Marriage issues: mental harrassment
meena
(Querist) 05 April 2013
This query is : Resolved
I have written to this forum earlier – Subject : Marriage issues http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/experts/Marriage-issues-275351.asp
Just have some new queries w.r.t my current situation.
My background is, I have been married for 15.5 years, with a 7 year old son. In-laws stay together with us.
Main issues have been mental harassment by in-laws and husband, constant abusive language by husband, constant threats of divorce by husband, husband constantly competing on the child and hampering my efforts at raising the child, husband constantly claiming it is his house and telling me ‘get out’ whenever there is any argument, though house is in my name as well. Basically there is no marriage – just a basic staying together for the sake of child. I am indecisive about divorce, due to the child being affected, as well as any risk of losing custody.
So I was exploring other options.
Currently I wanted to check – if there is constant mental harassment, are there any options to give warning/enforce etc ( such as domestic violence laws, 498A, FIR, calling husband to counseling through police women cell etc) without having to go for divorce?
I read of some article (within India) – where through women cell, husband was coaxed to come for counseling and it improved matters.
Or maybe light warning given to the husband etc. (don’t know whether by court, or by police) without formal case etc.
Am not quite sure about these options, could someone help in giving details?
Thanks.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 05 April 2013
file complaint under DV act agist husband . contact a local lawyer . 498A is for dowry harassment . visit a marraige counsellor to discuss the issue
Adv. Chandrasekhar
(Expert) 05 April 2013
The soft solution for your perennial problem lies in filing domestic violence case in which you can seek maintenance, residential rights and protection rights. Under the same roof, you can ask for the exclusive space for you and your child without interference from him and his parents (if they are also troubling you, otherwise do not make them parties). After filing the DV case, on the first day itself, you ask the judge to send the matter before mediation and there you will be patiently heard and if you convince the mediator (most of the times, they will be women), give mild warnings to him to reform himself and to respect the wife who stayed with him for the last 15 and half years in thick and thin situations.
meena
(Querist) 05 April 2013
thank you very much, sirs, for your advice. The info was very helpful to me.
meena
(Querist) 25 April 2013
dear sirs,
am writing in again on this issue.
The situation is just getting worse - with constant harassment by husband and in-laws and further they are poisoning my child's mind against me.
So at this stage, am preferring to proceed for divorce and will contact a local lawyer.
Meanwhile, am worried about current living arrangement where I live with husband, my child and in-laws. Till the time we proceed for divorce, they may brainwash the child, to win him over. Even yesterday in a major fight, my husband demanded and asked the child (who is just 7 yrs) as to who he wants to be with. And by force he pulled away the child to him, even when I wanted to be with the child.
Also, when we are at work, in-laws are there at home with the child. And am afraid of how they might influence him. Also, of late, once or twice, when there is a big fight and all are screaming, 3 of them against me, my husband is trying to record me on his mobile..
How can the above be handled- as it might later have implications on custody.
Should I move out – but that might be considered against me later. There is another house nearby in both our names, should it be advisable to move there? But he will not agree, so what are the options?
ajay sethi
(Expert) 25 April 2013
suggest to your husband that both visit a marriage counsellor to resolve the matter . if husband refuses then file dv case . as far as custody is concerned welfare of child is paramount consideration . wishes of child are taken into consideration by court while awarding custody
meena
(Querist) 10 July 2013
Further to the issue I had posted earlier, I am writing in again to explain the situation and asking for advice on what to do.
"""I had mentioned earlier as below: ( am quoting the earlier writeup I had posted, and after that, the current issue)...please see the later part of this message...
My background is, I have been married for 15.5 years, with a 7 year old son. In-laws stay together with us.
Main issues have been mental harassment by in-laws and husband, constant abusive language by husband, constant threats of divorce by husband, husband constantly competing on the child and hampering my efforts at raising the child, husband constantly claiming it is his house and telling me ‘get out’ whenever there is any argument, though house is in my name as well. Basically there is no marriage – just a basic staying together for the sake of child. I am indecisive about divorce, due to the child being affected, as well as any risk of losing custody.
So I was exploring other options.
Currently I wanted to check – if there is constant mental harassment, are there any options to give warning/enforce etc ( such as domestic violence laws, 498A, FIR, calling husband to counseling through police women cell etc) without having to go for divorce? I read of some article (within India) – where through women cell, husband was coaxed to come for counseling and it improved matters.
Or maybe light warning given to the husband etc. (don’t know whether by court, or by police) without formal case etc. Am not quite sure about these options, could someone help in giving details?"""
But I have not yet filed domestic violence case in which I was told I could seek maintenance, residential rights and protection rights..i have still been hesitating to do it.
Now meanwhile, in the last few weeks, the situation has got worse. To cite one example, recently, my inlaws and husband joined together (as they usually do – ganging up together against me) to shout and fight with me, I went to my room with my child(7-year old) and locked the door. My husband of late, has been obsessive about competing with me on the child, and so he broke the lock and came into the room to grab the child from me , when I didn’t open the door in 1 minute. He pulled the child forcibly from me, ripped my cell-phone from my hand, used extremely abusive language, used words such as ‘;rape’, ’prostitute’ etc – and the most horrifying part is, he did all this deliberately in front of the child, and kept telling the child all these words, and forced him to listen to all kinds of abuses and lies about my relatives being all bad..for eg, he told the child shocking lies like - one relative is raped, one is a prostitute, one is a divorcee etc..used any and all abusive words about all my relatives ..and that too to a child..who doesn’t even know the meaning of such words.
Now he is persistently and continually poisoning the child against me as well as my parents/sister etc at almost every moment he spends with the child . Also he is very very angry and jealous that the child prefers to spend most time with me over weekends as compared to him.
So he is constantly putting stress on the child and questioning him as to why he is not spending equal hours with both. has been making the child calculate hours with me vs him, on his mobile, putting constant pressure on the child about this, in every single interaction. Last 3 weekends, he has been telling the child, that me(his mother) will take him(the child) away, if he spends more time with me. He told the child that the court will ask him whom he wants to be with, and that way he will be forced to spend equal hours with his dad too. The child was very stressed and troubled with all this. He has told the child, it is his (i.e husband’s) house, his car, his money, and even went to the extent of showing him his bank account to show that he bought the house, and that he pays for our trips during vacation. When the child went to play with him on Sunday, he again questioned him as to why he is spending more time with me his mother. And he got angry at the child, threatening/making him cry, told him to go away, get lost. He told the child, ‘bring a sharp knife and kill me’, then cut a cake and be happy am dead. He told the child ‘you stupid kid, I will not play with you, as you are not interested in my games, I will instead teach /play cricket etc with my colleague’s kid.’ Also, he is poisoning the child against me by saying , that yr mother is horrible, she is poisonous, tries to pull you by fear, threatens you etc. In fact everything that he is doing to poison the child/create fear in him, he is making it sound as if it is me.
The only person whom I have from my side in this city is my sister, and my son is close to her, though we meet her rarely. So now my husband is trying to break that too. He told the child that if she comes here to the house, he will pull her by her t-shirt and throw her out of the house.
I know all this as my son told me himself, being extremely troubled and stressed. Also, my husband has been criticizing / ridiculing/poisoning my son against me by saying that whatever games I play with him etc are silly and bad.
Also..he has told the child..that yr mother will complain about me to the police/.court and make me go to jail..so the child is frightened about that..
He is now every single day , influencing the child in this manner…at the same time he tries to show in between that he is nice to the child..so as and when he is nice to the child..the child is also affectionate to him..
Pls advise..am afraid if I divorce- he may somehow try to win custody by any means…though things are in my favour..he may go to any extent..maybe bribe the court or something..
So if not divorce..then with this latest situation…should I go for filing DV ? pls help..
ajay sethi
(Expert) 10 July 2013
IT IS BETTER YOU FILE FOR DIVORCE. you have an abusive husband . you can also file complaint under 498A for dowry harassment if any .since your child is young court may award custody to you . your husband will get visitation rights .
