wife's family interfering in personal life
Querist :
Anonymous
(Querist) 04 February 2017
This query is : Resolved
I got married last year. There was some querell between both the families on the day of marriage it self due to my mother in law. I immediately backed out from marriage but after some good heart people convinced both the families I and my family agreed to continue the marriage.
After marriage when I brought my wife to my native she refused to stay with my parents when I am away in Bangalore. I work in Bangalore. In order to things to settle down and relationship to become better between my wife and my family I thought of leaving her with my parents for a month. She refused to stay away from me and threatened me my family that she will take poison if you leave me here .
Her mother supported her fully. So out of threat and fear I brought her to Bangalore with me.
My wife tried to break my relationship with my brother. She hates my brother and sister in law.
When I ask her to come to my native with me in festival she denies it. I cannot go alone leaving her here. Her mother calls her daily on her phone and teaches her evil things against my family and my wife follows it blindly.
After all these frustration I brought devorce papers home. On which my mother-in-law abuses my family members and threatened me to file a dowry and harassment case on me.
Out of fear initially I asked her instead of threatening me why don't you convey your daughter to not break my family? To which she threatened again and told me "I will bring you all on my daughter knees."
I immediately went to family counselling Parihar and filed a complaint against my wife and mother in law.
When they came to know about the complaint they started talking nicely and requested to withdraw the complain and gave me assurence that this kind of things will not happen again.
Me and my wife's brother went to Parihar and we closed the complain with a mutual concern written on the closing sheet.
After returning from Parihar they tricked me and gave my wife women harassment contact number. Now whenever we have a small fight she threatens me that she will call women harrassment number and will get me and my family arrested.
I do not know what to do. I can't leave my family at the same time it is becoming very difficult to stay with a girl who hates my family and because of her I am not able to visit my family either.
Her mother still interfears in our family decisions. I can't take my own decisions. Now my openly says she will not go to my native house as she she doesn't trust anyone there. I tried all possible way to convince her to give our life a new start and be good to everyone but she has ego issues. I look helpless in front of her ego and cried in alone so many times.
What should I do? I do not want to leave my wife. After all querrel I love my wife but I love my family too.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 04 February 2017
No reply to query from an author who is anonymous.
You can post the query in fresh thread with your identity and material facts.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
I am sorry
though I agree with view of Mr Goyal and Ms Usha Kapoor I do not want to wait to respond to this query.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
There was some querell between both the families on the day of marriage it self due to my mother in law.
I immediately backed out from marriage but after some good heart people convinced both the families I and my family agreed to continue the marriage.
WHAT WAS THE QUARREL ABOUT. WHO INSTIGATED (OBVIOUSLY YOU WILL SAY NOT YOUR FAMILY). WITHOUT THIS INFORMATION NO ROOT OF PROBLEM CAN BE SEEN.
IF YOU FELT YOUR FAMILY IS RIGHT THEN WHY DID YOU AGREE FOR MARRIAGE.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
After marriage when I brought my wife to my native she refused to stay with my parents when I am away in Bangalore.
I work in Bangalore. In order to things to settle down and relationship to become better between my wife and my family I thought of leaving her with my parents for a month. She refused to stay away from me and threatened me my family that she will take poison if you leave me here.
SHE IS ENTITLED TO STAY WITH YOU BUT HAS NO OBLIGATION TO STAY WITH YOUR FAMILY (19TH CENTURY TRADITION) WHEN YOU ARE AWAY ON JOB.
IF SHE REFUSES TO STAY WITH YOUR FAMILY SHE IS ENTITLED TO DO SO.
IF SHE REFUSES TO BE IN HER PARENTS HOUSE DESPITE OF MARRYING YOU SHE IS ENTITLED SO VEHEMENTLY AVOID THAT HUMILIATION. THIS IS A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE YOU ARE OFFERING HER. GIRLS DO CONSUME POISON IN SUCH CASES.
IN CASE IF SHE REALLY COMMITS SUICIDE, THEN MINIMUM SENTENCE YOUR YOU ENTIRE FAMILY WILL BE 7 YEARS. YOU WILL HAVE TO PROVE INNOSENCE AND IT IS SEEM FROM YOUR BLOG THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IS CLOSING DOORS FOR THE SAME.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
Her mother supported her fully.
SHE PERHAPS HAS NO CHOICE. MOTHER IS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO COMPEL HER TO FACE HUMILIATION OF STAYING WAY FROM HUSBAND IF NOT AGREEING TO LIVE WITH HIS FAMILY IN HIS ABSSENCE.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
So out of threat and fear I brought her to Bangalore with me.
ACTED WISE
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
My wife tried to break my relationship with my brother. She hates my brother and sister in law.
YOU DID NOT SAY WHY SHE HATES THEM.
(OBVIOUSLY BEING BROTHER AND SISTER OF GROOM THEY CAN NEVER BE WRONG)
YOU ALSO DID NOT SAY WHAT EFFORTS THEY HAVE MADE TO WIN HER FAITH.
SIMPLY MARRYING YOU PUTS HER UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO LOVE YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
When I ask her to come to my native with me in festival she denies it. I cannot go alone leaving her here.
THOUGH UNUSUAL WHY THIS HAPPENS. SHE IS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO VISIST YOUR NATIVE PALACE AGAINST HER WISHES.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
Her mother calls her daily on her phone and teaches her evil things against my family and my wife follows it blindly.
HER MOTHER IN SUCH CASE HAS NO CHOICE.
YOU DID NOT REVEAL WHAT SHE TEACHES HER AND HOW IT CAN BE TERMS AS “EVIL”
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
After all these frustration I brought devorce papers home. On which my mother-in-law abuses my family members and threatened me to file a dowry and harassment case on me.
DIVORCE NEVER HAPPENS ACROSS THE TABLE AS SUPPOSED BY YOU
WE HAVE SEEN SUCH DIVORCES IN HINDI MOVIES.
BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT
A. IN MOVIES THE ACTORS SPEAK SCRIPTED DIALOGUE AFTER REHEARSAL.
B. IF ACTION/DIALOGUE IS NOT IDEAL THEN THERE IS RETAKE.
C. FOR DOING THIS THEY ARE PAID IN LAKHS FOR SHOOTING FOR FEW HOURS..
D. EVEN IF THEY HAVE TO SURVIVE AS A COUPLE WITHOUT SOCIETY THEY HAVE TO DO SO ONLY UPTO SHOOTING HOURS. SO THEY CAN LIVE THIS SHORT PERIOD EVEN WITHOUT INCOME.
E. AFTER SHOOTING ACTORS GO HOME AND LIVE THEIR REAL LIFE.
SO YOU INSTIGATED A NEW CHAPTER IN LIFE.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
Out of fear initially I asked her instead of threatening me why don't you convey your daughter to not break my family? To which she threatened again and told me "I will bring you all on my daughter knees."
I AM SORRY
SUCH UTTERANCES ARE NOT OUT OF FEAR BUT OUT OF ARROGANCE ONLY.
YOUR MOTHER IN LAW HAS A RIGHT TO PROTECT INTERESTS OF HER DAUGHTER AND IS UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO COMPEL HER TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS OR TO VISIT YOUR NATIVE PLACE AGAINST HER WISHES.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
I immediately went to family counselling Parihar and filed a complaint against my wife and mother in law.
ON WHAT ALLEGATIONS?
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
When they came to know about the complaint they started talking nicely and requested to withdraw the complain and gave me assurence that this kind of things will not happen again.
Me and my wife's brother went to Parihar and we closed the complain with a mutual concern written on the closing sheet.
IF YOU FEEL YOU WERE RIGHT AND HAVE APPROACHED RIGHT FORUM THEN WHY DID YOU WITHDRAW.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
After returning from Parihar they tricked me and gave my wife women harassment contact number.
Now whenever we have a small fight she threatens me that she will call women harrassment number and will get me and my family arrested.
ACTUALLY YOU HAVE SHOWN THEM THE PATH OF LAW AND THEY ARE NOW WALKING ON THE SAME.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
I do not know what to do. I can't leave my family at the same time it is becoming very difficult to stay with a girl who hates my family and because of her I am not able to visit my family either.
THIS IS THE TRAP YOU LAID FOR YOURSELF AFTER MARRYING WHILE THERE WAS QUARREL IN THE MARRIAGE ITSELF.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
Her mother still interfears in our family decisions. I can't take my own decisions.
WHAT TYPE OF DECISION SHE INTERFERES?
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
Now my openly says she will not go to my native house as she she doesn't trust anyone there. I tried all possible way to convince her to give our life a new start and be good to everyone but she has ego issues.
YOU SAID YOU ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE HER. YOU NEVER SAID YOU TRIED TO CORRECT YOUR FAMILY AND SEE WHERE THEY ARE WRONG.
IN CASE THERE IS DISPUTE THE REASONS ARE NOT RELEVANT.
SO YOU HAVE NOT FELT NEED TO DISCUSS THE CAUSE OF DISPUTE AND HATRED.
IN INDIA IT IS BRIDE AND HER FAMILY WHO HAVE A DUTY TO BE PROVED WRONG AND IN THIS CASE THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO DO SO
FAMILY OF HUSBAND IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
YOU SAID
I look helpless in front of her ego and cried in alone so many times.
What should I do? I do not want to leave my wife. After all querrel I love my wife but I love my family too.
YOU ARE ENTITLED TO LOVE YOUR WIFE AND ALSO ENTITLED TO LOVE YOUR FAMILY.
It is your description of facts in the words best chosen by you. You have not been able to project
(i) why your wife is wrong and
(ii) why your family is correct.
You have tried to find faults in her mother only whereas as per your decription she is doing what she is expected to do in a situation where
(i) her daughter is married to an immature person who cannot be corrected by reaons but out of fear only.
(ii) her daughter is married following a quarrel in marriage.
(iii) her daughter was initially offered not to stay with her husband
(iv) her daughter was compelled to live with her husband’s family who she did not like (never matters who is wrong).
(v) her daughter was compelled to live in parental house (not with husband) when she declined to live with her husband’s family who she did not like (never mattes who is wrong).
(vi) It is not the reason and good sence rather threat to suicide which compelled her husband to take her with him where he lives. That means if not threatening suicide you were to abandon her.
(viii) her daughter is in a town in which she is alone her husband threatens divorce in filmy manner.
(ix) when she tried to protect her daughter her husband makes a complaint. Such like complaints were legally tenable in TALIBAN ruled Afghanistan. you can see the following link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWsSVkzskos
you can see the extent to which men can go against women if allowed to have their ways.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
I am sorry if you felt hurt. You are entitled to have your views.
But the views emerged out of your description only.
IF ANY INDEPENDENT BODY HEARS BOTH SIDES THEN MORE MATERIAL WILL BE FOUND CONVINCING AGAINST YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
Your case does not appear to have gone beyond repair and it appears that life can be salvaged and you only have to realise why/how your family was wrong.
I may be happy if my efforts in the cold morning if able to bring happiness to life and your family does not follow unwanted and unhappy course of law (WHICH SOME PERSONS WILL PREACH YOU ON THIS FORUM)
Guest
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Mr. Sudhir,
If you don't mind, may he be anonymous,the querist did not seem to have posted his problem to get such a long running type of critical commentary on his post.
In fact, I could not find any appropriate advice from your side out of any of your 18 posts in continuation, as to how he can tackle his problem.
In fact, in 498A cases, such type of situations do arise where the affected person desperately desire to get right advice, not criticism.
Such cases need tender handling, rather than making any tormenting criticism, particularly, when we do not have even an inkling about what actually happens in his/her domestic life.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Expert Sudhir Kumar,
Thanks for giving link of youtube.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
He has been apprised of the legal trouble he is heading for.
His problem is social. It is yet to become legal.
Guest
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Dear Sudhir,
I may not be able to contribute to your present view, as the querist has asked what should he do, not to apprise him of the legal trouble he is heading for.
Moreover, every social problem may not necessarily take a legal shape to compel the sufferer to unduly cow down on every desire or demand of the other party without taking some most necessary precautions. Every social problem also has some cautious prevention to take or solutions to adopt.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
GIVEN FACTS DO NOT INDICATE THAT HE AND HE ALONE IS INNOCENT.
Guest
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Dear Sudhir,
Irrespective of whether the given facts not have indicated that he alone was innocent, hut, from your observations, it seems, you have treated him alone as guilty.
May he alone be not innocent and can also not be assumed in such situations, his query was not for asking how far he was guilty. Rather he asked, what should he do in such situations, as he explained?
Guest
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Not a point of debate, but advice relevant to the problem.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Be assured Mr Dhingra.
I am not entering into any debate with you.
Guest
(Expert) 05 February 2017
You need not assure me.
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Thanks for posting link Mr. Sudhir Kumar.
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Thanks for appreciating the link Mr. Rajendra K Goyal.
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Mr. Sudhir Kumar,
It is loudly visible that Dhingra is indulging to provoke, overawe, subdue in this thread also.
Today also he has not made any contribution at LCI other than littering his trademark nuisance, Tamashaa ( his own fond word) at LCI.
His show of attacks, nuisance, frustration, irritation and habit to sidetrack, dilatory tactics can be seen at:
http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/experts/Old-tenant-claim-he-is-owner--630801.asp
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Dhingra is carefully choosing threads posted by persons suffering from matrimonial disputes.....................and litter his trademark attacks in those threads...........in Forum/Experts section.
Persons suffering from matrimonial disputes are easy to allure.
Dhingra has provoked such sufferers to attack experts.
It is known fact that Dhingra has been insulting fellow experts and also persons suffering from Matrimonial disputes, for last many years and his condition has worsened in last 8-10 months.................and it is duly pointed out by experts
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Mr. Sudhir Kumar,
It is not for the first time you are insulted by Dhingra.
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Dhingra is indulging in his trademark Tamashaa in another thread at:
http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/experts/Fake-shop-papers-by-tenant--624361.asp
Kumar Doab
(Expert) 05 February 2017
Dhingra is indulging in his trademark Tamashaa in another thread at:
http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/experts/Old-tenant-claim-he-is-owner--630801.asp
Guest
(Expert) 06 February 2017
Mr. Dooba,
As of your very bad habit, you can't resist from posting several vulgar posts merely to express a small piece of your vague, distracting and misleading view.
That clearly means that you are interested only to add your scores, NOT to render any valid and relevant advice to the persons facing the problems.
Another thing, THANKING WITHOUT ANY REASON, without you being appreciated or providing any advice IS DONE MOSTLY BY ARDENT TOUTS, WHICH YOU HAVE PROVED ABOUT YOURSELF in this very thread by stating, "Thanks for appreciating the link Mr. Rajendra K Goyal" AND "Thanks for posting link Mr. Sudhir Kumar," whereas neither you posted any link, nor you made any contribution on this thread, nor Mr. Rajendra K Goyal or Sudhir Kumar appreciated you about any type of service you rendered on this thread.
Contrarily, you have thanked Mr. Sudhir Kumar NOT for any advice to the author, but for rebuking him that too 18 times at a stretch, when he sought advice through this thread to wriggle out of the problem he discussed.
More so, even about the post of Mr. Rajendra K Goyal, such as, "Thanks for giving link of youtube," is also irrelevant on his part, when the link does not seem to have been posted by Mr. Sudhir Kumar on this thread.
Also, YOUR PROVOCATION to Mr. SUDHIR KUMAR with your statement, "It is not for the first time you are insulted by Dhingra," is also uncalled for without his invitation to you to comment on my observation on his posts.
IN FACT, IT IS YOU ONLY WHO INSULT both of the gentlemen, S/Shri Rajendra K Goyal AND Sudhir Kumar, BY UNDULY DRAGGING THEIR NAMES IN YOUR POSTS AND INTENTIONALLY PROVOKING ME TO COMMENT ON YOUR VULGAR POSTS WHEN YOU TAKE SHELTER OF THEIR NAMES TO DISTRACT FROM THE MAIN ISSUE AS WELL AS YOUR OWN INCAPABILITY TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF AND YOUR VULGAR STATEMENTS.
NOT ONLY THAT, BY APPRECIATING THE REBUKING POSTS OF SHRI SUDHIR KUMAR FOR THE AUTHOR, YOU HAVE PROVED THAT YOU ARE HERE AT THE LCI NOT TO RENDER OR SUPPORT ANY VALUABLE ADVICE, BUT TO OPENLY SUPPORT ANY CAUSE THAT MAY DIRECTLY HARM THE INTEREST OF THE PROBLEM STRICKEN AUTHOR, BESIDES YOUR OWN MISLEADING ADVICE, AS YOU HAVE BEEN HABITUAL JUST FOR YOUR OWN FUN.
IN FACT, YOU HAVE BEEN MAKING FUN OF YOURSELF ONLY BY YOURSELF, WHICH ALSO HAVE PROVED BEYOND ANY DOUBT THAT YOU ARE REALLY FRUSTRATED AND GONE BERSERK ALSO.
Guest
(Expert) 06 February 2017
Dear Rajendra K Goyal,
About your post, stating, "Thanks for giving link of youtube," although the link does not appear anywhere to have been posted by Shri Sudhir Kumar on this thread and I also did not intend to touch that issue in anyway. BUT since your name has also been dragged by Mr. Kumar Doab through his vulgar and provoking posts against me, I may request you to intimate what was the relevance of referring any such link, which does not appear on the thread, but has become the cause of controversy?
DOES THAT LINK RELATE TO ME IN ANYWAY OR ANY OF MY POST AT YOUTUBE? IF THAT BE, PLEASE MAKE IT CLEAR ON THIS VERY THREAD TO AVOID ANY MISUNDERSTANDING ABOUT ANY CONSPIRACY BEING HATCHED AGAINST ME BY ANYONE BY MISUSING MY NAME.
You can also notice very well, with his provocations, how Mr. Kumar Doab is becoming the cause of making malice of your name at the LCI, when he drags your name in connection with my posts.
Guest
(Expert) 06 February 2017
It is Not that Only Innocents and Wise People should Approach Here for Advise and It also doesn't mean that every one are Wise by Insulting the Querist/Author just as a Chance.If they do not have any Guidance for the Querist they Could Ignore than Insulting them.
Guest
(Expert) 06 February 2017
First have an amicable and polite discussion with your wife and arrive at a Peaceful Solution.If she is not for a Compromise humbly Request and Convince her for Mutual Consent Divorce which could be completed in 6 month time which would be a Relief for you.Remember any harsh steps would Complicate your Issues and It would be an Never ending Issue and you will have to spend Time in Courts and Police Station depending on the Situation Please.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 09 February 2017
Latest views expressed by Mr Narasimha are appreciable.
Amicable solution is the best solution for this queriest. I have already elaborated where he can head.
Guest
(Expert) 11 February 2017
Thanks Mr.Sudhir Kumar
