Harassement to husband
KARAN SINGH
(Querist) 29 April 2012
This query is : Resolved
dear sir;
i want to seek the experts advice and the course of action recommended to be followed in my case;
I am an army ofiicer who has seen op vijay and op parakram and doing good in the carrer i got married on 03 june 2004 to an MBA pursuing girl after marriage she completed her 2and 3rd semester soon after i was posted in pune where she got a job of lecturer however things started deterirating after the birth of my daughter . she left house there in pune along with 3 months old daughter with her mother;
Later she complained to my seniors in army that she has fled because of my dowry demnds and harresment torture to her . later matter was resolved amicably and she reverthed back all allegations siting they were written in a fit of anger ,
things went well till november ; meanwhile i gave her full liberty made her do PHd and also never stopped her for job then i was posted to siachen and later to delhi
during siachen she was at my parents place and when i came to delhi i got her along ; things went well till we came to delhi meanwhile she started ignoring family she was so ambitious for her job that she put 3 yrs old daughter in crush for almost morning 8 to evening 7 the cooking and homely stuff was being left only to maids she also refused to have second kid and adviced to adopt one ;
later on it was seen that she was sending money from her account salary to her father without my information also she procureda land worth 18 lakhs without my knowledge and since i was a govt sevant hence i am legally supposed to declare my source of income and property returns which i never new about!also she forged my signatures on Visa document of my daughter and obtained a visa for her
she also used to spy on me and she used to see all my confidential mails e mails and also got hold of few sms in mobile which were send by my collegues and lady frndsthe mobile having these sms was also send by her to her father via courier without my knowledge ironically this was my office mobile having all contact numbers of senior and sensitive army offices and officers
however i kept on ignoring all this hoping for the betterment of family;howevr on nov 27 2011 i requested her to come with me to my parents place at nainital to join for deepawli festival which she refused i said if she doesnt want i can take my daughter along but she again threned me to calll police if i do so; leaving it at that i went alone to my home but second day she called her father and along with all valuables left my home when i returned back i found the ransacked house her father never informed me or my parents abt it . thinking she would join back i kept quite for a month however she changed her mob number and also they never picked my number on their land line i wrote 2 3 letters to them requesting to join back ;
later one day i went to the school of my daughter to deposite fee and to give some excuse for her long absence but i was informed that my wife has already taken tc of her without my knowledge
since that day she is not allowinf \g me to speak to my daughter and neither is she willing to come ;
i being an army officer this is the only time i can spend with my daughter and then i will be posted to border
she has now shifted from her parents place to some place in unnao risking her and daughters safety as well
my parents went to her parents and requested i may be allowed to speak to my daughter
but they refused saying get orders from court
honestly i dont want to divorce but i cannot leave my daughter to her ambition and aspirations and also rish he life
neither can i miss her grooming in a well settled culture and atmostphere of army
please guide me how to tackle the issue though i dont want to divorce but if getting dauther is the only way i would preffer to divorce her even for getting my baby she is 5 yrs old now
request please help a soldier out
i request you sincerlly to give some concrete advice
regards Maj k s bisht
Devajyoti Barman
(Expert) 29 April 2012
Since you do not want divorce then file a suit for restitution of conjugal rights.
In the said suit itself you can apply for interim custody or even visitation of child.
Best of luck.
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 29 April 2012
You are still lucky that dowry compliant was given to Army and could be retrieved. Had she reported to police you would have been in Jail with no regard to your glory of Op Viajy and Op Prakram etc.
But how could she see the confidential mail, in the present rank you are certainly authorised to handle the same at home (not atleast till you are promoted as Maj Gen)
She is committing forgery as you said, she is amassing assets for which you cannot account for and this can render you liable for disciplinary action as well as criminal action under PC Act. She takes TC of child without your knowledge, not allowing you to meet the child. You still don’t want divorce. Funny…..?
She can even put application for salary attachment in which forces are always sympathetic to the lady. You probably not be having proof of her being employed and it may be difficult to avoid maintenance. However she has grabbed custody of child and she can extract maintenance for child even if she is employed. She is still entitled to visit MH and CSD and behave the way she wants. Further continuing with such wife she can anytime put a situation where even if not fixed in disciplinary case, your CO can get material to grade you “7”.
The suit for restitution of conjugal rights may not help you as you being Army Officer may yourself for most of the time on field non-family station.
Kiran Kumar
(Expert) 30 April 2012
Dear Sudhir, atleast he will have to take some step.
if he is not filing the RCR petition then this man will be in bigger trouble.
KARAN SINGH
(Querist) 30 April 2012
dear sudhir;
firstly i thank you and appretiate you for u r open minded reply i would love to submit some other facts as emerged out of u r suggestions;
1. The lady initially did report the matter in army about dowry and harassment but later she withdrew allegation that she wrote it "in a fit of anger" copy of same is with me ; and based on that the case got closed in army;
but now the question arises can see use this wepon any number of times she wishes to ? and now its 8th year of marriage; i have made her do MBA do job ;DO PHD is that not falsify her allegations of harresment?
2. as i mentioned she is highly ambitious in life ; she left my house because i had asked her for leaving the job since she had started neglecting the baby daughter too much and had refused for having a child again ; she infact adviced me to adopt a child then to have biological one;
3.The lady moved to her parental home but could not find something worth a good job so she decided and left for unnao and is presently teaching in an international Buisness school.however point to be noted is that within this 6 months for the sake of her ambition she has been carring the child like a baagage and shifted her school for the 3rd time?and keep the father guessing where the baby is ; meanwhile she denied me to speak to her till date
4. She has been always a working lady and i have certificates of all that as on date also she is presently drawing a good salary .she has been amassing properties and has procured a swift desire one week back ;
5.mY GENUINE WORRY IS that though she is living there in the residential complex of school howevr when she is at school or when she must be having some late ofiice hours or if kid is at home and she has to go for job or say if she fells ill, who is there to look after the baby ; god forbid if something happens to daughter ,i will be blamming myself for ever for sitting duck over issue ? i had still no problems till she was at her parental house since her parents were there to look after but the ambition of my wife is ruining the life of an innocent kid for her good college she has shifted daughter 3ce from delhis best school to the present one!
6.I beg to differ if u understood "secret documents" it was the contact numbers of senior officers and secret places under my jurisdiction which were in my official domain; these numbers if would have fell in some anti elements could have surelly caused ripples .
Lastly but not the least: if my being in army is a disqualification to keep my own daughter in safety and be with my own kids as brought out by you ,would draw a very bad impact on similar such cases of defence forces and would surely bring a bad precidence for services ; Nevertheless i would love to resign if that be the case to have my daughter back . A s far as not divorcing my wife is concern its just because of two reasons
(a) that why should daughter pay the price of being born to us ?
(b) and hope of my wife getting wiser some day
please forward your contact number too.
regards
maj ks bisht
Sankaranarayanan
(Expert) 30 April 2012
Well advised by mr sudhir and final remedy is from RCR petition
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 30 April 2012
I analyse what you describe and not writing on the open net as I do not want the opposite side lawyer to see this.
1. The lady initially did report the matter in army about dowry and harassment but later she withdrew allegation that she wrote it "in a fit of anger" copy of same is with me ; and based on that the case got closed in army; but now the question arises can see use this weapon any number of times she wishes to ? and now its 8th year of marriage; i have made her do MBA do job ;DO PHD is that not falsify her allegations of harassments?
Comment : She can still argue before SHO that first complaint was misplaced but now he is really harassing.
2. as i mentioned she is highly ambitious in life ; she left my house because i had asked her for leaving the job since she had started neglecting the baby daughter too much and had refused for having a child again ; she infact advice me to adopt a child then to have biological one;
Comments : Allegations are difficult to prove (though emotionally disturbing).
3.The lady moved to her parental home but could not find something worth a good job so she decided and left for unnao and is presently teaching in an international Buisness school.however point to be noted is that within this 6 months for the sake of her ambition she has been caring the child like a baagage and shifted her school for the 3rd time?and keep the father guessing where the baby is ; meanwhile she denied me to speak to her till date
Comments : You can consult your lawyer if writ heabus corpus can be considered.
4. She has been always a working lady and i have certificates of all that as on date also she is presently drawing a good salary .she has been amassing properties and has procured a swift desire one week back ;
Comments : This saves you from maintenance liability of self but not for liability of child
5.mY GENUINE WORRY IS that though she is living there in the residential complex of school however when she is at school or when she must be having some late office hours or if kid is at home and she has to go for job or say if she falls ill, who is there to look after the baby ; god forbid if something happens to daughter ,i will be blaming myself for ever for sitting duck over issue ? i had still no problems till she was at her parental house since her parents were there to look after but the ambition of my wife is ruining the life of an innocent kid for her good college she has shifted daughter 3ce from delhis best school to the present one!
Comments : All these arguments can be raised in court for deciding child custody. On the contrary she can also argue you more demanding nature of job and can take advantage of social bias that Army Officers have less days with family.
6.I beg to differ if u understood "secret documents" it was the contact numbers of senior officers and secret places under my jurisdiction which were in my official domain; these numbers if would have fell in some anti elements could have surelly caused ripples .
Comments : That’s good. Otherwise she could have landed you in MI case.
Lastly but not the least: if my being in army is a disqualification to keep my own daughter in safety and be with my own kids as brought out by you ,would draw a very bad impact on similar such cases of defence forces and would surely bring a bad precidence for services ;
Comments : It is not diaqualification to be in Army (particularly in fighting Arm) but facts remain that during field posting the family is looked after by wives alone.
Nevertheless i would love to resign if that be the case to have my daughter back .
Comment : My dear you do not have right to resign. Your resignation is subject to acceptance in advance after examination by MS 7. You may succeed and may not succeed.
A s far as not divorcing my wife is concern it’s just because of two reasons
(a) that why should daughter pay the price of being born to us ?
(b) and hope of my wife getting wiser some day
Comments : In any case your daughter is suffering You hope to get your wife one day inspite of the facts which you stated. You also have to realize that she continues to be member of AWWA and access to wife of GOC-in-C, Army Cdr, COAS and even AG. She has perhaps not yet decided to harass you by salary cut.
mahendrakumar
(Expert) 01 May 2012
try to have an introspection of the entire incident to see whether any of your actions or inactions could be attributable to her behaviour.
since she has initially withdrawn her complaint and reconcilled earlier,I feel there is still hope.
you may involve some close family friend or relative and seek some professional marriage counselling too.
the above advise is based on my understanding that you are not very keen on divorce except as a last recourse.
KARAN SINGH
(Querist) 01 May 2012
dear sudhir and mahesh;
1 i thank you for your kind consideration of my case
2 first Mahesh i must appretiate you that u really understood me right and i will adopt divorce as a last recourse after all 9 yrs is a lot of time and by the time we get divorce it will be minimum 2 yrs so i dont atleast see any chances of lady getting someone good after 11 yrs of married life and so should i not hope for ; moreover there is no gurantee of the next spouce being good only?
2.second; sudhir i really thank from deepest of my heart to speak your heart out and give your honest opinions also i thank you for giving so much of time to my case ;thanks a ton sir and seems u are related to army and have a good knowledge of it ;
3. however i would love to bring out certain points that in pune based on her statement i was summoned and asked to give my reply a so called enquiry was done and later since there was nothing substantial comming out she withdrew her allegation ; if i am not wrong firstly writing to the superiors in itself is an act of harassement as per the law and secondly withdrawing it citing "in a fit of anger" certainly is accepting the wrong doing
proof for not having a second child is that despite my continuous request we dont have a kid even after a gap of 5 yrs between first and till date is sufficient
3. Not joining parental home for festivals like diwali ; amassing property forging signs on visa ;having a locker in her own name at her maternal bank writing to superior spying on husband ;not letting baby to speak to her father knowing well father will be out for 2 yrs for border and would be devoid of meeting her? still if these all dont prove that husband is being harassed would be injustice and one should then regret being born as a men in india!!!!!!!!!!!!
but please do advice me specially how can i get my kid because if i get custody of kid i am sure the lady would realy surrender and we have hopes of reuniting agin ;
please forward your contact number if u may please mine is 09910033220;
with regards
KS Bisht
Sudhir Kumar, Advocate
(Expert) 01 May 2012
do not want the opposite side lawyer to see this. So I feel that I should not put entire further analysis on the net.
Send PM to me
Shonee Kapoor
(Expert) 02 May 2012
I differ with other experts and want to raise a pertinent question:-
WHY YOU WANT TO STAY WITH SUCH A WOMAN?
The child custody is decided on the sole ground of welfare of the child concept.
Regards,
Shonee Kapoor
harassed.by.498a@gmail.com
KARAN SINGH
(Querist) 02 May 2012
dear shonee ;
thanks for u r concern ;
but what do i do? if divorce is not preventable then please guide me as how to meet my requirements to get back the kid without any liability occuring on me due to divorce
regards
KS Bisht
Raja
(Expert) 10 October 2012
you can. you need to engage an expert to handle this matter. or otherwise you will just roaming in LCI and other sites, as because you are not having sufficient knowledge of law and the technicalities. good luck.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 10 October 2012
Filing RCR with Custody is practical approach.
Though daughter's custody remains with mother in almost all cases.
