Divorce situation
NRS
(Querist) 19 February 2014
This query is : Resolved
If the wife leaves the home without informing husband and his family and starts leaving at her mother's place. Even when the husband goes and brings her back after discussing everything, the girl again run away with 4 months old baby to her mother's house. what should the boy do. the girl wants to live separate from boy's parents..boy went to discuss it and agreed to find a solution but still she ran away..the girl's parents, brother or any family member are not even coming forward to talk, to resolve the issue..girl's brother is already facing divorce case..girl is not even talking..keeping the phone switched off, parents not talking, relatives, uncle, nobody talking to us...shd v file ncr, shd v write letter to girl with registered post to make ground for filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. whatever we do, may bounce back on us coz all laws in favour of girl..she can reproduce the letter in different meaning and can throw common case of dowry or harrasment which is not true actually..so we will hv to undergo legal procedure although we will be able to prove ourselves innocent..its been 2-3 months..now wht to do...we want the girl and boy to patch up and live peacefully but there is no talk from their side.. so how many times v go and approach them...also, what's the guarantee she will not run again...since v communicated and discussed everything in front of her parents, neghbours..kindly advise...
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 19 February 2014
If you take any legal step 3-4 cases including criminal u/s 498A and DV Act would be filed against you and your family. You will have to remain a regular visitor of court at her native place. You would not be able to concentrate on your work for at least 5-6 years.
Better take help of relatives and save your family and escape from your troubles. A stitch in time saves nine.
NRS
(Querist) 19 February 2014
Dear Mr. Nadeem, : Thanks for your suggestion but I am not sure in my mind whether its the time for me to handle it legally.
Dear Mr. Goyal,
What you have informed is known to me but u see if they are not coming forward to talk, wht do I do, her maternal uncle who came while marriage fixing and her real sister, they are also saying, we can't help, I mean the parents doesn't want them to interfere and have told them to stay away as they said during the girl's brother divorce time. We took the village sarpanch alongwith us to their house, discussed the issues, still she ran away without informing anybody..we are in delhi, she belongs to Haryana...her father is a farmer, brother suspended from his govt teacher job because of divorce case..she is also a govt. employee, mother housewife..so they doesn't seem to be in a position to file anything against us, even we don't want to fight or go legally but now wht do we do when they are not even talking...basically, someone seems to hv fed in her mind that she shd stop contact then only the guy will be ready to live separately leaving parents alone..she doesn't want anybody telling her to do anything work related, routine home issue between MIL and girl.we also wish that this shd b over and we are ready to either hire a maid for baby take care, take a rented flat but all this cant be done instantly, she shd come with me see things, find out house, arrange things, talk to me, then only I can do something, isn't it...now with this attitude wht do I do..
NRS
(Querist) 19 February 2014
as explained above
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 19 February 2014
Continue the talk as there is no other way to avoid confrontation. Time seems to be the only mode of healing the would.
P. Venu
(Expert) 20 February 2014
Is DV Act and Section 498A such a silly Law which could be set in motion even without any prima facie evidence?
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 20 February 2014
Involve common friends and relatives
Always be with positive attitude, and no -ve comments.
It will work.
Don't try to find faults of opp side.
Treat with Affection, Love & gifts.
Any Legal steps with rebounce with DV, 125, 498A etc, and add to your mental tension, disturbed fly life, expenses and hardship. Will only cause loss,unhappiness, ad further cracks in relationship.
Better Wait, watch, and time will heal..
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 20 February 2014
Fully agree with the expert VR SHROFF ji.
If this is the basic condition that you should live separate from your parents, you should try to adjust as legal path is worse, no body would gain out of it only loss. Adjustment of this time may help you in your life.
She is an employee and it may not be practicable for her to continue her service from Delhi, you should agree to commute from her work place. From any part of Haryana near to Delhi, commuting for you would not be difficult.
NRS
(Querist) 20 February 2014
Dear Mr. Shroff and Mr. Goyal, Mr. Barman, Mr. Venu,
thanks for your time and suggestions...sir all in all, whatever all of you have suggested, am following till now on same lines and telling my younger brother to do the same, i am his elder brother and hv seen such issues in my life as well intially, so am little experienced handling these...and mostly people handle others issue better as compared to when it comes on to them coz v lose self confidence...am doing what all you have mentioned up...even my father is also of the opinion that if she wants to live with him alone, v can allow that but here she is not even talking to him nor discussing to work it out...so its a question whether she wants to live with him or there is something else going on..u know wht am saying...although that doesn't seem to be..character wise she never misbehaved or anything strange noticed during her stay for one and half year...actually as the day passes without any communication, anxiety bothers us whether we r right about keeping silent like they are doing or shd v take any step forward to solve it...and how is that going to affect us...if we say wait then nobody can define the period...and its also possible that after some time we feel if we wud hv got this noticed/registered somewhere that from this date she is not leaving with us and left...it cud hv been helpful to us for showing as a desertion case...but then if we do that..on inquiry they will also feel ok now we shd also put some allegation on them and unncessarily we will hv to go thru that...although i know i can handle that considering my hi-hello relations with some good people at good posts...in police, law and corporate world...but how sure i am that those will come for this personal issue...all ????
NRS
(Querist) 20 February 2014
Also it will be good to mention mr. goyal..that she is in shifts job...even if my brother agrees to live with her separately...the maid will look after the child only day time..what when she will go for night shift and day shift after a day..whole schedle upset...top of it she is not good in cooking...so many household activities, coordinations required....small baby fell ill mostly...some senior is always required to be with us..to guide us to help us when there is something wrong...i mean living separately is not the solution in today's world...it cud be anything, u dont hv gas, water suply sometimes, electrictiy gone for long hours...u need to sit late in office. security issues...so many things which can be handled well with parents..the only benefits of living separate are not cooking food for them, no interference on buying clthese or othr things, being with friends till late or waking up at time convenient to u...otherwise living with parents is a boon sir..afterall what for they give birth to us ...we will face the same situation when we will get old.. atleast i feel so and hv realised this in my life..
NRS
(Querist) 20 February 2014
its not resolved still open query
Biswanath Roy
(Expert) 20 February 2014
At this situation legal action will be harmful, better you watch the situation and its development. Let the husband visit his wife and baby once in a week on off day and let him pose nothing has happened as if on usual course of his duty as a father of the baby and husband of the wife he is visiting his in laws house ,Offer some toys to baby and some presentation to wife which she likes much. Some time accompany her to go for enjoying good dishes in a Restaurant when she is off from her duties . Never say to come to your place. Give her money for maintenance of the baby. Give her a long rope now and pose nothing untowards incident happened. Some times give some good things to FIL and MIL WHICH THEY LIKE MUCH.TRY TO KEEP NORMAL RELATIONS.
NRS
(Querist) 20 February 2014
Roy saab, so positive vibes u share...god bless you...and thank you for your time and kind suggestions...will advise him to do so...thank you mr. barman for keeping a watch on query...kind regards,
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate
(Expert) 20 February 2014
Hope the experts opinion satisfies the author about further course of action (?) now tell me what are you going to do? In my opinion, better arrange to live with her separately as per her choice for some time until she once again decides to flee and then resort to legal course of action.
NRS
(Querist) 25 February 2014
Dear sirs, thank you for your replies...latest is ..that i spoke to the girl's maternal uncle who came while fixing the marriage and he says he feels its because of the money, i mean the salary the girl is getting is high as compared to the income of the parents and brother..since father is farmer..mother is getting some 6000-8000 rs. from half day job...brother is suspended from job because of the divorce case...brother got divorced coz the girl with whom he was married..he was keeping her with very little facilities...i mean no growth...with one charpai...2-3 bedsheet...4-5 broken tea cups..i mean very low lifestyle ..so the girl was fed up...and she filed a divorce...now it may be possible as per the maternal uncle that because of poor financial status..they dont want her to leave and live with us and misguiding her or say..brainwashed her...stating u r also unhappy there and we are also in trouble here...so u make this issue and live with us..although till today there is no withdrawal from her account..but may be they are making ground..and then will take later..otherwise any normal family feel worried when the daughter come back to their home and mostly they try to find out a solution...here nobody is approaching. ..nnot even talking on phone..i mean there is no fight..no offensive talks happen when she flee last 2 times...it all seemed to be pre-planned coz she was at her mother's place for 1 month after delivery ....even the real sister has stopped talking to them...so it looks like we are only made scapegoat and the issue is something else...she got her maternity leave extended for 1 month now...am worried abt the small baby of 4 months...where is she gonna keep her and where she gonna live...why is she not talking to me..if i got to her house 130 kms away from delhi..then they won't allow me to talk to her alone, to tell her and am not sure whether she will be able to realise that her mother is creating this...
Biswanath Roy
(Expert) 25 February 2014
Allow your wife to stay with her parents for another two months for post natal care which she needs after giving birth of a child. Normally women after giving birth of a child goes to her parents for six months and does not share bed with the husband. Meantime you visit your wife and baby once in a week to keep your cordial relation with the wife and her family. Automatically you will find one fine day she herself will come forward to reside with you. I have presumed from your above post that present pecuniary position of your in laws family may be another cause for her stay in her parent's house.
NRS
(Querist) 25 February 2014
sir.. thanks for your reply..but here the thing is they are not asking me, i mean she just went away not even calling not even taking my calls to communicate that she wants to live thr...nobody is forcing for bed sharing...i mean where's the time...when the child is small...child is born on 30th sept...so i hv no prob if she lives there keeping me informed but here its without keeping me aware and ...whenever i visit there...she is not of the nature to talk too much infact doesnt even look at sms or reply back...reserved nature since beginning...also her mother and brother gets aggressive...so either i can reply back or argue with them or can talk to her but then she needs to be in place of mind to understand...that am not wanting to leave her and and the child and this marriage shd not end like this....whatever u r saying is understood by me and am willing to do so but situation is like this...lets c how it goes....
ajay sethi
(Expert) 25 February 2014
mny ladies after birth of child find it difficult to cope . they prefer to stay near their parents . in addition some go into depression . even if she does not return your calls dont lose heart . visit her once a week or fortnight . pay money for maintenance of child and your wife . try to cheer her . take her out for movies/ dinner when you go tho her place
NRS
(Querist) 25 February 2014
dear sethi sir...thanks for your email...sir situation is very different here..i mean they live in village area..100 kms from gurgaon...so not like other normal families....get together types or husband and wife visiting in laws place...marriage happened thinking wht we hv to do with the family background, girl is in govt job..we are only concerned with her...so that ways..fas hee gaye sir..
ajay sethi
(Expert) 25 February 2014
husband can shift to gurgoan if wife is working in gurgoan .
NRS
(Querist) 25 February 2014
both work in delhi, working or journey time is not the issue here..even guy is ready to shift also if required but somebody need to take a call, set up a meeting with elders and decide...u can read the full conversation above, then u will come to know...
Guest
(Expert) 25 February 2014
In all the posts you have not stated, what actually is the case, if any. Even your initial query was merely of an academic nature, whithout any mention, how your are related with the case. Later on at one place you made a mention of your brother. But, till you have not made any specific reference to the nature of case, whether actually filed by your brother's wife or in-laws, whether dowry or domestic violence case or a divorce case, and on what specific issue you actually want advice of experts. Unless you state what actually is the status of the legal case, if any, you are likely to wander aimlessly, as if you are wandering in a jungle to struggle for finding your way home.
If you want advice only on divorce situation, as the title of your query suggests, what I could gather from your posts is that neither your brother's wife nor her parents want to continue with the conjugal relations.
So, it would be better for your brother to get divorce pacefully instead of facing litigations and counter litigations, when your brother is already hard of money due to his financial conditions and suspension from service.
However, if he faces a dowry or domestic violence case, better state the real problem with status of the case, rather than stretching the thread of your query aimlessly too far.
NRS
(Querist) 25 February 2014
Dear Dhingra saab, thank you for your email. sir, this is about my younger brother, his wife left home twice without informing anybody. since nobody approaching from their side and we went twice to solve it...am seeking expert's opinion about our next course of action. am aware that divorce case will cause me trouble but if they are not taking any action, then till how long we shd be silent or we are supposed to do anything. as regards peaceful divorce..they are not even approaching us for talk, so as of now we dont know whether they want divorce or she is just playing this game of keeping us in dark and finally we shd say ok tell me what u want and i will leave my parents type..but that also doesnt seems to be fully right now, considering my latest msg, in which i came to know thru the maternal uncle...that they are financially hard pressed because of my brother's, brother-in-law divorce who was not keeping his wife not upto the standard of living...and who works as teacher and is suspended now...we are in delhi. they live in haryana...so my brother's wife is working in south delhi and was on maternity leave and she got it extended for 1 month, just came to know thru our source indirectly....please feel free to ask sir...its coz of fresh replies from different experts..and am replying back...so all story in parts...thank you
Biswanath Roy
(Expert) 25 February 2014
A good number of opinions / advises were already given and posted in this thread by the experts but still you are nagging on the same issue and that hits our patients. However, I am once again opine you and giving you 3 options which are as follows, namely,-
OPTIONS :-
1. Keep patience and follow my previous posts.
2. If you desire to follow legal action then send a legal notice for restitution of conjugal rights, if the notice returns, file a case against your wife for RCR.
3. FILE AN APPLICATION FOR DIVORCE IN THE COURT.
Requesting to stop further nagging on this subject.
NRS
(Querist) 25 February 2014
I understand roy saab, but since query is coming from different experts, pls appreciate that am supposed to reply back..if i wud hv been talking to the same person, it wud hv been different, here so many different experts are coming forward and suggesting and asking so am bound to reply back sir.. also i get to know different opinions..
Guest
(Expert) 25 February 2014
My advice is that your brother and parents should keep quiet for about 6 months. Don't try to contact the other side. They would defintely try to contact on their own to settle the issue. If my proposal is not acceptable, you should not hesitate to act upon the advice of Shri Roy, as given through his latest post.
NRS
(Querist) 28 April 2014
Sir, Latest information on our case is that the girl's child care leaves got over, she came to her office for extension of leave but not sanctioned so she took 15 days earned leave. Now, when she came back for leave extension from her hometown..she called up and we told her now its been 4 months, now even your leaves are over, so you forget everything and lets start life..she agreed and stayed with us for three days..however, she kept on saying that she doesnt want to live in this house with parents and we should look some other accommodation. I immediately took a house on rent even paid the advance amount with her consent. next morning she said she doesnt want to take a house close to the present house..it should be close to her office in south delhi..i said we have a 6 months old daughter..who will take care of the child..it is not easy to find a maid so fast and how reliable is to leave a small child with an unknown maid. Atleast here my parents will keep a watch on maid and the child and you will be separate also. Moreover, rent is much higher in south delhi as compared to west delhi. So, she suddenly started behaving strangely, called her mother and said, if you want to see me alive, take me back from here, we got worried and told her ok we will take you to your hometown tomorrow and will leave yuo there and will try to find out some accommodation in south delhi but still not sure about maid. she agreed but on the way, she started making excuses..behaving violently..shouting, help..people help..he is taking me home forcibly...and said i will jump from car or will throw the child..stop the car...i dont want to go hometown..yuo will enjoy your life here and i will be staying in my homewtown...he said u r the one who left me four months now came back at last day when your leaves are over...how do you expect m to have everything arranged..a separate house, maid, when i dont know what yuor plan..whether you want to stay with me or not..i was in car for 4-5 hours driving here and there, meeting property dealers for a home in south delhi since she doesnt wanted to go back and was not ready to live with me in my house and accusing of suicide also..so when i was inside with dealer..she ran away from car,, took an auto, and the child is with me now since then..i dont know where is she now..either she has joined back her office cancelling her 15 days earned leave or dont know where she is styaing..not even telling me..nobody from her home is calling or enquiring...strange family..we immediately wrote to the nearby police staiton about her this act just as information...but now what do we do...we are now little sure that she neither wants to live seprate nor in the present house..now how do we find out if she has any affair, is there any money motive behind this...or what...how do we track her ., her mobile..if we file a divorce than what proof we have to contst that and if she puts some false allegations on us..how do we survive...situation is very tense now...
NRS
(Querist) 28 April 2014
as above explained..please guide us what do we do...
