apart what your in-laws said or would say, some time ego plays a big role and it seems the same is happening with them at the cost of your married life.
Expert VR SHROFF ji has given an excellent and practical advise about executing MOU.Try the same, possibly their arrogant view would change saving your married life.
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 14 January 2014
Now the sacred institution called marriage between you and your wife is dangling due to the egoistic normal wear and tare and exchanges of spats. This problem can be amicably solve even now and it is still not late if you understand the grave situation that may follow. Understand the situation, reconcile and put best efforts to resume your dream life with your better half and new comer of the family.
Dinesh Singh
(Querist) 14 January 2014
thanks to all the people who are concerned about saving my family.
i m glad to read all the suggestions and valuable advises.
one day (09/01/2014)my wife confessed her mistakes and was ready to join me at my home and was almost ready to come with me at the very same time at the common place of meeting where her parents and only myself was there, and given excuse of not having clothes with her to which i replied that we can buy new ones or ur clothes can be delevered later by her parents, and she said that she will come tomorrow or on sunday, but on saturday i tried to call her many times but she didnt recvd my calls and later she switched off her phone and never gave me a call.. from the day she left, she never gave me a single call and whenever i went to meet her at her home or at her work place she always said that she dont want to come back. thn why all of a sudden she said she is ready to come forgetting everything for the better future.. and at the same time my MIl threatened me to teach me a lesson staying at my home.. i have apprehensions that my better half is in total control of my MIL and the only reason to come back to my home is to entrap me in some serious litigations as per her mothers planning... the female who was repeatedly saying that she want to abort the child when she was leaving my home and later she didnt go for abortion (thanks to her) i am thinking negatively but i want to think positively but situations and circumstances are not allowing me to think in constructive manner.. that why is she behaving the way her mother is telling her to do.. may be she has no affection for my family and myself and for her unborn child, but she is continuing the pregnancy and going to give birth to child.. it may be because she is looking for ransom/property/money.. otherwise my MIL contacted many of my sisters in law to accompany her while they go for abortion, but when no one supported her she was in one way bound to continue the pregnancy, else they were very much desperate to go for abortion. they never think and acted in a constructive manner... what should i do..??
i want to trust her and want her to join back my family.. but her words and deeds are forcing me to think again and again and only frustration is there in my hand..!!
what to do..??
from where i can acquire that trust..!!
on 14/01/2014. my father in law threatened me to file case.. should i belv that he is saying on her own without my wifes consent.. i want to belv this but cant..?
what to do and what not to do..??
plz help me..!!!
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 15 January 2014
you are adequately advised,now stop this thread.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 15 January 2014
your verbatim of conversation indicates that things were turning for good and you spoiled it.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 15 January 2014
If you want to enjoy a continuous disturbed life, generally going to court for hearing, you may proceed for divorce. Take it guaranteed that your ego will not be saved and frustration will come. Once you take a step ahead towards reconciliation two steps may be towards you from them. Move with open heart, leaving aside the ego and what they said previously. It would save your marriage, life of your child.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 15 January 2014
End discussion & all thoughts, JUST ACT AS ADVISED MOU TO SAVE UR MARRIED LIFE.
lATER IS NOT BETTER HERE, CRACKS TO FILL IMMEDIATELY, BEFORE IT BECOMES IRREPARABLE AND COLLAPSE.
Dinesh Singh
(Querist) 15 January 2014
Adv. Sudhir Kumar..
sir, it would be very helpful for me if i can know how i spoiled it... so that i can do something to change what has been spoiled by me..
Adv. Rajendra K Goyal..
sir, i m ready to open up my heart and leave aside my ego, but wht to do with the threat of seeing me in court and when my FIL say that i have to prepare myself for going to jail..!!! should i forget that threat..??
if not than what should i do..??
ajay sethi
(Expert) 15 January 2014
forget those threats . we have advised you at length
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 16 January 2014
Good pieces of advice from many experts.
Let me also join.
1) Going for divorce at this age and living peacefully is very difficult. To come out of the first marriage itself is difficult. They will make allegations against you and you will be put in defence.
2) Even if you come out, you are required to pay maintenance - if not to your wife (as she earning) at least to the baby. The custody of the baby normally will not be given you. You have maintain the child without any affections from the side of child.
3) In spite of the above, you will have to restart your life. Is it so easy? You will carry a permanent blot that you are a divrocee. Whether you are right or wrong, a girl of your choice at least suitable to your mind-set will be available? What is the guarantee?
4) I could understand - if your MIL's comment on the occasion of death of your brother are right - it is very difficult to draw a reconciliation. But you have no choice. The choice is - be tactful with your inlaws at last for some time. When your wife delivers the child, her attention will be diverted automatically towards the child from her parents. That is the right time make her realize what real love is.
5) I advise you strike a reconciliation with your in-laws. It appears there is no wrong on the part of your wife except she is lenient towards her parents. This will be automatically solve once she begets a child.
6) Do not be harsh with your wife at least for some time. She has to come out of the parents' den. Then only you try to put forth your thinking, your point before her. Right now she will not totally agree with you. After all she also still requires that den as she feels safety in that. Once she believes that her safety is being taken care of by you and especially your mother, she will automatically come out her parental grip. Your mother should be affectionate and kind towards her daughter-in-law. If she wants to save her son from unnecessary ordeals, she wishes to save her son's marriage, she has to pay a big role, after your wife comes back to your home.
7) Instead of taking legal assistance (which is pre-mature according tome), rope the well-wishers of both sides, common friends, your colleagues who can vouch for your behaviour. Your colleagues can approach her colleagues and make both of your understand better.
Time will solve the problem. But you should make all out efforts to save the marriage at this crucial time.
Your wife requires soothening of feelings as she is carrying a child. This is possible only if she returns to your home. That can happen only through your best friends. Make effort and live happily.
Dr J C Vashista
(Expert) 16 January 2014
I fully agree and appreciate the detailed, expert and practical advise of Mr. Malipeddi Jaggarao.
